Your magic, white rabbit. Your white room, strait jacket.
They are threatening me with a psych ward. They said that they'll force me out of our house and into a white padded cell if I don't leave the house. I can't let them take me away from our home! I won't be able to pay the rent and the bank will take everything away from me. Our house. Our love nest. The place we are suppose to live out our lives forever. I need to get a job soon. After you left, I was lucky that you didn't take away your half of our wedding and honeymoon funds because that's been paying the bills the past three months that you've been away from home. I guess I have to leave our home for a little while. I'll be back. I'll leave a spare key for you just in case you come back home. It'll be in the same place it's always been. Underneath the welcome mat. That way you can get inside in case you lost your key. I'll go back to work and keep up with the bills. This way they can't take me away to a nut ward and I can keep our home. I love you, Grimmjow, so much. I'll be a better lover. This, I promise you. Just come home baby.
Your magic, white rabbit, has left its writing on the wall.
The drawings, the poems, that beautiful picture of just the two of us smiling while sitting on Santa's lap at the mall. You left all of them here. You lied to me. You said forever, it lasted a year. Just long enough for my hands to stop trembling with nervousness. Just long enough for my blushing to cease and my speech to settle out when you speak to me. I never thought you would. We moved in together. We slept together, in both meanings of the words. You claimed you would marry me one day. You took a picture with me on prom night, both of us stood in our tuxedos. You in black, myself in white. You said that is how we would look on our wedding night. You said the only thing missing was the gold ring on my finger and the white gold on your own. God, how I miss you. I can't breathe without you. I can't stand on my own two feet, I can't smile or speak, I can't even move. My eyes never want to open anymore. How could you leave me?
We follow, like Alice and just keep diving down a hole.
You can't fix this. Not like you would try anyways. You haven't even dialed my number once since you left me here. I however, have called your number multiple times. I thought maybe things just moved to quickly and you became nervous. That is, until you changed your phone number. I could handle you not answering mhy calls, but you changed your phone number? Where are you Grimmjow? Why did you run away from me? Did I not give you enough? Did I not have enough to offer you? I gave you everything. I gave you all of me. My smiles were only for you. My voice, only you heard it. My mom and dad called all the time, but I barely spoke to them even. My friends, they all faded away with time. They claimed you were no good for me because I was so wrapped up in you. My love for you, it will not fade away. Not even after these three longs months. My love hasn't even wavered. People have came and went. Tried to get me to leave the house. They forced me out of our bedroom, but all I did was stare blankly at a wall, saying that you'll be back for me.
Pretty little lady with the swollen eyes, would you show them to me?
You're so beautiful, but you seem so broken. Who are you? Why haven't I ever seen you? I've been living here for two and a half months, but I've never once seen you. I've not seen any moving vans here. You couldn't be a new tenant. Are you visiting someone here? I've seen so many people come and go from the townhouse you are coming out of. Are you dating someone there? God, the skin of your arms is deathly pale, but it's so perfect. Your eyes, I cannot see them from where I stand, but I'm sure they're beautiful. You have such beautiful, tempting hair. I want to feel it between my fingers. You're such a beautiful woman. I want to meet you. No, I need to. I don't know why I'm so drawn to you, but you make my palms sweat. Oh God, you're turning around. Please, let me see your eyes. I need to see them. I need to know the color. My hopeful thoughts of you turning around were quickly crushed as you leaned against the door as if it were supporting your weight.
I know I'm not that perfect, but if you stay awhile, baby then you will see.
Your eyes are hidden by your long, dark hair. God, I need to know how they look. I need to hear your voice. I bet it's beautiful. I know it's going to be. "Hello!" My lips, my tongue, my voice, they have a mind of their own. You didn't even turn to face me. "Please, turn around! I need help!" You turned, my breathing ceased, my hands balled up, my heart skipped a beat. You're perfect. No, perfect doesn't begin to describe it. You're a Goddess. So radiant that the sun seems dim in comparison. How could I never have seen you before? I never believed in God before, I still don't, but now I believe in angels. You, you're an angel. A beautiful, pale skinned, dark haired angel. So why, why do you look broken? Why are your eyes rimmed in red? Why is your nose and cheeks dusted in pink? You've been crying. Please, allow me to make you smile. I can't see you this broken. I don't know you, but for some reason, I think that I need you in my life.
Miles away I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace. My embrace, far away.
You faced me for only a moment before turning and walking away. I thought I had your attention, but it only lasted a moment. I know I'm not that perfect, I know I'm only decent looking, but all I asked was for a moment of your time. Where are you going anyway? Do you work or are you going home? Do you live in that house, or do you not? Are you not from this community? I have so many questions, questions that only you can answer. So why are you running away from me? I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens. If you return, I'll get your attention. One way or another, I'll do it. I need to meet you. If you're taken, I'll one-up your lover. I'll show you I can be better than him. I don't know why I feel so compelled to have your, I just do. Some people would call me crazy for feeling this way. I've not even seen you fully. I don't know your name, your eye color, what your voice sounds like or if you even live in my community. All I know is that I need to know you.
The silence keeps it easy, keeps you safe for a moment.
The silence between us after you said those words, those words that would soon break me, it made it easy to breathe. I thought maybe this was just another fight and you just needed to scream at me to make yourself feel better. When you got silent, I moved closer, wrapped my arms around your waist and held you close. All that could be heard was our exhaling of breaths and the television playing a movie in the bedroom. Your arms never found their way around me. It made my heart feel heavy. It was breaking at a rapid pace. Even when we fought before, you'd always hold me. You told me no matter how mad we were at each other, you'd never let me go. That way I'd know it was a petty argument and that you'd still love me. I knew right then that things were really bad. Why, I didn't know. We fought, but hardly ever. The night before things had seemed just like normal. Blissful perfection with a side of romance and love beneath the sheets of our bed. So why did this happen?
