Ritsuka was having that dream again. Ever since he found that picture hidden in the back of the drawer in Soubi's dresser of Soubi when he was fourteen (and had ears), he had been having a continuos dream of the scar "Beloved" falling off Soubi's chest, and suddenly morphing into the younger Soubi. Then, as it always happened, Soubi ran over to Ritsuka and took him into his arms. Which was much easier considering he now being younger only had maybe a inch or two over Ritsuka. In which then he would whisper in Ritsuka's ears, "Ritsuka, I love you. I was always meant to be yours. I was meant to be Loveless." Upon saying said phrase, he would then bare his beautiful blue eyes into Ritsuka's violet eyes, and they each leaned into each other. Each bracing for the wanted kiss, when suddenly...Ritsuka would wake up.
On most nights when he had this re-occurring dream, he would simply cry himself back to sleep. But this night, the dream simply pissed him off. "DAMMIT!" He screamed into the cold and lonely darkness of his empty room. He sat up and stared at the balcony's sliding glass door.
Ritsuka wasn't exactly sure how he felt about Soubi. He knew he felt something though. Every time the man would touch him, shivers ran through ever nerve in his body. Every time he kissed him, he felt like melting. But, Every time the man uttered those three words, "I love you", everything inside of Ritsuka froze. He couldn't breath, and his whole chest felt sore. Almost as if a 300 pound man had been sitting on his chest, and suddenly got up and ran off. When Soubi said he loved him, he felt like he was being cornered. Like he was being lied to. Like, he was simply a rope Soubi loved to tug on, then gently cut thread by thread. But, the boy was running out of thread. He knew he would soon snap.
But, there was just something about the younger Soubi that enticed him. Sure, even though Ritsuka wasn't sure how he felt emotionally torwds Soubi, he could honestly admit that the man WAS quite attractive. His long corn silk hair, his slit aquamarine blue eyes, his pearl skin, his slender toned body, the whimsical long arms and legs, the smooth firm chest. Soubi was breath-taking. But, his beauty was in a grown way, a way that didn't match Ritsuka's youthful, nearly child like form. Even though he had been with Soubi for two years, and was now 14, he had barely grown but maybe four or five inches. Leaving him at a mear five foot six. It wasn't really that bad, but he was still very lanky, and had a girlish look to him. At his new high school, kids would call him emo. He had no clue what it had meant, and when he asked Yuiko, she laughed at him. She said, "Now that you mention it, you are emo! haha What with you always wearing tight dark cloths, and hair all in your face, and the fact that your gay!" Ritsuka never really forgave Yuiko for calling him gay that day, and ignored her the whole entire day. He still wasn't all that sure what "emo" meant, but he just let it go.
Though, back to younger Soubi: Younger Soubi was simply cute. He carried a sweet look of pure innocence. He didn't seem as stark as Soubi could be. Younger Soubi had the softness that older Soubi lacked. But, most importantly to Ritsuka, he had his ears and tail. And what beautiful appendages they were! His ears looked like silk, and his tail was thick with the corn silk hair. It made Ritsuka realize why Soubi was always nibbling on his ears, and massaging his tail. Because it was just beautiful, and enticing. In his dreams of young Soubi, he had wanted to caress his ears, but, always forgot. It wasn't like he could really think in a dream.
Though, as Ritsuka was sitting in his bed, he wished Soubi were there. Though, he wasn't quite sure yet which one it was he wanted. Then, it hit him. The Soubi now is the same at the Soubi then. At least as person. Ritsuka suddenly felt sort of embarrassed. Crushing over the same person in a different form. He told himself, if he was ever going to "love and accept Soubi", he was going to have to with the one that he had now. The present Soubi.
"But, then what about the threads he cuts from me each time. Why?" Ritsuka thought. He had always avoided sharing with Soubi how he felt. But he was literally becoming sick with it. The thoughts and emotions that were ever flooding his mind. The fact that his usually perfect grades were quickly plummeting, along with the fact that he was becoming increasingly thinner due to lack of eating from all his brains buzzing chaos was seriously wearing him down.
As he reached for the blue cell phone on the dresser next to him, he wasn't quite sure just yet as to what exactly he was about to do. He was so tired and worn out that his mind wasn't really working like it normally would. Had it been just any other day, he would have absolutely stayed the hell away from Soubi, and wouldn't even consider saying anything to the man of how he really felt. But, as he punched the keys on the cell phone to call Soubi, he wasn't sure if he would just talk to him, or invite him over to REALLY have a conversation. Though, knowing Soubi, he would try and trash conversation with physicalities. Nevertheless, the man answered his phone groggily.
"Yes, Ritsuka. What is it? Is everything..yawn..ok?" The soft and groggy voice of Soubi said over the empty dividing space.
"Just come over here, ok." Ritsuka's voice was quite, whether it be from his still shy attitude around Soubi, his exhaustion, or the fact that he was now regretting the decision to call.
"Of course, I'll be there in a minute." Soubi said as Ritsuka could hear rustling sheets in the background.
"Um, ok then, I'll see you then." Ritsuka closed the phone and hung up on the man after his little reply.
Slight realization of what he had just done was starting to buzz in the back of his head. But, his need to release all these emotions was stronger and louder, and out played all else. Because of the fact that Ritsuka was sick of taking out his anger on everyone else (along with himself, he had secretly started experimenting with a gutted shaving razor on his wrist and ankles). For the first time in a long time. He felt like he needed Soubi.
He stared at the glass door, until he saw a familiar tall figure appear behind it. Ritsuka leapt of his bed to meet the form as it stepped through the open balcony glass door. Soubi was caught off-guard, seeing as he had just woken up and ran over here. But, nonetheless, caught off-guard by the boy grabbing him and wrapping his thin arms around the man. But, Soubi graciously returned the sudden gesture, and placed his arms around the smaller boy as well.
"What is it that is troubling you so late at night that you would call me, Ritsuka?" The fighter said. Ritsuka took a deep breath, and readied himself for the confession he was about to make. All the while chibi Ritsuka was trying to stab his brain. And sew a little zipper on the boys mouth. But Ritsuka was so tired and worn down, he was ready to come clean.