Summary: Some comfort under the stars, which leads to some love.
Under the stars
I
Steve wondered out onto the beach and took a deep breath. The saltiness in the air assaulted his senses and he took comfort in the familiar feeling. Bending down he took of his shoes and socks and deposited them near the bench his father had put there one summer, claiming he needed a spot to escape the madness that was the McGarrett household. The last few months had been rough. First his father's death, the frantic chase on Hess, his mother's unsolved case that he never knew about, Chin's brush with death, not to speak of all the cases in between.
It had been easier in the navy. You got up in the morning, receive your orders and follow them. 'Stick it to the man' is what his friends had told him. But now he was the man. Sure, he was used to issuing orders, but he'd never been at the end of the line. It was harder than he had thought. Being responsible for his team was a task he took seriously to the limit. His team's safety was always top priority, and god did they make it hard for him to safeguard them.
They were the best, but they took risks. They had to; the job they did expected it from them. But it didn't get any easier every time he had to stop at the emergency room. He felt like he aged ten years every time he got a call saying one of his friends had been hurt. Because that's what they were, his friends, his family almost and in his book that meant he would do anything to protect them.
Chin's kidnapping and consequent involuntary 'I'm now a suicide bomber' scenario had made him realize just how far he would go for his team. He stole from the government! Regardless of what he told Danny he was a bit worried about the possible fall out. It would cost him his job, most likely, but it would ruin Chin, Kono and even Danny. Could he live with that? Their careers would be ruined, they would face criminal charges, even if he confessed to doing it alone, they would certainly be suspected accomplices. Could it be proven?
It scared him, when had he ever cared about people this much? What had changed?
Kono watched Steve walk to the shoreline and wade the water a bit. He was in deep thought, normally he would have noticed if she had followed him but not tonight. She wondered what he was thinking about.
He had been quiet tonight, retrospective, which wasn't like him at all. She surprised herself by her train of thought, she had only known the man for a short time, did she really know him that well? She wasn't sure, but what she did know was that Steve McGarrett wasn't to be alone tonight. She felt it deep in her gut that he needed her tonight and she wasn't about to let him down so she followed him into the night.
It wasn't long before Steve noticed he was being followed, though this person sure wasn't hiding. He caught a whiff of perfume in the air and realized it had been Kono that had followed him out, somehow though he wasn't surprised. He couldn't for the life of him remember when it had happened but Kono knew more about his mood swings than anyone. Danny knew a lot about him, but was sometimes completely oblivious to when he needed to back off. Chin was cool enough but they didn't spend all that much time together, and if they did they usually kept it professional. Not Kono though.
It wasn't anything really obvious; she never called him out on his behavior or anything like that. But sometimes she looked at him, as if she saw the pain he carried deep inside. As if she really saw him, in a way no one had ever been able to. They barely knew each other and yet they felt each other's moods and emotions. He found he took comfort in it, knowing that within the team someone had his back when he needed some space.
Like after the day he found out his mother wasn't killed in an accident. Kono hadn't known about it but she had seen something was wrong. He had come into the office that following morning looking haggard with circles under his eyes. Danny had questioned him, asked him if he had a date over or something, but Kono had held back. She had stood against the doorpost, head tilted slightly observing him. When Danny was starting to get on his nerves she took him by the arm without a word and pulled him away, then closed the door. Danny hadn't bothered him anymore that day.
There was something there, he had no idea what, but it was there.
Kono knew the moment he had detected her presence. He paused mid step before continuing and let out a sigh. He didn't tell her to leave and she took that to mean he was alright with her being there. She picked up her speed until she was walking beside him, not breaking the silence but offering her silent support in whatever he was worrying about.
Steve felt her presence next to him and he glanced at her from the side. She looked so serene, so peaceful, and it just hit him. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman, but she was so much more. He had been attracted to her that day on the beach but attraction was a far cry from anything deeper. She became a respected colleague and a trusted friend. Did he now want more? Should he risk their working relationship, their friendship for unconfirmed feelings? Did she even remotely think of him that way?