As you're walking away, your footsteps get louder.
By the time you were grabbing a suitcase, I was broken down in the hallway. Silent tears streaking my cheeks and my eyes completely dead. All of my energy had left me. My heart, stomach, and throat felt so tightly constricted, I was sure I'd die there on the spot. You glanced at me a few times and even placed your hand on my shoulder, giving me hope that this would soon be over and shortly we would be laying in our bed, bodies tightly pressed together, breaths coming out in short spurts and soft moans filling the air. That never happened. You just walked right out the front door, bags in hand, taking my heart with you. You left only a shell of the man I used to be. How could you bear to do that to me, to us, to our plans? Our wedding and honeymoon funds were left untouched. A painful reminder of what could and would have been if you'd have stayed with me.
All you needed was time, but now time will destroy us.
You said to give you time and maybe you'd return. You said you couldn't think if we were together because my love for you made you blind to your own feelings. How could you just lose all of the love you had for me? Love like that doesn't just leave out of the blue. It's not there one day and gone the next day. So what happened to you, to us, Grimmjow? Please, come home. Even if it's just long enough to explain to me what went wrong and why you had to go away. I need closure if we're really over for good. I'm going to get a job so I can keep this house, just in case. I won't give up until you tell me why we're over. "Hello." A voice calls out as I'm locking the door. They couldn't be talking to me. My neighbors gave up on that. "Please, turn around! I need help!" the voice called again. I turned around, for just a moment. I caught the look on the strangers face and that was all I needed to see. He felt pity for me. Whoever he is. He must be a new neighbor. He'll learn soon that I talk to no one. Not a single neighbor. Not now, not ever again.
Don't go play by the water.
I'll lay in the community pool and cool off my blazing skin. It'll keep my mind clear of thoughts of her. If I think about her, I'll never make it through the day without going door to door like a nut case. If I went door to door asking about her, people would think I'm a stalker, or worse, a killer. Especially since I don't even know if she lives here and I don't know her name. I can;t have them telling her what a freak I am. My mind was quickly made up and I slipped back inside the house, slid on a pair of swim trunks and grabbed a blow up pool mattress. I quickly drove to the communities park and almost ran to the pool. I enter the gate in a hurry and sigh as my feet carry me down the three stairs. My feet hitting the cool water in a instant. The sigh of relief that left my throat let me know that I can make it through the day. Besides, it's not like she's a love I've known for years or anything. I saw her for the first time today.
They say you won't come back. Oh no, you won't come back.
Hours passed by me like years. Long, harsh years that seemed never ending. I'd long since left the pool and that's why I now find myself sitting in my driveway looking lost. I was working on my garden for awhile. Pulling weeds and such, but that just made me wonder if the angel would like flowers and if so, which would she like? Should I give her some when I first meet her, or would that be to creepy? Ugh, why can I not get her our of my mind? I don't even know she'll be coming back today. There's a chance she doesn't even live here. I'm probably making myself look like a fool. Laying in my driveway staring at the sky. I'm a grown man. I shouldn't be acting like this. Twenty six years of age and yet, I still seem like a star-crossed ten year old with a crush on his teacher.
Don't go looking for answers.
I'm giving up hope. There's no way I could get someone as beautiful as her anyways. I'm not even worthy to call her a friend, let alone my lover. I was crazy to think the thoughts I had of her, could blossom. A sigh leaves my lips as I give up. My feet drag me toward my front door, only to pause halfway up the short driveway. A car door to my left slams shut and my body whips around quickly. It's her, my angel! She pops the trunk of her car and pulls out a couple of bags. They look like Walmart bags. Groceries, probably. Now is my chance to talk to her. I can help her take her groceries inside. My feet are moving before my brain can register my thoughts. I quickly find myself waiting outside the angels front door, standing there awkwardly with my arms crossed over my chest. A phone rings from inside the woman's car and I call out a "Hello! Um, your phone is going off in your car!" I wonder who is calling her. Could it be her lover? Please, tell me she's single.
Is it naive to make plans that seem so far away?
Was it naive of me to think we'd be together forever? They say first loves hardly ever last, but I was so sure that ours would. We were talking about marriage for Christs sake! What did I do wrong Grimmjow? Please tell me! Tears flow freely from my eyes once more. Why won't these tears ever stop? They never go away for very long. I'm just not that lucky. The tears always come. No matter how much I try to keep them at bay. "Hello! Um your phone is going off in your car!" That voice, the man from earlier? What the hell is he doing near my house? Well, he said he needed help earlier, but that was hours ago. Long before I went to pick up applications around the town and to pick up groceries. He'd have gotten help by now, I'm sure. So what's he doing over here? I need to wipe my eyes. I can't let yet another person see me this torn up.
There's a reason I feel this way.
