A Fear of Falling Under

by race-the-ace

*Mild SLASH* - Sheppard/Mitchell - Sequel to Words - Waking up with John still sleeping soundly in his arms, holding on to Cam, was what Cam was most thankful for this Thanksgiving.

A Fear Of Falling Under

Fifth in This Delicate Thing We've Made series

Disclaimer : I don't own Stargate Atlantis/SG1 or any of its characters or plots. I mean no infringement, this is for personal benefit only.
Summary : Waking up with John still sleeping soundly in his arms, holding on to Cam, was what Cam was most thankful for this Thanksgiving. It wasn't often that he woke up before John, Cam could count the number of times it had happened on one hand. So he stayed very still, and kept his breathing slow and even, so he didn't wake his husband up.
Pairings : John Sheppard/Cam Mitchell, Rodney McKay/Evan Lorne
Warnings : This story contains dark, sensitive subject matters. There are references to child abuse, sexual abuse of a minor, sexual abuse, abuse, non-consensual sex.
Word Count : 18, 327
Rating : R
Beta : ninja007

Author's Notes :
- Thank you to the wonderful wikipedia for all the math babble on the Birch and Swinnerton-Dyer conjecture.
- Josh and John's is an all natural ice cream shop in Colorado Springs.
- Yeah, yeah, I screwed with the timeline. What of it?

---

Since he'd been living with John and Daniel, the only people to visit and stay had been family. Cam was aware, in the back of his mind, that General Jack O'Neill had stayed there in the past, but he'd never really given it much thought. That was until Daniel casually mentioned O'Neill arriving in two days, as though Cam should have already known.

When he had brought it up to John, John had furrowed his brow and said, "Of course I know he's coming, Cameron. It's been on the calendar for months."

This caused Cam to pause, scratch his head and say, "What calendar?"

The calendar turned out to be a nice Maps of the World calendar, with large boxes, prominently displayed in John and Daniel's study. The place that Cam went into about once a month.

Sure enough there was a neatly printed 'Jack Arrives' in the box for June 23rd. What disconcerted Cam was how there was no box labeled 'Jack Leaves'. When he'd asked John about it, John had shrugged and said, "He leaves when he wants to."

It seemed that General Jack O'Neill even had his own key to John and Daniel's house. Cam wasn't sure how O'Neill had gained so much trust from John, but it was there and it was there in spades.

He also wasn't sure how he had been roped into picking the general up from the airport.

Cam shifted his weight and glanced at the clock on his cell phone again. O'Neill should have landed by now, and Cam wondered, not for the first time, why he was flying commercial.

"Mitchell!"

Cam's head snapped to the left and there was Jack O'Neill. He'd put on a couple pounds since Cam had last seen him, and he was dressed more casually than Cam could ever remember, in blue jeans and a flannel shirt. Cam squinted when he realized that John had the same shirt.

He walked over Jack and smiled, "Good to see you, sir. How was your flight?"

O'Neill rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I think they let monkeys fly the planes now. And babies on an airplane is just a bad idea. You can't escape them and they cry for the whole damned flight. Where's Danny?"

Cam bent down to pick up one of the bags at O'Neill's feet. "Daniel was detained at the mountain, sir. We'll pick him up on the way back. He sends his regrets at not being here to meet you."

O'Neill picked up the other bag and together they made their way towards the exit. "Of course he does. Where's your better half?"

"John?" Cam asked in surprise. Not surprise that John was considered his better half, Cam has long thought so, but surprise that O'Neill would ask about him at all.

"Unless you went and married someone else since I've last seen you," O'Neill answered sarcastically.

They crossed the street towards the short term parking garage.

"He's still at work, won't be home until about six."

"I could have taken a taxi," O'Neill grumbled as Cam directed them towards his car.

"It was no problem, sir. I had the day off anyway."

"You did," O'Neill stated with skepticism.

"Yes, sir. Carter's away at some conference and Teal'c's off-world. There's not much of a team here at the moment."

Cam pressed the unlock button on his key and the lights of his car flashed. He popped the trunk and they stowed the two bags there.

"I thought Carter was going to be here," O'Neill commented as he slid into the passenger seat.

"She'll be back tomorrow, sir," Cam informed him, starting the car. He reached for his parking ticket and put it between his lips, holding it there, while he backed out. Putting the car in drive, he grabbed the ticket with one hand and rested it atop the steering wheel.

"What's John making for dinner?" O'Neill asked.

At the use of his husband's first name, Cam startled a little. He hadn't realized that the two men were so familiar with each other. "Um…" Cam blinked and turned the car towards the exit. "Steak, I think."

"Good," O'Neill said, reclining his seat. "Daniel talks about his cooking enough that I'm expecting some good food, Mitchell. John sure as hell didn't cook when I was here last."

"Rodney wasn't living with them then."

"And neither were you," O'Neill commented mildly.

Cam wasn't sure how to take that so he just let it slide. When they reached the exit, Cam handed a ten to the guy on duty and the barrier rose, allowing him out. A glance at the general showed that O'Neill had his eyes closed. Cam supposed that was it for conversation. He headed back towards the base to pick up Daniel on the way home.

---

Daniel and O'Neill had disappeared into Daniel's study, so Cam cornered John as soon as he stepped into their house.

"Why does he know so much about us?"

John toed his shoes off and dropped his keys in a bowl by the door. "What?"

"O'Neill. It's really weird, John. He knows things."

"Like what?" John asked. He pushed past Cam into the kitchen and washed his hands. Cam pulled himself up onto the end of the counter, swinging his feet off the side.

"Like how much you cook, or what we had for dinner last week. He knows about the dead skunk we found in the pool a few days ago… he knows stuff."

John shot him another one of his famous 'you're stupid, but I'll humor you because I love you' looks and pulled out a skillet from the cupboard. "Daniel talks to him."

"What? Every day?" Cam asked. "That's just weird, John."

"It's not every day, Cameron."

"But he knows things."

John sighed and turned on the oven, placing the skillet over a burner, letting it heat up. He walked over and stood between Cam's open legs and rested a hand lightly on Cam's knee. He reached up with his free hand to trace the side of Cam's face and Cam forgot everything but John. He lost himself in John's expressive eyes, and John's warm body, pressed so close to his own. Cam wondered how he had gotten so lucky with John.

Then John smiled and Cam fell in love all over again. He reached up and brushed a hand across John's lower back before settling it on John's waist and holding him close. He leaned forward and John met him halfway, their lips touching lightly. It was perfect and everything Cam had ever wanted in his whole life.

John moved a little and tucked his head into the side of Cam's neck and Cam pressed his own face into John's body, inhaling the scent of his husband. John pressed a kiss to Cam's neck and then pulled back.

"I need to change," John murmured, still pressed close to Cam.

Cam nodded but wasn't ready to let John go yet. After a minute or so, John started shifting a little and Cam released him immediately.

"Can you watch the stove?" John asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll be back in a minute."

Cam nodded and watched John walk away.

---

John knocked on the door in front of him and when he heard a response he entered, leaving the door open a crack behind him. Rodney looked up from his computer to spare a glance for John before going back to whatever it was he was doing. The astrophysicist was sitting on his bed, legs stretched out in front of him, leaning against the headboard, typing away. He scooted towards the right a little, enough to make room for John on his other side and John took the invitation to sit.

They sat in silence for a while; John thought they both preferred it that way. John was engrossed in the program that Rodney was writing. It would basically allow him to unlock his car using his iPhone. John was pretty sure that Rodney had seen it done on some TV show or heard about it from Lorne, who was much more apt to watch TV than Rodney was.

It didn't take Rodney much longer to finish, and soon he was setting aside his laptop.

"The idiot loves me," is the first thing Rodney said. "He just blurts it out over breakfast in between 'pass the salt' and 'do you want toast'."

John felt a small smile pass over his face. "He's a lucky man."

"He loves me," Rodney said in a much smaller voice. "My own parents didn't even love me, John."

Sometimes John wonders if Rodney's as broken as he is, but just hides it better.

"He's a much better person than your parents, Rodney."

"Pretty much everyone is," Rodney agreed. "How did you know you loved Mitchell?"

John felt his chest tighten. "I knew I loved him when the world stopped closing in on me, when I could start breathing a little."

"Evan makes me laugh," Rodney whispered. "And he's so goddamned understanding of how much I fucking love you."

The statement was so uncharacteristically Rodney that John blinked and felt tears prick at the back of his eyes.

"He gets that things come to me in the middle of the night," Rodney continued. "And he doesn't care. He lets me stop whatever we're doing just to write it all down. He lets me yell and scream and complain about how stupid everyone is." He turned to look at John and his blue eyes were shining brightly. "But I've always been able to breathe, John."

"Then maybe he should take your breath away."

Rodney nodded and said, "Every time he walks into the room."

---

Cameron was reading when John pushed open the door to his husband's room. John slept there more and more these days. It was a slow transition. Cameron had gotten a bigger bed, but John's stayed the same size. Sometimes John would join his husband in sleep, and sometimes John needed to be in his own room. John probably spent between three or four nights a week in Cameron's room. Cameron never slept in John's room; he had strict rules about John keeping his own space.

"How was your talk with McKay?" Cameron asked, dog-earing the page and setting the book aside.

John pulled back the covers and settled into the bed. He often started out on the edge and would work his way in. Tonight, though, he wanted to be closer to Cameron, so he slid over until Cameron lifted an arm up for him to rest under. John rested his head on Cameron's chest and could feel Cameron's heartbeat through his shirt.

"Lorne told Rodney that he loved him."

Cameron snorted, "Well, that was pretty obvious. I'm surprised it took him so long. Did McKay say it back?"

"Not yet."

"Hmm." Cameron gently carded a hand through John's hair. "So was it me or were there some serious 'fuck me' vibes at the dinner table tonight between O'Neill and Jackson?"

"Just you," John answered with a small smile.

"What? How could you not have seen them? There were vibes all over the place!"

"Yeah, just not 'fuck me' vibes," John said.

"What kind of vibes were they then?" Cameron asked.

"They love each other, Cameron, like best friends. They missed each other. Best friends have vibes, you know." He paused for a second. "You should probably work on your vibe decoding."

"My vibe decoding is fine."

"Last week you thought Stackhouse and Markham were together."

"There were vibes!"

"Stackhouse is all but married," John said with a roll of his eyes. "And not to Markham."

"Well if you would tell me things like that, then I wouldn't pick up the wrong vibes!"

"Uh-huh."

Cameron rubbed his fingers up and down John's arm. "Was that all McKay wanted? To gossip about Lorne?"

