Come On Get Happy
A/N: This takes place early S2. It uses an item from the Doctor Who episode "Grid Locked". Originally this was two separate stories, one light and one dark, but both using that plot device. Then the dark began to creep into the lighter story. I decided to combine the two stories (into a surprisingly short 3 chapters!) so I apologize in advance for the contrasting tones. I've left room for the possibility of a really dark sequel.
I was going to wait to post this, but I'm feeling a bit sad so decided I could use some Happy myself!
Chapter 1
"…which is why I need you to go with me to the Monkey Bar tonight," Owen said wrapping up his story. "I need a wing man."
Ianto raised a skeptical eyebrow. He was sure Owen knew he enjoyed Owen's stories about going out more than actually going out.
"It's not really my thing," Ianto smiled and pulled down another box from its home on the Archive shelf.
"Come on," Owen whined. "You'd be great at it!"
"Maybe," Ianto conceded knowing he would be good at it, "but what about Jack?"
"No," Owen said shaking his head. "Jack is rubbish at being a wing man. I need you to help me separate my target from the herd. Jack would simply try to wrangle the entire herd. And," he added as an afterthought, "he would probably succeed. That would leave me with even worse odds."
That, Ianto thought hoping it didn't show on his face, wasn't what I meant.
"Besides, you owe me!"
"Owe you," Ianto repeated incredulously. "Since when and for what could I possibly 'owe you'?"
"Well, I'm helping you in the Archives, aren't I? This isn't exactly in my job description!"
"Jack ordered you to help me go through these boxes," Ianto reminded him. "If some lazy bastard hadn't just labeled these 'Medical Stuff' I wouldn't need your help."
"I only put that on one and I thought that was procedure," Owen retorted. Ianto snorted.
"Yes, because some other lazy bastard labeled boxes 'Medical – Various' and based on the handwriting I'd say that particular bastard was one Captain Jack Harkness. Trust me. Never let him lead by example." Ianto set the box on a table. "Based on the amount of dust on the lid and the way he made his 'M', I'm guessing this box was put here circa 1950."
"I've been down here all day! That should earn me a favor," Owen insisted.
"It's only 10. You've been here less than an hour."
"Yeah, but we've already made it through two boxes. Come on! You, me, Cardiff skanks – it'll be fun!"
"As much as I would love to do you a favor," Ianto said clearly indicating he wouldn't, "Jack might need me."
"Ianto, mate, Jack wanting to bend you over his desk hardly constitutes him needing you," Owen said crossing his arms on his chest.
"He asked me on a date," Ianto defended.
"But you haven't gone on one! And I'm not asking you to sleep with anyone. I just need you to be the friendly, safe guy to hang out with her friends while I whisk a young lovely off for a private consultation." Owen smiled. "That's what being a friend is all about."
"Let's just work on identifying these items and I'll think about it," Ianto said. "You never know. The next item might cure cancer or aging then you'll be so famous you won't need complicated strategies to get laid."
The next item did not hold the cure for cancer, but Owen was fairly sure it would take the temperature of a Reptilian race anally. Ianto took a picture, tagged it, and added it to his database. The only other item in the box had no documentation beyond a wrinkled note that read 'found in field 4 May, 1950'. Owen's eyes lit up and he agreed to run some test on it. He wasn't as excitable as Tosh about alien gadgets, but he had found a few medical items that had been useful. Ianto was sure Owen wasn't about to admit to the thrill of discovery. It would ruin his reputation.
Lunch was interrupted by a Rift spike that hadn't appeared on the predictions. Ianto stayed behind. Around 5 the team returned in high spirits.
"I take it you didn't find anything gooey, smelly, or vicious then," Ianto said helping Jack off with his coat.
"Couldn't find a thing. Well, couldn't find anything from the Rift," Jack corrected. "I did find a lovely dinner companion for tonight."
"That's something," Ianto replied determined to not let his disappointment be heard. It wasn't the first time Jack had gone out with someone else since his return from the Doctor, but every time seemed to hurt a little bit more. Ianto understood logically, even though he didn't know the specifics, that Jack had suffered horribly for an entire year while away and deserved to have a little fun now. He just wanted to be the one Jack had fun with.
