A/N: This is a short shot that was bouncing around in my head and had to put it into words. Hope you enjoy and will leave me a review of your thoughts on it.
NC
GO HOME
Sam stood outside a building marked Office, wondering if he was doing the right thing. This last fight with Dean had separated them once again. How could they be fighting for the same thing and have such a difference of opinion? It hurt down to the bottom of his soul when he walked away, not even looking back, afraid to look at his brother for fear of what he might see.
Sam looked at his phone as it chimed to alert him he had a new email. He pulled out his laptop and turned it on waiting for it to come up. With a couple of clicks, he opened his email and clicked on the new one. He frowned wondering why Dean would be sending an email. He almost didn't click on it, but was curious what the email contained.
"Sammy, I know you're pissed and don't want to talk to me right now, but I need you to read this email. Don't delete 'til you do read, please. First, I wanna tell you I'm sorry for the way I acted and the things that were said. We both were mad and it got a little out of control. You'll always be my little brother and I'll always love you. I know you'll think we should have this conservation in person and not like this, but I couldn't take the chance of you stopping me."
Sam paused, frowning and confused by Dean's words. A look of puzzlement crossed his face as he continued to read.
"Remember that hunt we went on a while back that ended me in the hospital? They wanted to run some tests, but I told them I couldn't hang around for the results. Well, they caught up with me today...I don't know how else to tell you this but straight up, I'm dying Sammy. I always thought it would be by some monster that would get the best of me and take me out, not something so stupid as a brain tumor. Take a minute to let that sink in before you read on. I know you might not believe me, but I wouldn't lie to you 'bout something like this.
No stopping it, no miracle cure, cold hard facts. I could take some poisonous chemo and radiation, but that would only give me maybe another month or so. I can't do that knowing I would have to have someone take care of me. That's not who I am, you know that. When I go, I want it to be on my terms and no one else's. Tell Bobby thanks for everything, he was like a father to both of us, so you two take care of each other.
I'm going to continue hunting for as long as I can. If it becomes too much...Well...There's always a bullet with my name on it. Sammy don't try to look for me, you won't find me. Don't be mad that I'm telling you this way. Look man...Go find ya a girl...Go back to college...Get married...Have kids...Go be normal like ya always wanted to. Get out while you still can. I'm going to miss ya having my back. If a hunt don't take me out, and the time comes, I'll send my location so you can give me a hunter's burial and take care of my Baby for me, she'll be yours when I'm gone. Sam, listen to this if you don't anything else, I DO NOT want you trying to find a way to save me. No Deals...No Spells...No Black Magic. Got it. It's my time, yeah sooner than I want, but at least I know I raised you right and you can take care of yourself. I'll always be watching out for ya after I'm gone.
Your big brother
Dean"
Sam sat back in shock at what he just read. What was Dean talking about running more tests? Was he truly dying? Hot tears stung his eyes as he brushed them away with the back of his hand. He had to think, how could he find his brother so he could confront him about this crap. Was he that much of a coward he couldn't face him? The longer he sat there the angrier he became. He would find his brother and knock some sense into his stubborn head and find out the truth.
spn
"Hey Bobby."
"Sam, son good to hear from you."
"Have you heard anything from Dean?"
"He not with you?"
"No, long story, I need to find him."
"Haven't seen him since last time you two were here together. What's going on?"
"Nothing, thanks."
"Don't give me that bull crap; you can't con a con man, so spill it."
"Dean sent me a strange email and well...It's got me worried."
"What kind of email?"
"He said he was dying."
"Come again?"
"I know, I don't know anymore than that. He wanted me to stop hunting and go have a normal life. Like that could happen." he sneered. "I gave up on that a long time ago."
"Any clue where he's at?"
"None, he said don't look for him."
"Where you at boy?"
""Illinois."
"Well get yer ass in gear and head this way. I'll start puttin' out some feelers, see if anyone's seen him."
"Thanks Bobby, I'm heading that way."
"You got a car?"
"I'll find one."
"Sam, son, be careful."
"I hear ya Bobby."
spn
The whiskey burned all the way down as he threw back the shot in one gulp and sat the empty glass on the bar. He knew he needed to watch how much he drank, but right now, there wasn't nothing much mattered to him. Not only was he on the outs with his brother, a letter finally reached him about tests that were ran when he was in the hospital explaining that a tumor had been found. It was inoperable and he needed to contact them to discuss other options available to him. Like hell that's going to happen.
Dean sensed her before she sashayed up beside him. He glanced to the side and saw a cute, petite, blonde giving him all the right signals. Any other time he would have jumped at having some fun with her, but tonight he was not looking for company. He turned her down and went back to his beer, hunching his shoulders, hoping anyone else would take the message he wanted to be left alone. The start of another headache was right on the outskirts of his mind. He tried to ignore it, hoping that would make it ease off. He didn't like the drugs needed to stem the crippling throes of a full blown one. He nursed the beer for another hour before tossing a couple of bills by his mug and making his way out of the bar. He headed for the Impala and the short drive back to the crappy motel he was staying at.
