A/N: This was actually inspired by Red Highschool by Steph-Schell, Red Childhood by Koezh and Red Ivy High by rigspeltforeverxx. It's nothing really to do with them but it just made me think of them as kids, check 'em out when your done reading this they're quite good and not as depressing. Yeah this story is morbid, dark, etc. M for a reason as there is rape, you have been warned! By the way BIG thank you to my little brother Nick for letting me use his account to publish this, and its not finished this is just chapter 1, I'm gonna try update one chapter a week. Thanks to anyone for reading this and yeah review if you feel like or not.
I stood up and stretch, yawning loudly as I did so. I glance at the large ticking clock on the opposing wall, 10 past 12?! I hope Mr Drex appreciates the fact I spent half the night at a library writing up a stupid essay for him. I sighed as I packed up my books and left the library giving the librarian a slight wave, she waved back as I exited the old building.
It was a moderate night, the breeze gentle but not too cold. The coat of blackness cloaked the sky with the help of some clouds blocking out the stars and moon. I wandered through the dark streets to the high school I was currently attending, I wouldn't be attending any high school at all if that social worker hadn't pointedly informed my father it was against the law for me to not go to school until I was 16, which was not for another year.
I didn't mind too much, apart from my obvious distaste for writing essays and doing homework I did get to spend more time with my girlfriend Teresa and my best friends Kimball, Wayne and Grace. I also had a school radio station, pretty cool huh? My Dad approves of that, helps me practise all that psychic stuff I'd need when we rejoined my uncle's carnival. Not that I need the practise, I clearly excel at it already.
I arrived at the school and picked the lock to gain access to the deserted building. I know its against the law but if they didn't want to be broken into they should have a better security system, or at least better locks.
I found my way through the familiar darkness to the correct classroom and hurriedly located the pile of the other students essays, I shove mine into the pile and smirk as I planned my speech for the next day. Drex'd look like a total idiot when he saw my essay already there, served him right for threatening me with a detention.
Shaking my head in amusement at the soon-to-be conversation I made my way to my locker and threw my bag in there, that way I wouldn't have to lug it all the way to school tomorrow. Dad was too lazy to drop me off and I wasn't old enough to drive yet so I had to walk the whole way.
I resumed my way to the exit and locked the door as I left, humming to myself as I jogged down the steps. I stopped in my tracks when I heard rustling in the shrubbery, curiously yet cautiously I moved slightly towards the sound and smile to myself when I see John stepping out of the bushes.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite loser," I mocked smirking at him, "more ammo for my radio show, I suppose. `John the retarded jock sleeping in the bushes.`"
"You think you're so smart don't you?" he snarled.
"I don't think, I know," I corrected him and his dark eyes narrow further.
He is older than me, a senior while I a mere freshman. He's tall and well built with dark hair and eyes like his younger sister who is in my year. He is a jock on the football team, the star quarterback even, but of course I had taken an instant dislike to both him and his sister. She is a stuck up bitch who is infatuated with me, her and John are both most likely sociopaths at the very least so I had not hesitated to mock him on my show the second he screwed up on the pitch.
"You are not smart or clever, you're just a childish fraud that screws everyone with that fake psychic gig you and your carny Daddy have got going," John snapped in reply.
"At least my Dad's not locked up in a mental asylum," I jeered continuing to smirk, John glared as he walked past me in the direction of the street. I laughed at him walking away from me before yelling after him, "yeah walk away! Your family is so screwed Johhnny boy! Your Mommy killed your baby brother, your Daddy's a loon and your sister's a slut!"
John stopped in his tracks and turned back to face me with those shadows he now had for eyes, I should have been worried but my stubborn arrogance wouldn't let me as John strode back towards me, I was still laughing as I stepped further away from him.
"You should have kept your mouth shut," John growled before lunging at me.
I hadn't been expecting that and he moved so quickly I couldn't run, he tackled me and I would have been knocked to the ground had the wall of the school not been behind me, instead I was slammed painfully into it and pinned me against it. He gripped my wrists tightly as he held me against the wall.
I looked into the seething anger in his eyes, beyond hatred just caverns of eternal loathing as he gazed at me expressionless. I started to struggle but I was quite lanky and skinny, I wasn't even that tall. My efforts were pitifully thwarted by John.
"Just let me go you jerk!" I spat at him as I felt my anger rising.
John just smiled cruelly at me, I was expecting him to hit me. I was expecting him to clench his fist and strike me with it as my father had so often done in the past. But he didn't instead he kissed me. I was so shocked at the unwanted kiss as he snaked his slimy tounge into my mouth. I tried to pull away but only suceeded in banging my head. John pulled out of the kiss but didn't release me.
"What the hell?!" I managed to choke the words from my stunned body.
"You are very pretty, your face perfect framed by golden locks. I can see why Nance likes you, I like you. I like even more when you are fighting aimlessly, you really don't stand a chance against me do you," John explained in a voice that made me shiver, "I'm gonna make you pay for your insults and lies."
I was becoming seriously worried now as I tried again to get away, John lossened his grip slightly and I swiftly attempted to dart away but somehow managed to trip up and fall against the corner of the stone building. John was fast too and grabbed my wrists again shoving me against the other wall where I could not even see the street lights but they immluminated John's twisted smile perfectly highlighting his crooked teeth.
