bName/b: Epic_LoVer
bShow/b: Chuck
bStory Title/b: Chuck Vs. The Non-Descript Package
bCharacter/Relationships/b: Jeff, Lester, Morgan and Casey
bRating/b: PG (to be safe)
bWarnings/b: Partial spoilers for Season 4 Premiere
"This better be worth the trip in here," Lester Patel yelled as he pushed open the door to the Men's Restroom and made his way for the Handicapped Stall, "I just had the future Mrs. Patel practically salivating over the Nerd Herd Desk."
Jeff Barnes looked up at his friend as he opened the cubicle door. "It is a sexy desk…"
Lester glowered at his moronic friend. "Never mind. What is so important that you beckoned me to your office in the middle of your afternoon nap?"
"Behold, the Holy Grail," Jeff said, revealing a sealed, plan cardboard box on his desk.
"What's this?" Lester asked moving to pick it up, only to have it yanked out of reach.
"It's a package."
"I think that is pretty plan to see, Jeffrey. Where did it come from?"
"I don't know; there's no return address on it."
"Well, then who's it for?"
"I don't know; there's no destination address on it, either."
"Then, what's in it?"
"I don't-"
"You don't know, I get it," he huffed in frustration. "So where did it come from?"
Jeff turned the box around and inspected it. "I found it on Diane's desk."
"Grimes…"
If Morgan Grimes hadn't been so used to John Casey's sinister growls, the sound of the one that echoed his name would have had him jumping a mile in fright.
"John," he acknowledged the broad shouldered man breathing down the back of his neck. "How are…sales doing today?"
He grunted, obviously not interested in small talking over how well the sale on Beastmasters was going. "We're expecting a special shipment today."
"Of what?" he asked, as curious as ever.
"That's need to know."
"Well, if you're asking if I've seen it, then, I kind of need to know what it is so I know what it looks like."
"You'll know it when you see it."
"Who's it for?"
"The United States Government."
"Who's it from?"
"That's classified."
"What's in it?"
Casey grabbed Morgan's collar and lifted him from the ground until they were face to face with each other. "It's a plain package, Grimes, stop asking questions!"
"Casey," he choked, "people…are…watching…"
Glancing around, he noticed a little boy who stood next to them, his mouth dropped in awe. Groaning quietly, he set "his boss" back on the ground, released his shirt and turned to the stunned adolescent.
"Shake your head, boy, your eyes are stuck," he grumbled, pushing past them and towards the break room.
Morgan was carefully smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt when the memory hit him- Lester was running around with a package earlier and he was headed for his office. He turned to the kid and awkwardly smiled. "Who peed on his bonsai tree, huh?"
Lester's eyes grew wide, mixed between astonishment and fear. "You took this from her office? Do you realize the kind of penalties they subject those for pilfering an object like this to?"
Jeff stared blankly back at him. "Diaper duty?"
"Worse, Jeffrey! Something a million times worse than the waste removal of the small people."
His eyes grew wide in horror. "Cleaning the furnace filters with our tongues?"
He sighed. "I'm sure it's something equally to that effect."
"I don't want to lick the filters!" Jeff cried. "Last time I hacked up lint balls for a week!"
"You seem…relatively…normal now."
"It was an expensive vet bill. I'm still paying on it."
"What's the going rate for hairball remedies these days?"
"I turned down the x-rays and the overnight monitoring which saved me a few hundred bucks. I bought a tongue scraper and a box of Hairball Remedy Formula from Large Mart."
"Yeah?" Lester asked distantly, studying the box. "How'd that feel?"
"The treats tasted like chicken and tuna and my tongue's smoother than a baby's bare behind."
"You know what I think, Jeffrey?"
"That the world is unfair and Freddy Mercury should've lived on to become the President?"
"Undoubtedly, but no. I think the contents of this box are serious...deadly…nae, explosive!"
"Explosives of the detonating kind?" His eyes sparkled in delight. "I love that kind!"
The sound of the main door opening echoed through the room. "Who loves what kind of what?"
"Grimes," whispered Jeff. "Should we tell him?"
"Tell me what?" Morgan asked, his voice coming in clearer as he stood in front of the stall.
"Negative; remember when we let him in on the secret laptop coming into the store?"
"I still think that Predator drone program ran too slow. Real-time games are so lame."
"You guys talking about the package?"
They froze momentarily, before Lester recovered with a nonchalant look. "Package? I don't see a package," Lester turned his back to look at Jeff, "do you see a package Jeffrey?"
Morgan took this opportunity to grab the package from Lester's back.
"O-Oh," he stuttered, "that package?"
The door slammed open. "Patel! Barnes!"
"It's Casey!" Jeff panicked.
"Quick, hide the evidence!" Lester squealed, giving it to Morgan.
The stall door flew open to present Casey glowering at them.
"We're sorry! Here, take the box! Just take it!" they cried.
Snarling at their sissified fear, he took the box and turned to leave.
"Wait," Jeff suddenly blurted out, regretting his outburst as Casey glared at him. "What's in the box?"
Casey stared hard for a moment and contemplated the idea of them leaving it alone if they never found out. With an unhappy sneer, he opened the box and let them peak inside.
"Call of Duty: Black Ops!" they exclaimed in excitement.
"Here," he ground out, handing them the game from the box. "Now, get lost."
The two nerd herders ran out the door and bolted for the Home Theatre Room.
"That was it?" Morgan asked, stupefied by its contents. "You were concealing it for the protection of the public?"
"No," Casey replied, closing the box and heading out the door. "More for my sanity. If I have to hear the word 'noob-tube' or 'camper' one more time…"