The quietness slapped him in the face as he stood in the doorway looking at his single room. He drew in a deep breath and stepped over the threshold, closing and locking the door behind him. After laying a line of salt at the door and two windows, he threw himself on the bed slinging an arm over his eyes to block out the harsh light from the lamp by the bed. Sleep was a long way off from his tired body and the steady throbbing in his head didn't help matters. The days seemed longer, but the night, well he didn't think they would ever end. He wasn't sure if it was the knowledge that he was dying or that he was dying by himself that made it that much worse. He took in slow deep breaths trying to calm his body and racing mind, hoping to at least get a few hours of sleep.
spn
The beat up truck coughed grey smoke as it turned onto the road leading to Singer Salvage. Sam hunched behind the wheel of the clunker hoping it had a few more miles in it to make it to Bobby's. He hadn't slept since reading Dean's email and exhaustion was weighting heavily on him. He fought to keep his eyes open and the truck on the road. He had tried calling Dean several times to only get voice mail at first and then a message about the number being out of service. He was sure Dean had trashed the phone and picked up a burner by now. He was trying to work out the best way to track him down when he saw the sign for the savage yard up ahead. Breathing a sigh of relief, he slowed the truck down so he could make the turn onto the gravel road. His spirit lifted some in the hope Bobby would be able to help him.
"Damn son, how'd ya'll get here in this piece of crap?" Bobby asked eyeing the junker he was driving.
"Hey, it was the best I could do." Sam huffed unfolding his tall frame from the truck cab. He stretched his arms toward the sky, popping his back in the process.
Bobby looked the young hunter over, noticing the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and how haggard and worn out his face was. He had a 5 o'clock shadow that was going on 10 o'clock. His clothes were rumbled, like he had worn them for several days in a row.
"Come on son, yer asleep on yer feet, why don't ya got lay down for a bit and then we'll talk." he suggested watching Sam stagger toward the door.
"I'm good Bobby." he argued while suppressing a yawn behind one of his hands. He shook his head and blinked his eyes several times trying to act more alert than he was.
"Keep telling yerself that, now get yer ass upstairs and get some sleep." he ordered.
"I guess you're right, I wouldn't be much use right now anyway." he finally agreed, slowly dragging his body up the steps and to the bedroom he always shared with Dean.
Sam paused in the doorway taking in the two beds and a deep sadness washed over him. The room felt so empty and bare without Dean being here with him. It echoed the emptiness just like what he was feeling in his heart. He didn't feel whole, it was like a piece of his soul was missing. He had felt this way ever since Dean and him had split. Knowing he had to face this, he walked on into the room and sat down on his bed before stretching out and relaxing into the mattress with out bothering to change clothes. He slowed his breathing and shut his eyes before shifting to his side to turn away from the window and light seeping in around the blinds. He drifted into a restless sleep as his mind wandered out searching for that thread that linked him to his brother.
spn
Dean jerked and moaned in his sleep as he felt someone searching for him. He knew he had to stay hidden and not let them find him. The way was dark and ominous, but he continued to run. Dean jerked himself awake and looked around the motel room to see he was by himself. He let his head fall back on the pillow with a groan. There would be no more sleep now, so he pushed his body up and sat on the edge of the bed to let the dizziness pass before heading for the bathroom.
He came out and went over to the small coffee pot and turned it on, watching and listening to it begin to perk. He slid into a chair and rubbed a hand over his tired face. With a sigh, he pulled his laptop closer and brought it up to scan the usual websites for any strange or weird deaths, missing people, etc., hoping to find a hunt. He needed to keep his mind focused on something else, so he wouldn't be drawn to the letter that was crumbled in the bottom of his duffle. He glanced at the coffee pot waiting for it to finish so he could have his caffeine fix and get woke up.
An article caught his eye and he clicked on the link to bring it up. After reading through it twice, he decided it had just enough strange to check out. After scribbling down some information, he got up to pour a cup of coffee and after a shower he would pack up and head out.
spn
Sam woke up in stages looking around the bedroom letting his memories flood back to him. He sat up on the side of the bed taking a couple of deep breaths before pushing himself up. He rummaged in his bag for some clean clothes and headed for the bathroom to shower hoping that would make him more functional.
Bobby looked up from his coffee as Sam walked slowly into the room and headed for the coffee pot. He poured a cup and doctored it to his liking before sitting down beside the older hunter/surrogate father. Neither said anything for several minutes, until Bobby broke the silence in the room.
"Wanna tell me what's goin' on?"
Sam looked into his cup before talking. "We had a fight and split up. That was about three weeks ago."
"You boys bicker more'n an old married couple."
"I found a job that came with a place to stay. Been workin' for about a week when I get this alert I had a new email. It was from Dean." he said getting up. "Here, you can read it for yourself."
Sam opened his laptop and pulled up his email account and opening the email. He sat back down and watched Bobby read the email trying to judge his reaction. The only thing that changed in his express was a twitch in his left eye. He slowly sat back in his chair and looked at the young hunter.
"Do you know what hunt he's talking 'bout and this hospital visit?"
"I thought 'bout it on the ride over. It had to have been taking out that vamp nest a few months back. Dean got thrown around pretty good, concussion. He was out longer than I was comfortable with and I took him to a hospital to get checked out. Got him to stay a day and we booked."
"Think you can hack into his medical records to see what they say?"
"I can try."
Sam pulled his laptop in front of him and began to type quickly on the keys. He glanced up when Bobby's phone began to ring in the other room. Bobby got up and headed in there to answer it. After several attempts, Sam found a back door and slipped into the medical records of the hospital. He began to search for Dean's medical records, stopping when the screen filled with notes. Sam rested his fingers on the keys as he began to skim everything and then went back and read it more slowly a second time.