Surprised at the unexpected turn of his thoughts he suddenly sharply turned away. Startling both himself and Kono, as she lost her footing and fell into the sand. Looking over and seeing her startled expression he let out a bellowing laugh. Not soon after she joined him.
'Help me up McGarrett!'
'Nah! I'll just join you.' Not knowing what suddenly came over him, he dropped himself next to her and tickled her in the side. She screeched and tried to get away from him but he pinned her with his upper body.
After a small tussle Steve reluctantly pulled away from Kono, both a little breathless and laughing out loud into the night. Feeling carefree for the first time that night he looked up into the star filled sky.
'I love this island.'
Kono turned her head to look at him. He didn't seem notice.
'Me too, it's the only home I've ever known.'
He looked back as she made her declaration. He didn't know what it was about this night, but the atmosphere suddenly changed. He felt the need to share, to let her see a part of him he so rarely shared.
'I didn't realize how much I had missed this place. When I came back it was like a puzzle piece I hadn't even realized was missing fell back into place. It's one of the reasons I stayed.'
She didn't know what to say, it wasn't like him to talk like this, to open up. But she felt the need to return his honesty.
'When I was surfing in the pro's, I wanted to see the world, catch the biggest waves. When it was ripped away I was devastated but it made me realize just how great this island really is. Seeing my old friends corrupted by fame and fortune, I'm almost glad my knee blew out.'
He smiled and looked back up to the stars. Kono did the same. In silence they enjoyed the night.
'I love the stars. No matter where you are in the world, the stars are always the same.'
Once again he surprised her with his melancholic mood.
'I'm sure the view must have been great out at sea.'
He laughed.
'Yeah, it was like you were out in space, but it's even clearer out in the desert.'
It hit her then she knew nothing of his past. Where has he been? What has he done in his career? How could she feel so connected to a man she knew nothing about? Sure, he was attractive. Scratch that, he was devilishly handsome. But was it more than attraction? He was her boss, her friend maybe but could it be more?
The silence returned until Steve suddenly sat up.
'You know this one time I walked in the dessert I had so many injuries I couldn't even count them, including a nasty concussion. At one point I was lying all alone on a rock in the middle of a sea of sand just looking up at the sky. I was so sure I was going to die there, want to know what I did? I laughed, I laughed so incredibly hard. Back then it was so easy, sure I had my dad and my sister but we were estranged, it would have been so easy to give up. Now, it's so much harder to keep you all safe. I have a home now, something to lose. Seeing Chin like that, it nearly killed me.'
Kono had tears in her eyes. And she could see that Steve was fighting his own. Steve was always so strong he almost seemed broken now. She did what her heart was telling her he needed; she scooted over to him and held him. At first nothing happened, he didn't pull away so she held him a little tighter. Suddenly small sobs were heard. She felt the resistance leave his body as he fell into her.
Steve had no idea what came over him as he sobbed into Kono, but he found that now he had started he couldn't and didn't want to stop. It's as if every stressful moment the last 8 months came pouring out with each sob, he didn't even think, he just felt.
Kono held him and cradled him to her chest as a child, stroking his hair in a soothing rhythm. She had no idea what had come over the commander tonight but something inside him had broken and luckily she was there to help him put it back together.
After a couple of minutes the sobbing slowed down. She could feel Steve take a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but he made no intention of pulling away so still she held him.
'I feel like an idiot.'
It came out muffled but she heard it.
'Don't, everyone needs to let go sometime.'
She held him a little tighter still, silently letting him know she didn't think any less of him, that she was there. Starting to feel stiff from sitting in the same position so long she leaned back and lied down on the sand. Since Steve was still wrapped around her he had no chance but to follow. His head on her chest listening to her heartbeat, her hand still running through his hair, Steve felt peaceful and he started to doze.
'They'll come looking for us.'
Kono said it real softly, but he heard her.
'I really don't want to move.'