There's a reason I'm crying though. Maybe if the man sees me crying, he'll think this is a personal moment and he'll leave me alone? I want him to go away and just stay away from me. If he's trying to be friendly and neighborly, he'll just become disappointed like everyone else here in the community. I'm a lost cause without Grimmjow here by my side. I grab a rag, wet it, then press it to my eyes. Cleaning my face of the awful tear stains that are bound to be there. This is the reason I'm glad I tattooed tear streaks on my cheeks. I originally did it because I thought it was beautiful. People called me the Weeping Dark Angel after I did it. A sigh passes through my lips as I walk to my car, completely passing up the man on my doorstep and ignoring the 'Hey, I'm Uryūu." he muttered as if he felt awkward. Good, he should feel awkward considering he's on a strangers porch, trying to get his attention.
You're sleeping alone, I'm awake.
My phone has stopped ringing. The missed called is from a private number. Could, could it have been you, Grimmjow? No, there's no way it was you. You wouldn't call me after all this time. You've had three months to change your mind and come home, but you won't come home. You won't call me. My phone is heavy in my lab coat style jacket, pocket. It feels like a brick is in the pocket, not a small phone. I know it's just because of my mind racing with false hope that my long gone lover might have called me. I shut the door to my car and return to the trunk, pulling out a few more bags from inside, until only two remain. "I can get the rest if you want?" The man, Uryū apparently, says to me. I sigh in annoyance. "If you want, fine. However, please quit acting as if you know me. You don't know a thing about me, yet here you are acting as though we're friends. You're being very forward."
Nice shoes, wanna get to know you.
Her voice is beautiful, but so cold. So very cold. Her voice is slightly boyish, but I;m sure it's because of the tears she's shed. She can try to hide her tears, try to wipe them away, but there's no way she can hide the red, swollen spots circling beautiful emerald jewels that are set back in her eye eyes take my breath away. Her words took me aback a little, but I won't give up on her. She's probably hurting and wanting someone else to hurt with her. I'll hurt with you, my angel, Please, let me hold you in my arms. If not know, I'll wait for you. My feet pad across the driveway to her solid black Saturn. I pull out the remaining two bags of groceries and follow her at a safe distance, as to not make her uncomfortable with my being here. I set the bags down on her kitchen counter and glance around the place. The house is oh-so-femininely clean. Not a thing out of place.
How can I get you alone?
Being alone with her in her home feels so strange. It gives me a chance to take her in though, so I don't waste a second. The tattoos on her cheeks start at her eyelids, circling her eyes in black, then black streaks trail down petal soft looking, pale white cheeks. Her lips are plump, pale pink in color and look deliciously kissable. They don't look chapped at all, so they're like soft, pink rose petals ready to be pushed against my own chapped, healthy pink lips. Her form is all woman. Sleek, torso sliding down and laying against curvy hips, long slender legs, a plump bottom, thin shoulders, high cheekbones. The only thing that's not so feminine is her washboard chest, but I don't mind. That just means when she's laying on top of me, we'll be chest to chest, bodies flush against one another with nothing to keep us away. God these thoughts, they need to stop.
Lights flash, move fast, tell me how can I get into your heart?
I remove her groceries from her bags and set the food on the counter. She must enjoy cooking judging by the items she purchased. There's no quick meals. Everything is obviously a ingredient for something. I'd love a woman that could cook and also enjoy doing so. Man, she's perfect. Once she's done putting everything away I smile politely at her. I need to say something, anything, so she doesn't ask me to leave right away. "Your house, it's beautiful. The art, the poems, they are amazing. I really like the poem above your sink. It's sweet. Was it written for your lover?" Her face crumples, moisture swells behind her eyes. I want to kick my own ass. I must have hit a nerve. Her phone rings and I want to run away. Dart out of her house and not look back. I could come back tomorrow and apologize. Hopefully make up for whatever I just did.
I've never seen your eyes so red.
He would mention the poems. Oh God, but how could he not? They are all over the walls. Little things Grimmjow used to do for me. He said when people came to visit, he wanted them to see his love for me, even if I wasn't home or if he was at work. He wanted men and women alike, to know that I'm taken. Grimmjow, you were so good to me. Why, why did you leave me? My phone rings and it helps me to choke down the sobs that want to shove passed my lips. I quickly grab my phone, almost dropping it in the process. It's that unknown number again. Suddenly, I don't want to answer it. My eyes land on Uryū, my scape goat. That is, if he'll answer the phone for me. "I hate to ask this of a stranger, but can you please answer this. It might be my ex. Just, just ask who it is, mute it and tell me?" He looks hesitant, but he takes the phone, answers it and puts it to his ears, a unchecked tear rolls down my cheek in thankfulness.
Familiar stranger, thrust into my bed.
He looks like he's feeling awkward as he speaks "Hello?" The other person speaks. I can hear a muffled voice, but I can't make it out. "This is Uryū, a friend of..." I quickly blurt out "Ulquiorra," to which he smiles and speaks to the person on the phone once more "Ulqui's. He's in the bathroom, may I ask who's calling?" The person on the phone must have responded because he answers with "Alright, one moment please. I'll tell him." He presses a button on the phone, obviously the mute button, then looks at me. It's Grimmjow." As soon as the words are out of his mouth they make me feel sick to my stomach with nervousness and butterflies at the same time. My heart's soaring, but my stomach wants to empty its contents. Apparently my face is betraying my thoughts because he looks worried. I couldn't care less, I need to talk to him. My hands snatch the phone in a hurry.
I should have killed you when I had the chance.