Bobby walked back into the room in time to see all the color drain from Sam's face, leaving him looking ghostly white. His eyes widened slightly as he clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. Hot tears brimmed his eyes as they lost focus and one stray tear rolled out of his eye and slipped down his cheek leaving a wet trail. Without a word, Sam got up and walked out the door leaving it open.
Bobby didn't say a word, only followed after him onto the deck. Sam was already lost in the rows of cars so he paused at the deck's edge and looked out into the junkyard. Without warning, an ear piercing, primal scream echoed up the rows bouncing off cars and dying by the time it reached Bobby. He cringed inside and shivers ran up his spine as the sound was repeated again. He had never heard anything like it before, much less coming from a human. He listened with deep sadness as the screams slowly faded to moans and then silence. Bobby bowed his head as he fought the tears threatening his eyes. There was no doubt in his mind that he had lost both his adopted sons. He knew it was no use trying to find Sam; he would come back when he was ready. He turned and slowly walked back inside leaving the door open for Sam.
He was on his second cup of coffee when he heard footstep fall on the steps and come across the deck. He looks up as Sam steps into the kitchen. Bobby could not hide his shock as he looked at the young hunter. The Sam that left over thirty minutes ago was not the Sam that walked back into his kitchen. His eyes were red rimmed, and glinted with a darkness that had not been there before. There was a harshness and hard edge to him now. His body language was stiff and closed off. He clenched his jaw tightly as he grabbed his laptop and stuffed it back into his pack.
"Sam, son?" Bobby spoke with caution. "You ok?"
"I'm goin' to find my brother." he said sternly not looking Bobby in the eyes, but over his head.
"Sam, wait, don't go doin' somethin' crazy."
He headed up the stairs to retrieve his bag. Bobby got up and waited by the front door knowing he couldn't say anything that would change his mind. Sam tromped down the steps and to the front door, pausing for a moment in front of Bobby.
"Call if you hear anything." he stated without any emotion in his voice.
"Here son, at least take a car that won't break down on ya." he replied holding out a set of keys.
Sam looked at the hand holding the keys for a moment before accepting them.
"It's out back, grey Chevy. Not much to look at, but the engine runs ok."
Without any further words, he opened the door and headed for the car. Bobby stood on the porch and watched him drive away. He had read the doctor's report that had been up on Sam's computer and knew how serious this was. They had found a tumor when doing a CT scan and recommended more testing. The position of the tumor did not allow for surgery. His heart ached for both his boys and hoped Sam found Dean before it was too late.
spn
The sweat dripped in his eyes as he shoveled another shovel of dirt from the grave. His head was pounding, but he needed to finish the job and salt and burn the bones to rid the house of the vengeful spirit. Finally, the shovel hit the casket and he moved to the side to open it. Salt and lighter fluid was quickly poured over the bones and Dean lit a book of matches tossing them into the open grave. He stood there and watched the bones burst into flames sending the spirit to rest. After the flames died down, he threw the dirt back into the grave filling it once again.
With the grave filled, he picked up his bag and made his way back to the Impala. He used the shovel as a crutch as the scene in front of him tilted sideways causing him to walk unsteady. He threw everything in the trunk and made his way around to the driver's side. He leaned his head on the steering wheel to allow the dizziness to pass, wanting nothing more than to find a motel and crash. When the spell passed, he snagged the bottle of aspirin and shook three into his hand dry swallowing them, hoping they would help with the headache. He cranked the Impala and pulled away from the cemetery heading out of town. One rule you never broke, do not stay in the town were you do a hunt; it was the fastest way to get caught.
spn
Four hours later Dean pulled into the parking lot of a no name motel, no different than any of the last he had stayed at over the past three months. He parked and headed into the office to get a room. Five minutes later he was out the door with a key in hand. Dean started the car and moved it around back in front of the room to park it. He pulled himself out of the car and went around to the trunk to get his bags. He unlocked the door and stepped into the room, giving it a once over before going on in. By now he was on auto pilot, salt the door and window, grab a quick shower and hit the sack.
The water beat on his head as he stood in the hot spray letting it wash the sweat and dirt from his body. He wiped the water from his face before picking up the soap and washing his body. He stayed under the spray until the water began to cool before turning it off and stepping out. He grabbed a rough towel and dried off his body before slipping on some clean briefs. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror and noticed how much thinner his body was. Turning away from the mirror, he pulled on sweats and a tee shirt before heading into the main room and to the bed. He flipped off the light and laid down massaging his temples hoping to relieve some of the pain. After taking several deep breaths to calm himself, he closed his eyes hoping sleep would pull him under. Even in sleep he was not free of the pain and it was beginning to take its toil on him.
spn
"Sam, how you doing son?" Bobby asked waiting to hear the tone of his voice.
"I'm fine, do you have some news?"
"Yeah, seems Dean was seen in northern Texas less than a week ago and the Impala was spotted in Wyoming about three days ago around Riverton."
"Thanks for the update." he stated, his voice void of any emotions.
"Son, why don't ya come by..."
"I gotta go." Sam cut him off before hanging up.