'Me neither.'
And that settled it. Kono could feel Steve's breathing even out, and listening to his soft breath going in and out she was lulled to sleep.
Steve woke feeling deliriously warm. He burrowed further into that warmth trying to hold onto it in his waking state. He dozed for a while until a soft wind made him shiver slightly waking up his very warm companion.
He could feel her wake as her breathing changed. He felt happy when she didn't move to pull back but instead moved closer trying to burrow into his side. He tightened his arm around her and they sighed softly in synch.
'I like this.'
She received nothing more than a hum from the man lying beside her. She felt so comfortable. She knew she should feel awkward, in a way she was sleeping with her boss, but she couldn't seem to convince herself to care. All she wanted was to lie there in his arms forever.
Steve felt drained but rested. He couldn't believe he had actually cried last night, and if it had been anyone else than Kono he would probably be glowing with embarrassment right now, but he felt strangely at peace. As if a huge weight had lifted off his shoulders and it felt so good.
'Thank you.'
Kono felt the rumble in his chest, the emotion behind his words and she shivered. Steve, thinking she was cold held her even closer, something she thought was impossible.
'You're welcome. Anytime you know that.'
She felt him, rather than saw him, nod and continued to enjoy her relaxed state. Judging by the lightening behind her eyelids it was something close to sunset, they would have to get up soon. She wondered where Danny and Chin were. Had they seen them lying there? ´Who cares if they did? Let them think what they want, Steve needed this.' Satisfied with her own reasoning she smiled.
'What are you smiling about?'
At this, she reluctantly opened her eyes seeing Steve's blue ones staring back at her.
'Just wondering if Chin and Danny saw us.'
'You worried about what they'll think?' He raised his eyebrows and she saw the worry and a bit of guilt there.
'No.' and she returned her head onto his shoulder.
Steve's eyebrows shot up.
'No?'
'No. I don't care what they think, they don't need to know everything, let 'm guess.'
Steve grinned from ear to ear. God he loved this girl. ´Wait, what? Where did that come from? Just a figure of speech! Right?'
Regardless of his internal struggle the grin remained. They lay in silence for another 15 minutes until the sunrise could no longer be denied. A new day had started.
Kono pushed herself off of Steve's chest, taking her sweet time doing so, hoping Steve didn't notice her hands strayed a little. He did of course, but it only made him grin wider and he felt a happy feeling blossoming in his chest.
'Come on McGarrett, back to work.'
'You're a slave driver Kalakaua.'
'Get used to it boss, I'm not going nowhere.'
He looked at her as she said it, and he understood the deeper meaning she was trying to convey. She would be there for him.
'Glad to hear it, and back at you.'
And just like that, the evening had ended. Both felt relieved and happy. Something had shifted tonight, they could feel it, it was not yet time to name it, but something had definitely changed. Steve couldn't wait; somehow he knew Kono had wormed her way into his heart and in her words: she wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. He wouldn't let her.
II
Kono stormed into the precinct not caring she was making a scene. She stormed past Danny and Chin's surprised faces, gave them a glare that had them unconsciously move backwards, turned her heel and walked into her office slamming the door behind her.
Chin and Danny looked at each other with raised eyebrows but before either could comment, Steve walked into the office with a similar expression on his face. His eyes were on fire as he searched out Kono in her office, glared her way and barged into his own office slamming his door behind him.
'You take Kono, I'll take Steve.'
Danny smiled his motherly smile and got up with a little trepidation, maybe he should let them cool down a bit first? Nah, Steve wouldn't hurt him.
Chin nodded to Danny's suggestion even though he would do anything rather than to go see his cousin in the state she was in. Like Steve had once said, the girl has a mean right hook. But the case had priority, he had no idea what had happened in the morning they had been gone, but this argument would have to be resolved to be able to solve the case.
Danny barged into Steve's office and saw him looking out his window. He didn't acknowledge his presence.
'So… What's going on?'
Silence.
