Title: Looking for Angels
Summary: Ever since that day when he hugged her close, she's been searching for that face again. But sometimes, it's all you can do to live another day. Riza/Roy, Post Chapter 104
Description: Riza/Roy pairing. Follows the events of Brotherhood/Manga. Not a songfic, even if it opens with a short verse. Pairing can be interpreted as love or friendship, whatever floats your boat.
Disclaimer: Hell, even if I owned all of this stuff, I would still be making my own cosplay costumes. No, I don't own FMA, Brotherhood, Riza, Roy, My Chemical Romance, or the song Heaven Help US.
Rating: K+, for references to blood, cursing, and older themes (i.e. world destruction… immortal beings…. And all that fun stuff)
Other details: Italics are the past, and usually from actual chapters/episodes. Normal, standard font, is present day. Bold… um, I don't think there's any bold in there.
Length: 2,149 words.
Chapters: So far, this is a oneshot, but if it is requested, I will continue on. (with looking for him, getting over the disappearance… etc.) Please review.
heaven help us now
come crashing down
we'll hear the sound
as you fall.
"Lieutenant!" she could dimly hear his shout. Warmth hugged close around her body. "Get a hold of yourself, Lieutenant! Open your eyes!"
She wanted to answer him. She did. But it all seemed too hard right now.
The warmth left her, and she could feel the cold ground beneath her. It felt like something was happening nearby? Alchemy? Her body was feeling better, and she wondered if perhaps she might survive this after all. Who was healing her? Was it that girl? The one who knew Ling and Scar?
"I'm sorry," she heard him saying those words. Why? Nothing was his fault.
"Colonel," she murmured, feeling that warmth again. "I'm so-"
"Don't talk! Just rest!" he urged. But how could she do that? They were fighting nearby, and he needed her help. He always did. If she wasn't there to help with his paperwork, or to urge him into handling affairs, he would have been driven crazy in some shack up north.
"You recognized it. My eye signal," she told him weakly, staying at his relieved face.
"We've been together a long time, after all," he smirked. It was the arrogant, cocky smirk, he used when things were about to be ripped into shreds. She wasn't sure if he was aware of that, the fact that when things were at their worst and he was smiling, that it always cheered her up. Always. Even when she was soaked in her own blood and struggling to breath properly. Alchemy could only heal a person so far, but for the moment, at least she was there to scold him. And just as she was there for him, he was there for her, his bone-weary smile letting her know that there was hope.
"If you do human transmutation, I'll beat you to death. That's what your stare was telling me, right?" he smiled again, and Riza had to reply with one of her own, even if she was as tired as she had been in those campaigns in Ishbal, so long ago.
Roy was speaking again, but he had stood. Riza could feel the ground move as she gazed out from the shelter of his arms. Even now, he was protecting her.
He always would, because they would be there. From Fury, to Havoc, to Hawkeye… they would be there, even when he thought that they had abandoned them. Even Fullmetal, and Al would be there.
But would he be there? For them? He always had been, but things could change. They always did. And some things, you never could imagine happening.
No, he wasn't there anymore. It wasn't his fault, but he was gone.
Gone.
Like Hughes, murdered by the homunculus. Like Havoc, crippled as he was. Like the Bradley they thought they knew.
In the still peace of the morning, little disturbed the snow.
It was peaceful expect for the figure that resolutely plodded in the snow towards the end of her destination. Around her, what had once been proud Briggs stood in ruins. The harsh climate nipped at her, but she ignored it. She had a goal to reach, and a little winter cold couldn't stop her.
Except the aching hole in her chest could. It made her breath catch, not just with pain and cold, but with loneliness. After they had killed Bradley, she had volunteered for the transfer. Too many of the Briggs soldiers had been killed in the revolt, and they needed reinforcements.
And here she was, the perfect soldier for them to send to the arctic wasteland.
Briggs was for people without ambition. People without course, and without those that would miss them when they were gone. People just like her, people that were alone and without goals.
For so long, supporting the Colonel had been her ambitions. She had put aside her own life so that he could save the country and bring his own about. She had known him better then he had known himself. When he claimed to be dating, he would stay up all night, alone with a bottle of booze and some paperwork.
The first time she had found him like that, she had woken him up and found him a spare uniform. After that, she always kept a clean one in his desk drawer for him, knowing that he wanted others to think that he slacked off. It was better then them knowing he was a harder worker, and to give them the pretense that things were okay for all of them. After the first time she had discovered him hunched over his desk, she started coming in earlier, so she could convince him to shower and treat his hangover.
She never mentioned that to anyone, and it was their secret.
She knew that the days he drank the whole bottle meant that the faces of the burning were keeping him up again, but she didn't want him to know she knew about his weakness.
He did know however, and didn't mind.
Every since they had forced him to open the Gate, she couldn't find him. When the Elric brothers returned with Izumi, she had limped over to them, begging to know where Roy was.
They both shook their head and dropped a bloodied glove into her hand.
She stared at the glove, knowing that he was gone.