My breathing is coming out in short spurts so I have to calm it before I hit the button to remove the mute. "G, Grimm..." I couldn't even say his name. My voice cracked and a sob racked my body. Uryū is on me in a second. As if he knows me and knows who the man is, his arms twine around my body, his chin resting on my shoulder, his lips at my free ear whispering "Shh" and "It's okay." over and over. "Ulqui, hey, how are you? I, oh, hey now, don't cry. Please calm down baby." That last word did it and I'm a wreck. "Please, c, come home! I need you! I'm a wreck without you!" I would have fell to my knees had it not been for strong hands gently pulling me to the floor. My bottom being pressed against a warm lap, back pressed into a hard, lean chest. "Ulqui I, give me time baby. I want to be able to talk to you again. I can't come back yet. I need time to get back in contact with you as a friend. Then we can see about a relationship, okay?" Hope, there's hope!
Waiting for you, love.
The body in my lap is shaking. She's spouting random words and sentences. Each one is harder than the other to understand. This man is her ex but he obviously still has her heart. He means a lot to her and being on the phone with him, it's killing her. All I can do is hold her, whisper in her ear, rock her gently in my lap and squeeze her gently and reassuringly. The conversation is repeating itself. Going back to her begging for him to come home, saying she loves and misses him. After awhile she settles down a little bit. The conversation isn't to bad anymore. He's obviously asking about me. Good, let him. I'll soon introduce myself to this man. She answers his question "He's a friend of mine. A neighbor. He lives in Szayel's old house." I can hear Grimmjow. His voice is loud, gruff, slightly jealous. "Are you close to him? Are you two seeing each other?" Ulquiorra frantically blurts out "No! No, never! I haven't given up on you Grim. I love you!" I poke her side gently and she faces me. I'm hurt, but I'll help her anyways. Even if it kills me. I'll get her one day.
We don't have to fall in love.
My lips meet her pale eat and I'm tempted to lick the shell of it. "Tell him I want to be with you. Tell him I'm always showering you in gifts. Make him jealous so he'll hate me and want you back." Her lips form a smile and she mouths her thank you. "Alright, bye Uryū!" She calls out slightly loud, obviously trying to pretend I'm leaving. I set her on the floor and quickly move away. "Are we on for the movies tomorrow? Please say yes!" She looks shocked, but a look understanding appears on her face. "Uh, the movies, well, it's not a date right? Just hanging out?" She pretends I've answered. "Well, okay, yeah we can go to the movies tomorrow. See you then!" Things go silent before she speaks on the phone again. "Oh, Uryū he, he's always flirting with me. He wants to date me but, but I just, I can't date him. I could never really be with him because, because I love you still. It wouldn't be fair to him." The words slam into me and I bite back a frown. We don't have to fall in love. I just need to be yours Ulquiorra. I'd let her use me to make herself happy. My own thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks.
We don't have to feel the touch.
I'd be hers until she no longer thought about this Grimmjow guy. If she threw me away, so be it. I just want to see her smile. Even if the cost of her smile is my own happiness. I'd do it. She's such a beautiful girl. She shouldn't be crying like this. She's so broken. A angel with broken wings can't soar the way this woman should. I'll help her to spread her beautiful wings once more. Sure, they'll be tainted with the sorrow of her heartbreak. They'll be black in color. That's alright though, because this angel can pull off black wings. She's so sexy. So very woman. I want to taste her right this second. I need her. My body aches for it, but I resist and take a seat at her island. My face buried in the palms of my hands as my elbows rest on the counter top. Please hang up soon. I can't take listening to your confessions of love for him, anymore.
Did you really think I meant every word that I said?
My thumb shakily hits the end button and I race to the sink, spilling out everything from earlier's lunch. As soon as the first upchuck is done, I feel hands pulling my hair back, holding it at my neck so I don't get vomit in my hair. My lips start to form a smile but another round of heaving starts. My eyes squeeze closed and I groan softly. Once I'm done heaving a hand with long slender fingers reaches in front of me and turns on the faucet. I lean back, standing straight up, my body being pressed against a warm chest. The vomit is washed down the sink and I squeeze my eyes closed so I don't see it and get sick again. "Tha..." I groan softly as my stomach knots up. "Shh, it's okay. Don't say it. You're welcome Ulquiorra." He turns the faucet off and I inhale a shaky breath. I can't believe he called me. I love and miss him so much. Now there's hope I'll get him back.
When we're lying in your bed.
A hand maps out my back until it stops in the middle, gently leading me toward the living room. I can't be in there right now. No, not when my mind is racing and the television stand still holds a picture of Grimmjow and I on prom night. I quickly shake my head. telling him no. "Bedroom." My voice sounds weak and strained. He softly murmurs a "Okay. Just show me to it. I'll support your weight." It's not like I'm that weak, but I appreciate this man, this stranger, helping me out. He helps me into my room and pulls back the blanket and sheet on my bed. As he helps me slide onto the bed, he lifts the sheet and blanket, helps me lie down, then pulls the covers up over me. At first I think he's going to leave, but he flips the light off, grabs the remote off of the bedside table, flips the television on and hands me the remote, then sits on the bed. He pulls his shoes off and I feel the bed shift as he lays down behind me, on top of the covers so that we aren't touching. His being here is strange, terrifying, yet somehow comforting.
Head to head and I can't get enough.
I flip the channel on the television over to the aux setting and start up the dvd that's in the blu-ray player. It's NCIS, my favorite show. I hear a chuckle and I'm tempted to turn over and look at Uryū, but if I do we'll be face to face and that much closer to one another. However tempting that may be, I can't lead him on. Not when he's been so nice to me, without even knowing my name at that. That's right, when he decided to help me, he didn't even know my name, yet he still helped me out. Wow, he's such a nice guy. He's pretty easy on the eyes to. What with his medium black hair that seems to have a blue tent and his beautiful blue eyes hidden behind black rimmed glasses. His chin is pointed and his jaw structure, though slightly feminine, is sharp. His lips are thin and all man. They are a beautiful shade of healthy pink colored, and his skin tone is pale, but not unhealthy colored like my almost dead and gray colored skin. Being in bed with him right now, it's almost intimate and I feel selfish for enjoying it, even though nothing will become of it.