'Steve why do I feel daggers being telepathically sent into this office?'
Silence.
'You know what? FINE! Go mope around, I'll go catch our killer, all by me lonesome.'
'Don't get shot!' Steve yelled at him as Danny walked out the door.
Danny scoffed. 'Jerk!' It turned out Chin didn't have much luck either as he was unceremoniously dumped outside of Kono's office.
'You get anything out of her?'
'Nope, just a: It's none of your business! Get out! Then she grabbed me and tossed me out. I think we should go out for lunch, let them cool down a bit.'
'Are you sure it is wise to leave them alone?'
'Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine, they won't hurt each other… too much.'
Wincing, Danny followed Chin out glancing back once more at the closed doors, hoping his friends could work out their differences.
Steve was beyond livid. How could she just risk her life like that? They had been chasing a suspect, gun drawn and all. When all of a sudden the runner had turned around and taken a shot at him. He hadn't been paying attention but Kono had seen the sudden movement and pushed him out of the way, nearly getting hit in the process. Steve shot the man and arrested him, but when he turned back at Kono his heart had constricted, she had been unconscious. He had raced to her side, not noticing anything but her.
She had been fine, she hadn't even been hit; just hit her head on a piece of rock. But the fear that had gripped his heart had paralyzed him. When she woke up, the fear he felt somehow had morphed into anger and he had lashed out at her.
Steve knew he had been out of line, but the thought of something happening to her. It broke his heart. Steve had long ago accepted his attraction to the only female officer on 5-0, but he realized now it was so much more than that and it scared him. He had suspected it that night on the beach a few weeks ago, but he was sure now. He was in love with Kono. 'Now what?'
Kono was angry, no she was pissed beyond belief. How dare he reprimand her for something he did on a daily bases? Not even a thank you for saving his life!
Steve realized he had to apologize. But how to explain his rash behavior? He didn't have any more time to think as Kono had apparently decided to come and kill him; damn that girl was scary sometimes.
'You are going to sit down and listen!' Steve raised an eyebrow but at the glare her received, he listened to her command and sat down.
'You are such a conceited hypocritical jerk! You risk your life for ours on a daily bases but god forbid if anyone actually returns the favor! I mean, you're the invincible Steve McGarrett, you don't need anyone do you? Well guess again sailor! If I hadn't done what I did, you'd be lying there on the side of the street in a puddle of your own blood!'
She deflated a little at that, as if the mental image that produced took a piece of anger away as she realized just how close it had been to becoming a reality.
'You had no right to talk to me like that and I swear next time you even consider acting like that I will hit you square in the face whether you're my boss or not.'
Steve grinned a little at that, he was sure she would, and he'd deserve it too. What was it about this woman that made him agree with whatever she said as long as it made her happy? Well, time to apologize.
'Look Kono, I know I was out of line and I'm sorry, but it's my job to protect you out there, not the other way around.'
'I'm not made of glass Steve, I can handle myself and you can't save Hawaii from the big bad men by yourself.'
He looked down at the floor. She was right of course, but it didn't quell his protective instincts.
'You're right, doesn't mean I can't try. I'm sorry Ok? I was out of line and I shouldn't have yelled. How about I buy you dinner as an apology?' 'Wait what? Where did that come from, that wasn't what I was going to say!'
She seemed to be as shocked as he was. Her heart answered before her head had a chance to catch up.
'Alright, food is the way to a woman's heart after all.' 'Stop talking Kono! You're angry at him remember? Yeah, but he's smiling so cutely! SHUT UP!'
Steve's eyebrows nearly hit the roof; did she just flirt with him? Mentally shrugging his shoulders he decided to go with it, might as well make it interesting.
'Great, I'll pick you up at seven, wear something pretty.' He gave her a lopsided grin.
'Something pretty?'
Kono had no idea what had gotten into him or her for that matter, but somehow she felt butterflies in her stomach and felt deliriously happy all of a sudden. A grin spread across her face.