Sam pulled his map out and marked the general location in Texas and the town in Riverton. He looked at the map trying to determine which way he should go. He had been on the road tracking his brother since he left Bobby's. He seemed to always be one step behind him and had not been able to catch a break. After stowing the map, he pulled out from the gas station and headed toward Wyoming. He was lucky to be only a few hours from Riverton. Maybe today his luck would be changing and he would find him.
He sipped on some water and took a bite of a power bar as he fell into the same routine he had been using in this hunt. He slept a few hours a night, grabbed a bite where he could and continued driving, searching for clues on his brother. When he was around people, they seemed to know not to mess with him and steered clear, which was fine with him. He wasn't interested in making new friends or see old ones for that matter.
Sam had done his research on what the medical reports had said and knew his brother was living on borrowed time. He had spoken to a couple of hunters who had helped Dean take out a nest of vamps and had told him he wasn't looking good. They had got all the vampires, but Dean had been banged up pretty bad. Both had commented on how he didn't seem in the game. Phil said he seemed forgetful and wasn't acting like himself. This in itself worried him and the longer he was out there by himself...he didn't want to think about that, he had to believe he could get to him.
After driving through Riverton and seeing no sign of the Impala, Sam picked up the main road out of town knowing his brother wouldn't hang around.
spn
The bitter taste of bile tickled the back of Dean's throat as he came awake gagging. Throwing himself over the side of the bed, he got a trash can under him and emptied what contents were in his stomach. Dean dry heaved trying to catch his breath as he broke out in a cold sweat. When the heaving stopped, he fell back on the bed panting and cringing at the sharp pain shooting to the front of his head. He opened his eyes wide enough to see daylight was beginning to seep around the curtain. He knew he needed to get moving, but in his present state he couldn't even raise his head off the pillow. He knew he was getting worse and probably didn't have much more time. Depression was sneaking its way into his mind, knowing he was going to go through this alone. He had made this choice, but it didn't stop it hurting any worse. He was pretty sure it was time to find a place to lay low before he wouldn't be able to drive anymore. With one deep breath, Dean pushed himself up to the side of the bed, sitting there until his head cleared. He felt a sheen of sweat break out across his forehead realizing he was running a slight fever. He grunted as he got his feet under him and stumbled toward the bathroom and a hot shower.
spn
Forty minutes later Dean opened the bathroom door and stepped into the main room. He sensed before he saw the person sitting in shadows in the chair by the bed. He stiffened feeling naked, standing there with only a towel wrapped around his body. He cinched it tighter on his hips and faced the person sitting there. A lamp was turned on and Dean blinked with the brightness until he eyes fell on a familiar figure sitting slumped in the chair. His shoulders sagged as his baby brother glared at him.
"Hello Dean." a cold, angry soft voice spoke breaking the awkward silence in the room.
Sam took in his big brother's appearance and grimaced on the inside. He had lost weight and had an unhealthy look. Dark circles outlined his eyes and his cheeks looked hollowed and pale, except for two spots of red, one on each cheek. Anyone who looked at Dean would be able to tell there was something definitely wrong with him. He couldn't hide the effects of the illness now. Dean's leg decided to buckle at that moment and he stumbled slightly, catching himself on the doorway.
Sam was up in an instant and across the room grabbing his arm and supporting him until he was able to stand. Dean allowed himself to be led to the bed where he sat down willing himself not to pass out.
"Here, drink."
A cold drink was pressed into his hand and he raised it to his lips, trying to keep the trembling in his hands from showing. This of course didn't get by Sam as he studied his big brother with a keen eye. Things were worse than he thought, but he needed to be strong. He needed to put up a wall and keep his emotions in check, if not for himself, then for Dean. He looked around and spotted Dean's bag over by the chair. Being sure Dean wasn't going to fall; he grabbed the bag and rummaged in it for clean clothes.
"Here, put these on." Sam said laying the clothes by him on the bed. "Need help?"
"No." he said hoarsely taking another sip of the water before sitting it on the nightstand. He had not wanted this to happen. Dean had wanted to be away from here and just disappear before allowing himself to be found. But if he was honest with himself, there was a small glimmer in the back of his mind that was glad Sam had found him. Now he wouldn't be facing this alone.
Sam turned his back allowing him some privacy to dress. "I'm going to use the bathroom and we'll go." Sam didn't wait for a response before heading into the bathroom and partly closing the door.
Dean slipped on his briefs before reaching for his jeans. Being careful not to topple over he slipped a leg into one pant's leg and did the same with the other. Bracing his legs he stood and pulled them up over his hips and fastening them. They hung loosely, riding low on his hips as he shook out a tee shirt to pull over his head. He heard the water running in the bathroom and shut off as he sat back down to slip on socks and boots.
Sam stepped out of the bathroom and eyed his brother as he put on his other boot. He noticed how his clothes hung loosely off him and made a mental note to grab him some smaller jeans at least. He grabbed Dean's pack and began to stuff clothes in it, stopping long enough to get his bathroom bag and place it on top before closing it.
"Come on." he said quietly to his brother. Sam let Dean set the pace and walk on his own toward the door. He snagged car keys from the counter knowing Dean was in no shape to drive. Dean didn't object when Sam opened the passenger door for him, waiting for him to get in. He slipped into the seat waiting for Sam to close the door, looking randomly out the windshield letting his eyes glaze slightly. He went to the other car and grabbed his bags depositing them in the Impala.