This feels oh so right to me.
Laying in bed with Ulquiorra tempts me. She draws me in like a fan on the wrong setting, pulling paper toward its blades. She's like Heaven Hill vodka in a glass, sitting on the table in front of me. Taunting me, though I continue to turn it down because it's a work day. I want to hold her, wrap my arms around her from behind and pull her flush against me. I want to kiss the back of her neck and shove my nose into her crushed black velvet hair and breathe in her scent that I've damn near memorized. But, I can't do any of those things. She's hurting so I won't make any passes at her. She'd just shoot me down anyways. It'd be so worth it if I could get a kiss though. One, single kiss from those taunting lips. "Ulquiorra, can I admit something to you?" My lips form the words before I can stop them. Why does my body like to betray me like this?
Taking back all the words I said, I never meant to say.
She's quite for a moment and I can only hope she didn't hear me. To bad for me the world hates me, "Yes, you may." Her voice sounds heavy as though she might fall asleep any second. "You're very beautiful. I'm not sure why, but I can't stand seeing you cry." When she sits up quickly, I want so badly to take back the words I just said. I've messed everything up. She's going to want me to leave now, isn't she? "I didn't mean to say that. It just came out!" I sputter out frantically. What have I done? I quickly sit up. She's still not facing me so I can't read her face. What do I do? Do I just sit here in silence until she says something to me? Oh fuck Uryū, you're so stupid. She's going to hate me before she can even get to know me!
Stay with me.
When she starts to turn around to face me, my body quickly jerks up off the bed, readying myself to leave. I've said enough. I've messed things up already. She's already hurting. all I'm doing is hurting her worse. She probably thinks I'm a freak now. Stupid, stupid Uryū! Why must you be so ignorant? Her eyes are watery once more. My teeth attack my bottom lip roughly. God, I'm so stupid! As if she hadn't cried enough, I just caused her more tears. "Wait, are you leaving? Please don't leave yet." Her voice is soft, barely a whisper, I almost didn't hear her. Her words smack me in the face. I can't believe what I'm hearing. "Wait, did I not make you uncomfortable?" She shakes her head gesturing that I didn't. I let out a shaky breath and smile gently. "If you want me to stay, I'll be here. As long as you'll have me, I won't leave. I enjoy your company. I waited all day to meet you after I tried to get your attention earlier." My words are my admission. She deserves the truth.
Blame it on the goose that got you feeling loose.
I'll blame my neediness on the heartache I've been feeling since Grimmjow left me here broken, but I need Uryū here. I don't know the real reason, but if he leaves I think I'll lose it again. I can tell he's developing a crush on me, and even though it's wrong, I want him to feel something for me. It'll make things easier when I need his company, that is, if Grimmjow doesn't come back to me right away. My mind says he'll never come back, but my heart says to believe in him. I'll follow my heart, even if it winds up killing me. My body needs his body. My heart needs his love. My lips, oh God, my lips, they need his lips. No, they need lips on them. Right now, it doesn't matter whose lips they are. They just need to be kissed. They long to feel the warmth of another's pressed against them. Uryū, I'm so sorry.
Blame it on Patron, got you in the zone.
I want to blame it on the heartache. I want to blame it on his kindness getting the better of me. I need to blame it on something. The sudden urge to kiss this man, this stranger, this man who obviously likes me even though we just met, it's overwhelmingly strong. I feel my hand pat the bed next to me, the spot he was previously laying in. I see his body slowly inch closer until he's back where he was moments ago. His blue eyes look wary as they stare into my own emerald green ones. His tongue rakes over his bottom lip. I hear a smack, his mouth is growing dry. He wants this as bad as I do. But can I really take advantage of him? I guess my body believes I can, because before I know it, I'm on him like I'm a bird of prey and he's a innocent field mouse. My hand is under his chin, pulling his lips up to meet my own. His lips are wet from his tongue raking over them just moments ago. He seems frozen, but he quickly recovers and he's kissing me back eagerly. He wants more, he needs it, I can feel it. I want it.
Blame it on the a- a-a-a-a-alcohol.
He's becoming needy as we kiss in a steady pace. Lips meeting lips, at first innocently, but now full of need. He wants me so bad, I need this so bad, we're about to make so many mistakes. So many delicious mistakes. I'm about to hurt him in the worst way. I can't help myself. I'm so sorry Uryū. My body rises, crawling above him, his hands are on my hips in a second, capturing them with slender fingers. His tongue darts out, raking over my lips and pushing inside without asking. My mouth opens eagerly, my tongue darting out to meet his. This is wrong, so wrong. I'm so sorry Uryū, so very sorry. Please, don't hate me for this in the morning. "Ah!" My voice is strained with bliss as his hips lift and fall in a slow motion.. I sit straight up and lift my hips, dropping them down against his groin. He groans softly and I bite my bottom lip. Damn, he's moving fast. I'm becoming hard. God, he's so hard, so thick, so manly. His eyes are squeezed closed as he continues rocking his hips against my ass. I'm glad about that, becomes I know my cheeks are burning. Dammit, I'm fully erect and it hurts so bad. I lean back down and connect our lips. His eyes pop open and his movements cease. Oh no, I messed up didn't I?