'Yes, a dress or something, not too fancy, just pretty.'
'That's the second time you've said pretty. Are you trying to shed you're big bad navy seal bravado act?'
Steve laughed and Kono joined in. Which was the moment that Danny and Chin walked in with hot dogs in their hands and confused expressions on their faces.
'Do you think they finally lost it?' Danny said softly to Chin.
Chin shrugged as he looked at his cousin and his boss and an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. He had an idea what was going on between those two, and whether that was a good or a bad thing, he wasn't sure.
III
Steve was running late. He quickly dubbed on some cologne, grabbed his tie and draped it over his head; he'd tie it properly before he reached her house. His stomach wouldn't settle and he couldn't figure out why. It had never been this way with anyone else, not even Catherine. It was funny how in a few short weeks he had almost forgotten about her. She dumped him, said she couldn't handle the long distance, and sure it had hurt, but not so much now.
He drove a little faster than the law allowed getting to her house on time, but boy was he glad he did.
Kono had been running a little late herself and was in fact not completely dressed yet, which gave Steve quite a view as she let him in.
Ten minutes later they were on their way.
'Where are you taking me?'
'I'm not telling you, it'll ruin the surprise.'
Kono felt a little giddy. 'Down girl, it's just a dinner between friends, he was jerk and now he's apologizing, don't read anything into it.' But how she wanted to.
'We're here.'
Kono looked around, they were at the marina. She frowned, what was he up to? She refrained from saying anything, she trusted the man with her life, she was sure he could handle a date. 'It's not a date! Shut up!'
'Come on, we're a little late.'
Steve got out of the car and ran around to open her door. He took her hand as she got out and surprised both of them when he didn't let go, but instead held her hand in his as they walked towards an aircraft carrier.
'Steve, what are we doing here?'
'We're going to have dinner.'
'Here?'
'Yes, here.'
She shook her head with a small grin on her face, knowing he wouldn't give any more information.
They went onto the ship as Steve pinned his identification badge to his chest. It was amazing as they went through the ship how many of the men on board jumped to attention at the sight of him. She decided to ask.
'Boss? Are you like a celebrity or something?'
'Nah, just my rank, and I was on this boat just before I came back to Hawaii.'
Kono sensed there was more to the story but she didn't want to ruin the relaxed mood. She continued following Steve trying to ignore the tingles in the hand he was holding.
They climbed the stairs into the control tower. Then he led her to a hatch and pulled her up. When she rounded the corner she gasped. In front of her was the most romantic scene she had ever seen, the view was amazing, she could see all of Pearl Harbor in the soft colors of sunset. On the deck was a small table, romantically set with candles and beautiful dishes. Next to the table stood chilled champagne and even a waiter, well apparently judging by the uniform, a sailor.
She turned to Steve and gave him a blinding smile.
´Apology accepted.´
He smiled.
´You haven´t even tasted the food yet; you´re the one that said that the way to a woman´s heart was with good food.´
´True, but a romantic dinner location with a beautiful view goes a long way.´ she smiled a sweet smile and his heart filled. They quickly sat down to eat.
´I loved the navy, still do, but working with the team is all I want right now, we´re doing a lot of good.´
´I agree. We´re a good team.´
´That we are.´
Steve looked at her, and she wasn´t sure if he was talking about the whole team, or the two of them. Regardless she smiled and blushed a little.
Dinner was relaxed and before they knew it they were finished with eating. Kono didn´t want the night to end, she hadn´t felt this good in a long time. Steve was a perfect gentleman and he was sharing a lot with her about his past. Where he'd been on missions, about his childhood in Hawaii, they had so much more in common than she thought. The waiter/sailor had left a while ago and now they were totally alone. They left the table and sat side by side on the edge of the roof.
´Lie back.´
Steve looked over at Kono to see her staring at the sky and followed her lead and lay down. The night was clear and the stars looked beautiful. It reminded him of a night a few weeks ago. He knew his feelings had grown since then, it happened so fast. It only took a few moments but he was still scared. He wasn´t sure of her feelings. Unconsciously he had turned to her and studied her profile in the moonlight.