"Can you turn the light off?"

Cameron reached over and a moment later the room was plunged into darkness.

"He told me he loved me," John whispered.

"You knew that," Cameron said softly.

"He'd never said it before."

"He doesn't really seem like the type to go around saying it."

"Probably not," John agreed. The silence stretched between them comfortably, and Cameron's fingers kept moving up and down John's arm. "He wanted to know how I knew I loved you."

"Yeah? And what did you say?" Cameron asked softly.

"That," John said with a light poke. "Is a secret."

"A secret?" Cameron pouted. "I'm your husband, don't I get to know your secrets?"

"I think you know enough of my secrets," John smiled.

There was a soft knock at the door, and then Daniel peeked his head in. "Hey, John? Jack spilled some coffee on his sheets and I can't find any of the other sheets we have, did you move them again?"

"Yeah, sorry," John answered. He pulled away from Cameron and got out of bed. He walked to the door but turned his head before he left, "I'll be right back, Cameron."

"Okay."

John turned to Daniel as they went down the hall. "Sorry, I thought they fit better elsewhere."

"No problem. Sorry to bother you."

John led them down the stairs and to the small laundry room. There was a white wicker cabinet in there and John opened one of its doors and pulled out a fitted sheet and a top sheet. "Does he need both?"

"Yeah."

John handed them over to Daniel. "Does Jack need anything else?"

"Nope, I think he's all set," Daniel said with a smile. "I'm really glad he's here, John."

"I know," John said softly. "It's good to see you so happy."

"It's not that I'm not happy when he's not here-"

"Daniel," John interrupted. "I know. But he's your friend, you guys are close. You miss him."

"Yeah," Daniel agreed quietly.

They walked back out to the bottom of the stairs, but John reached out and lightly touched Daniel's arm before he could start up them. Daniel looked at him patiently.

John fidgeted for a second and then said, "Um. You know I love you, right?"

With the soft illumination from the street lights outside, John could see Daniel's face soften. "Yes, John, I know. I love you, too."

"Oh." John felt his heart skip a beat. "Okay, good."

Daniel reached out and gave John's bicep a soft squeeze. "Very good."

John nodded, "Very good."

---

John woke up in Cameron's arms, held tightly against his husband's body. He enjoyed it for about seventeen seconds before his body started panicking. His breathing became labored and his heart started thumping and John jerked himself out of Cameron's grasp and out of bed as quickly as possible. He was out of the room and in his own, with the door shut and locked behind him, within a minute.

He leaned against the back of his door and tried to calm himself down. It took a few minutes, but soon everything had evened out and all John was left with was the fading warmth from Cameron's body. John closed his eyes and hit his head back against the door.

"Fuck."

John sighed again and then straightened up. He went over to his dresser and pulled out some jeans and an old t-shirt of Cameron's that had… somehow… made its way into John's clothes. He grabbed some boxers and a pair of socks before heading for the shower.

Twenty minutes later he was in the kitchen, trying to decide what to cook for breakfast. He had the coffee machine on and Rodney, in his pre-coffee zombie like state, was working on his first cup at the dining room table. There was a knock on the door and John raised an eyebrow but went to answer it.

It was still early, about seven in the morning, on a Saturday. Way too early for people to being knocking. When he opened the door, John thought he probably shouldn't have been as surprised as he was.

"Morning, sir," Lorne greeted.

"Lorne," John returned, stepping back to let his teammate in. "I was just about to make breakfast."

"French toast, sir?" Lorne asked, hopefully.

John shrugged. "Sure."

He followed Lorne into the kitchen and got him a mug of coffee. Lorne sat down next to the still zombie-like Rodney, but didn't try to engage him in conversation.

John began his preparation of French toast, thinking about everything he had to do today. Laundry was at the top of the list, his, Cameron's, Daniel's and Rodney's. They'd all been off-world so much lately that it had just began to pile up and it was getting to the point where John only had two pairs of clean boxers left. Next he was going to get Cameron to clean the pool and then later on maybe he'd invite his and Cameron's team over for a barbeque.

"Are you and Rodney going out today?" John asked Lorne.

Lorne shrugged. "Not that I know of, sir."

"You can help Cameron clean the pool," John said.

Lorne grinned. "Sounds like fun, sir. I can't wait."

John snorted and kept cooking. He put a couple pieces in the frying pan and then walked over to pour Rodney and Lorne a second cup of coffee each.

He caught sight of Daniel, clad only in his boxers, coming down the stairs and poured a third mug out for the archeologist. Daniel took it with a grateful smile and collapsed into an empty chair by Lorne.

Daniel sipped his coffee before saying, "Mitchell's up, too. I expect he'll be down in a minute."

John poured his husband a mug of coffee and set it to the side. Sure enough, a couple minutes later, Cameron was shuffling into the kitchen. He stopped to give John a kiss on the cheek before taking his mug to the table.

"Is O'Neill still sleeping?" Cameron asked, holding his coffee between his hands.

John shook his head. "He's up. He's in the study on the computer."

"Want me to go get him?"

"Give him another five minutes, by then the food should be mostly ready."

Cameron smiled. "Sounds good."

"Do you want any fruit?" John asked, already opening the fridge.

"What do we have?"

"Strawberries, pluots, cherries, and honeydew melon."

"Some honeydew sounds great," Cameron said. He stood up, leaving his coffee at the table. "I'll cut it up, John."

John grabbed the melon and handed it off to Cameron. He reached over and slid a cutting board towards his husband who was looking at the knives, trying to decide which one to use. John rolled his eyes and reached out and pulled the chef's knife out and handed it to Cameron. Cameron offered a sheepish smile and accepted the knife.

"Daniel?" John asked.

"Hmm?"

"Can you set the table?"

"I'll do it," Lorne said, standing.

Daniel looked like he might protest, and then looked at his coffee and shrugged. Lorne was familiar enough with their kitchen that John didn't have to show him where anything was, he just collected the plates and cutlery on his own.

John was flipping over two pieces of French toast when Cameron sidled up next to him.

"Morning, John," he said softly, so they weren't overheard.

"Good morning, Cameron."

Cameron stood there, pouting, until John shook his head fondly and turned to face his husband. Cameron smiled and leaned in towards John for a kiss, John gave him a quick peck before pulling back. Cameron had a large smile on his face when John looked at him.

"After breakfast, wanna go make out for a while?" Cameron asked, hopefully.

What they did, John wouldn't call making out, but it was probably the simplest phrase to apply to it. "After I get the laundry started."

"Oh good," Cameron sighed in relief. "I'm out of boxers. I had to go commando today."

John's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry, I meant to do the laundry a few days ago…"

"Hey, I could have done it my-"

"No one touches the washing machine but me," John said firmly. After a series on incidents resulting in pink clothes, shrunken clothes, a broken washing machine, and bleach spotted black shirts, John had put a moratorium on who was allowed to use the washing machine. It was pretty much only John and Patty. And John liked doing laundry. Rodney said that was weird.

"I was just saying," Cameron pouted.

"I'm really sorry, Cameron. I, uh, you can borrow some of mine if you want."

Cameron shrugged. "I'm fine."

"I'll put yours in first."

Cameron laughed. "Okay, John."

"And I was thinking of having a barbeque tonight, we can invite the teams."

"And Carson," Cameron added.

"Of course."

"Sounds good."

"And Lorne's going to help you clean the pool."

Cameron rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"And then we have to go shopping for food."

"And call Patty and Jim," Cameron added. "Oh, and my parents."

"We can call them tomorrow."

Cameron raised an eyebrow. "You? You want to put off calling your parents until tomorrow?"

John flushed. "I talked to them yesterday," he informed Cameron quietly. "They called while I was at work."

"Oh, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, they just wanted to tell me that Aunt Rose's cat died."

"Not Toby," Cameron denied sadly. "That cat was going to live forever!"

"I guess forever's not as long as you think it is," John said wisely.

"We should send a condolence card or something."

"For a cat?" John asked skeptically.

"That cat was all Rose had."

"No one sends condolence cards for a cat."

"They do when the cat was like a child!" Cameron argued.

"I don't think so," John held.

"I'm sending a card, John Mason," Cameron decided firmly. "And I'm adding your name to the bottom."

John flipped some French toast out onto a plate. "Lorne! Come get your breakfast."

"Are you ignoring me?" Cameron asked.

"Go get Jack," John ordered. "And we'll discuss this card thing some more later."

Cameron sighed. "Fine."

---

Cam loved Saturdays. He had loved Saturdays since he was a child and Saturday morning cartoons were still worth watching. As he grew older, he loved Saturdays because it was a day off from work and he got to sleep in. Once he married John, he loved Saturdays because he got to spend a whole day with his husband, and most of the time he would get John all to himself.

While John started the laundry, Cam sent out invites via text messages to their teams and Carson about a possible barbeque. Before John had even closed the lid to the washing machine, Cam had received three affirmative answers. Cam thought their friends really needed to get a life, because no one should be available on a Saturday night for a last-minute barbeque.

Once John had the washing machine going, he offered Cam a shy smile and then gave him a friendly push out of the laundry room, past Lorne and McKay who were sprawled out together on the couch, and up the stairs to Cam's room.

Cam left the door open a crack behind him and went to lay down on the bed. He faced the ceiling while John settled in against his side.

John shifted minutely and Cam felt soft lips press against his jaw. A smile stretched across his face as John's hand slipped under the bottom of Cam's t-shirt.

It wasn't until John stretched his neck out a bit that Cam turned his head to face John. John's eyes held a combination of longing and wariness, but there was love mixed in. John smiled shyly and Cam moved his head an inch closer to John's. John leaned in, and their mouths met.

Sometimes, when it was just him and John, Cam let his mind wander a little, mostly at night, sometimes not. He wondered what John would be like if he had known love before he knew hurt. It was hard for John, now, because his brain mixed the two of them up a lot. The world told John that his parents were supposed to love him, but all John had ever gotten were fists and anger. Cam supposed that for a long time, John had probably thought that was what love was. When he figured out it wasn't, there was probably a lot of cognitive dissonance, as Cam's psych teacher from college called it.

John hadn't stood a chance, with the way he had been raised.

And then with all the abuse later on in John's life, people using his body for their pleasure, John's mind only got more and more confused. After a while, Cam figured it had given up, and just tried to protect itself. But the more that Cam brought him out of his shell, the more John had to face and work his way through. It wasn't a pleasant thing for either of them, and the therapy that they had gone to last year had been everything John hadn't faced, coming at him at once.

John's fingers ghosted Cam's temple. "Stop thinking."