"What happened?" she was shocked by the steel in her voice, how she didn't burst into tears. She wouldn't cry… not yet. She would mourn him alone, as she mourned Hughes. She let no one see her sorrow, but stayed alone with it.
"At the end, when he went blind… he and Hoenheim sacrificed themselves for us. The Colonel exploded the whole place as soon as we were out, which destroyed 'Father'," Al stared at her, his dark hair contrasting with Ed's blond hair. While Al had his body back, it still looked young, even if it was taller then Ed's own body. Ed still possessed his automail, but he seemed… content.
"I see," those two words were the only ones she could let out, even as she tightened her grip around the frayed glove.
"After he was blind… He couldn't control his fire," Ed said. It was as thought he was forcing himself to be strong as he recounted what happened. "It was a all or nothing deal, he had to see what he burned. But… Lieutenant, I think that in the end, he was happy. He had the memories of his life, and I think that settled things for him He didn't want the entire country to be destroyed, so he just destroyed himself along with the homunculus that was with him. Li-Greed got out okay, but Pride was killed."
"I see," she said again. "Thank you, Elric."
"Lieutenant," Ed told her softly, and she glanced at him. "Don't beat yourself up about it. In the end he was happy, so I think… I think that he did what he thought was necessary. What I'm trying to say, is that he would prefer to be dead then see those he cared about absorbed as a sacrifice."
"He always was a conceited moron. He thought he could save the world," she smiled, looking down as the glove clutched in her hand. The fabric was blurring, but she didn't remark on it.
The snow whipped around her, lashing her cloak so that it flapped in the merciless breeze. She wasn't sure what she was looking for out here, but she felt the need to wander.
At first, before she accepted this position, she had just wandered around Central. Then her wanderings took her further out of the city, pulling her away from the army.
She had fought on the border for a time, but took to wandering again. When she was in one place for too long, she became restless, and everyone became angry, They couldn't deal with her, because she was only motivated by orders, and they tired of giving the once-renowned sniper orders that only caused her to become more and more restless. At last, they gave her a choice- quit the army and retire, or go to Briggs. She chose Briggs, because she needed something to do.
And here she was, freezing to the bone, in an arctic wasteland.
She saw him, standing over the grave as the funeral attendees dispersed. As they finally left, she heard him say softly, "Oh no. It's raining."
"It isn't raining," she pointed out, and she saw the tear dripping down his cheek.
"No," he told her. "It's raining."
'Yes it is." She responded instantly, looking away. She understood his pain, his sadness now. One of his best friends had just been murdered, and he couldn't do anything about it.
It was raining for her too. Sometimes, it seemed like she was about to be washed away, but she kept going despite the flood. When you've relied on one person for years, saved their life and had your life been saved by them… those things don't disappear that easily.
She knocked on the door, her hat shading her eyes as she waited for them to answer.
"Mommy, someone's here!" she heard the girl squealing. "Is Daddy coming home?"
Her throat choked as Hughes' widow opened the door. Riza clutched Black Hayate in her arms as she forced a smile.
"I was wondering if Black Hayate and I could stay the night," Riza asked, not adding the fact that whenever she was at her house, nightmares of the homoculi haunted her.
"Of course, come in," the confused woman ushered her inside. "Can I ask what brings you to my house?"
"My house has seemed too empty lately. I need some companionship. I am departing for Briggs in a few months, and I was wondering if you would adopt Black Hayate."
"Of course you can stay," the woman smiled again.
RIsa continued on her trek, the snow beating her. With a sigh, she let the dark shape in her cloak fall o the ground. The dog glared reproachfully at her as it fell into the snow. The silly thing wouldn't let her leave without it, and she had given up trying.
She had stayed at Hughes' house for not very long, simply because the cheer in it was too much for her. She had shared a room with Winry for a while, and later, she had stayed with the Isbalites in the slums. At first, they were cautious and wary of her, but when Scar introduced her, they reluctantly accepted her.
Before her departure, she had worked to bring the Isbalite's home again, and the rebuilt government had conceded to her point.
Expect, now without a project at hand, she was plunging through the snow.
The city was cheerful, at the overthrow of a tyrannical government and people were cheering in the streets.
Risa leaned against her balcony, not moving as she watched the fireworks in the sky. The Elric brothers were down there- she could see them laughing with Armstrong. They seemed to be at peace for now, but they deserved it.
Just that day Risa had visited the underground chamber where the Elrics had come from. She found ruins there, blackened and blasted by soot, but no Roy. She was holding onto the hope that she could find him, but the hope was growing dimmer. Perhaps the blast had caused some damage to his memory and he was being nurtured and sheltered somewhere.
If he was still alive, she would find him.
Right now, she could see dancers. She watched as the rich and poor mingled together, each of them relieved that the blackness would not appear again.
Maybe they had won, but she had lost.
She would find him. She knew he was somewhere out there.
It was a matter of time.
He could only hide for so long.
The tattered glove in her hand, that she was clutching in a vice-like grip, was a testament to that.
When I find you, Roy Mustang, I'll never let you go.
She didn't speak the words aloud, even if the only one who would hear her was Black Hayate, but she let the glove be caught by the wind and be blown away.
Watch me.