-I do not own any characters from the Harry Potter book series. JKR does. You rock Jo. The story is for fun, not profit...Thank You, Jo. Hope you all enjoy the story.-
Old Friend
My Old Friend Part 1
"NO!" Her scream jolted her from sleep. The smell of cold winter drifted in from her open window. She struggled out of the warm cocoon and slid her feet out of bed. Only dreaming. That knowledge didn't help shake the horrible dream she had. "Wedding planning jitters." Laughing to herself, hoping to regain the peaceful austere quality of the winter night. Ever since she left Hogwarts, winter nights had not felt the same. Leaving the windows open a crack seemed to help. The sounds of the house comfortably settling around her and the loneliness of being so far from James made her uneasy. "Bad job." Lily knew she shouldn't dwell on it, but her Mum and Da weren't with her now to talk to. She didn't have anyone to talk to, "Tuney might as well be gone for all that she'd listen." Shocked at the words coming from her mouth she shuffled over to Da's old writing desk.
In the deep pocket drawer sat a small moleskin diary given to her a lifetime ago, at least it seemed that way. Switching on the light, and looking fondly at the treasure she had confided so much to. Before the wedding she knew she must throw it in the bin, but how could she? Lily sighed. "So, many questions left unanswered, ideas that never saw fruit, so many memories." Pressing her eyes shut, she brought the book to her nose and relaxed into her scent memory. Relishing it with her eyes still shut she fanned the pages with her thumb. Tears came to her eyes. "I can't do it." Weeping into the porous surface.
Hoping for inspiration she opened the book to a relatively random page. After all she had filled the entire book and knew whereabouts she would land.
~*~
Dated 4, June
It's miserable day despite the sun and laughing people. Why don't they all sod off! Couldn't have imagined myself so sad and angry before today. Yesterday, well diary I expect you'll know all about that. Now I got people coming at me from every direction offering advice and giving condolence. I DON'T NEED YOUR DAMN ADVICE OR CONDOLENCE! Don't know what Alice was about when she took to making up stuff to create distance between us...I mean, really! DAMN YOU ALICE. DAMN YOU AND FRANK FOR TRYING TO BE MY BLOODY BODY GUARDS! I don't need body guards or any such thing. I need something, my head hurts. Madam Pomfrey would have something but that would only be temporary.
Had his jealousy gotten so bad...I don't even want to think about it. DAMN YOU, TOO! I can't think, stupid boys. Well, one way or another they will both regret it. By Merlin, they will both pay!
Think I'll lay down for awhile. Maybe twenty odd years or more. I'll be Rip Van Evans. Except I don't fancy the beard or six feet of leg hair either.
Thank You Diary, you're my one true friend.
~*~
Lily adjusted her seated position. "They will pay, eh? Well, don't know so much about that. James is likely going to pay if doesn't start participating in the preparations for the big day." She thought morosely that she might resort to concocting a potion to motivate him and stop his pawing at her every time they're in public. As for Snivillus, he had gotten his when she saw the look on his face the last time the where together in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. "So much time, such a waste."
Her mind ran down long dark tunnels of; How? What? Topped off with empty questions all without answers. None that she could see at least.
Instinctively she knew what filled the pages following that one. So, she flipped back a good distance.
~*~
Dated 28, February
Sev has not been the same. Very strange. Today Diary if you can believe it, Sev wanted to have a private word. maybe that's not so odd. When those jackasses came over to us, harassing me and teasing Sev he told them to "shove off." I would have given anything to have a photo of it. Malfoy was livid. Just thinking about it bring tears of joy to my eyes. Sev, seemed so powerful, so commanding. You know Diary he might be building some confidence. Some others sitting a short distance way cheered Sev on! Sev had a pink blush! On my honour, I swear! But Diary the burning question is: Does Sev like me? Really like me! I'm in agony. He's so intelligent, I think his mind is brilliant. And he's become such a natty dresser. Sure he says stuff, but it's all cryptic and confused. Oh sure he means everything he says but bless him. Why doesn't he say what he means? He doesn't like me hanging around James and them, but I always thought it was because he and James don't get on. Never have and likely never will.
Dropped the thread of my story...so he faces me on the bench and looks at me very seriously, and the first words out of his mouth were "About James..." I cut him off right there, honestly! That wasn't what I wanted to talk about. Seriously though, I would have much rather talked about meeting up on Easter Vacation, or discussed Potions, or even the sink in the water closet for that matter. ANYTHING BUT LISTEN TO OR TAKE PART IN ANOTHER PISSING CONTEST! My potion is bubbling over. Got to run, love ya Diary.
~*~
Lily smiled with chagrin. The cold air from the window brought that day and time into too sharp a focus. "Does Sev like me?" she said in a self-mocking tone. How could I consider the possibility? Unwilled her mind meandered into long forgotten passages and plumbed the interminable abyss of her sleep-deprived mind. Her head spun with memories and suspicions and loss. She muttered, "as good a friend as you were Diary, you never gave me any answers."
Having to create some distance from the past, she padded down the stairs in search of solace. She was sure she couldn't have gone back to bed if a pack of Dementors drug her there. She decided instead to have a cup of coffee with a heavy tot of whisky and send some correspondence.
The smell of the hot coffee wafted through the room and its strong dark flavours mingled on her tongue. The lateness of the night and giddy reckless feeling that the coffee had blessed her with, she decided to write to Severus as well. What might have been a plain "oi, hope you've changed your allegiance." Instead the letter deteriorated into; "You are a GIT! Can't believe you were so BRILLIANT AT POTIONS AND SCHOOL but you couldn't fit two sentences together so a girl might understand them. Oh, yeah...did I remember to tell you, You're a GIT!"
She equipped herself with a more whisky and a tot of coffee, then continued. "You know I...can't believe I'm telling you this but...I ACTUALLY LIKED YOU, YOU STUPID GIT. CAN'T BELIEVE I WANTED TO GET CLOSE TO YOU. I MUST HAVE BEEN AS STUPID AS YOU, YOU GIT!" The anger helped to focus her attention. The third glass comprised entirely of whisky was responsible for opening her diary, and dumping it all over the letter.
There was so much anger in the letter that it never occurred to her, the level of embarrassment that might be achieved if she actually sent the letter. But of course she would send the letter. "Think you'll get off with a hang-dog expression? Well, I don't think so." She tapped the letter with her wand, sealing it, and sent it off with her trusted owl Breide. Nursing the remaining glass of whisky, she stewed in her own juices until she fell asleep on the sofa.
Nudged from sleep by the insistent chill and pecking of sleet against the window she struggled from the sofa, closed the window and lit a fire. The brilliant white coming in from the kitchen window shot bullets of pain through her head. "Omelet! I need food." Her stomach lurched slightly, and she change tactics settling on toast. The pain reverberating in her abused skull delayed her hearing Breide at the window. As soon as she realized her beautiful dun owl was there she rushed over to let her in. Breide flew over to her toast, snatching a slice and landed gracefully on top of the refrigerator.
Lily stood, hands on hips thinking maybe she would have been better off without such a smart owl. "Oh you." The owl clearly had a letter but Lily knew if she tried to get it before the owl was done, she have her hand pecked off. Lily watched the owl with intense curiosity and was half-tempted to put a body binding curse on the beast. However, she resolved to watch while the remainder of her own breakfast sat forgotten. Once the bird gobbled her erstwhile toast she consented to deliver the letter. Holding the letter tightly in her nervous hands, she could only wonder if the Deatheater in question was going to "rain hell" down upon her. Nerves getting the better of her, she opened the letter tearing it haste.
AN/ I chopped this chapter into segments to make it easier to read online.