"Let me go!" I demanded trying to hide me terror.
John ignored me however as he spun me around and pushed my face into the stone. I would have worried more about the fact it made my ears ring had not John yanked down my pants. My breath caught in my throat as my fear engulfed me, I listened to the rapidly unsteady beat of my caged heart as I heard a zipper being pulled down.
"John please don't," I begged but he either didn't hear me or he didn't care.
A second later I felt him thrusting himself inside me, I gasped at the unwanted violation then I screamed. I screamed `no` at the top of lungs as I fought to get away from him but he brushed away my frantic efforts as if they were nothing. I cried and yelled and pleaded with him to stop as I struggled against him but to no avail. I stopped struggling, he just seemed to enjoy it more anyway, I thought as I numbly squeezed my eyes shut and waited for it to be over.
Finally it was, I heard John pulling up his fly before he pulled my pants back up and flipped me back around to face him. I didn't want to face him so I turned my head and kept my eyes closed tightly even as tears continued to seep from the cracks.
"Look at me," John said calmy, I didn't, "look at l me!" he repeated more forcefully. I still didn't so he slapped me, I whimpered miserably as he turned my head to face him, "open your eyes or I'll rape you again," he hissed.
I reluctantly forced my eyes open to look into the dark shadows of his, he was smiling as he caressed my cheek. I was too numb to fight him as he kissed me again. He pulled away still smiling but kept me against the wall still.
"Was I your first?" John half asked, half demanded. I nodded slightly and his smile widened, "it was your fault, you made me and then you let me. You let me touch you, you let me."
John laughed. His laugh was cold as it sent a frosty chill into the air. Suddenly he pushed and I fell onto the ground.
"You are broken," he told me, "you are filthy, vile, tainted. No one wants you now, you are nothing."
Then he walked away. I wrapped my arms around myself as I started to sob, the tears streamed from eyes creating rivers on my cheeks as I rocked myself backwards and forwards in an attempt to make myself feel better. It didn't work.
I don't know how long I stayed there but the cogs in my mind began to turn again, albeit slowly. I needed to get home. I trudged threw the streets on autopilot, my feet recovering faster than I was. My mind was still reeling as I took the key out of my pocket and unlocked the door to the house I shared with my Dad.
He was snoring on the couch with the TV still blaring away. I ignored him as I made my way upstairs and into the bathroom, I slammed the door shut before locking it. I didn't bother turning on the light, I didn't want to look at myself anyway, instead I turned on the shower and stripped climbing into the rushing water.
I had to clean myself, I had to. I made the water go as hot as it could without scalding me, it was still hotter than I'd normally have it but I didn't care, I felt so dirty. I scrubbed my skin raw as I let the water pour down on me. It didn't make me feel better. It just made me feel worse as tears ran down my cheeks mingling with the shower water.
This wasn't supposed to happen! My mind screamed at me, how could this happen? I already knew the answer, it kept replaying over and over in my mind. I almost regretted leaving the light off, but I didn't want to see myself, or the bruises. I sat down and curled myself into a ball listening to the water falling on me as I cried some more.
Why? Was it because I'd mocked him? Because of all the people I'd mislead over my life? Some people my Dad had made me trick didn't deserve it,I hated when that happened but I'd still done it. I thought of all my pesonality traits, I was arrogant, immature, egotistical, selfish... I was awful! No wonder John had hurt me. No wonder my Dad hit me. No wonder it had taken me years to gain my friends trust. No wonder it had taken me years to get Teresa to go out with me.
Teresa... I was supposed to lose my virginity to her, when we were a bit older and when we were ready. Not by rape. My mind flinched at the word. Rape. Yes I had been raped. I should have struggled, I should have fought harder but no. I had just let him. I had just let him rape me.
John was right, I was broken. I was vile. I was filthy. I was tainted. I was now tainted forever. I cried harder as despair seeped into my mind. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, I wasn't even sure what was the shower water and what was my tears anymore. It hurt so much. I hurt so much.
What was I going to do anyway? I couldn't tell anyone. No one believe me, I was a fifteen year old boy for crying out loud! And even if they did, how would they feel? My parents would outright disown me for being so disgusting. My friends would just laugh at my inability to fight off John and Teresa... how could she possibly love me after... that? And even then, how could I possibly tell anyone anyway?
I didn't want to. I just wanted to forget it had even happened, I wanted everything to go back to how it had been earlier today. I'd been happy, laughing, carefree, innocent. Now I was a miserable wreck curled into a ball crying my heart out. I hated myself. I hated everything about myself. Forget turning back time, I wanted to die.
"Quit showering and go to bed! I need to take a whizz already!" I heard Dad yell.
It forced me into action, I couldn't let him know anything was wrong. I was too ashamed. I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel hurridly around myself before scooping up my clothes and running into my bedroom. I threw down the clothes and changed into my PJs before crawling shakily into bed.
If I was hoping for a dreamless sleep, then I was wrong. I didn't sleep at all. I lay awake all night as mind continued to replay the attack over and over again. Over and over John raped me. Over and over I let him. Silent tears flowed down my cheeks until they dried up. Then I just let my worthless body lay there, pondering my hopeless situation.