I loved this episode, in the 'everything has gone to hell and the boys are all broken and is that a tear am I crying' kind of way. Also, Zachariah must die because he has now given me the most disturbing mental images! Obviously there are spoilers for 5.16 within and a little bit of Dean/Cas too.

Disclaimer: After last night does anyone really think that I would do that to the boys? Really? Because there is no way that I would do this to Cas or Dean or Sammy ever. Not ever, and therfore it's not mine and I'm just trying to make the boys and their angel feel better.

Back Off.

Dean has been the bearer of bad news a great many times in his life, it has never been easy for him, but the message that he has to deliver to Castiel is by far the hardest that he has ever had to give. He made a vow to himself that he would not let Castiel become the despairing drug addict that he had met in the future, and he intends to keep that promise, but when he tells his friend that God has ordered that he "back off" he can see the prospect of that broken man in the set of Castiel's shoulders and the agony in his eyes.

Words cannot help here, the empty promises and placating phrases that Sam mouths without thinking about the pain that Cas must be feeling will do nothing. Dean knows how it feels to be told by a father that he does not want to be found, he knows that Sam knows it too, but he cannot bring himself to tell his brother to shut up because talking has always been Sam's way of dealing. Even the return of his amulet feels like the twist of a blade in his gut and if it feels like that to him, he can only imagine how it feels to Cas. He does not really think when he bins it, does not think about the fact that it may hurt Sam, it just reminds him of all the things that he has been shown and all the ways that his life has been one lie after another.

He sneaks out of the motel room later that night, the other hunters believe them dead and he has other concerns than being caught by them. Castiel is still out there and he is hurting and Dean feels the desperate need to make that right, to comfort him even though it will lead to the inevitable chick flick moment. He has brought this pain upon his friend and he cannot make it better, but he can ease it a little.

"What do you want, Dean?" Castiel demands when he appears next to the Impala and if Dean is honest he never thought that the angel would come.

"I'm sorry, Cas," he offers and sees the way that his friend tilts his head, confused and hurt and wondering what the hunter can possibly do. Dean is beginning to wonder about that himself. "I know what it's like," he says instead, "to have a dad who doesn't want to know."

"You know nothing like it," Castiel responds, taking a step away and Dean knows that the angel is about to vanish on him again.

"My dad was never there either, Cas," the hunter snaps, grabbing onto his arm and staring back when the angel gives him his best 'I will smite you' glare. "My dad went missing and he told me that he didn't want us to find him either. I know."

Castiel hangs his head at that, seeming to deflate a little and leaning back into Dean's grasp, and still the hunter does not let him go, still he clings to his friend because he is half afraid that this is just another ploy for him to escape having to talk about this and trying to understand why.

"Josh said that God brought you back," he says after a long moment and it is almost gratifying to see the surprise on his face because Dean knows that his friend had begun to fear that he really had been brought back by Lucifer. "It's the most He's interfered in a long time, apparently."

"He said that?" Cas asks and there is such hope in his face, such desperation to be accepted and given the peace of knowing that he has not done the wrong thing here that Dean nods.

"Yeah," he nudges his friend with his shoulder and realises that he still has not let go of his arm. "Guess this means that Dad approves." It feels right, though, to hold onto Cas in this way and keep him grounded, to show him that there is someone out there who cares about him even if his Father does not want to know. "We'll do this, Cas," he says finally, "we'll find a way."

"Without God..." Castiel does not finish the thought because he does not need to, the angel is not the only one despairing of their chances right now and though they all deal with it in different ways, Dean is beginning to see only one option. "I'm sorry, Dean," he whispers and with that the hunter knows that Cas has seen the one solution that he can.

His hand shifts, curls down until it is wrapped around the angel's and though his friend startles, he does not draw away. It eases a pain in Dean's heart, to know that Castiel does not blame him for where he is now. The angel deflates, though, bowing his head and trembling a little with his sorrow.

"Cas?"

"Please, Dean, don't," a shuddering breath is drawn and Dean feels it, all of it, in the press of their shoulders and the fingers entwined with his. "Don't."

So he does not. He stands next to his angel, an angel that God put back together for him, and holds him in silent comfort and when Castiel turns to look at him, it only feels right to press their lips together in a chaste kiss. This is something that they will never talk about either, but he will find a way, he will make sure that they win, he has to, because Castiel cannot have his faith damaged again and Dean will not be the one to do that to him.

He makes himself a new promise. He promises himself that he will not be the one to further destroy Castiel's faith and he will make sure that they win. If there is a way, he will find it and he will find it for Castiel.

Now, if you all don't mind, I'm going to go and cry into my pillow for a little while

Artemis