I fought it for a long time now.
Oh God, she's all over me. The way she's breathing against my lap is making me dizzy. Her hips fit so good in my palms. I want to thrust up against that perfect ass. I can't believe this is happening. No, I can't believe she's the one that started this. I expected it to be me making a mistake that I'd regret later. The tongue in my mouth is sinful. The way it moves over mine, raking, tasting, testing the waters, twirling around my own muscle, I feel like moaning her name, but that'd be to girly wouldn't it? That might turn her off and right now, I can't chance it. No matter how bad I want to cry out, I'll bite it back. Oh God her body is pressed so tightly against mine. My body is rock hard, deadly close to release without her even touching me below to the belt, I'm becoming a beast in a mans hide. I want to give in to my instincts and let myself get caught up in the moment, but I can't do that because I'm not sure how far she wants to take this. I can't get carried away.
While drowning in a river of denial.
I'm losing myself in the friction between our chests touching, grinding with each battle of our tongues. I can't help myself, I'm sorry Ulquiorra. I need this my angel. My hips thrust up against he perfectly rounded bottom and she cries out. The noise makes my heartbeat speed up. Oh God, that sound was absolutely delicious. I need to hear it again. I lift my hips, shoving against her once more, now fully hard, my erection grinds against her bottom. Her breathing is speeding up, soft whines and mewls echoing one another with each thrust of my hips. I almost lose it when she lifts her hips, her ass slamming down onto my erection as if I were sinking deep inside those tight cheeks. I've never done a girl anal, but with the way things are going right now, I think that's what she's into and what she wants. If it's with her, I'm up for anything. I don't care what she's into, I just want, no, need to have her right now. I tried to deny it, tried to say that love at first sight is ridiculous, but now, here in this moment, I can't deny it anymore. I'm falling for her.
I washed up, fixed up, picked up all my broken things.
She lays back down on me and connects our lips. I'm kissing back eagerly, that is, until she lays flush against me and I feel something rock hard shoving against me through her white coat. A chuckle leaves my throat as I cease kissing her. "Your phone is hurting my stomach. Can you move it please, beautiful?" She laughs softly, lifts a perfectly plucked eyebrow and shakes her head. "So that's the game you're playing, hm? Yes, I'll remove my jacket." She crawls off of me and I want to pull her back so badly. She stands up, turns to face me and her nimble fingers slowly pop each button from the top of her jacket. I see pale flesh and smirk realizing she has nothing on chest beneath the jacket. "Going nude under your coat? I'd bet money your into going commando." Her lips twitch to form a smirk as she nears the buttons covering her hips. She turns around and hurried removes the rest of the buttons. She shrugs the coat off her shoulders and it falls at a heap around her feet. Her pants are quickly discarded leaving her in black silk panties. I need to touch her. When she turns around to face me, my mouth drops open, but not because she's only in panties. It's what's inside the panties. "Wait, you're a male"
You tip and you toe to the middle of where we meet.
Things are going way to far. I know it, he knows it, but we don't care. We both seem to need this, so why should we stop now? Exactly, we shouldn't. If I can forget Grimmjow and the heartbreak for just a moment, then I'll consent. I provoked him and got us into this situation anyhow, so who am I to back out when we're so close? He's becoming eager so there's no way I can stop now anyways. "Your phone is hurting my stomach. Can you move it please, beautiful?" he asks and I laugh softly. Eager to see my erection pressed against your stomach, are you? Oh, I've got him needing me so badly. He's getting caught up in the moment and I love it. I love the effect I have on him. I know it's wrong. I know this will kill him later when he realizes I'm using him, but I can't stop. No, I need this to much.
And you're all ears and I'm all eyes.
I quickly remove myself from his lap and slide off of the bed, getting to my feet. I'll put on a show and see how he loses control. I'll make him needy. I'll make him need me like I need Grimmjow. Wait, what am I saying? I can't crush him like Grimmjow crushed me. Maybe this isn't a good idea. My head is screaming at me to stop, but my broken heart won't let me. My fingers are slowly tugging the buttons loose from the holes the fit into. He's watching me with hungry eyes and a open mouth. His lips are parted, but only enough for air to be sucked into his lungs and released through his mouth in short gasps. Emotions are swirling around in those blue pools and I'm not sure I can do this. I turn around to face away from him quickly pop the rest of the buttons free. I can't see those trusting eyes watching me do something that will crush him later. As I pull the last button free, I slowly slide my jacket off my shoulders and let it hit the ground. My cheeks flush light pink as I realize what's beneath my pants. Well, this should be interesting.
You take the lead and I'll take off my disguise.
My hands momentarily fumble with the button on my pants, but soon enough I'm sliding the zipper down and tugging at the fabric on my hips. I let the pants pool around my feet and slowly step out of them, kicking them aside. I suck in a deep breath and my teeth sink into my bottom lip. I wonder what he thinks of the thin, black, silken panties my ass is clad in. Grimmjow loved me in panties and hated me in boxers, so I threw away all of my boxers, rushed out and bought nothing but women's undergarments. I'll never admit I love wearing them. Well, not out loud at least. They feel great against my manhood. As I turn around his face is a look of pure shock and it makes me want to giggle. No, not laugh, but giggle. His face is priceless. He's never seen a cross-dresser before, that much is obvious. "You're a male!" He exclaims and now it's my turn to give him a shocked look. "Well, obviously! If this is some kind of joke, it's not funny Uryū!" Oh, so that's what this is? He thought I was a chick! Is he serious? He liked me because he thought I was a beautiful woman, not a handsome boy? Now I want to cry all over again.