"Bobby, found him." Sam mumbled into his cell phone as he rounded the back of the car. "Its bad." he replied to his question. "I know, I'll try." Sam finished, closing the phone and getting into the driver's seat. He looked over at Dean and saw he was leaning his head against the window with his eyes closed.
He moved when Sam shut the door and looked over at him. Sam looked ragged and tired with dark circles under his eyes and a thinner face than he remembered. This was not what he wanted, but he didn't have the strength or the will to stop him.
Sam cranked the Impala and cast one last look at Dean before pulling out of the parking space and out of the lot. He turned the car toward Sioux Falls and settled in for the long drive ahead.
"Let me know if ya need to stop." Sam said waiting for Dean to respond. He looked his way and saw his eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly slack. He could see a light sheen of sweat on his forehead before he turned his eyes back to the road.
spn
A cough started to build in his chest and work its way up his throat, causing Dean to jerk awake trying to get his breath. Sam jumped from the gurgling sounds coming from beside him and steered the car quickly to the side of the road.
"Dean? Hey man you ok?" he asked reaching for his brother.
Dean had doubled over in the seat beside him gasping for air. Sam jumped out of the car and raced to the other side opening the door and kneeling by his brother. He slapped him a couple of times on the back before pulling his body around so he was sitting with his legs out of the car. Bile and spit dripped out of his mouth as he dry heaved spitting onto the ground. He felt a warm hand on his damp forehead and another one on the back of his neck, massaging it gently.
"I got ya." Sam whispered holding an arm in front of him so he wouldn't fall. He ached for his brother's pain and the helplessness he felt. He could feel Dean shivering under his arm and decided they needed to find a motel for the night so he could rest. "We're stopping for the night, there should be something up ahead."
The only response he got from Dean was a cough and slight nod of his head. Sam helped him re-adjust in the seat before closing the door. He hurried to the other side and climbed back in, starting the car and pulling back onto the road. He pressed hard on the gas pedal, sending the car shooting down the road.
spn
The next exit showed a sign for motels, Sam slowed to take a left hand turn from the exit toward a decent looking one. He stopped in front of the office and got out to get a room for them. Dean didn't move when the car stopped or when Sam got out of the Impala. Sam was back ten minutes later and moved the car back behind the motel, stopping in front of their room.
Getting out, he grabbed their bags and opened the motel room door tossing them inside. Propping the door open, he went to get Dean out of the car.
He opened the door slowly making ready to catch him if needed. "Dean, come on, can you help me?" he asked shaking his shoulder to rouse him.
"Mm-Um, S'm." he mumbled as his head rolled to the side trying to control it. He could feel hands on his body moving it trying to get him out of the car. He tried to make his body cooperate as Sam pulled him to a standing position trying to make his wobbly legs support him. Sam could really tell how much weight Dean had lost as he took his full weight for a few seconds.
"It's not far, one step at a time." Sam instructed him, putting an arm around his body and gripping the waist of his jeans to hold him up. Sam guided him out of the car using his hip to shut the door and steering him toward the open door. Once inside, Sam half walked, half dragged him to the bed and sat him down. Dean listed to the side and Sam stopped him from falling over as he gently patted his cheek to get his attention.
"S'm?" Dean looked at him questioningly as his jumbled thoughts spun in his head. "Wha' gon' on?"
"Dean, what do you remember?" Sam asked looking at his brother's puzzled, lost expression. He remembered reading memory loss was one of the symptoms. Sam swallowed hard and drew in a deep breath as he steadied his nerves.
"H'nt?" he asked, trying to clear the fog that was coating his brain.
"No, it's not a hunt. You're sick Dean." Sam told him quietly as he let him lay back on the bed. "I'll get you some water."
Sam went to the counter and unwrapped a cup and ran some water. He took it over to the bed and helped Dean sit up long enough for him to sip some of the water. He went to the bathroom and wet a cloth. Sitting down beside Dean on the bed, he gently wiped the sweat from his face. His vision blurred as tears leaked out of his eyes to run down his cheeks. His heart was breaking to see his brother's life slip away in front of him like this. Dean had always been there for him growing up. He had been his protector, friend, big brother, father...he had been his hero. Dean was his rock, his constant. Dean's breathing was raspy and labored as he turned toward Sam's touch.
"You hold on, you hear me." he whispered fiercely. "You just hold on."
Dean's eyes flickered open for a moment and focused on Sam before slowly closing shut. Sam quickly felt for a pulse, feeling a weak and thready one beat against his finger. He sighed with relief and wiped his wet face on his sleeve. He got up off the bed and reached to unlace Dean's boots and take them off before covering him with a blanket. He stood there for a moment looking down at his big brother as every nerve in his body tingled wanting to respond in some way to help his brother.
Sam finally sat down on the other bed and did the same with his own boots. The weeks of hunting, not sleeping, stress, exhaustion and worry caught up with him as his body screamed out for sleep. He eased down on the bed, turning so he could see Dean. His eyes were so heavy, he could barely keep them open as he gave in to the mist that covered his mind and dragged him under.
spn
Several hours later, moaning and mumbling pulled Sam from his sleep. He quickly sat up and looked bleary eyed over at the other bed seeing Dean tossing fitfully in his bed.
"Dee, hey, wake up." he called to him sitting down on the bed beside him. He took a cloth and wiped his face as he continued to talk to him. "It's ok, I'm here, you're not alone."