Cam smiled lazily. "Isn't that my line?"

"What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours," John said, quoting Cam's marriage vows.

"You always pick such inopportune moments to throw that back at me."

"Next time, you should make it more vague."

"Oh really?" Cam asked. He pressed a kiss to the side of John's mouth. "The only problem with that, is there won't be a next time."

"There's always vow renewals."

"I think you're supposed to say the same vows that you said before."

"Who can remember that long?" John asked. Cam felt a smile stretch across his face. "What?" John demanded.

"I like it when you allude to how long we'll be together."

John flushed. "You know, no one would believe me if I told them that the big bad leader of SG1 was such a cheesy person."

Cam laughed. "I think everyone would believe you."

John's hand eased up Cam's shirt, taking it with him, and Cam raised both arms so that John could pull it off. He let Cam tug his own shirt off, and normally Cam would strip down to his boxers, but since he wasn't wearing any that day, he left his pants on.

Cam grinned as he looked John over. "God I love…" he licked his lips as his eyes traveled up John's bare chest to the top of his head. "… your hair."

John blinked and then laughed. And it was an honest-to-god, real laugh.

Cam loved Saturdays.

---

Jack left two weeks after he arrived, and John was sorry to see him go. Not just because he liked O'Neill, but also because he knew that Daniel would mope around the house for a while after he left. John couldn't imagine what it must be like to live so far away from your best friend.

"Hey," John said.

Daniel looked up from where he was reading on his bed. "Hey, John. What's up?"

"Want to go to Josh and John's?"

Daniel quirked a smile at him. "You know, one of the things I love about you and Mitchell, is that you both think ice cream has magical healing powers."

"You mean it doesn't?"

Daniel laughed and set his book aside. "Want to invite Carson? I doubt he's been."

"He's at the Mountain today," John told him. "It's just you and me."

"No Cam?"

"He's…" John frowned. "I think he went shopping for something. Shoes, maybe?"

"It'll be just like the old days," Daniel grinned. He slipped on his shoes and tugged John out of the room. "What should I get? A banana split sounds really good… or maybe a sundae…"

"Root beer float," John put in.

"Oh, yeah! That was awesome last time…"

---

John loved family reunions for one reason: he got to spend time with his parents. He didn't enjoy all the relatives and their questioning glances. He didn't enjoy how much alcohol was consumed for the sake of consuming alcohol. He didn't enjoy the way everyone would pinch Cameron's cheeks or give him hugs and pat him on the shoulder.

He glanced sideways at his husband's face. Cameron was currently laughing at something that Aunt Marie had said. John hadn't the faintest idea what it was as he had been too busy trying to make Aunt Marie's hand move off of Cameron's arm through will-power alone. It wasn't working.

John sidled up closer to Cameron. Cameron's hand purposefully brushed against John's and John fought the urge to smirk and proudly proclaim Cameron as his. John dreaded bringing Cameron to family events because the women swooned over him at every turn. Cameron thought it was hilarious, John thought it was ridiculous.

Across the yard, Patty motioned John over and John let his hand brush against Cameron's again, automatically getting the other man's attention. "I'm going to go talk with my mom."

Cameron looked around the yard until he spotted Patty and Jim talking to someone that John was pretty sure was a cousin or some kind; second, or maybe first once removed, John could never be bothered to keep track.

"Want me to come with?"

John glanced at the hand that Marie still had on Cameron's arm and said, "No, it's fine."

Cameron reached out and gave John's hand a quick squeeze before dropping the hand. "Okay."

John spared one more look towards Marie before heading across the yard towards his parents. John would have to have a talk with Cameron later about what was and what wasn't an acceptable distance to keep when in conversation.

---

"John?"

"Daniel," John said into his phone. "What's up?"

"I may have a slight situation."

"A situation."

"Do you remember me telling you about Vala?"

"The woman who hijacked the Prometheus," John answered.

"Uh, yeah, that would be her, good memory."

"Daniel."

"What?"

"What is the situation?" John asked tersely. He poked Cameron in the side until the other man woke up. "Get dressed."

"I am dressed," Daniel answered.

"I'm talking to Cameron."

"He's naked?"

"He's not," John exhaled loudly. "Daniel, what is your situation?"

"She may or may not have linked us together with Jaffa kor Mak bracelets so that I would help her find some hidden treasure."

"What's a kor Mak bracelet?"

"A wrist band that the Jaffa used to use on their prisoners so that they wouldn't escape when moving them."

John pinched the bridge of his nose. "When you said, 'may or may not have', the may not wasn't really an option, right?"

"Right."

"Cameron and I will be on the next flight home."

"You don't have to-"

"I'll call Rodney to pick us up."

John heard Daniel breathing very quietly. "Thanks, John."

"It's what friends do."

---

Vala Mal Doran wasn't at all like Cam had thought she would be. For one, she was hot. Two, she was sassy. And three, she was completely obsessed with whatever her damn treasure was.

It had been two days since John had woken him up in the middle of the night, ordering him to pack. As soon as they'd gotten in, John had headed for the Mountain and Cam had barely seen him since. His husband was spending every available minute trying to figure a way to get Daniel out of the bracelet and away from Vala. He was pretty darn determined and since John was, in Cam's opinion, one of the smartest people in the world, Cam would put money on John defeating the bracelet. Sometime after day one, but before day three, John had enlisted Rodney's help, and since together they could easily take over the world if they wanted to, Cam just sat back and waited.

It was day four before McKay had cornered him and mumbled something about John being all flinchy and not right. When Cam had tracked John down, he could see why.

From his vantage point in the doorway, Cam could see the energetic, flirty Vala was uncomfortably close to John, and had probably been for a while. She was peering over his shoulder as he typed and had a hand resting on John's shoulder. Daniel, to his credit, was attempting to subtly lure Vala away from John, but wasn't having much success.

"John," Cam said.

John looked up immediately and relief shone in his eyes. He shifted his weight to try and get further away from Vala, with no luck. Cam smiled easily at Vala, a smile as fake as the one John often wore, and crossed the room in five easy strides.

Cam wasn't going for subtle when he pried Vala's hand off of John's shoulder and insinuated himself between the alien woman and John.

"How's it going, Vala?" He asked congenially.

She looked between him and John. "You know, Daniel said that you and John were bonded-"

"Married," Cam supplied.

She raised an eyebrow. "Married, then, but if that was really the case, I would have expected you to drop by sooner, Cameron." She tapped Cam's chest with a finger before dragging it down his t-shirt. Cam gently, but firmly, removed her hand from his body.

"John prefers to be left alone when he works."

"I like to be left alone when I work."

They answered at the same time.

"But Daniel's here," Vala protested. "And I'm here."

"Which is unavoidable," Cam said.

Vala walked around the desk and casually plopped herself down in Daniel's lap. About two seconds passed before Daniel pushed her off of him. "I'm not a chair."

Cam turned around and tugged on the bottom of John's shirt, in the back, before slowly sliding an arm around John's waist. John leaned into him and Cam realized that this was the most they had ever touched while on duty at the Mountain. John had been firm about keeping their married life separate from work, even though it wasn't a secret that they were together. While John did have his 'don't mess with me look' on at the moment, McKay had been right, John was more flinchy than he ever usually was at work. He was more John Mason than John Sheppard, and that worried Cam, just a little.

"How's it going?" Cam asked.

"Rodney and I have figured out that there's a key that's needed to open the bracelets. Carter and Teal'c have gone to talk to Bra'tac to see if he has one, or knows where to find one."

Cam's brow furrowed. "My team went off-world?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Cam saw Daniel lead Vala out of the room and heard him say something about food.

"No, they're talking through the gate system."

"Oh. When did they go to do that?"

"About twenty minutes ago."

So right near the time McKay had tracked him down. "So what are you still doing here?"

"Keeping Daniel company while working on a couple of papers," John answered.

Cam leaned in and kissed John's jaw line. "Let's make-out instead."

"Not at work, Cameron."

"Please, John," Cam begged. "Haven't you ever wanted to? In your office? In my office? In McKay's lab?"

"Not when any one of my men could walk in."

"We can lock the doors."

John bit his lip and Cam could tell that he was actually considering it. But any hope that he had started to muster, was short lived, when Carter and Teal'c came back with a small box in their hands. John immediately pulled out of Cam's grasp and put about two feet between them.

"We have the key," Carter said excitedly. "Where's Daniel?"

"He went to get food," John supplied. "He'll be back in a few minutes."

"Then we shall wait here for him," Teal'c said.

John nodded and went back to working on some papers.

---

Cam was looking for John and found him on the shooting range. With Vala. Cam was in the observation room and didn't think that either could see him as he hadn't turned the light on.

There were a few weapons in front of them, most notably Goa'uld weapons that they'd acquired over the years. But neither of them had a weapon in their hands. Instead they were talking, and whatever they were talking about, looked serious. Cam had seen a lot of Vala over the past couple of days, and he could say with certainty that he'd never seen her look as she did now.

When she reached out and touched the side of John's face, Cam was just waiting for John to jump or move or push her off, but he didn't do any of those things. Instead he just let her.

They talked for another few minutes before Vala turned away from John and picked up one of the weapons. Cam left them at that point, feeling like an intruder.

---

They said good-bye to Vala in the morning. She was gating back to a planet she had picked out, much to everyone's relief. She made sure to give everyone a hug before leaving, including John. Cam was only a little surprised when John returned the hug and whispered something into her ear. She nodded before moving on to Daniel.

Later that night, Cam's curiosity got the better of him as he helped John load the dishwasher.

"So… what'd you think of Vala?"

John handed him a plate. "She's different."

"She seemed a bit taken with Daniel," Cam commented.

"I think she was just having fun with him."

"She, uh, also seemed a bit taken with you," Cam said nonchalantly, accepting the mug that John was handing him.

"I would never cheat on you Cameron," John said seriously. He'd said it before, in the exact same tone he was saying it now.

"I know, I was only saying that she seemed to take a liking to you." Cam was studiously examining the dishwasher rack.

John reached out and hooked a curled finger under Cam's chin and titled his head up until their eyes met. "Are you jealous?"

Cam flushed. "No, of course not."

"I told her that if she ever needed anything, all she had to do was ask," John said quietly.

"Huh?"

"Before she went through the gate."

"You invited her back?"

"I know what it's like to have no place to call home, no place to go," John said. "And so does Daniel. I'm sure he said the same thing to her."

Cam doubted that but let it go. "She has plenty of places to go. Hell, John, she talked about a hundred of them while she was here."