Dry your eyes.
He looks upset and I want to say something so bad, but I can't find my voice. My mouth is dry and my tongue feels heavy in my mouth as I take in the male body before me. I see it now. He is extremely skinny, his skin insanely pale, but there is a slight hardness to what appears to be a soft, feminine torso. My hand unintentionally darts out to run over his flat stomach. My fingers raking over the dip of his belly button, then trailing down what should be his happy trail. Only peach fuzz leads down into the black panties and the sight makes my body harden even more so than it had been before. The skin under my fingers tips ripples in a shiver and my lips twitch up in a soft smile. "St, stop. Say something, please. Ah, don't touch there." A soft moan passes through pale pink lips as my hand slides down over silken black panties and my palm finds the length inside of them. He's rock hard and so warm. My eyes roll back and I feel saliva pooling into my mouth in a unreleased drool. "Oh God, Ulquiorra. The heat here, it's amazing." His cheeks dust pink and I want to smile at his embarrassment.
Just see how I arrive
I'm so hard, so very hot and my mouth is so needy. It needs something, anything, I don't care what. "Ulquiorra, what would you say if I said that even now that I know your not a woman, I'm still hot for you? I'm not gay, or bi even, but right now, I want you so bad. My body is so hard for you." I hear his soft gasp and I can't help but want more. My palm cups his erection, my fingers pointed toward his bottom. I move my hand, rubbing against his soft sack, eliciting a soft moan from him. The noise is enough for me, I can't take it anymore. "Say something Ulquiorra and do it quick, because if you don't I might do something I'll regret." I continue rubbing him through the panties, pulling moan after moan from him. "I ung, that's good. I'm glad you still ah, want me. I just cannot believe you, oh right there, harder please, thought I was a woman.I'm flat hm, chested." I'm going to lose it. I quickly tug him back onto the bed by his hips and pull him over me. I lift my hips into the air, lifting him up and my left hand moves under his ass gently. I hold him up as I unfasten my jeans and struggle to tug them off.
I've never felt this way before.
My boxers are quickly discarded and I moan at the friction between my erection and the silken panties. Oh, I could get used to that. His hips are rocking against my manhood, teasing me until I'm a panting mess beneath him. "Oh Ulqui, move quicker." His shameless blush is contrasted by the smirk on his lips as his hips jerk forward and backward, rubbing roughly against me. He lets out a soft moan and pre come wets the panties. I know it's there because I can feel it when he lays against me, attaching our lips. Our kisses are greedy, sloppy and full of need. I hold his hip in one hand as I tug his panties down, allowing his erection to pop free. It stands proudly against his stomach, squashed between us I drag him back down, panties still on. "I'm not sure how to prepare you for this. I uh, I've never even done this with a woman, anal I mean." He laughs softly and leans over the edge of the bed, pulling lubricant out of the bedside table. "Don't worry, I'll prepare myself. I prefer it that way. I love seeing your expressions when I'm in pleasure." He states and I groan softly. He'd better hurry up and prepare himself, because I'm so close to taking him right here, right now, no preparations.
We're all part of the same, sick little games.
The things I'm about to do to his body, to his mind, to his heart. This makes me a heartless bastard. I'm sorry, Uryū. Please, don't hate me. Actually I deserve it, please hate me. My fingers wrap around the bottle of lubricant and I pop the top. I pour a nice amount over my index and middle finger, roll onto my stomach, my pale ass near his face for his eyes pleasure as my hand reaches back, dips into the curve of my bottom and quickly find my entrance. My eyes squeeze shut as I push the first finger inside, moving it around, the discomfort nearing pain. Damn, I forget how long it's been since I've touched myself. I'm not used to this anymore. As the second finder dips inside, stretching my hole, my teeth grind. I wonder how he's holding up. Straight or not, having a man on his knees touching himself would be pretty hot in my opinon.
And I need a get-away.
This is my way out. My way of forgetting Grimmjow, if for only a moment. This is so wrong, so very wrong. I want to stop, but I want to continue. I'm so conflicted. That is, until a hand finds my ass and my wrist is tugged at until my fingers are pulled out of myself. Two warm fingers, wet with what, saliva maybe, are prodding my entrance. They sink in slowly and I cry out as the tips are shoved directly against my prostate. My knees become weak, my arms feeling like jelly as he thrusts his fingers in and out of me. I'm a mess, crying out for more, wanting him to move quicker. "Oh God, more, Uryū!" I scream out and rock my hips back onto his fingers. All thoughts of my ex becoming blurry as pleasure overwhelms me, pusing me to the brink of insanity. Oh damn, his body is sinful.
I'm wasting my days, I throw them away.
All these days, all this time, I wasted crying over Grimmjow. I know I shouldn't have thrown my life away, but I love him so much. This man here in my bed, he wants me so bad though. Should I give him a chance? If I don't it'll break him worse than if I don't, right? "Oh God, fuck me!" I hear myself scream. Not moan or say, but scream, eagerly at that. I feel the bed shifting, a warmth engulfing my back and ass as a body is pressed against my own. His hard member is pressed tightly between my back and his stomach. I feel my hand reaching back to help him guide his length to my entrance. "Please, please I need it, right now!" I'm begging for him to take me. I've never heard myself sound so, pathetic, yes that word works. Begging like a whore on my knees for the cock of a man I just met hours ago. I feel so dirty, but God it's great.