"Well," Ianto said smiling too broadly, "I'd better get back to the Archives. We're making good progress with the improperly labeled medical boxes and I'd hate to break the momentum."
Jack smiled back, equally too broadly, and returned to his desk.
"So," Owen said a few minutes later, "seeing as our beloved leader won't be needing you tonight…"
"I really don't feel like going out," Ianto interrupted.
He pulled the lid off another box and tossed it on the table. Owen was disappointed there wasn't an accompanying puff of dust and then was slightly disturbed to realize the dust was so thick it could no longer puff.
"Here's a useful note," Ianto said holding up an aged piece of paper. "'Moods' with a big question mark and in the handwriting of Captain Harkness 'Sticky' and something even I can't decipher." Ianto handed the paper to Owen who studied it then shook his head. Ianto pulled what looked like a large, clear plastic shoebox out of the cardboard box. The lid had a picture of a unisex humanoid face with a blank expression in one panel and that same face in a second panel only smiling with a circle on its neck.
Owen shrugged. Normally Ianto would have set the box aside for future investigation, but something about the smile on the face spoke to his distracted mind. Looking closer, the face seemed more relaxed and the eyes more peaceful. Forgetting about his own rule to never open alien boxes found in the Archives, Ianto opened the plastic lid and he and Owen peered inside. Three rows of plastic cards separated and indexed what looked like small pieces of paper. Owen and Ianto shared a befuddled look.
"Forget, Funny, Sexy, Sleep, Honest, Happy, Awake, Arouse," Ianto read while flipping through the plastic cards.
"You could use a bit of Happy," Owen said pulling out a piece of paper in front of the card. "Happy 12," he read. He examined the paper and realized it was on backing paper. "It's a sticker," he announced. He could see the word 'Happy' inside a yellow circle inside an orange circle with a number '12' in a smaller font. He pulled off the sticker and slapped the clear object on Ianto's neck like the face in the second panel.
"Owen!" Ianto slapped a hand to his neck and was going to pull the adhesive away, but a sudden wave of, for lack of a better explanation, happy hit him. He smiled at Owen. "Thanks! I feel much better!"
"Cut it out," Owen said punching Ianto's shoulder. "They're just stickers!"
"But I really do feel happier! I actually don't think I've felt this happy in a long time," Ianto said not worried and only mildly confused by his lack of anxiety.
"Of course you do! Stickers are supposed to make people happy! Soppy birds wouldn't buy them and put them on envelopes if they didn't believe they would make someone happy! Another box – sorted. This isn't medical. It's arts and crafts. So, I'm gonna head out. Why don't you slap on Sexy 20 and meet me at the Monkey Bar around 10," Owen asked handing a sticker with a black and red quarter moon looking symbol and 'Sexy 20' written on it to Ianto. Ianto smiled.
"I think I might just do that." Owen was too pleased with Ianto's dramatic change of plans to note his dramatic change in mood.
Owen had only been at the club for a few moments, but he'd already picked out his target. Unfortunately, he noted, she was with two friends. Even if Ianto didn't change his mind again and did show up, Owen wasn't convinced he would be able to distract two ladies while Owen swooped in on the third.
"Hello," Ianto said elongating the syllables.
Owen turned glad that he at least had someone to drink with even if it didn't work out with the girl. Looking at Ianto and then at himself, he realized he should have given Ianto some tips on being a wing man. Owen wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't Ianto in tight black jeans, a crisp, white button down, and a grey waistcoat with a red satin back.
"Aren't you dressed for the prowl," Owen said trying not to look at the amount of chest Ianto was uncharacteristically showing.
"I took your advice," Ianto said turning his head and pulling his collar unnecessarily away from his neck and showing even more skin. Owen laughed at the Sexy 20 sticker.
"And the sticker suggested you wear that? You're supposed to be a diversion, not a distraction," Owen said still chuckling. "Let me guess. That little plaster makes you feel sexy?"
