AN: Styxkid287 sent me this: "Modern X&G Headcanon: For some reason I can't help but picture Argo as a gigantic dog that Xena dotes on and talks to like a human being. She looks like she's part bull mastiff, part great dane, and part semi truck fully grown, but she started out as a runt that fit in Xena's hand. She's fully aware of her size and used to pounce on Gabrielle when she and Xena first started dating. She stopped eventually when they got to know each other better but it took a while." And I ran.
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.
Add in a small sliver of golden retriever for coloring, and you've broken down the perfect mix of dog for Argo.
Ok, but imagine Xena just stopping by the pound to play with dogs occasionally, because her little apartment has a size limit and she's a big dog person, so she just can't have one. But a friend (Marcus. Marcus is my fav of Xena's exs, and he works at a no-kill pound) Marcus always sneaks her in after hours so she can play with all the puppers she wants, and on a daily basis Xena's just bowled over by dogs wanting cuddles.
But then this box of like, week old puppies is left on the step of the pound one morning, and the staff start freaking out because week old puppies?! These should be with their mother, but they're not so we have to bottle feed them, and it becomes a 24 hour thing with everyone taking extra shifts to take care of the babies. And Xena shows up and helps out with feeding them (I imagine Xena a bouncer/bartender in like, a biker bar or something like that, where she gets into a good number of fights breaking up other people's fights and wear ridiculous amounts of leather), and it's a common thing to see her that at six in the morning asleep half covered in puppies, having come over right after shutting the bar down.
And she loves all of them, but there's this tiny little thing, the smollest of them all, and she's just like ? You're so tiny and lil and adorable. You're mine now. And she basically signs all the paperwork right then and there, though the pound won't let her take the puppy home until after she's a bit older, since Xena isn't a train puppy handler. But, Argo often rides around in Xena's jacket pocket, her head just sticking out while she naps as Xena helps out around the pound.
And because they're such a wide mix of breeds, no one has any idea of what's in the mix, especially since there's such a wide range of sizes (Argo's like, 4 pounds soaking wet, while her older sister's almost 15), so Xena's totally about to convince her landlord that lil baby Argo will totes be in the weight limit, and when she's still only 10 pounds at the time she's old enough for Xena to take home, Xena's just like welp, looks like I'm a small dog person now.
Except sike, jokes on all of them, because Argo goes through a growth spurt and ends up like, 250 pounds of pure muscle and almost tall enough to just rest her chin on Xena's shoulder while keeping all four legs on the floor, and the landlord's POed but what can he do? He agreed to let her stay and signed all the paperwork, so Argo's easily the largest animal around. But Xena takes her to work with her each day so she doesn't push the landlord's buttons too much, and Argo just becomes a staple of the bar.
Like, she legit becomes the mascot. Argo learns early how to open beer bottles with her teeth, and she just wanders around the bar opening people's beers in exchange for dollars (that she takes Xena) and treats (that she happily eats herself). And she's a great deterrent to fights, because who wants to go against this monster of a dog with teeth as long as their finger? No one, that's who, and while Xena misses the tumbles on occasion, the bar owner is just glad that properly damage expenses go way down and profits go way up.
And Xena and Argo love everything, and on days off Xena takes Argo on runs through the park. And that's actually how Xena and Gabrielle meet! Gabrielle has like, something small and fluffy and probably yappy, and Argo and Gabrielle's puppy start playing, so Xena and Gabrielle just stand there and talk and watch their babies. Talking turns to flirting, flirting after seeing each other in the park a couple more times turns into dating, and the moment they exchange numbers is the first time Gabrielle lands on her ass in a mud puddle, because Argo's possessive af.
Like, she comes to love Gabrielle, don't get me wrong, but that only happens after almost a year of them dating, once it became clear that Xena wasn't getting rid of Gabrielle anytime soon. But before then? Before then, Gabrielle made it a point to never get ready for a date at her own place unless Xena was coming to pick her up, because if she went over to Xena's, any work she'd done would end up ruined because of Argo. She'd just come over in old clothing, take the smooshing from Argo, and then kick Xena out of her bedroom so she could get ready. It was annoying, but Gabrielle took it with good grace.
Of course, she only stopped getting muddy paw prints all over because Xena sat Argo down and had a real talk with her, about how much she liked Gabrielle and how much she really wanted it to work out. Argo listened and adjusted accordingly. She still mushed, but only with clean paws.
But by the time Xena and Gabrielle move in together, Argo loves Gabrielle almost as much as she loves Xena. And they're quite a happy little family, Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, and Gabrielle's "yappy little poof ball," as Xena likes to call him.
(And surprise, grandkids through Argo and Poof's puppies, because Xena and Gabrielle are semi-irresponsible pet owners and didn't think about what would happen if you put unneutered male and female dogs together in one room. Though, how that happened with the extreme size difference, they aren't sure, but the proof's in the six squirmly little beans that won't shut the fuck up and just go to sleep, much to everyone's chagrin).