Kono felt his eyes on her and turned her own head. She could she him watching but she was sure he wasn´t really seeing. So she studied him. His eyes so beautifully blue, his mouth in a thin line as he studied her features. Usually whenever someone looked at her she´d look away or blush. This was more intimate than anything she had ever experienced, yet she felt completely at ease.
Suddenly Steve flicked his eyes to hers. They stared into each other´s eyes for a long time. When Steve leaned forward she met him halfway and they shared their first most wonderfully sweet kiss. It was slow and deliciously warm. Steve closed the small distance between them and pulled her close instantly deepening the kiss.
When Steve pulled back Kono felt a shiver go through her body.
´Cold?'
'Not really.'
Steve grinned and pulled her close. He felt happy and relaxed and she hadn't punched him for kissing her.
They lay there silently for a while, both lost in their own thoughts.
'There's one more thing I want to show you.'
Steve got up then helped Kono, once again not letting go of her hand. They didn't talk about the kiss or what it meant, they were happy just being right now.
They got back into the car and Steve drove towards his house. They were silent, but both had small smiles on their faces. Steve reached over with his free hand and entwined her fingers with his.
Once they were inside Steve asked Kono to wait while he went upstairs to get his surprise. While cleaning out the attic Steve had found a box of pictures. Turns out that Steve and Kono had met before, and he had the photographic evidence.
Kono looked around the house, she'd been there before but it felt different now. Somehow more intimate.
'Close your eyes.'
Hearing his voice right behind her she jumped a little but complied with his request. She closed her eyes and felt him move around to her front, take her hands and put something in her hands.
'Look.'
She looked at the picture in her hand and let out a laugh. The picture was old; it was of a boy maybe 10 years old playing with a little girl in the sandbox. What stood out was the way he looked at the girl. Complete adoration.
'See, even then I knew you were special.'
She looked into his eyes and saw the honest truth there. She smiled a watery smile and looked back at the picture. It was a sweet moment between two kids, but what did it mean now? As if reading her thoughts Steve elaborated.
Steve knew this was it, he hadn't planned for it to happen this fast, but this was his moment, he had to tell her. He took a deep breath and started:
'I found it in the attic a couple of days after our time at the beach. When I woke that morning at the beach I was so happy. Up until that night I hadn't slept solid for months. You're the only one who makes me feel that way, you make me want to share, and I want to tell you everything. I've never felt that way before, with anyone. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I know we work together and it should feel wrong but it doesn't. You in my arms is all I want. I know its fast and I'm blindsiding you a little here, but what I'm trying to tell you is that I want there to be an us. I've been falling for you for a while now and I want to try. So regardless of how corny it sounds; will you be my girlfriend? Will you give us a chance?'
Kono felt happy and scared at the same time. Could she take that leap of faith? She'd been hurt so many times. But when she looked up into his eyes she suddenly had a flash of crystal clear realization. She saw him sitting next to her as they fought over a fry at a diner; she saw him giving her a ring during a simple movie night; him in a tux waiting at the end of the aisle; him standing in front of a window with a small pink blanket; him playing in the sandbox with their daughter as she sat watching with their newborn son; him smiling down at her as they're woken up by their kids; them, old and withered but still so very much love.
But instead of the fear she expected she felt love and contentment. She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him, he met her halfway.
After a slow but passionate kiss they pulled back a little breathless.
'I'll take that as a yes to the being my girlfriend part?'
She just smiled and nodded then kissed him again.
'Just if I wasn't clear, I'm completely in love with you.'
Kono laughed.
'I'm in love with you too, now will you please stop talking and show me?'
Steve grinned and complied with her orders.
AN: Well this is it. I have no idea how to continue. I'm thinking of maybe changing my series 'What's the big secret' into a sequel for this. Ideas? I'm kind of stuck on that story you see! Let me know what you guys think.