"H'rt." he slurred trying to get a shaky hand to his head.
"Your head hurts? Hold on I'll get you something."
Sam grabbed his bag and began to dig through it looking for some strong pain killers that were in there. Finding the bottle, he shook two out into his palm and when back over to the bed.
"Dean, open your mouth." Sam said pushing the pills into his mouth. He held his head up and put the water to his lips letting him sip it. "Come on swallow." he urged wiping his chin of the dribble.
Dean coughed weakly, but got the pills down after a couple of tries. He tried to focus his attention on Sam but found it hard to concentrate. His body shivered under the blanket and he pulled it tighter around him.
"Here move over." Sam said pulling a comforter off his bed before sliding into bed with his brother. He spread the cover over both of them and pulled Dean into his arms letting his head rest on his chest. Dean grumbled and tried to pull away at first but found the heat from Sam's body felt good. Giving in, he snuggled into Sam and let his weak body relax. Sam tucked the covers around both of them and focused on Dean's breathing as it evened out. He could feel the shivering lessen in his brother's body as it begin to warm.
Sam lay still feeling his brother's chest move in and out with his slow breathing. He began to rub slow circles over his back and he tried to calm his frazzled nerves. He matched his breathing to his brother's as he contemplated what was ahead. From what he saw, his symptoms were getting worse and he was getting weaker. New tears dampened his eyes as he tried to blink them away not wanting to think about what that meant. He was losing his brother and he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it. If it was a monster or hunt gone wrong, he thought he could handle it better than this, watching his life fade before his eyes.
spn
Dean began to wake in stages as he tried to figure out where he was and what the warm thing was he was laying on. He moved slightly and opened his eyes, blinking several times to have a shirt come into view. He looked at it for a moment before casting his eyes upward to see the outline of an unshaven chin. He moved trying to push off the body when a strong arm tightened around his back.
"Dee." as sleepy familiar voice slurred as the mound moved and he was looking into his baby brother's face. "What ya need?"
"Pee." he croaked out trying to wet his dry mouth and throat.
"Hold on." Sam replied shifting out from under him and throwing back the covers.
Sam worked slowly helping Dean to sit up on the side of the bed for a moment before helping him stand on unsteady legs. Dean concentrated all his efforts on to putting one foot in front of the other as Sam steered him toward the bathroom door. Sam got him to the sink counter and let Dean lean against it.
"Need help?"
"No." he grunted taking a deep breath trying to stop the dizziness long enough to stand on his own.
"I'll be right outside." Sam said shuffling to the doorway. He pulled the door partly closed, but stayed beside it in case Dean needed him.
Sam could hear shuffling and a zipper being unzipped. He waited until he heard a flush and water running in the sink before glancing back in. Dean was drying his hands before turning to carefully walk toward Sam. Sam made himself stand still, giving Dean the respect of allowing him to walk out of the bathroom. He hovered behind him, but didn't help. Dean made his way to a chair at the table and sat down taking short panting breaths.
"There's a diner across the street, I'm gonna go grab us some coffee and breakfast." Sam told him watching to be sure he understood. "You ok until I get back?"
"Yeah." he whispered just loud enough for him to hear. Dean ran a trembling hand through his hair and down his face trying to wipe away some of the weariness.
"I won't be long." he nodded patting his pocket to be sure he still had the car keys before leaving. No way was he leaving them within Dean's reach in case he tried to run again.
spn
Sam opened the door and looked to the chair to find Dean still sitting there in almost the same position he had left him in. He headed for the table and pulled out the other chair to sit down.
"Got you a large coffee and breakfast sandwich." Sam said pushing a cup toward him and pulling out a wrapped sandwich from the bag placing it within his reach.
Sam tried not stare as he pulled his food out and unwrapped it. He watched Dean lift the coffee cup with both hands to control its movement so he could sip it. He watched as Dean fiddled with the wrapper on the sandwich before getting it unwrapped. Sam noticed the hesitation from Dean as he looked at the food.
"Need to try and eat something." he urged him concern and worry etched on his face.
Dean swallowed hard, but nodded slightly breaking off a piece of biscuit and putting it in his mouth. He chewed slowly trying to force the food down his throat. After sipping more coffee, he managed to swallow the bite of food. Sam took another bite, trying not to stare at his brother as he looked over his head toward the window while he cast quick glances at him.
"Figure we can get to Bobby's this evening." Sam cast out trying to break the silence between them.
"S'm...I don't...I'm..." Dean tried to say as his voice cracked and he fought back the tears.
"No, don't, we're in this together Dean. I'm not letting you go through this by yourself. You're my brother and I love ya man!" Sam insisted sternly as he swallowed the sob that was trying to escape. He felt wetness on his cheeks as tears rolled down his cheeks.
Dean looked away and moved to brush his own tears from his face as he tried to shut his emotions away like he always did, but was finding it harder to do. Sam watched his brother's face transform from one of pain and anguish to one of anger and rage.
"No you bastard, I'm not goin' anywhere with you. Get the hell out of here. Leave me alone." he yelled at his shocked brother. Dean stumbled to his feet and tried to make it to the door until Sam intercepted him wrapping his arms around him and pulling him back into his chest. Dean struggled weakly trying to break his hold before he gave in and slumped in his arms. Sam pulled him around into his embrace, holding him up as he held him to his chest.
