A/N: So I have departed from Hatter/Alice land to write this little Primeval bit. It's my very first Primeval fic, but I am Andrew-Lee Potts addicted so of course…Primeval. And I just love Connor to pieces.
It's set directly after *spoiler* the kiss Abby planted on Connor after they rescued Jack from the future anomaly. I guess I have a thing for starting stories after a kiss?
What's a Kiss?
She had kissed him. She had kissed him, but then she had walked away. Connor didn't know what to do, where he should go from here. Abby had kissed him though, and he supposed that it must have meant something. She could have stopped with the first brush of her lips on his, and then he could have passed it off as a very sincere thank-you. But she didn't. She had kissed him again, ran her fingers through his hair and held him to her. There was no mistaking the intent, even for someone as perpetually clueless about the opposite sex as Connor was.
The problem was…he hadn't managed to even get out a coherent sentence to tell her how he felt about her. He stumbled and stuttered and kicked himself mentally until she had finally just told him to shut up. He didn't mind, considering that she had kissed him…but he felt like they would just slip back into old patterns if he couldn't get up the courage to tell her how he felt. Really tell her, when there was no imminent threat of death.
It was scary. Scarier than facing the G-Rex, scarier than knowing that they were going to be torn to bits by future predators. Scary, because he was afraid he would ruin their friendship, and Connor didn't have many friends. He loved her, but he would rather love her silently and be her friend than tell her and lose her forever. That is…until she kissed him.
It changed everything, knowing what he could have. Stephen had told him long ago that she would be expecting him to make the next move. He felt a twinge of sadness at the memory of Stephen, it hurt still. Of course, Stephen was probably not the best source for romantic advice, all things considered. Still, he didn't know how much longer he could do this dance with her.
He knew after feeling the stab of jealousy and betrayal when came into the flat to find a half-naked Jack, and he had thought Jack was a boyfriend, that the idea of Abby with someone else would destroy him. If he kept waiting to act on how he felt about her, it was a very real possibility she'd find someone else. Danny had told him as he was leaving the anomaly site that he should go to her, tell her how he felt.
Connor broke into a cold sweat. He would do it. He just hoped Jack wasn't around when he got to Abby's flat. He practiced what he would say in his head on the way over, but it all came out stupid. He didn't know why he bothered, he'd tried it before and he always ended up chickening out. Not this time. He would say what he had to say, and then he would tell her that if she still just wanted to be friends he would never mention it again.
Abby paced through her flat, at a loss. Jack had packed up quickly and had been on his way. She worried about him, but he was grown, even if he didn't always act like it. Truth be told, she was glad he had gone. The thought filled her with guilt, but it was true. She had showered and changed, and then made herself a cup of tea. It still seemed odd, not having Connor around. The flat was empty without him. Abby swallowed hard and sat down. Oh god, she had kissed Connor. She had kissed her best friend. How could she look at him now?
She had been so overwhelmed at the kindness he had shown, protecting her from the knowledge that her brother had gambled away Rex. She had yelled at him, told him she thought he would be happy if Jack was dead. She hadn't missed the hurt on his face; she'd put it there on purpose. It was mean and it was unfair, and hurting Connor was like kicking a puppy.
So when she saw him there at the bottom of the staircase, she had to ask him why. In Abby's experience, people didn't do things for other people out of kindness. They always wanted something in return. Her experiences in foster families had taught her that lesson quite well. So she asked him, and he had answered… sincerity plain to see in his eyes.
Connor had said he loved her once. He hadn't admitted to it afterwards, but doing this for her…to protect her…it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. Come to think of it, Connor had always treated her nicer than anyone else ever had. She listened to his fumbling awkward reply, grew impatient with it and told him to shut up. If she waited for him to get out what he was trying to say, they'd be there all day.
She'd meant it to be just a kiss, like one of many she had planted on his cheek in the past. It had started that way, but once his soft lips met hers she didn't want it to end. She had run her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer. To her shock and amazement…Connor could kiss, and it was good. His lips were soft and warm; he kissed her with such tenderness…that was new for Abby as well. It had scared her, the swelling of love she felt…for Connor...for her best friend. It scared her, and she didn't know what to say or do about it, so she left him there without another word.
