Definitions

Canon - All of the events which *expressly* happen in the fandom. Meaning, everything, person, event, statement, that happens in the show, movie, or book is canon (from Fan Fiction Dictionary)

Mary Sue – 1) Any original female character which is too perfect, too extreme, or otherwise badly done. There is no real hard and fast standard for what constitutes a Mary Sue. (Fan Fiction Dictionary)

2) in literary criticism and particularly in fan fiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. It is generally accepted as a character whose positive aspects overwhelm their other traits until they become one-dimensional. (Wikipedia)

3) A plague upon this earth; an evil greater than the One Ring; capable of inducing violent retching in the unsuspecting reader (Anonyreaderfan)

OC – original character

OOC – Out of Character. When a canon character acts in such a way as to be totally contrary to what they would in the series (from Fan Fiction Dictionary)

~ X ~

Damon and Stefan jumped.

"What's going on?" Stefan cautiously asked his brother. Something's not right!"

"I'll say something's not right." Damon said, slowly looking around. "This is a high school Halloween party in the middle of the week, at midnight, on the town green, and there's kegs everywhere. The sheriff and her deputies are losers, but still?"

Stefan, suddenly patted his chest. "I'm disappearing."

"No!" Damon yelled and tried to latch on to his brother, but he was like mist dissolving through his fingers.

Damon, fists clenched, yelled. "AUTHOR! AUTHOR! Where are you, you no talent bi. . "

Anonyreaderfan popped in for a second. "Is there a problem?"

"Yeah, there's a problem." Damon's eyes were murderous. "I KNOW what's happening. How come my brother gets out of this and I'm stuck here?"

Well, the Spirit of the Mary Sue has been trying to posses me for awhile now." Anonyreaderfan confessed. "I've been fighting it but I didn't know how long I could hold out so . . well, I struck a bargain."

"What kind of bargain?" A suspicious Damon asked.

Anonyreaderfan took a deep breath. "If I met certain conditions set down by the Spirit of the Mary Sue then I could leave out my beloved Stefan."

"Why? Why do you always favor him?" Damon was really pissed.

"Well, the actor who portrays him was really enthusiastic about the role the first season and he worked out like a fiend. When I saw those shoulders and arms and abs I just lost it. He has my favorite body type and I was smitten." She sighed. "And even though the actor now thinks his character is lame and doesn't care enough anymore to work out I still adore him."

Anonyreaderfan blushed. "I even licked the TV screen once or twice.

Damon plugged his ears while screams of. "Eew!" "Eeew!" "Nasty!" "TMI!" rang out from the hundred voices gathered on the green. Even the Indie band, whose name the author agreed not to reveal upon pain of litigation, stopped playing for a moment, stunned by the confession.

"So what are the conditions?" Damon asked once he pulled his fingers from his ears.

"Gotta go now!" Anonyreaderfan hastened to leave. "Just be prepared for spelling and grammatical errors and every handsome man in Mystic Falls to show up at a high school dance and be OOC and you deserve this because most of these God awful stories involve you and an OC anyway."

Damon wiped his face with a frustrated hand while Caroline, Elena, and Jeremy stood by stunned.

Suddenly a voice was heard in Mystic Falls.

"I am Mary Sue Alessandra Damona Gilbert. I am Elena's twin sister only younger. I looked exactly like her except my eyes are the color of a startling lapis lazulis and my eyelashes are longer. I am also a vampire, a werewolf, a witch, and a hunter but I only hunt other hunters. Hmmm! Did I mention I'm a hybrid also. By the way people call me M.S. cause I'm an angsty adolescent and I need a cool name. I was always given my parents a problem."

M.S. walked up to her sister and said. "Everyone tells me I'm prettier that you. Must be the way I dress. I always wear converses and skin tight jeans with a sexy tank top. My short cropped leather jacket is awesome! Plus my eyes are so much prettier than yours. Have I told you how shocking they are? Especially when I use my awesome powers which are so much more awesome than everyone elses. Also I'm and OC and I'm written in only so my writer can make me so awesome."

