angcatalonan: I'm done with work and I have nothing to do so I decided to write this fic. I can't get away from the urge of writing something about the whole "I always want to kiss you" line (here comes my childish squeeeeee!) that House said in the promo.
Now, this is a songfic. I used "Break Me" by Jewel. And I wrote it in Cuddy's POV. Oneshot. Usual disclaimers, blah, blah.
Wait, BOLD centered words are lyrics of the song.
Break Me
I knocked.
No response.
But then, I knocked again.
Still, no response.
I will meet you
I know that he was inside. He must be sleeping. I gave him prescription for sleeping pills, for Heaven's sake! What should I expect?! He was a child. He would overdose himself for some stupid experimental idea he would suddenly have then…
I shook my head and decided not to continue with that course of my…
But even if I assumed that, I still hoped that he was awake. Or at least be awakened by my knocking. That he would open the door and let me in, then I would be able to get through to him.
I bit my lower lip as I waited.
But it didn't take longer until I saw him open his door, standing opposite me.
In some place
I waited for him to talk. Ask me why I was there. Ask me why I care or something like that. But he did not speak. I took his silence as an invitation to get in as I gather my strength to my shoulder and pushed my way inside his house.
I knew that he was stronger but he didn't give so much of a fight and that may have been the reason I was able to get through.
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I closed the door behind me after I immediately stepped inside his living room. He diverted his look from my gazing point and forcibly sighed implying very well that he didn't want me there. But I did not flinch; instead I dared to arch my right eyebrow and crossed my arms on my chest. Then, I waited on him.
Broken.
He looked at me.
With his eyes piercing through me…broken, he looked broken.
I will let you
undress me
My facial expression softened as I tried to reach for him, to touch him, to brush his pain away but my hands stopped midway. I swallowed in realization of what I thought of doing. I dropped my hand on my side and withdrew my gaze when I spoke, What happened to you? You didn't come to work. Wilson is worried about you.
That's the best thing that I could think of saying at that time.
He didn't answer.
But I warn you
I have thorns like any rose
You don't look good, I told him.
What do you expect Cuddy? I told you I haven't slept since Kutner died. He suddenly spoke. The volume of his voice startled the hell out of me. Was he angry? Or frustrated? Or maybe, tired?
You could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
Using the sharp end of what you say
And I am seeing Amber, he continued.
But I'm lost to you now
What? I asked him again. Oh, no. I heard him right but what did he mean? Was Amber his guilt personified though a hallucination or something?
I'm afraid I'm going insane.
And there's no amount of reason
To save me
You need help? Someone to talk to? I asked him. I hoped he knew I was there for him. Always.
He shook his head no.
I observed him tighten his grip to his cane.
Alright, I said after a long silence that came upon the two of us. I'll send in an off duty nurse to accompany you.
So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
But as I turn to leave, he slammed the door close again preventing me to come out.
Don't, he said, stay.
I stared at him blankly. So, he wanted me here after all.
He lifted his free arm from his side and held my forearm. Please, he said pleadingly.
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
I didn't fight him. I did not bother to challenge how much he'd need me at that time and for how long. What mattered was that he managed to ask for help. He wanted me to stay.
You're the only thing that's real right now, he said. I need you.
Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
Its okay, I said. I won't leave you if that's what you want. Just touch me, if that's what you need to assure you…
He needed me. I was the only thing that connected him from his confined head to reality. He would have to touch me. And I was in an incredibly giving mood. I was surprisingly willing to give him whatever he needed.
I barely readied myself for how far he would want to go with me.
He closed in to me. I could feel his breath to my forehead. But he didn't do anything. He just stood there, staring at my face, looking intently as if memorizing every fold, wrinkle, and color on my tired face.
And my lips.
And lost control
You want to kiss me, don't you? I asked him. Unsure what came up to me to ask him that.
I always want to kiss you.
And he moved closer, and closer and closer… until I felt his soft lips pressing gently on mine.
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul
So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
I thought I stopped breathing. I felt him. Warm and gentle. Aroused yet exhausted. Submissive but then it was I that was following his lead. At that time I wanted nothing more than to answer his kisses.
Desire with desire.
Passion with passion.
With that, I opened my mouth to entertain the seducing movement of his tongue.
It didn't take long until I played with it with as much longing as he needed, as I wanted.
Deep down I knew that we just both needed each other for reasons we both wouldn't dare to admit.
Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
Break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
Lisa, please stay with me tonight, he pleaded again without even breaking the kiss.
I couldn't find in my heart a way to say no to him although all the reasons that I could think of points out on why I shouldn't stay and hold him tonight.
Damn all those reasons to hell.
Break me
I would stay with him tonight.
Not just because he needed me.
Not just because he wanted me here.
I'll let you make me
But because I wanted to stay… and I love him.
Though, I'll never tell him that.
Just let me feel your arms again
Or at least, not yet.
Just let me feel your love again
Please, please please review.