Hello and good day to all. I hope the rating didn't throw you off too much. The presence of angst but absence of lovin will be changed in later chapters, but that will take time. This is actually a non-chronological chapter, but I'll probably just head off from this and add prequels later. For now, enjoy!
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All image credit goes to semokan on DA, from whom I was given permission to use their deviation.
Kingdom Hearts and all it's ...
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chapter I
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There stood a café near the edge of a street two blocks away from the apartment. Sora once dragged me out of the house day after day to drink from the cups at his favorite drinking place.
Now it was different, of course. I was tentative about asking him. I didn't know if I would hurt him by bringing back so many memories that would never repeat themselves. I supposed that remembering things is always better than nothing at all.
So here I stood, watching Sora during another one of the numerous naps he took every day. I had no problem sleeping beside him all that time. All I wanted was that smile to come back when he slept. You could see hints of it when he was sleeping, but there was never a look of complete ease.
"Hey." I spoke gently. Sora's shoulder shook gently under my hand. I realized we had played this game before, so I took a chance alternative. I gently flipped Sora on his back and leaned down. At first the touch was soft and non-binding, but I quickly nodded to push apart his soft lips and capture that which had once come with ease. Now the touch was futile. To Sora, this touch was little more than dirt on the ground now. I would change that. I would change that.
Something like a confused moan escaped Sora, so I took that opportunity to draw back and smile at his scrunched up expression. Sora was stretching his arms over his head while licking his lips when he said
"mmmmm…coffee."
I couldn't help but chuckle. Even in distress, Sora could be the cutest thing. I focused in to see he had woken up immediately after hearing my laughter, and was now watching me intently, like a mutt waiting for a command.
"Good morning Sleeping Beauty," I said with a smug look. At least I tried to give the smug impression; although the way my eyes looked staring at Sora probably contradicted it and sent the whole façade to the dumps.
"Hi," was the only response I got. I waited a little bit, taking the time to rub Sora's hand and watch as his expressions gradually changed. It was interesting to see how Sora could still wait in silence without feeling expected to do something after everything that happened. I kept wondering to myself how he could so easily snap back into content silences after everything I did…
"It's 1:38. I thought we could get some…" I paused to wiggle my brow, "…coffee?"
Sora's expression was completely amiss for the first few seconds, stuck in a mix of confusion and worry before gradually shape-shifting into this awed look that told me he knew exactly what I meant.
"C-coffee," Sora said?
I nodded in response.
"….COFFEE," Sora yelled! I could barely contain my amusement at his antics. He sounded almost like that chocolate guy from Spongebob, although I hoped into wouldn't go as far.
"Yes, my dear. The one thing from the one place you couldn't be without. Whadoyasay?"
Sora didn't look like he was trying to decide. He simply stared at me with this stunned look that made me think I had said something completely out of left field, and was waiting for me to jump up and say "just kidding bitch!"
I was irked at the thought; in fact I could feel tears welling up at the idea that I used to do that, continued by much worse. The only thing that took the look off my face was knowing I would never – in all my life – do anything like that to Sora again. I now considered death before the action, and one of these days, I'll get Sora to understand that.
I smiled in glee for that reason, for knowing I was back from that dark place. Sora would be alright and free to leave or do whatever he wanted now. I would be no burden on him; so those bags under his eyes that boded the years of un-hushed tears would gradually dissipate, and that gorgeous grin would soon find its way back to its proud steeple on my angel's face. One day.
"Yes, Sora. COFFEE! We can go whenever you want, just say the word."
I looked for a response in his expression, but there was none to be had. It was like Sora was frozen in spite of himself, frozen in time to wait for the reverse state of normality he had been living in to return so my attitude would not be so unusual. Suddenly, Sora jumped out of the bed and let go of my hands to scramble around on the floor for dry clothes. I knew what he was doing. Sora was clad in a shirt and boxers but he knew this simply would not do.
When Sora found everything he was looking for, he began changing at a speed that made me laugh like an idiot. Sora's bones must have still been asleep, he fell on the floor twice to take off his boxers and then to put on a sock. It seemed ridiculous, but somehow Sora could make it look completely unintentional, which it was. Sora turned to look at me from his position on the floor, an embarrassed expression on his face.
"What," Sora asked, as if the answer was not already clear?
"You know what Mr. Slip-n-Slide. I said we could go whenever you want. We still have four hours until they close, so what's the big fuss," I asked light-heartedly? The blush on his face was only emphasized, so he had to turn his head where I couldn't see. I chuckled some more while making my way to save my distressed squirrel. I picked him up (he flinched) and set him upright with no problem. I kept him in a loose hold and took my time, swaying us back and forth slowly.
