A/N: Hey, this is what happens when you're currently caught up with homework and work, you start writing fan fiction stories in your spare time. Please review and check out my other stories
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I just like to take them and put them in effed up situations for my amusement then share it with others.
It's like the alcohol had me in a chokehold, beckoning to me. I had no choice but to give in to it. It called my name at least 10 times in glass form, each sip lessening the pain. I was all set to leave, stumbling out with my head held high and head back home to apologize to you. I acted like an ass before storming off and ending up at the Leaky Cauldron.
I still cannot forget the war. I know it was 10 years ago, I know we have two beautiful twins of our own, I know you are the best mom they could have, I know I have the best wife I could ever ask for. There are not many that can tolerate my mood swings or understand. Your faith in me has never wavered even on days I know you should leave. You're always there and I take advantage of it. I never mean to.
She approached me while I was at the bar, curly blonde hair, dark green eyes, pale skin, red lips; she was your physical opposite. I love your brown skin, your soft black hair, your full lips, your long muscular legs. You became insecure after the kids even after I reassured you how much I love your body even more. I know I don't say that enough but I love your body.
She… I don't even know her name and I know that hurts you more.
She bought some more shots for the bar, bought more shots for me. She was flirting, laughing at my magenta robe. She was nowhere near as funny as you but Mr. Firewhiskey told me to laugh and I abided by that.
Her hands roamed up my leg and Mr. Firewhiskey egged me on to respond to her touch. When she whispered in my ear "my place or yours?" with a naughty smirk, I thought of you briefly. I did until her hand moved higher and all thoughts went out the window. I whispered hers.
I noticed the bartender looking at us suspiciously. I feel I should know her from somewhere. If I was thinking I would've realized it was your best friend's best friend. I wish she would've intervened maybe we wouldn't be here.
We managed to apparate safely to her place without splinching ourselves. I guess I lost my mind for a minute, or two, actually more like hours on end. Once the sensation subsided and I felt her trying to snuggle against my back, I got sick to my stomach.
The firewhiskey wore off the minute I came, literally.
I hurriedly pulled myself away from the woman who was not as pretty as I thought, not like you who is beautiful even when your hair is all over its place. I don't think I've told you enough how beautiful you are in your favorite pair of ratty sweatpants and my old t-shirt.
I manage to apparate back home and I see you on the couch, the home still smells of the dinner you made for us. The house is lit beautifully in candles that you've placed around the house. I know the kids are at the Burrow for the weekend. My parents wanted to give us privacy to celebrate the great news.
You stand up and face me the candlelight reflecting the unshed tears in your eyes. I can tell you were crying. I hate when you cry. I've seen it happen too much too often because of me.
I know I look horrible, eyes red from the drinking, and even worse that bright red lipstick smeared all over me.
Your eyes don't shift as you take in my appearance. I can pinpoint when the awareness hit of what I was doing while you were home worrying and waiting. Your hand covers your mouth slowly. I watch as you shake your head in disbelief. I mimic your disbelief, I can't believe the damage I am inflicting on you.
I watch as the sobs take over and you hit the floor where you stand crying and asking me why repeatedly. You berate yourself for not being enough.
"I can't let you continue doing this to yourself Angelina." I don't even recognize my own voice. It is hoarse and you can hear the tears in them.
I kneel on the floor with you, wanting to comfort you but you push me away. I always wanted to know what it felt like to burn someone jokingly, definitely wasn't expecting it to feel like this.
I watch you cry with tears of my own streaming down.
I know Fred hates me right now; he would hate me for inflicting pain on this Angel, my—our Angel.
I silently talk to Fred in my head. I will be a better person for her, for our kids, for my family. I cannot destroy the best thing that has ever happened to me because of my grief.
I try to reach for your hand but through your tears I can see what you're seeing and bring my hand back to my person. Her lipstick is on my neck and face and Godric knows where else.
I feel dirty for bringing this woman into our home.
Our home is now tainted due to me.
Your sobs die down and you place a hand to your stomach, reminding me why we had the row. I wasn't excited we are expecting again. I lashed out and now we're here.
When we lock eyes I try to silently express my words.
I don't think you got the message this time.
Five months have passed since that night when you left.
You never once told anyone why but our families are too observant, especially mine. Ginny still hasn't forgiven me.
I have finally picked up the pieces from my grief. That night helped me realize I was damaging myself and others.
I appreciate you more than you can know because walking away helped me. I invented my first joke product since Fred's death.
The kids miss us being in one home and you never bash me, you just tell them mommy and daddy need space like you guys do.
They know mommy is expecting again and you still owl pictures of your progression.
I love you more for that.
I sold the tainted house the day after you left and bought another that was your dream home you showed us when we were naïve kids.
I just hope once you read this letter you'll come back home and I can prove to you that I'll never damage you again.
End.