"No," John said with a shake of her head. "She talked about places she had been, not places to go to."

"John… she's a con-woman. She's a thief and a liar, you can't trust anything she said."

"I don't," John replied softly. "But I know that look in her eyes, Cameron. I know it, Daniel knows it, Rodney knows it… it's a look you get from a lifetime of being alone. If she comes back and needs my help, I'm going to give it."

Cam was starting to wonder if they had seen the same person. The Vala he had met had only been full of smiles and innuendos. She had a bounce to her step and a way of swishing her hips when she walked. She hadn't seemed alone at all, hadn't seemed like someone who would fall into the same category as McKay, much less John.

"Okay," Cam said. "I trust you, John."

"Thank you."

---

Vala was pretty much forgotten over the next few months as Thanksgiving quickly approached. John would be cooking his first Thanksgiving meal and both Cam's and John's parents were flying in for it. There was a brief discussion of where everyone would stay, but eventually they settled on a nearby hotel for both of their parents.

Cam wasn't exactly sure how they were going to fit so many people into their house because not only were both sets of parents coming, John's team, the rest of Cam's team, and Beckett were also coming.

It all began to make more sense when Rodney and John started talking about space proportions and length projections and other things that meant little to Cam. Although their meaning was clarified when Cam found himself and Teal'c moving furniture around. The next weekend, Stackhouse and Markham showed up with a new dining room table that was a good four times the size of their current one.

Cam was still sure that he'd been right about those two, no matter what John said. He figured he just had to wait long enough.

The days leading up to Thanksgiving created a chaos at their house that Cam had never known. John was running around, trying out the food he was going to cook as well as cleaning everything in the house in a desperate fashion. Rodney was busy making sure there was no lemon in anything (as if John would forget) and telling everyone that the real Thanksgiving was a month ago. Daniel was busy lecturing anyone who would listen about what happened during the real Thanksgiving, and Cam was left making sure that everything was set for their parents' arrivals.

All four of them were working until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and while Cam loved the holiday, that meant that he saw very little of John but ate a lot of John's cooking. Daniel kept making jokes about all of them gaining ten pounds before the holiday was over. Cam wasn't so sure they were really jokes.

By Tuesday afternoon, Cam was getting ready to sneak out early, as most of the SGC had already done. Too bad John, Rodney, and Daniel seemed to have other plans. Daniel was engrossed in some translation he was working on and had shooed Cam out of his office before Cam even opened his mouth to speak. John and McKay were both huddled around their laptops, facing each other. Cam wondered if they were having a contest to see who could type faster, because their hands were moving pretty darn quick.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

Cam thought it must surely be love when John stopped typing long enough to look up and offer Cam a tiny smile. Three hundred, twenty-two. Cam smiled back. "I was thinking of skipping out early."

A hesitant look came over John's face and his eyes flickered to Rodney before settling back on Cam's face. "We're sorta in the middle of something."

"How long will you be?"

"A few hours?" John guessed.

"Four," Rodney put in.

"Four hours," John corrected.

"Should I even ask what you're doing?" Cam questioned, walking closer to John.

John shrugged. "It would probably bore you."

Rodney made an impatient noise and Cam shot him a grin before perching on the corner of the table they were both at. "Do you need me to pick up anything on the way home?"

"There's a package at the post office that they tried to drop off twice when I wasn't home." John made a face of annoyance. "So now I have to go pick it up…"

"Do you have the slip?"

"It's in my locker."

Cam nodded. "Anything else?"

"No, thank you."

"Sure." Cam leaned down and risked John's wrath for a kiss, but John just tilted his head up and met his mouth. When he pulled back, Cam licked his lips and smiled down at John. He lightly touched the top of John's head. "I'll see you at home." John nodded and didn't say anything when Cam pressed a kiss to his forehead as he straightened back up. "Later, McKay."

"Sheppard!" Cam heard Rodney snap, as he walked away. "Eyes forward."

Cam grinned.

---

"Colonel Sheppard to the gate room! Colonel Sheppard to the gate room!"

Klaxons were blaring and red lights flashed as John jogged through the corridors of the SGC, Lorne had joined him about ten seconds earlier and when John arrived in the gate room, Stackhouse and Markham were already there, weapons drawn.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Landry asked through the speakers.

John turned to look up through the glass divider. "Yes, sir?"

"She's your responsibility."

John nodded. "Yes, sir."

"I don't want to hear about her wreaking havoc on my base," Landry said firmly.

"Yes, sir."

"And she stays with you."

"Yes, sir."

Landry sighed and John heard him order the iris open. John ran up the ramp when Vala stumbled through, one hand pressed to her stomach and the other aiming a gun back through the wormhole.

"Close the iris!" John ordered.

The iris closed and John heard a couple of blasts hit the metal, but his attention was on the woman before him. She looked up and met his gaze. "Hi, John."

John barely had time to catch her before she collapsed.

"Medical team to the gate room," Walter said over the intercom. "Medical team to the gate room."

John could feel hot, sticky liquid pouring out onto his hands. Vala's eyes sought his for a moment before she closed them and John couldn't get her to open them again.

---

Cam wasn't sure how he got talked into these things. Yes, he was. All John had to do was stare at him with those eyes of his and ask quietly and Cam was a goner. So when John had asked Cam to sit with Vala until she woke up, Cam had been powerless to say no.

John had been conflicted when he'd asked Cam to watch her. It had been obvious that John would have stayed had he'd been able, but John had committed to making dinner, so he'd been cooking almost all day in preparation for tomorrow, Cam suspected he'd be by later. Daniel would probably have been the next choice, but he was picking up John and Cam's parents from the airport.

So Cam had been sitting with Vala for two hours and she hadn't so much as moved. Carson stopped by every ten minutes or so. While he wasn't a regular doctor in the infirmary, he did do a few shifts there but Cam knew he was there now as a favor to John.

Carson had said the wound wasn't as bad as it had seemed; Vala had actually passed out from dehydration and exhaustion. But Cam couldn't forget the way John had looked when Cam had found him cleaning up in the locker room. There had been blood all over him and John had been blankly staring at his hands, sitting on a bench with a worried Rodney and Daniel hovering over him.

Cam smiled as his cell phone rang again. "Hi, John."

"How is she?"

"No change."

"What's Carson say?"

"She'll probably wake up within the hour."

Cam could hear John moving things around in the kitchen. "I'll be there in twenty."

"I'll be here."

---

Cam and John's parents hadn't been in the same place at the same time since Cam's wedding. Patty and Wendy talked on the phone occasionally, and although Wendy liked Patty, Cam was fairly sure that the reverse wasn't true. He didn't think it was that Patty didn't like Wendy, so much as it was that Wendy didn't like John and Patty didn't like anyone who didn't like John.

John, bless his heart, had remained oblivious to the tension that had radiated between the two sets of parents during their wedding. Cam hoped he'd be just as oblivious after the holiday.

"Hey."

Cam smiled and turned to greet John. "Hey, gorgeous."

John flushed a bright red and came to stand next to Cam, beside Vala's bed. "Did she wake up?"

"Not yet." Cam reached for John's left hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. He didn't let go when he finished, instead, he absentmindedly twisted John's wedding ring around. John simply moved closer to him. "Daniel called."

John nodded. "I know."

Daniel had called about ten minutes before John had arrived, saying that Frank and Wendy's flight had been delayed by an hour, but that Patty and Jim had made it in safely.

"You know, this means we'll have to set another place at the table," Cam sighed.

"Yeah."

"And she's not sitting by me," Cam said.

"I know."

"Or you."

"Anything else you want to decide?" John asked, his tone spoke of his amusement, though.

"Hmm… there must be cranberry sauce."

"Must be, huh?" John asked.

Cam leaned sideways into John. "Definitely. I saw them make it on that show about the Osbourne's once. If they can make it, you can make it."

"Is that so?"

Cam stood up and John's eyes met his; they were filled with mirth. "That is most definitely so." He let go of John's hand to wrap his arms around John's waist. John glanced around the infirmary, and upon finding it empty of staff, he gave Cam a smile and Cam leaned in kissed him soundly.

"If I had realized the level of free entertainment, I would have come back sooner."

Cam froze and John pulled back swiftly, separating their persons. John turned to Vala. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Where's my Daniel?"

Cam coughed. "He's picking up our," he gestured to himself and John. "-parents from the airport."

"You have docking ports in the air?" Vala asked, confused. "This world is more advanced than I thought."

"They're not in the air," John corrected smoothly. "It's where airplanes land on the ground. Airplanes are like ships, but only for interplanetary travel."

"Oh. How boring," Vala stated. She sat up easily. "So where are my clothes?"

---

John was a careful driver. But only when someone else was in the car. Cameron was in the passenger seat, so John stopped at every stop sign fully, went the speed limit, and always signaled. He wasn't about to take risks with Cameron's life.

They were on the way to the hotel their parents were staying at. They were all meeting for dinner at the hotel restaurant. Cameron was unusually fidgety and about halfway there, John had settled his hand onto Cameron's thigh to calm him down. He honestly wasn't used to being the more put together one. Cameron was much better at it than he was, but John was doing his best.

Finally John couldn't take it anymore. "What's wrong?"

Cameron's head snapped to look at him. "Huh?"

"You're nervous," John stated. "Why?"

"Just, uh, haven't seen my parents in a while."

"We saw your mom in February."

"Oh. You're right, of course."

"Cameron."

"Yeah?"

"Cut the bull-shit," John said firmly. "I'm your husband, not some stranger."

Cameron sighed. "I'm nervous about tonight, about our parents getting along, about my mom upsetting you…"

"Don't be."

Cameron gaped at him. "That's your advice?" He asked. "Don't be?"

John shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"

"How about… our parents will get along swimmingly! And my mom isn't going to upset you, because you won't let her get to you."

"Okay. Our parents will get along swimmingly," John repeated. "And your mom isn't going to upset me, because I won't let her get to me."

Cameron groaned. "You know I hate it when you do that, John."

John pulled into the parking lot and found a spot near the main entrance. They would be meeting for dinner in an hour, but John wanted to spend some time with his parents first, and had convinced Cameron that he wanted the same thing.

"We're all adults, here, Cameron," John reminded him. "I hardly think our parents are going to start duking it out in the middle of a restaurant."

"You obviously don't know my mother well enough," Cameron muttered.

"And they have nothing to fight over, anyway," John continued. "It'll be fine."

"Famous last words."

---

John knocked softly on the door to his parents' room. It opened a few seconds later with his dad behind it. Jim grinned at John and pulled him into the room.

"Patty! John's here!" He yelled towards the bathroom. "She's just freshening up," he told John.