"Sora, I love you. There will be no more rushing to anything we do. There's no need to wait for me or be quicker for me. I'll always be waiting for you. I will never tire of you or grow weary of the time I spend with you. I will be beside you for as long as you will have me. I will never make you do anything again. Ever."
Now Sora's shoulders were tense with his head hung down, so I chose to close my lips on a small bump that indicated his spine on the back of his neck. I kept them there until he tried to pull my arms away, and I let him. He took a few steps forward towards the bathroom before turning around to shyly meet my eyes.
"You don't need to worry. I'll be OK. I'm just glad you're back."
Before he turned away, he looked up to see my smile. He shifted quickly afterwards and went into the bathroom. Almost immediately after shutting the door, he re-opened it and fixed a glare on me to show some kind of mock anger.
"AND I'M NO SLIP-N-SLIDE, POO-FACE," Sora said with a familiar animosity right before slamming the door again! I smiled even more, making my way to the door so he could hear me.
"Poo-face? That's gotta be the most immature insult I've heard in ages. I woulda thought you'd be great at insulting me by now." I immediately wished I could have taken a different route with that statement, but it was too late.
"YEAH, AND I WOULD BE TOO! IF YOU HADN'T KEPT TAPING MY MOUTH SHUT!"
It felt right to chuckle. The way he said it made me think he was a child trying to put the blame on the cookie jar for falling off the fridge, but I knew that way of considering blame in this situation was wrong. I'm sure Sora knew where I stood, but I will continue to drill it into him until the day either of us drops dead or goes blind and deaf.
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Once we were in the café, we saw a few familiar faces that made me rethink this idea entirely. One of those faces was Kairi, who I knew from the moment I entered was going to speculate and eventually work up the nerve to come and intimidate me some more. The other person was Demyx, with Zexion, who hadn't noticed us yet and had taken a relatively neutral point-of-view on the situation. Neither of them really knew us that well. Demyx and Zexion had always been related more to Axel's groupies, but I'm sure Axel's attitude had clicked them in to a few things which probably made them both unhappy.
I decided to let Sora make all the decisions, which I found was not hard at all to do. Sora felt right at home showing us where we were sitting and what he wanted me to buy with him. When some girl came around to take our order, she noticed us and immediately went over to tell Kairi. Kairi, as always, took our order.
"Hi guys, welcome. Haven't seen you in a while, huh," the girl said more to Sora than to me?
"Y-yeah. We're OK now though. I'd like a cherry supreme and Riku wants a root-beer sundae with peanut-butter cups." Sora was trying to stay off-topic, which I was happy for. Sora never wanted a fight, but he still got one; possibly the biggest fight anybody's ever had to face, and my man won.
I smiled proudly at the thought.
"OK, I'll go start that for you."
Sora and I sat at the table in relative silence throughout the wait, occasionally to be interrupted when Sora recited another memory of his from the time he worked had worked there and the times we had gone there together. When Kairi came back, she was smiling a bit more forcefully and still had her body turned more towards Sora. I didn't mind what her body language said, I was happy Sora was getting the attention he deserved and I couldn't give less of a fuck that she didn't want to talk to me in the wake of that. I was perfectly fine giving Sora the most comfort I could possibly manage.
Soon after she left, I felt that sudden urge you get in restaurants and waved myself off to the bathroom, but not before stealing a quick kiss on Sora's cheek.
I pushed open the door to the bathroom and made my way to the biggest stall. Call me a wimp if you will, but I've always liked the sense of space in those stalls. Even in the crumminess of public bathrooms, I can still feel comfortable in some effort of privacy. Apparently Kairi was not sharing the same sentiment when she used her employee key to open the stall and step inside. I had enough time to try and cover myself, but that didn't excuse anything.
"Hey! Kairi what are you doing in here?" I asked. She could have caught me outside or something, but this was ridiculous.
"Shut up…. Look, I know Sora's been getting all better and all that but I still don't fucking trust you, and neither does Rox. I hope you know he's been trying to get you arrested…"
"Yes, Kairi, I know. He's already told me in person seven times now. I promise you that's not necessary anymore."
"FUCK THAT, you ASSHOLE. I don't know who you think you are, but just because Sora is too fucking wonderful to testify against you doesn't mean we won't find a way. You deserve to be fucking behind bars." Kairi had probably just come in here to berate me, but I let myself be put under the delusion that she actually wanted to talk about something.
"I apologize. Did you want to talk about something, or is this what you came in here to do."
I couldn't look her in the eyes, but I was sure as hell going to make an effort to be polite. I heard her sigh after a few moments of silence before shifting to kneel down in front of me.