"Oh yes," Ianto said nodding. "I feel…desirable." Ianto ordered a beer and winked at the barmaid. Owen narrowed his eyes. Maybe there was something with the stickers, he briefly thought before negating the idea to absurd.
"Right, well, I've got my eye on the red head by the window," Owen said subtly gesturing with his head in her direction.
"Wow," Ianto began, "there are some really attractive women here."
"Who knows," Owen said. "Maybe one of her friends will like you and we can both get some strange tonight. Or are you only into men now?" Owen had wanted to ask that for a long time, but he'd never had the nerve before. He knew how much Ianto guarded his privacy and it was hardly a secret his sexuality was one of the forbidden topics.
"Oh no," Ianto replied casually without a hint of embarrassment or annoyance. "I'm not gay. I like women and I like Jack. Non-Jack men just don't do it for me. Sometimes I think it's a chemical thing, but since he came back I think it's a mental one, you know? Actually," Ianto said smirking, "it's a damn inconvenient thing! That's what it is! I have all these feelings and things for him, but I'm only an outlet for his sexual energy, if that. You don't really want to hear this." Ianto accepted his drink from the barmaid and gave her a large tip and another large smile.
"No, go ahead and get it off your chest," Owen said trying to sound bored. In reality, as much as he claimed to not like Ianto or care about the team outside of work he was dying of curiosity at Ianto and Jack's relationship. He always wanted to ask what a nice, young, straight Welshman was doing with an intergalactic playboy. If he was honest with himself, he was more curious as to what Ianto got out of it.
"Before Jack left, he didn't want to make the effort to go out and find somebody. I was a convenient partner. Whenever he wanted it, and you'd be scandalized, Dr. Harper, at how often he wanted it, I was there to provide. Now, he wants to go out and live. I think he feels obligated to continue having sex with me because I was there for him when he needed it. Maybe he sees it as a thank you for my prior loyalty. Hell, he might think bending me over his desk, as you put it, will help guarantee my continued allegiance and service. He might just like to keep me on the back burner in case he needs something convenient again."
Ianto took a long drink from his beer bottle and Owen easily imagined Jack leering at the sight. Owen wasn't into blokes as a rule, but he wasn't above appreciating the view and he had to admit Ianto was as beautiful as Jack was handsome. He realized with a start that Ianto was just as sexy as Jack, but in a completely opposite way.
"My point is," Ianto said after his long pause, "I've known all of this, but still let my feelings get in the way. Do you know Jack's the only person I've had sex with since Canary Wharf?" Ianto scoffed and took another long drink. "Where is he tonight when I need him? Where has he ever been when I needed him? No, Owen, it's time I accept things for what they are and stop waiting for him to see me. I'm starting by taking a page out of your rulebook. Let's go talk to those ladies."
Ianto took two steps and Owen grabbed his arm.
"It's too early," Owen explained. "They've probably only had one drink."
"Then let's buy them another round," Ianto suggested.
"You really are awful at this, aren't you," Owen said with a sigh. "First you let them get a good buzz going. Then we'll move a little closer to their table. We'll let them get used to a couple of blokes having a drink near them. You don't want to startle them!"
"They aren't pheasants, Owen," Ianto deadpanned.
"A bird's a bird," Owen responded. "Once they realize we aren't going to hit on them, we'll make some excuse to talk to them. We'll subtly move to their table. You'll talk to the brunette and the dirty blonde about their shoes or something and I'll make my move on the redhead." Owen smiled at his plan.
"Or," Ianto said, "I could go over now before the place gets any more crowded and ask them if we can buy them some drinks."
Ianto sidestepped Owen and approached the table. Owen groaned and started looking for his next target. Moments later Owen was trying to decide on the girl in the purple capris or the one with the pierced cheek when Ianto grabbed his elbow.
"Help me carry the drinks to the table," Ianto said with a smirk. Owen shrugged, picked up two of the drinks, and decided Ianto might not be as bad at this as he thought.