John nodded and sat down in the chair his dad gestured him to. "How was your flight?"

His dad sat across from him and smiled. "Good. It was pretty crowded because of the holiday, but we weren't going too far."

John's dad was assigned to Scott Air Force Base in Belleville, Illinois. The flight was not quite two hours from there to Colorado Springs.

"John!" His mom crooned. She approached him with her arms out and John stood up quickly and took a few steps to meet her. She engulfed him in a big hug, and soon enough his dad joined in. "I've missed you, John," she said into his ear.

"I've missed you, too, mom," John replied softly.

They pulled back, but his mom kept her grip on his shoulders. "Well, let me look at you." She moved her gaze over his body slowly and met his eyes with a smile. "You look great, John."

John felt his cheeks redden. "Thanks, mom. You, too."

"Did Jim mention that we have something we need to talk to you about?" She asked, letting her arms fall to her side.

John felt his heart rate pick up, and only one thing ran through his mind: this was it - they didn't want him anymore. They were letting him go. He took an unconscious step backward, and a lump formed in his throat. His chest ached and the room began to shrink, and John found himself struggling to breathe.

"John?" His mom asked, concerned. "Sit down, honey." She directed him back to his chair.

John forced himself to focus on her, taking a couple of deep breaths. "Mom?" He whispered, reaching a hand out. She grasped it without hesitation.

"I'm right here, John," she soothed. "And so is your dad - we aren't going anywhere."

"I'm-I'm sorry," John gasped.

"What are you sorry for?" Patty asked in confusion.

"I'll be a better son," John promised. "Just don't… don't leave."

"We're not leaving, John," Jim cut in, kneeling down in front of John. "Why do you think we're leaving?

"You said you wanted to talk," John whispered, looking away. "That's what people say when they're going to leave."

"We are never going to leave you, John," Patty said firmly. "Never. You're ours forever, John. You're my son, I'm not going to leave you, no matter what."

"We love you, John," Jim said. "That's not going to change."

John swallowed and rubbed his chest. "What did you walk to talk about, then?"

"Maybe we should wait…" Patty said, worriedly. "You look like you're going to pass out, John. You're white as a sheet. Do you want some water?"

John shook his head. "No, thank you.' He met Patty's eyes. "Please, mom, tell me."

Patty looked at Jim before looking back at John and she nodded slowly. "Alright. It's nothing bad, John. I promise. It's… your dad has been giving more and more thought into retiring, and we've talked it over, and John… when he does, we want to move out here, to be closer to you and Cameron. We wanted to talk about it with you, to see how you would feel about that."

John looked back and forth between his parents, he felt tears prick his eyes. "You want… you want to move to Colorado? To be closer to me? What about your house? And the rest of the family? And-and…?" John couldn't believe what his mom was saying.

"We would sell the house," Jim said. "And we'd still see everyone at the big family get-togethers every year. But we've missed so much of your life, John. We want to spend the rest of ours with you. We know it's a little odd, and that you're almost forty, with a family of your own… we understand if you don't want us hovering about, so close to where you live."

"Yes," Patty added. "Don't feel pressured, John. And Jim won't be retiring for another year, at the least. So please, talk it over with Cameron. You don't have to decide right now, dear. We just wanted to give you a chance to get used to the idea."

John blinked. "So, you're not tired of me? You still want me?"

Patty smiled sadly. "No, John, we're not tired of you. We most certainly still want you."

"Oh." John felt a little like he was floating. "Is it time to meet Cameron yet?"

---

There was a small smile on John's face. It was the first thing that Cam noticed when they all met up in the lobby. He walked over to John and was happily surprised to receive a small kiss from his husband.

"How was your time with your parents?" Cam asked, reaching a hand down to grab John's.

"Really good," John answered. "How was yours?"

Cam sighed. "Half of it was spent with my mom trying to guilt me into calling more, and the other half was spent watching football."

"Who's playing?" John asked.

"Packers and the Chargers. The Chargers were up a field goal when we turned it off," Cam informed him. John didn't really follow sports that much, but humored Cam often enough by trying to express interest. Cam thought that John might be won over sooner or later by the draw of football. For now, though, Cam lived in a house full of men, none of whom watched any sports without him there. McKay claimed he watched hockey, but Cam had never seen him do it, although someone had been recording college football as of late.

"Boys!" Wendy called. "They're seating us."

Cam started to head after them, when John tugged on his sleeve. "My parents told me that they want to move here when my dad retires," John said excitedly, or as excited as Cam had ever seen him about anything.

Cam grinned. "That's awesome, John." He pulled his husband into a quick hug. "I'm so happy for you."

"You're not mad?" John asked.

"Why would I be?"

"Because your in-laws are moving closer?"

Cam shrugged. "I like them, and more importantly I know how happy you are about this, and that makes me happy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Cam nodded. "Now let's go eat, I'm starving."

"Now you sound like Rodney," John said fondly, following him into the restaurant.

"Ugh, not McKay," Cam grimaced. He looked around for their parents and spotted them at a table towards the middle of the restaurant. "I see them."

They made their way to the table and John took the seat in between his parents, facing the bar, while Cam's seat faced the window, and John. Cam browsed through the menu and couldn't help but smile when John's foot reached out and touched his, under the table.

After the waitress took their drink order - Cam's parents were the only ones to order alcohol - Cam set his menu aside, intent on a nice steak and potatoes dinner.

"You better be ordering vegetables, too, Cameron," John said, without looking up from where he was deciding what to order.

Cam sighed and glanced at the menu again. "It comes with green beans."

John put down his menu and took a sip of the water in front of him. His face was still flushed with excitement and happiness and Cam did his best to memorize the look.

"What are you getting, John?" Patty asked.

"The balsamic chicken," John answered. "What about you?"

"I was actually thinking of the same thing, dear," Patty said. "Hmm… yes, I think I'll get that." She smiled and set down her menu, stacking it on top of John's. Cam handed his over to be added to pile and so did his dad and Jim. Wendy took another minute before handing hers over as well.

An awkward silence seemed to settle over the table as they waited for the waitress to take their order and bring their drinks. Cam could tell that John's attention was only partly there; his eyes kept moving around, as if watching something.

Cam was about to ask what it was, when John stood abruptly. He pushed back his chair, startling everyone at the table. His eyes were locked on something behind Cam and when Cam followed John's figure over to the bar, he noticed it. There was a man and a woman there, the man extremely intoxicated. From what Cam could see, he was hitting on the woman and the woman was trying to get away, except the man had a strong hold on her arm.

John went right up to them, and Cam couldn't hear what he said, but he could tell from the look in John's eyes that it was something serious. The man said something with a laugh and John directed another question towards the woman who shook her head. John turned back to the man and said something else, but the man still didn't let go. Before Cam could blink, John had grabbed the man's arm off of the woman and twisted it around to his back, forcing the man's head down onto the bar. He whispered something into the man's ear.

Cam stood up to help John out, but Jim waved him back down. "John's got this, son," he said. Cam sat back into his seat, eyes still on John.

The bartender headed their way and John said something to him, which the other man nodded at. He came out from behind the bar and took the drunk man from John's grasp, escorting him out of the restaurant. The girl said something to John and John just nodded, offering her a tight smile, before heading back to the table.

"Sorry," John said, retaking his seat.

"Everything alright, dear?" Patty asked, laying a hand lightly on John's forearm.

"Yes."

"That's good to hear, John," Patty said warmly. "That was very nice of you to help her out, most people probably wouldn't have."

"Integrity first," John quoted, from the Air Force Core Values. "Service before self."

Cam quirked a smile as Jim agreed. "Indeed."

After dinner, John wanted to spend a little bit more time with Patty and Jim, so Cam followed his parents back up to their room.

"Well," Wendy said. "That was certainly a different side of John than we're used to seeing."

"Hmm?" Cam asked. He collapsed onto the bed.

"Him helping out that girl at the beginning of dinner," Wendy explained. "I never imagined he could be so direct."

Cam snorted. "He's a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force, mom. What did you expect?"

"I expected him to be like he was every other time we've seen him," Wendy answered sharply. "It's not my fault that John is so sullen and depressed, Cam."

Cam rolled his eyes. "He's not sullen and depressed, mom. I told you, that's just how he is. He's quiet and careful, there's nothing wrong with that."

"He still never smiles," she argued. "I don't think I've ever seen that boy smile."

"What?" Cam sat up and looked at his mother. "Are you kidding? John smiled the entire time tonight!"

"Was that what that odd expression on his face was?" Frank asked, bemused. "It didn't look like any smile I've ever seen."

"Yes, don't be ridiculous, Cam," his mom said. "There was certainly no smile on John's face tonight, just some expression of… discomfort or something."

"You just don't know him like I do," Cam said with a shake of his head. "He was smiling."

"How can you be happy like this, Cam?" Wendy asked. She sat down on the bed next to him.

Cam fell backward onto the bed again. This was a never-ending discussion between him and his mom. "Happy like what? Happy with my husband?"

"You're still young," Wendy said. "There's still time to-"

"-To what?" Cam asked, angrily. "Divorce the man I love and find some girl to settle down with?"

"Or boy," his mother added.

"What part of til death do us part do you not understand, mom?" Cam stood up. "I'm tired of fighting about this with you." He walked to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, Cam left his parents, and went to go find John.

---

Cam faced the wall and let the hot water from the shower pour down over him. There were so many things running through his mind, not the least of which was his mother's disapproving words mixed with John's happy expression. Cam leaned an arm against the shower stall and he let his head fall down.

For the first time in a long time, Cam let the tears fall. They were hot against his cheek, like the water, but Cam could tell the difference. A huge sob broke out of him and his whole body shook as he muffled the noise he was making.

Once the tears started, Cam couldn't stop them. He wasn't at all sure why he was crying. He knew part of it was the fact that his mother would never approve of John. Another part of it was just the buildup of always having to be so strong. It wasn't that he couldn't lean on John, it was just that John needed him to be strong, to stay strong.

And Cam could be strong… as soon as he stopped crying. Which would be any second now, he was sure of it.

He sobbed again, but this time it was for John. It was for everything that Cam couldn't help him with. It was for all the demons John fought every day that Cam couldn't see. It was for everything taken away from him.

Cam leaned his head against his arm and waited for the shakes to subside and the sobs to stop coming. He wondered how much time had passed. The water was still hot, but then, it had never gone cold the whole time Cam had been living there, no matter how long his showers lasted.

Cam took a deep breath and felt his body shake, just a little. He swallowed and used some water to scrub at his face. When he turned around, he jumped back in shock and his hands automatically went down to cover himself.