"S'rry S'mmy, di'nt mean it." he mumbled into his shirt as he hugged him back knowing he screamed at Sam, but not sure what he said.
"I know, its ok, I got ya." Sam assured him knowing this was another symptom rearing its ugly head.
They stood like that in silence in each others arms until Sam felt the trembling in his brother's body and guided him back to the chair. Sam turned and wiped his face off before taking his seat too. Sam had no appetite, but he made himself eat a few more bites before stopping. He looked over at Dean and saw he had eaten one more bite before pushing it away. Sam saw he at least drank most of the coffee. He gathered up the trash and tossed it before getting up to gather their few belongings. He took the bags to the car and came back in to see Dean was struggling to put his boots on. Without being asked, he kneeled down and took the boot from his hand and worked it on his foot. Dean looked down gratefully at his brother as he laced his boot for him.
"Ready?" Sam asked him standing back up and stepping back so Dean could get up.
spn
The driveway to Singer Salvage Yard never looked so good as Sam steered the Impala through the gates and toward the house. Darkness had fallen and Bobby had the outside lights on for them. He stopped the car close to the house so Dean would not have as far to travel. He looked up as light spilled from the open door and a familiar figure stood in the doorway.
Sam got out of the car and hurried around to the other side waiting as Dean opened the door and swung his legs from the car. Sam offered his arm for Dean to use to help him out of the car. Dean stood unsteady on his rubbery legs and looked toward the porch, steeling himself for this reunion. Sam kept a protective arm around his waist as he let him walk slowly toward the steps.
"Boys." Bobby greeted looking up at Sam's face before turning back to Dean. He swallowed hard and his hands twitched wanting to go to the young man and help him.
"Bobby." Sam half smiled at him relaying without words how bad things were.
"Bo'by." Dean managed to get out in a gasp.
"Come on in." Bobby finally got out after the shock of seeing Dean stemmed. He stepped aside letting Sam guide Dean inside and to the living room and couch.
Sam sat his brother down on the couch and made sure he was comfortable before heading to the kitchen for a bottle of water. He knew Dean needed some more pain meds by the pinched look on his face.
"Here, take these." he offered shaking a couple of pills into his hand and holding them out to him with the open bottle of water.
Dean didn't say anything, but took the pills and washed them down with the cold water. He leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes waiting for the meds to take the edge off the headache.
Bobby motioned Sam to join him in the kitchen as he took one final look at Dean. Sam followed the older hunter back into the kitchen and leaned heavily against counter waiting for him to say something.
"Damn son, didn't th'nk he'd be that bad." he sighed keeping his voice low.
"Me either." he replied as his body sagged in on itself.
"S'm..." a weak voice called from the other room making Sam rush from the kitchen to his brother's side.
"What ya need?" Sam asked sitting beside his brother.
"Need t' lay down." he got out slowly giving Sam a helpless look.
"No problem." Sam assured him getting up and steeling himself to take Dean's weight. He got him to his feet and shuffled them to the stairs. He looked up the step and said. "You're gotta let us carry you up these."
Dean bowed his head and nodded slightly, not having the energy to argue about it. Bobby got on the other side of Dean and between them got the young hunter up the steps and to the doorway of their bedroom.
"I got it from here, thanks." Sam told Bobby grateful for his help.
"I'll go get ya some waters." Bobby replied heading back downstairs.
"Bathroom?" Sam asked before letting him go into the room.
"Yeah." he coughed turning for the room across from their bedroom.
Sam got him in the bathroom and stood by the door waiting when Bobby came back with several bottles of water. He took them into the bedroom and came back out to stand awkwardly by Sam.
"Son, want me to stay with him?"
"No Bobby, he's my brother, it's my turn to take care of him."
"If you need me, I'll be downstairs sitting with Jack." he muttered turning to leave.
Sam understood his meaning and sighed as he watched the older man walk away. He turned as the door to the bathroom opened and Dean leaned heavily on the frame.
"Come on, let's get ya in bed." Sam told him helping him into the room and to the first bed. "Sit here; let me go get our bags." Sam didn't wait for an answer before heading out to the car for their bags. He was back by Dean's side five minutes later.
Dean had stretched out on the bed and looked up at Sam with pain filled eyes.
"Before ya get too comfortable, let's get some sleep clothes on. You'll be more comfortable."
Sam started unlacing his boots and pulling them off, dropping them to the floor. He undid his pants and worked them over his hips and down his legs tossing them aside to replace them with soft cotton pants. He worked them up his legs and over his hips, adjusting them for comfort.
"I gotta set you up just for a minute."
Sam pulled Dean up and worked the long sleeved flannel shirt off his arms and grabbed the tee shirt by the hem and pulled it up his body, working his arms out and over his head. He slipped a clean tee shirt back over his head and Dean helped him get his arms into the sleeves so Sam could pull it down over his stomach. Once he was done, Sam pulled covers back before letting him lay back down. He worked the covers out from under him and pulled them over his body.
Dean panted from the exertion but settled into the mattress letting the weariness and exhaustion over take him again. He looked up at Sam watching him position a chair by the bed so he was close enough to take his hand. Dean knew he needed to say something, but the pain meds were starting to kick in and his body felt so heavy.
"S'm." Dean got out squeezing his hand to get his attention. Sam looked over into his eyes waiting to see if he would say more. "I love ya...Ya carry on...Get out...Live..." he got out before he was pulled into the blackness once again. One that didn't seem to have any end and left him anxious and weary.