She sighed for the sixth time in 5 minutes. "I hate my life and I don't have any friends and I'm not gonna listen to what you say and isn't it awesome that I'm only fifteen but I can go to a keg party at midnight and no one says a thing and I miss mom and dad but I never did what they say cause I'm a rebellious snarky teen and I was constantly sneaking out or running away and sassing them."

Elena mumbled to Jeremy. "No wonder Dad drove off the bridge! I'm thinking of taking off my ring and letting myself burn."

Jeremy thought awhile. He really needed to get more of the ancient design on his hand. He exchanged a significant glance with his sister.

"Hey M.S.! Look at that handsome black haired vampire with the big blue eyes that's Elena's current boyfriend. Shouldn't you be stealing him?"

Mary Sue looked up while Jeremy pulled a hatchet out of his lose jacket and swung it at her neck. She quickly disarmed him. "Did I forget to tell you that not only can I see the hunter marks that no one else can, I am also a hunter and a stronger hunter than you. I can even kill an Original."

Damon who had been watching totally disgusted said. "You can't kill an Original that's not canon and why am I speaking in one great big long sentence with no punctuation marks."

Mary Sue saucily replied. "I don't care about any stinkin canon. No one's going to tell me what to do. AND I know that you're attracted to me and want to dump my sister for me but I won't let you. I want nothing to do with you."

Damon quickly responded. "You're an underage teenager! What would a man my age possibly want with a snotty brat . . . but yet I am strangely attracted to you and want to get to know you better even though you tell me off constantly . . . NOOOOOOOOOO! I am falling victim to the Mary Sue. Help me!"

There was a stirring and the crowd parted long enough for them to see Elijah, jaws clenched, slowly moving forward in jerks. It appeared he fought every step but there was a force drawing him closer and closer.

"What is going on? I'm not supposed to be here. My actor is off playing a doctor!" Elijah complained as soon as he was close enough to be heard over the noise.

"You'll see!" The gang said sourly.

Suddenly Elijah spotted her. She was telling someone to eff off and his eyes latched on to her. He felt a connection with her, even though she was obviously a kid and what he was thinking could land him on a sexual offenders website. "Oh!" He had live a 1000 yrs and he had never seen anyone with what he felt such a pull.

Elijah shook his head. "I don't think like that!"

Klaus piped up. "Get used to being OOC. Your in a Mary Sue. No, dammit, you're in a Mary Sue." Klaus, enraged now, yelled. "Why can't I speak proper English?"

"YOU'RE IN A MARY SUE!" a hundred voices screamed at him.

Mary Sue spotted Elijah and strutted over. "Eff you. My name's M.S. and I don't care what you freakin think. Stop staring at me! I know my eyes are shocking and you can't get over my amazing body. I know it's amazing cause everybodie tells me so."

Elijah turned to his brother. "I've never asked you for anything before but I'm begging you now. Dagger me! For the love of God dagger me!"

Klaus just looked pissed. "No way am I suffering alone!"

Elijah screamed. "Mother! I want to die now Mother! Please . . send a hunter . . bring back Alaric."

"Why do you want that?" Mary Sue asked as she flipped back her long dark glossy curls, knowing that her beautiful hair put her sister's to shame.. "I'm a hunter and a witch. I can help you?"

Klaus shook his head in disgust while Elijah just looked horrified.

Suddenly Mary Sue let spew a string of obscenities. "Freakin . .Freakin . . $!*7&"

Elena looked around puzzled. "Why are you swearing?"

"Because it's really cool and that's the way kids talk and my writers usually don't know any better and I have to appear snarky and tough." Mary Sue replied, astonished that Elena had to ask.

Elena just shook her head more determined than ever to pull off her ring in the morning and let herself burn up. She walked over to Damon who grabbed her hand intending to comfort her.

M.S. immediately intervened, getting between them and up in Damon's face. "Hey! Don't touch my sister!"

"He's my boyfriend." Elena objected.