John was sitting on the counter, in just his boxers, watching him through the clear glass shower door with a thoughtful look on his face. Cam wondered how long he had been there.

"John! Geez! You almost gave me a heart attack just now," Cam said. He used his shoulder to push open the door, careful not to drip water onto the floor. "Did you need something?"

John shook his head. "No."

"Um… okay." Cam stood there awkwardly covering himself up. "Are you staying?"

"Do you mind?"

"Not if you don't," Cam answered.

"I'm fine."

"Okay…" Cam reached out a tugged the door closed. He tried his best not to think of John sitting there while he was naked, but it was hard, and a little weird. Cam had never been nervous about being undressed in front of any of his partners, but with John it was completely different.

Cam wondered if John had heard him crying. He hoped he hadn't. Cam closed his eyes and let the shower spray water onto his face in a fervent attempt to hide any physical remains of his tears. He still felt a little shaky, and a little raw, but he couldn't stay in the shower forever, especially not with John sitting on the counter watching him.

Eventually Cam turned the shower off. He pushed open the door to grab the towel on a nearby hanger. John's expression held curiosity until the other man turned his head away to give Cam some privacy. Cam quickly toweled off, rubbing the towel through his hair, before wrapping it around his waist. He stepped out onto the shower rug and felt droplets of water drip down his leg to the mat.

The bathroom door was open about halfway, and Cam felt ultra conscious of the fact that Daniel could walk by at any minute. Not that he hadn't seen it in the locker rooms at one point, but it felt different in their home. Vala wasn't there - thank god - she had to remain overnight at the SGC to make sure she didn't have any alien colds, a point she protested loudly.

John watched in silence as Cam went about his nightly routine, which included, embarrassingly, a night moisturizer for men that his mom had sent him. Cam put on his boxers under the towel, before stripping it off and hanging it back up to dry.

When he was finished he turned to John and smiled, except that John didn't return it. Instead, there were signs of worry and distress painted all across John's face. His eyes, which had radiated so much joy earlier, now held a deep sadness and pain.

John reached out hesitantly and gently touched the side of Cam's face. His thumb swiped across the skin under Cam's eyes, wiping away invisible tears, and it was then that Cam knew that John had seen him crying.

"I'm so sorry," John whispered. "I'm so sorry, Cameron."

"No," Cam said with a shake of his head. "No, John, there's nothing to be sorry for."

"You were happy before me."

And Cam felt it all come rushing back, his mother's words and disapproval, the way John's parents could make him smile in a way that Cam couldn't, how he was tired of telling everyone that he loved John. Cam slammed his hand down onto the counter next to John with a loud thud.

John flinched and jumped back when Cam yelled, "Damn it, John! Why does no one think I'm happy now? I don't understand you people! I love you! I married you! I knew what I was getting into! Why does everyone think I didn't? Why can't it be enough that you make me happy? Why does nobody understand that? What do I have to do to prove it to you? I just-"

"Hey!" Daniel cut in. Cam hadn't even seen him slip into the room. "That's enough, Cam."

Cam took a deep breath and when he looked back at John, John was shaking and curled in on himself, he had his arms out protectively in front of him, with his head ducked down. Cam swore. "Fuck, John-" he started to reach for him when Daniel intercepted his arm.

"Why don't you take a few minutes to calm down?" Daniel asked icily. It wasn't a suggestion.

"I-"

"Now, Cam."

Cam glanced helplessly at John and Daniel pointed to the door. Cam scrubbed a hand through his wet hair and felt his chest tighten and he nodded. "Okay."

---

Daniel made sure that John could see him before he reached out to the other man. John flinched when Daniel's hand landed on his arm, and when he looked up, there were tears in John's eyes, but also wariness, as if he wasn't quite sure who Daniel was.

"John?" Daniel asked softly. "Can you hear me?"

John met his eyes. "If the number of rational points on a curve is infinite then some point in a finite basis must have infinite order," he babbled. "The number of independent basis points with infinite order is called the rank of the curve, and is an important invariant property of an elliptic curve. If-"

"John," Daniel said more firmly.

"-the rank of an elliptic curve is 0, then the curve has only a finite number of rational points. On the other hand, if the rank of the curve is greater than 0, then the curve has an infinite number of rational points-"

"John!" Daniel said a little louder. John flinched but stopped talking. "I know you're scared, John, but I need you to be here, with me."

"I don't want to be here," John whispered. "Please, Daniel, I don't want to be here."

"Where do you want to be?" Daniel asked.

"I made him cry," John said, as another tear fell. "And I made him yell. Cameron never cries and he never yells."

"I've seen him yell plenty of times," Daniel countered.

"But you've never seen him cry."

"He's a private person, John."

John swallowed and swiped an arm across his face, smearing the tears. "I don't want to be here."

"Do you want me to take you to your parents?"

John shook his head. "Will you take me to Rodney?"

"He's at Lorne's," Daniel said with hesitation. "Why don't I ask him to come here instead?"

"No!" John bit his lip. "I don't want to upset Cameron anymore."

"Why would Rodney being here upset him, John?"

"Because he's happy and no one questions it."

---

"Hey, Mer, your phone keeps ringing!" Evan called into the shower. "It's Jackson."

"What does he want?" Rodney called back.

"I don't know, I didn't answer. It's your phone."

"Don't be ridiculous. Call him back, find out what he wants."

Evan sighed and picked up his own phone. He searched through his contacts before finding Daniel's number and dialing.

"Major?" Daniel answered. "Thank god. Where's Rodney?"

"In the shower, what's up?"

"I need to talk to him."

"He'll probably be a few more minutes."

Daniel clearly hesitated before saying, "Look, I know you and Rodney are probably headed to bed, soon, but do you think John could come over for a couple hours?"

Evan frowned in confusion. "Is something wrong with Colonel Sheppard?"

"He just needs to talk to Rodney about some math stuff."

"Um, sure, yeah. That's fine," Evan said.

Daniel sighed in relief. "Thank you. We'll leave here in a couple of minutes."

Evan nodded. "See you, then." The call ended and Evan heard the shower turn off. "Mer!"

"What?" Rodney asked, getting out of the shower.

"Colonel Sheppard's coming over for a while," Evan said. He walked over to Rodney and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"I'm all wet," Rodney said, wrinkling his nose. "You'll get wet, too."

"I'll dry," Evan promised, kissing the side of Rodney's neck.

"Why's he coming over?"

"Jackson said something about some math stuff? He was pretty vague."

"When will he get here?"

"About ten minutes," Evan said. "So you need to hurry up and get dressed."

Somewhere between zipping up his pants and pulling on some socks, Rodney turned to Evan and pulled him into a deep kiss. "Thanks for, uh, being cool with this," Rodney said, when they pulled apart. "With him coming over."

Evan was dazed when he answered, "Sure, no problem."

---

Rodney was a genius. Everyone who knew him knew that. What they didn't know, was that John Sheppard was a genius, too. Sometimes, and Rodney would never admit this to anyone, sometimes, John went so deep into the math that Rodney couldn't follow. John's mind was sharp and quick and Rodney often wondered what it must be like to be him. Because he knew what it was like to be Rodney, and while things came quickly, John calculated equations so fast that Rodney wondered if he was breathing the answers in. Except that he was pretty sure John breathed a hell of a lot slower than his mind moved.

Evan hovered on the fringes of Rodney's awareness as he struggled to keep up with the calculations that John was making. Occasionally he'd bring them a glass of water, or settle his hand on Rodney's neck.

About two hours into it, Rodney gave up. He let John continue on, scribbling down number after number into a notebook already filled with equations. When he came up for air, Evan was sitting next to him, his head resting on Rodney's shoulder, sleeping quietly.

Every once in a while John would make a sound of frustration because he couldn't write fast enough to keep up with his head. Rodney had made that sound many times before, but with John it sounded pained.

After three hours into it, John was still writing furiously and showed no signs of stopping. Rodney honestly felt a little worried for him. He carefully pulled out his phone without waking up Evan.

Mitchell picked up on the first ring. "How is he?"

"What, no hello?"

Mitchell sighed. "Hello. How is he?"

"He's gone through all of Evan's empty notebooks," Rodney told him. "That's how he is."

"I'm on my way," Mitchell said.

"Okay."

---

John didn't process things like a normal person. That's one of the things that Cam has learned about him over the years. John took in information at incredibly quick rates, but with other things, more emotional things, he needed time to process, to reboot. Sometimes he did that on the firing range, sometimes with the punching bag, sometimes by working on designs for the Daedalus, but mostly through math. John often went where Cam couldn't follow, and it was at those times that he was grateful for McKay, who could follow John.

But John also needed someone to help him stop. To make the numbers stop. A few months after they were married, John had told him what the numbers did for him. How equations were simple and beautiful. How he could lose himself in them and not have to worry about the outside world. He spoke about how his father would beat him, but John was already hidden in the world of numbers.

When he was a child, John didn't need to stop. That was how he solved two unsolvable problems. But when he joined the Air Force, John realized that he couldn't lose himself to the math anymore. He never went as deep as he did when he was a kid, and Cam didn't know if that was to his advantage or his detriment.

Cam knocked softly on Lorne's door and a sleepy Major opened it up, gesturing him into his apartment. He pointed towards the couch where Rodney and John were sitting. Rodney was watching John scribble on notebooks and Cam walked quietly around the couch.

"Hey, John," Cam said softly.

John looked up, surprised, and a small smile found its way to his lips. "Hi, Cameron."

"Ready to come home?"

John looked between the paper and Cam before nodding. "Yes."

Cam helped John collect everything and nodded to McKay and Lorne on the way out. The car ride back home was quiet, but Cam didn't think it was an uncomfortable silence. John was holding Cam's right hand, tracing numbers onto his palm.

The light in Daniel's room was still on when Cam pulled into the driveway, and he suspected it would be on for a while. Cam carried Lorne's notebooks into the office and left them on John's desk. John was busy locking the doors and checking to make sure all the windows were closed. But as it was November, they hadn't been open for over a month.

John followed Cam upstairs and then went into his room and shut the door. Cam sighed and headed for his own room.

He had just slid under the blankets when he heard John's door open. John slipped into Cam's room and closed the door behind him, leaving it unlocked. He stood hesitantly on the empty side of Cam's bed and Cam pulled back his blankets for him.

John scooted in and curled himself up against Cam's side. His fingers gently raked through the hair on Cam's chest, occasionally snagging on Cam's dog tags.

"I love you," John said.