Connor opened the door to Abby's flat and made his way up the stairs. He stopped at the top, casting his eyes around for Abby. He probably should have knocked, he didn't live here anymore. Abby came out of the kitchen at the sound of someone entering her flat, a cup of tea in her hand. Connor swallowed hard, his determination starting to fade in the face of reality. But she had kissed him. He would do this.
"Is Jack here?" he asked.
Abby shook her head, "No. He's gone. He said living with me was too dangerous."
Connor chuckled softly at that. They shared a wry smile. Connor took a deep breath and braced himself.
"Abby…we need to talk," he said.
Abby nodded. "Connor…about what happened…"
"Abby please, let me say what I need to, okay?" Connor asked, his eyes cast downward as if he was afraid of what he would see in her face.
It was the hesitation and obvious fear radiating off of him that got to her. She didn't want him to tell her things that she wouldn't be able to ignore and push away and back up from, but at the same time, she was desperate to hear them. She took a deep breath, and then sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to her.
"Say what you want to," she told him softly.
He took a seat next to her and his gut clenched. He looked down at the floor and squeezed his eyes shut, as if bracing for a blow. In a way he was; this could hurt.
"Abby…when we were on that cliff, I told you something," he gave a long shuddering sigh.
"I told you I loved you. You're my best friend Abby, and I don't want to lose that for anything, but I love you. If you don't…If you…" he sighed again.
"I'll never mention it again if you don't want me to, but I had to tell you," Connor finished. He raised his eyes to look at her from under his lashes.
It had taken a lot of courage to lay himself bare like that, Abby realized. She wondered if she had it within her to do the same. She met his gaze and froze. This was Connor…Connor. What if it didn't work? Then they'd lose their friendship and they still had to work together. She couldn't bear to lose him as a friend.
"Connor…I don't want…I just don't want things to be weird between us, okay?" Abby said, finally.
She cursed herself for her cowardice, but the words had spilled from her before she even knew she was speaking them. And they had crushed Connor. She saw a look of bitter defeat cross his face before he covered it with a weak smile.
"Connor…" Abby began, unsure of what she had planned to say.
He met her gaze. His jaw hardened in a determined line that looked so strange on easy-going Connor. He shifted on the couch to face her.
"I'll leave, and I won't mention it again…but answer me. Did you mean it? When you kissed me?" he asked, his tone serious.
Abby froze. Connor picked the damnedest times to be direct. Her mind replayed all the times Connor had jumped in front of her to protect her. He'd distracted a future predator today, as a matter of fact. He'd let Sir William lay his sword against his throat to save the wounded dinosaur, because of her. In a hundred ways he had told her he loved her, and he had never asked anything in return.
He'd always just given her that hopeful, wistful look…until today. Until she kissed him. She was taking advantage of his sweet nature and jerking his heart around. It wasn't right to do this to him and it wasn't fair. She owed him an answer.
"Yes. I meant it," she answered.
Abby saw determination in his face, and fear. He didn't let it stop him. He cupped her cheek in his hand and pulled her towards him. When his lips brushed hers she couldn't help but respond. She lost herself in the feel of Connor's mouth on hers. His other arm came around her; he settled his hand in the small of her back.
Abby was kissing him back, and it was lovely and soft and warm and beautiful. He loved her, and just maybe she felt something for him too. Disbelief and joy surged though him. It was heaven.
When they broke away for air, Conner smiled at her and brushed her cheek.
"What now?" he asked.
"I don't know," came Abby's slightly breathless reply.
"I don't suppose I could move back in?" Connor asked hopefully.
Abby laughed softly, "Yeah. Sure."
End...sort of.
This story in continued in my other fic titled 'Now What?' I split it into two stories because that leaves you the option of pretending these two actually managed to get together with minimal drama. Be forewarned, 'Now What?' is a nice safe T for the first chapter and a very lemony M in the second part.