Sam watched his breathing even out, thought shallow as he drew in short breaths. He rubbed his arm gently and stared at his brother's hand. He traced the faint scars on his knuckles remembering back when Dean had gotten them. Sam bit his lip to stop the sob wanting to escape from him afraid it would disturb his brother. He couldn't stop the tears dripping from his face as he took in every aspect of his brother, burning it into his memory so he would never forget him. Sam drew in a shaky breath and looked out the window into the darkness wondering if tonight would be the night that his brother would be taken from him.
spn
Sam's head bobbed on his chest as he dozed fitfully. He still had a tight hold on his brother's hand, hoping just the contact; just his touch would keep his brother's soul from leaving him. He jerked when pressure on his hand increased and looked up at Dean. The first rays of morning light were peaking in the window, shedding light into the room and surrounding his brother in the soft glow. Sam blinked several times realizing how it looked like a halo around his body.
Bobby quietly came into the room and took in the scene before offering Sam a cup of coffee. He held another one in his hand unsure what to do with it.
"Son, want some coffee?" he asked when he saw Dean was awake.
"W'ter." he managed to get out.
Bobby sat the coffee down and picked up the bottle of water with a straw in it. He held the straw to Dean's cracked lips and let him draw in some water. Dean coughed slightly as he tried to swallow the water, letting some drip from his mouth. Bobby took the corner of the sheet and wiped it carefully before offering him more. Dean tried another sip being more careful this time and got it down. He leaned his head back to rest for a moment before opening his eyes back up to look at Bobby.
"Bo'y, so tired." he whispered looking up into his eyes that brimmed with tears.
"It's ok son." Bobby assured him. "You go ahead and rest. We'll be here." Bobby pulled the empty chair by the window over to the side of the bed and sat down taking his free hand. This young man had been like a son to him and it broke his heart to see him like this.
A soft sob was heard from the other chair as Dean closed his eyes to rest again. Sam laid a hand on his chest so he could feel the up and down motion of his breathing to assure him his brother was still hanging on. He let out the breath he was holding and sat back in the chair again. Sam looked over at the anguish expression on their adopted father's face. They both had seen too many people they love die, die way before their time.
Sam let go of his brother's hand as he got up and stretched needing to answer the call of nature. Dean stirred and felt for the warmth of his brother. His eyes fluttered as he tried to raise his head.
"S'm"
"Hey, I'm right here." he leaned over into Dean's line of sight. "Nature calls, I'll be right back. Don't worry, I'm not leaving you. Just need to step out for a sec."
Dean nodded slightly and laid his head back down. Sam hurried to the bathroom, trying to take no longer than needed and came back to the room. He sat back down and took up Dean's cool hand and squeezed it letting him know he was back. He felt slight pressure in return and watched the slight rise and fall of Dean's chest.
spn
As the hours ticked off, Sam watched Dean's breathing get more labored and his pained expression worsen. He glanced over at Bobby and saw he noticed the same thing. Sam got up and positioned his body on the bed beside Dean and rubbed a hand down his cheek.
"Dee, can you hear me." he asked softly, trying to get his attention.
Dean's eyes fluttered and opened looking for the owner of the voice until he was able to focus on Sam. His pained eyes softened when he saw his brother leaning over him.
"Hey, big brother." Sam smiled seeing that Dean was looking at him. "It's ok, I'll be ok. Bobby and me will look out for each other." Sam said in a trembling voice. "You don't need to suffer any longer. Go on home...You can go home." Sam voice finally broke as he hung his head and let the tears fall. He felt a cool hand brush his cheek and saw Dean lovingly wiping his tears away one last time.
Dean felt Sam's touch and heard his voice. He pushed hard to open his eyes and look at him. With the last of his strength, he reached up and brushed away his baby brother's tears before letting it fall limply to the bed. Sam gripped the hand in his and watched as Dean took in several more short breaths before closing his eyes and breathing out his last breath in this world.
"Dean?" Sam questioned. "Dee." he choked again before gathering his body in his arms and holding him tightly. He rocked back and forth mumbling words into his ear as he said his final good bye. Sam felt a strong hand on his shoulder as he carefully laid his brother's body back on the bed. He lovingly arranged his arms by his side and straightened up the covers around him like he was a child.
"Good bye big brother, I love ya." he said gently pressing his lips to Dean's cooling forehead. He stepped away from the body trying to keep the emotions from over taking him.
"Good bye son." the older hunter mumbled gently cupping his face in his rough hand for a final time.
Bobby stepped to the younger hunter and put a fatherly hand on a shoulder that was shaking in grief. He knew there was nothing that could be said to ease his suffering and pain so Bobby didn't try. He would just be there for him when he needed it.
spn
They stood by the burial pyre as Sam lit the lighter and tossed it on the wood watching it catch fire. Flames licked at the body lying in the middle of the wood as the two hunters looked on. Sam looked over the flames to the edge of the woods and saw a figure in a leather jacket and jeans lazily leaning against a tree watching them. He tilted his head and gave him a smirk and salute before turning to walk into the woods as the fog swirled around him making him disappear.
Sam smiled through the tears and nodded his way knowing his brother would always be with him, watching over him like a big brother should. He would never be along as long as he had the memories of Dean in his heart.
The End