"Look…..I won't ever be able to explain how disappointed I am at what you did to him. I still have nightmares about you changing back and Sora being hospitalized like before, but I can handle that for myself….Sora is one of the bravest people I know. He's not only endured two years of shit from you, but he's chosen to stay with you and give you more chances than any of us can believe. He's the most amazing, commited, loving, wonderful, and strong person most people who know him know. I'll stand by the decisions he makes, but let me be clear, I think he got really dumb sometimes when you were the way you were. He said things and did things that made absolutely no sense, but I went with it, for HIM. I want you to know that the second he gives up on you will be quickly followed by justice so hard that you'll be on death row by the time we're done with you…But somehow I don't think he'll give up…"
There was a long pause that must have stretched a couple minutes. I was shocked nobody came in during that time, but maybe the door was locked too.
"What happened to you, Riku. You were awesome once. Yeah, you were shy and pretty sarcastic, but you had dibs on Sora and he had dibs on you. I know stuff happened and things got hard, but that can't be an excuse. Nothing could excuse Sora getting hurt…I don't know how you could hurt him so bad and expect him to forgive you after that. Did you think everything would work itself out, is that why you did this? Fuck if I know, but I do want to say that you have a gem in the palm of your hand. You've let it rust and scab, but it's still there. Riku, don't hurt him again."
This was one time I could look into her eyes. The look of confident finality in Kairi's eyes made me want to correct her and make her realize I was still a good guy, so I had a go of it.
"You don't have to worry about me. The moment I woke up and saw what I had done, I told myself that the fucking sick bastard that did that to that beautiful angel would die very soon. When I realized that person was me, I told myself I would never stop apologizing to him for every slight bruise I put on his perfect skin. I fucking blew everything out the window, but he doesn't seem to think it's over. You're right, I don't deserve him, and I fucking never will ever. But I'll be spending my life chained to his feet from now on, I promise you. Even if he tells me to leave, I'll buy the place next to where he's living and protect him from the fucked up world for the rest of his natural life. I won't let anything happen to him, one way or another. I can promise you and Roxas that I will never do anything to hurt him again. You have my dying word."
Kairi knew I was serious, but there was a smirk on her face that told me I sounded ridiculous. I scratched my head for good measure while she stood up and walked towards the door.
"You know, you sound exactly like Sora when he says stuff like that."
I looked up to see her looking straight at the door.
"It's funny, he's only ever said stuff like that about you…"
And so, Kairi left me alone and unlocked the bathroom door to continue on in her work. I twiddled my thumbs in thought for a few minutes before getting up and walking over to the sink. I splashed some water over my face before straightening myself out. I tried a few smiles before settling on one that looked sincere and warm enough. I walked out and sat back down at the table. Sora had left half his share for me, but even then it was almost melted.
"What's up," Sora spoke up?
"Nothing, I was just thinking. Aren't you gonna eat the rest," I answered, nodding to the left-over sundae?
"Nah, I wanted you to have some." Sora's smile almost made me accept the offer, but I knew better.
"No Sora, I want you to eat that. You need it. I'm fine. I ate before we came and we came for you."
Sora looked down shyly for a little while before mumbling something like 'it's gonna get cold' and picking up the spoon and eating along lazily. I had to coax him into eating it faster a little while until he did, and that ended up in a mock fight that had us both smiling at the stupidity of it all. After Sora finished what was left, we waited a while at our table, simply staring at each other. Sora began looking out the window, but I continued staring at him. I had to admit that no matter how much I hated seeing Sora so weary, even that brought yet another tinge of attractiveness to him that wasn't normal.
I had to argue with myself over thinking everything was so attractive when at the very same time it made him unhealthy and weak. Sora's exposed collarbones made me shy around the knees, and his trussed hair which refused to be brushed was spiked in just such a way that I always found endlessly beautiful. I always insisted that Sora grow out his hair, but Sora abhorred the idea, saying it made him look 'like a mad scientist.' I always told myself Sora would be the sexiest mad scientist, and now I was proven right. His long flailing hair and skinny physique made him look like a cute demigod of some sort. I couldn't help by explore every nuance of his posture and wonder how each little thing got there. I wondered how Sora felt looking out that window. I never saw him look out so much the times before, but maybe he wasn't as solemn then as he was now. I was in the midst of studying his hand when Sora sat back and took a long breath.
"You wanna go," Sora asked? The way his head tilted down and his eyes were looking up at me with the quirk in his lips was by far the cutest thing about his present demeanor. My insides continued warming as he took my hand and slowly led me out of the café. The smile on my face was probably the biggest anybody would ever see it, and I was proud of that fact. I was so proud that I let go of Sora's hand and snaked an arm loosely around his shoulders. Our pace was such that neither of us felt like we couldn't walk like that, so Sora slowly leaned in and hugged my waist. My heart couldn't have been warmer.