"Not for long." Mary Sue said. "This is my chance to show Damon how strong I am and it's his turn to start to realize how he's starting to care more for me than you." She immediately grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Let's get this straight. I'm stronger than you and if you ever touch my sister again I'll tear you from limb to limb and then put a stake through your heart and burn your body." She followed that up with a little smile.

Damon smiled slightly. "NO! I don't want to smile. She's obnoxious and no way would I ever care about a stupid brat like this. It is so OOC that no one in there right mind would read this crap and enjoy it. I mean their mind. Oh God, someone have mercy on me."

But such was the power of the Mary Sue that Damon did smile in an amused manner. He said. "Do you really think you can do that?"

Mary Sue smirked at him. "You have no idea how powerful I am and besides your an ass."

Damon still under the sway of the Mary Sue was compelled to smirk back and admire her flashing strange eyes and enjoy being called an ass.

M.S. however merely sauntered away with a superior smile. It was time to give Tyler a chance to spurn Haley for her.

Tyler and Hayley were enjoying a quiet conversation while they sipped on there bears. M.S. strutted up and butted into there conversation. "Freakin this and Freakin that!"

Tyler and Hayley looked at her with puzzled stears. "What is the matter with you?" Tyler asked while Hayley murmured. "Tourettes Syndrome?"

"My name's M.S. and I just want to warn you that I'm a hybrid and a werewolf and I'm not sired by Klaus and I can beat any werewolf or vampire that ever lived. Nobody is stronger than me."

While the two rolled their eyes M.S. added. "And by the way Tyler even though you are madly attracted to me I won't give you the time of day and you're going to be a jerk about it so I'll have to beat you up pretty bad and you." The adorable teen pointed at Haley. "are going to try to protect him and attack me and I'm gonna knock that crap out of you."

Tyler just shook his head but he soon fell under the spell of the Mary Sue and began to babble. "I am so attracted to you. I love your beautiful shocking lapis lazuli blue eyes and your long glossly brown hair with so much better highlights than your sister and Haley is nothing compared to you."

Hayley also felt compelled to attack the Mary Sue even though she would normally never stoop to even notice such a snot. The Mary Sue immediately grabbed the wolf girl by the neck and lifted her up off the floor. M.S. allowed her triple canines (better than Klaus's double canines) to flash and her eyes turned a deeper yellow than Klaus's. Haley was immediately frightened. "Sorry . . please . . I didn't realized the overwhelming strength of the Mary Sue. I will never try to stand up to you again."

M.S. smirked and allowed the wolf girl to slink away. She turned to Tyler and pushed a hand hard against his chest, knocking him to the ground. She smirked and said. "You'll never have a chance with me."

Tyler gnashed his teeth, heart broken that he could never possess the wonder that was Mary Sue.

It was time for M.S. to confront Damon again and Klaus needed to dump Caroline for her and there were many more men in Mystic Falls to gnash their teeth over her and she would soon become April's best friend and find out why her father died.

PLEASE REVIEW! I WON'T WRITE ANY MORE UNLESS YOU REVIEW

IF I DON'T GET 100 REVIEWS I WILL NEVER WRITE AGAIN.

I WILL UPDATE IN 1 WEEK IF I GET 5 REVIEW, 4 DAYS IF I GET 10 REVIEWS, 3 DAYS IF I GET 20 REVIEWS

"Stop!" An anguished Anonyreaderfan begged. "I never ask for reviews! I'm grateful when someone does but that's the reader's peragotic . no . . preogrative . . Ah crap . . it's the reader's choice! Please . . if I don't get out soon I'll forget how to use spellcheck!"

"NO!" The Spirit of Mary Sue spoke. "Readers must pay for this garbage with their adoration!"

"Can I stop now? Pleeeaseee!" Anonyreaderfan begged. "I've met all your condition."

The Spirit of Mary Sue thought for a moment trying to remember if all the conditions had been met but there were more than five and the adorable little thing could only count up to four. She was, of course, flunking English and Math in school.

"Yeah, I guess so." She finally muttered.

"Thank you Lord!" Anonyreaderfan breathed a sigh of relief and quickly wrote the words that would end her torment. ~FIN~