Cam swallowed the lump in his throat. "Is it so hard to believe that I love you?"

"No," John whispered. "You have a big heart, Cameron. You probably love the Ori, too."

"I wouldn't go that far," Cam joked. "But I love you, John. I honestly do."

John's fingers ghosted across Cam's skin. "Cameron, I… I want you to know that you can cry in front of me if you need to. I know you feel like you have to be strong for me all the time, but I won't break."

"I know you won't," Cam whispered. "You're the strongest person I know."

"I know I pretty much suck in all other husbandly areas… but I want to be there for you, Cameron, if you need me," John said softly. "It kills me that you cry alone in the shower."

"I…" Cam reached out and carded his fingers through John's hair. "I don't like to cry in front of others."

John reached for Cam's other hand and pressed his lips to Cam's palm. "I'm not just an 'other'."

"I don't want you to think I'm weak," Cam admitted.

"Don't be ridiculous, Cameron," John scoffed. "Nothing will ever diminish you to me."

"John-"

"What do you think when I cry?" John interrupted.

"Other than murderous thoughts toward everyone who's made you cry?"

"Yes."

Cam traced the tip of John's ears. "That I wish I could help you. That you're so beautiful, even when you cry. I think of how strong you are, and how much I love you."

"Why do you think I would think something else?" John asked softly.

"You think I'm beautiful?"

John kissed his palm again. "You're the most beautiful person I know." He paused. "After my mom."

Cam laughed. "I'll take it." His hand drifted down to the nape of John's neck. "You don't suck at husbandly duties, you know."

John sighed. "Cameron."

"You don't," Cam insisted.

"Okay."

Cam kissed the top of John's head. "I'm sorry I scared you tonight."

"I'm sorry I angered you," John countered.

Cam inhaled. "John, I need you to know something, and really understand it. Yes, I was happy before you, but I'm so much more happy now. I know some people might look at our relationship and wonder what I get out of it, but I get you, and you're so amazing to me. I don't know how to explain, and I'm not going to say that I can't see where they're coming from - because I can. But what we have, I don't know why it makes me so happy. All I know is that you do make me happy, and I love you, and I'm just… it's hard when people don't understand."

"Cameron…" John drifted off.

"John…" Cam swallowed. "More than everything, though, it hurts, deep inside, when you don't understand. It hurts when you don't know how much joy you bring to me. I really need you to get that, John," Cam said. His voice broke a little on John's name. "I can deal with everyone else, but when you side with them… it hurts."

"I'm sorry," John whispered.

"Just love me, John. And I promise to tell you when I can be happier."

John's fingertips moved slowly over Cam's right nipple and Cam shivered. "I can do that."

"Thank you." Cam pressed another kiss to the top of John's head. "So, uh…"

"Yeah?"

"You totally sat there and watched me shower," Cam grinned.

"I think that's allowed, according to the marriage handbook."

"Oh, it's in the marriage handbook," Cam agreed. "I just didn't think it was in the John Mason handbook."

"That's undergoing revisions."

"Did you enjoy the view?"

"Why?"

"Just wondering."

"Mm-hmm."

"… So did you?"

---

Waking up with John still sleeping soundly in his arms, holding on to Cam, was what Cam was most thankful for this Thanksgiving. It wasn't often that he woke up before John, Cam could count the number of times it had happened on one hand. So he stayed very still, and kept his breathing slow and even, so he didn't wake his husband up.

John was gorgeous with the morning light streaming in. Cam resisted the urge to touch the parts of John's body where the sun was kissing his skin.

It was early, barely dawn, and John's alarm would be going off any minute now so he could get the turkey in the oven. But Cam didn't want the moment to end. He selfishly didn't want to share John with everyone else. He wanted to keep him here, in his arms. But soon enough John's parents would be there, stealing all of John's smiles from Cam. And McKay would be there and Cam would lose John to a discussion on math. And Daniel would bring Vala, who would get all of John's reassuring looks and comforting words.

But Cam got this. He got John in his arms, sleeping, giving Cam more trust than he'd probably ever given anyone else. In a few minutes, John would wake up, and Cam would get a sleepy smile and maybe a kiss and he'd get to tell John he loved him. Cam knew that throughout the day, John would find him periodically, just touching base. John didn't do that with anyone else, that was just for Cam. Cam would get small touches from John, and less flinches than everyone else.

John shifted a little and suddenly hazel eyes were staring back at him and John's lips formed the lazy, sleepy smile that Cam had been waiting for.

"Good morning," John said, voice raspy from sleep.

Not every morning was like this. Sometimes John went to bed with him, but Cam woke up alone. Sometimes John would freeze up and Cam would feel terrible. But it seemed today was a good day.

"Mornin'," Cam drawled. His twang was always a little bit heavier in the morning. John had told him once that he liked it; Cam had been over the moon for weeks after hearing that.

John reached over and turned off the alarm on his cell phone before it could ring. When he turned back to Cam, Cam found himself reaching for John, touching the patches of sun lit skin that he had wanted to touch earlier. John eyed him warily, but didn't say anything.

"Are we okay, Cameron?" John asked quietly.

Cam let his hand drift over John's shoulder. "We're perfect, John."

"There's going to be a lot of people here today," John whispered.

"Yeah," Cam agreed. "But they all know you, they love you."

"Like you."

Cam quirked a smile. "I should hope not quite like me, or I'd have to kick some serious ass."

John rolled his eyes. "My hero."

"And don't you forget it." Cam's fingers traced John's collarbone. "You know I'll be there the whole time… I'm not opposed to stealing a few minutes of alone time here and there."

"During commercials," John said, with a teasing glint in his eyes. "I know how sacred your football is."

"You know you like it, too. You just pretend you don't," Cam said. "I know it was you who TiVo'd all that college football. McKay keeps complaining about it to me, but we both know who really recoded it."

John just smiled. "Whatever you say, Cameron."

"Hey, you should be thanking me! I've never sold you out."

"Even if you did, do you think Rodney would believe you?" John pointed out.

"Huh. Good point."

John leaned into Cam for a kiss, and Cam very subtly made sure that anything below his waist wasn't touching John, before meeting him halfway. It began with a peck. But soon enough, John was slowly opening his mouth. John clutched at Cam's shirt as his tongue slowly traced Cam's lips. John gently sucked Cam's upper lip into his mouth and Cam forced himself to remain still.

Kissing John was both the best thing he'd ever known, and the most nerve wracking thing he'd ever done - even when compared to what he did for a living.

When John pulled back, they were both panting a little hard. Cam smiled. "I love you."

John smiled shyly. "I love you, too, Cameron."

"After you get the turkey in the oven… will you come back?"

John seemed to mull over the question, before finally nodding. "Alright."

"Just wake me up."

"I will," John promised.

---

When Patty and Wendy arrived, they both insisted on helping John in the kitchen. John's dad was nursing some apple cider at the kitchen table, watching them all, with Daniel and Carson. Everyone else, sans Carter and Rodney, had found a spot in front of the TV, and during commercials Cameron, Lorne, Stackhouse, and Markham had taken it upon themselves to explain football to Teal'c and Vala. Rodney and Sam were both in John and Daniel's office going over more of Rodney's research on harnessing energy from subspace. Every once in a while, Rodney would stick his head out with a question for John.

Having two other people in the kitchen with him was harder than John had thought it would be, despite the fact that one of those people was his mom. There wasn't a ton of room to maneuver, and Wendy would brush up against John all of the time, leaving John feeling tense and on edge.

Every once in a while, Cameron would wander into the kitchen for something to drink and munch on while they waited. In between those times, John found himself in the living room, refilling drinks and letting Cameron soothe some frazzled nerves.

In half an hour, the turkey would be finished, and everything else that John had to do was being done by his mom and his mother-in-law. John's dad met his eyes sympathetically, but could only shrug. "Women," Jim mouthed, gesturing towards the ladies in the kitchen. John quirked a smile towards him and headed out into the living room. Cameron's eyes immediately sought out John's, and he climbed over Lorne and Stackhouse to get to John.

"Hey," Cameron said. "How's the cooking going?"

John shrugged. "The moms have taken over."

"It's kinda what they do," Cameron said apologetically.

John nodded. "Can we go upstairs for a few minutes?"

"Of course."

John felt several sets of eyes on them as they made their way up the stairs. He did his best to ignore them. John led Cameron into his room and Cameron settled onto the bed, sitting up against the wall, spreading his legs open in an invitation to John. John moved between them and let Cameron settle his arms lightly around John's waist.

John ran a finger over Cameron's thighs and down his jeans. "I made you some cranberry sauce."

"You're too good for me," Cameron said into John's hair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of John's head.

"Hardly," John scoffed.

Cameron settled a hand flat against John's stomach. "What was your dad and Carson talking about?"

"Fishing," John informed him. "Apparently Carson loves to fish… and you know my dad, he was practically born with a fishing pole in his hand."

"And yet he didn't join the Navy," Cameron mused.

"He knew the Air Force was best," John said with a small grin.

"Of course."

John settled his hand over Cameron's. "How do you really feel about my parents moving here?"

"I'm not sure if honesty is always the best policy," Cameron said.

"It is when your husband carries a gun."

"Huh," Cameron said. "Fair point. I meant what I said at the hotel, John. I'm happy for you, and for them. I can't say I didn't know this was coming, although, honestly, I thought we'd be the ones moving closer to them, but I'm fine with it."

"But…" John prompted.

"But we don't see each other enough as it is," Cameron admitted. "Between the SGC and the Ori and being off-world… I don't get to see you half as much as I would like. If your parents move here, I feel like I'll see you even less, and I don't want this to become a thing. I'm not that guy, John. The guy who can't let his partner do other things, or have other friends, but I just don't want to lose you to your parents. I know it sounds ridiculous and whatever, but that's how I feel about it."

"Cameron, I have no problem visiting my parents when you're off-world, and I'm not," John said. "Or just a couple of times a month, for dinner. You're important to me, our marriage is important to me; I want to make this work."

"Then we will," Cameron said with certainty. "Because between your brains, and my…"

"Determination," John filled in.

"Yes, that, thank you… my determination, we can do anything."

"Cameron?'

"Hmm?"

"You sound like a really bad motivational poster," John informed him.

Cameron sighed dramatically. "Yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay," John said. "I still love you."

"Awesome."

There was a knock on the door before Daniel poked his head in. "The moms are looking for you, John."

"I'll be right there," John told him.

Daniel nodded and left, leaving the door open.

"I suppose that's our cue," Cameron said.

John shrugged. "They can wait a couple more minutes."