Your initial reply hit me undercover.
I can't believe the words coming out of your mouth right now. I knew you wanted this. I know why you want this. I don't care though, because right here in this moment with the words flowing through your lips, the way your helping me ease into your bottom, I can't stop. I want this. No, I need this. I need to have you. :Fuck!" I cry out loudly as I sink inside of Ulquiorra, the feeling making my balls tighten painfully. "God damn it, shit, fuck, so tight!" Whoa, the words flying out of my mouth are almost embarrassing, but he's so tight. This feels amazing. It's much better than laying with a woman. So much better that I may never be able to lay with a woman again. If sex with a man is this good, there's no way I'll ever be able to enjoy sex with a woman. I'm already hooked, spoiled, lost in this pleasure. I want to move but he's telling me to wait. I can hear him, but his words are a blur in my mind. I'm fighting to not come. "I won't move hm, until oh god damn you're clenching tighter, I feel ready to burst!"
When I lost my head to it.
I was going to say I won't move until he's ready, but all at once, I couldn't think. He tightened his cheeks around my member like a vice and God damn the pleasure whipped through me like electricity. White hot pleasure pulsed through me and my eyes saw red. I'm yanked from my thoughts when he slides forward, almost pulling me out of his. My hands tighten on his hips making sure he doesn't try to moce away from me. I won't let him stop. I won't let this be a regret. All conscience thoughts leave me as he shoves back onto me, taking me all in, my balls tightening when they smack against the bottom of his ass harshly. "Oh God! Shit, fuck, dammit!" Curse words fly through my lips like a prayer. He's moving forward, rocking backward, slamming me inside him over and over. We're both crying out in pleasure. The tight heat of his buttocks is so good. So real, so delicious. The hard thrusts are all I can think about.
It was out of its time, it was undiscovered.
This pleaure is so new, but so good. So very good. I'm forced to bend forward, my chest resting against his back as I lose myself. My hands tighten painfully on his hips, my fingers digging into the soft flesh. He'll have marks there tomorrow. My mouth finds a slender shoulder and my teeth sink in roughly, my lips and tongue tasting and kissing, sucking and biting. My hips are thrusting, bucking, sinking deep, then pulling my member out to the tip, before slamming back inside of his heat. He's a moaning mess and I'm pretty sure he's sobbing quietly in pleasure. I can't see his face, but the sharp intakes of breath are mixed with strangled cries. It's so hot, it's driving me to the edge and pushing me over. "Fuck, Ulqui, I;m about to come!" I warm him, expected him to push forward and pull me out, but no, he shoves back onto me as I release and I moan his name, but it sounds like a strangled cry. I bite my lip harshly as realization hits me, I haven't even touched his cock.
When I'm lying in your bed.
Before I can register what's happening, he roughly pulls out of me, his release pouring down my thighs. It's cold and feels so nasty, but I have no time to worry about that as he flips me onto my back, pulls my legs up, throwing them onto his shoulders, his hands underneath my bottom holding my cheeks as his mouth lowers to my cock, quickly taking it halfway in. The moans and words coming from my mouth are humiliating, but I can't seem to stop them. He sucks gently, curiously as if he's wondering if he's doing it right. He sucks me in deeper, tongue stroking the underside and I groan feeling my balls tighten, my member swelling painfully as I come. He sounds like he's choking, but he swallows it all down, making a strange face before smiling down at me. Whoa, that was hot. "You sure you've never done that before?" I laugh and he smiles laying down beside me, his arm draping over my stomach. "I'm sure."
Play the motions through my head.
His chest is warm, his body encasing me his heat. His body fits mine so perfectly. "Uryū, that was amazing." He chuckles soft;y, his breathe hitting the back of my neck causing hairs to stand up. "No Ulquiorra, you're amazing. God, your body is so hot. I never thought sex with a cute guy could be so hot." His lips trail up my throat and he moves them up to nibble my earlobe. "You're addicting." He tacks on at the end and I smile as I feel my cheeks burn with embarassment. I could get used to hearing his voice, feeling his body flush against my own as he says such sweet, yet dirty things in my ear. "Please Ulqui, I know you used me, but please, never say this was a mistake." My chest feels constricted, it's hard to breathe and I feel sick to my stomach. "You, you knew?" He nods and I can feel it against my upper back. "Yeah, I knew. It's alright though. I wanted you to do it. I wanted to see you smile even if it meant you'd hurt me later. You can use me as much as you want as long as you smile and you never call it a mistake."
You know that I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
My heart feels like it's breaking. My mouth is so dry, so very dry. He called me by the same name Grimmjow used to. Ulqui, that nickname, it hit home base."I, I'll never call this a mistake. This wasn't a mistake. This, it helped me Uyru. You helped me." The words are true. He helped me forget my ex, if only for a moment and he made me feel again. Before we did what we did, I was so numb, almost unable to feel anything at all. Uryū, could you be the one to help me? But what about Grimmjow speaking to me again? I know I love him, but if I am to be with him again, he has a lot of explaining. Should I give Uryū a shot? Yes, I should. "Uryū, please never think I would call this a mistake. We should probably take a nap, but first," I turn over to face him, a smile on my lips, "kiss me?" His lips form a smile as he kisses me and I can feel the passion, the need, behind his kiss. "You should stay the night. I, I want to forget my ex, please help me? Be mine?" The smile on his face, it means everything to me. I'm sorry Grimmjow, but it's time for me to take my heart back.