---

Dinner was loud, and by the end of it, John was more or less sharing Cam's chair, and Cam had his foot wrapped around John's ankle with a hand clutched between John's own. John had barely eaten anything, a fact that didn't escape Cam, Patty, or Carson. And John had a fake smile plastered across his face, the one that Cam hated.

Also, Cam was sure that John was completely wrong about Markham and Stackhouse. There were definitely 'fuck me' vibes.

Cam groaned as he pushed back his empty dessert plate. "I ate too much."

"Next time you should stick to two pieces of pie," John said wisely. Cam watched as he pushed the rest of his only piece of pie across the table to McKay.

"But you made three different ones!" Cam exclaimed. "I had to try them all."

"There's plenty of leftovers. You could have tried one of them tomorrow."

"There won't be plenty of leftovers when McKay finishes."

Rodney glanced up from where he was devouring John's dessert, and glowered. "I heard that."

"You were supposed to."

Next to McKay, Lorne grinned. "You just don't like to waste anything, Rodney. There's nothing wrong with that."

McKay jutted his chin out. "Yes. Waste not, want not."

"And you definitely don't want not," Cam muttered.

John elbowed him in the stomach and shot him a patented be nice glare. Cam shot him a hurt look. "He hurls shoes at me. Why do I have to be the nice one?" He whispered furiously to John.

"Because I said so."

Cam sighed. He hated that reason. His mother used that a lot, too. "Fine."

The sound of a fork tapping against glass drew Cam's attention and he looked down the table to see his dad standing up.

"I'd like to thank John, Cam, and their friends for having us," Frank said with a smile. "The food was wonderful, John." There were murmurs of agreement around the table. "Now, with what little apple cider I have left, I'd like to propose a toast. To John and Cam," he said, raising his glass. "May their lives always be filled with joy, and may they always walk together."

Cam smiled and raised his glass. He clinked it with John's and everyone else he could reach before taking a sip. Next John's dad stood up, raising his glass.

"Frank was right, the food was delicious, John," Jim said, with a nod in John's direction. "To new family and friends."

Everyone toasted again and Cam had just enough cider left in his glass for one more toast. He stood up, regretfully letting go of John's hand.

Cam raised his glass and looked around. "John and I want to thank everyone for coming over and eating all of our food." He paused as people laughed. "But really, it was great to be able to celebrate this holiday surrounded by our friends and family. We love each and every one of you, and it truly means a lot that you spent your day off with us. There are so many things in my life to be thankful for, but this morning, as I was waiting for John to wake up, I found myself so thankful for him, that he was there, in my arms.

It probably sounds cheesy to say, but this Thanksgiving I'm most thankful for my beautiful and wonderful husband, for the life that we have together. He really is the best gift that I've ever gotten. So I'd like you to raise your glass with me, one last time, and toast to the best man I know." Cam smiled down at John. "To John, my amazing husband."

"To John," Cam heard repeated around the table as he finished off his cider.

He reached down and tugged John up and out of his seat. John was flushed a deep red from embarrassment, but Cam just smiled and made sure that John saw his hand before he lightly touched John's cheek. John blinked and let Cam tug him into a short kiss, there in front of all of their friends and family. When they pulled back, Cam rested his forehead against John's.

"I love you, John."

"I love you, Cameron," John whispered in reply, clutching Cam's shirt in his hand.

Cam leaned in and gave him another short kiss before he pulled back. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lorne tug McKay down into a kiss, and Cam couldn't help but grin at that.

After a few minutes, everyone began talking again, and Cam helped John clear the dishes. The kitchen was a mess, and Cam swore he heard John whimper a little as he looked at everything. Cam set down the empty plates he was carrying and wrapped his arms around John from behind. "I'll help you, John. We'll get this cleaned up before we go to bed, okay?"

John nodded and Cam kissed his neck before letting him go. While John started on the kitchen, Cam went back to clear the rest of the plates. Markham and Stackhouse both stood up and offered their help, which Cam didn't turn down, and soon enough all of John's team was in the kitchen, cleaning.

Cam directed the parental units into the living room, and sent Carter, Teal'c, Vala, Carson, and McKay in to entertain them all. Well, he didn't send McKay and Vala in to do that, but he'd rather have them in the living room, then adding the chaos in the kitchen.

---

By ten o'clock most everyone was gone. Lorne was still there, cuddled up to Rodney on the couch, and Cam and John's parents were both still there, but everyone else had left for the night. Vala was up in the guest room/attic sleeping. Despite her assurances that she was recovered, John had sent her up and she hadn't argued, and the last thing that Cam had heard was that she was sleeping soundly. Cam was seated at the dining room table with Patty, both nursing some hot cider.

Before they left, Teal'c and Stackhouse had helped John move the new, larger table out to the garage, and bring back in the smaller one.

Cam yawned as he looked around for his husband. John was still on edge from having so many people around, and Cam knew that he wanted nothing more than to lock himself into his room and not come out for a while. Cam doubted that John would be sleeping with him that night.

He started to stand to go find John, when he felt Patty's hand on his arm. "I believe your mother went to speak with him," she said gently.

Cam frowned. "My mom? Went to speak with John?" He tried to stand up again, but Patty kept her hand in place.

"Let them talk."

"You don't understand," Cam said with a shake of his head. "My mom… she…"

Patty smiled sadly. "I am not unaware of how she feels about John, Cameron," she said quietly. "Neither is he."

"She just doesn't know John like you or I do," Cam stated. "If she got to know him better, I'm sure she'd like him."

Patty seemed to gather her thoughts before she spoke. "You know… she's not entirely wrong in her assessment of John, Cameron."

Cam frowned. "What? Of course she is. She thinks John is some depressed person that never smiles and is always sad. That's not how he is."

"That's not how he is with you," Patty corrected gently. "But before you came alone, that's exactly how he was. But he is sad, Cameron, you know that. And while he's learning to smile, I doubt it will ever come naturally like it does for you and me." She reached across the table and rested her hands on top of Cam's. "I don't think Jim and I have ever told you how grateful we are that you're in John's life. We honestly never thought John would end up with anyone, and while we were sad for him, we were okay with it. John completed our life, and when he became officially mine… well, that's all I've ever wanted. When he called and told me that he had a date with you, I didn't know what to think. John had never seemed interested in dating before.

There had been a couple of times before you that Jim and I honestly thought we might lose John. He was always some place that we couldn't follow, and no matter what we did, we couldn't take his pain away. I don't know if there's anything worse than seeing your child in pain and not being able to help."

Cam felt his chest tighten and ache. "What do you mean you might lose him? John would never…"

Patty smiled sadly at him. "No, he wouldn't, you're right. But there were times when he shut himself away from everyone. Times that he seemed so broken. When he first mentioned Daniel, I was so happy. John had never really had friends before, and Daniel would be able to keep John occupied, away from his thoughts. But when you showed up, Cameron, that's when the changes really began in John. I don't think you realize how much more he smiles now, how much more alive he is. He's still hurting, and you and I both know that he'll probably never stop hurting, but now he has you on his side to help him."

"It's never enough," Cam said quietly.

"It's enough for John," Patty said gently.

"I love him so much, Patty."

"I know." Patty paused. "But I also know where your mother is coming from, Cameron. You need to give her some time. We all want the best for our children."

"John is the best for me."

"I know, dear. And eventually so will she. Just have some patience in the mean time."

---

John stepped into his office, intent on grabbing the notebooks that he had filled the night before. He looked up from his desk when he heard the door open and close behind him. Wendy Mitchell took a few more steps into the room, and John stood up, out of respect.

"Mrs. Mitchell," John greeted. "Can I help you with something?"

She gestured towards the couch that Cameron favored when he was in the office. "May I?"

John nodded. "Of course."

She took a seat on the couch, so John sat back down and watched her look around. "This is your home office?"

"Mine and Daniel's," John told her. "Rodney's in here sometimes, too. Cameron prefers to just use the desk in his room."

"Does it ever get crowded with the four of you here?"

John couldn't read her tone, and her facial expressions were giving away nothing. "Not really. Rodney spends a lot of his time at Lorne's, these days. And we all work so much that when we're home we tend to be in our rooms, or eating."

She nodded and moved on. "The meal was lovely tonight, John."

"Thank you, ma'am," John said. "And thank you for your help."

"It was my pleasure," she said. Wendy's eyes stopped moving around the room and focused on the photos on John's desk. There was one of him and Cameron, another of John with his parents, and a third of everyone who lived there. "When did your mother re-marry?" She asked.

John frowned. "Re-marry? My mom has been married to my dad for over twenty years. She's never re-married."

Wendy look away from the photos and met John's eyes, with a thoughtful expression on her face. "She said that Sheppard was your father's last name, but Jim's last name is Mason."

John swallowed. "So is mine."

"Your men, today, they all called you Colonel Sheppard."

"That was my last name," John said quietly. "I was adopted by the Masons and changed my name when it became official."

"Adopted?" Surprise colored Wendy's face. "Cam has never mentioned that."

"He didn't know for a while, either," John explained.

"You kept it from him?"

John shook his head. "I had thought he knew. When I'm not on base, I always go by John Mason. And there are several pictures of me and my parents around the house; I look nothing like them. "

"I had assumed you received your looks from your father."

"I actually look at lot more like my mother," John said quietly. He never talked about his first parents, not really. And no one ever asked.

"How old were you when they died?" Wendy asked curiously.

"Seventeen."

"Seventeen? I thought adoptions took years… the Masons must have pulled some strings or something," she mused. "I would have thought the courts would have granted you emancipation."

John spun his wedding ring like Cameron often did. "They did. I was twenty when the Masons adopted me."

"Were they family friends?"

"No. My parents never met my parents."

"Had you known them long before they adopted you?"

"I met my dad when I was fourteen. He was recruiting for the Air Force for a while, while he was recovering from an injury. So, six years."

Wendy was silent for a while and John didn't move as she scrutinized his person. He could practically see the various thoughts floating through her mind. He wondered if she would ever reach the right conclusion, though.

"I had a horse once," Wendy began. "She was skittish, and hated to be touched. She didn't trust people, and it took a long time for her to even let me near her. Eventually she let me groom her, but that was it. She flinched from my touch until the day she died." Wendy had a sad look in her eyes when she looked at John. "Do you know why she did that?"

"I don't know anything about horses," John said quietly.

"But you know, don't you, John." It wasn't a question.

John stood abruptly. "I should go find Cameron. He's probably wondering where I am."

John turned away from her and Wendy started speaking again. "Cam was just a boy when we got that horse, John. But he loved her. He was so patient. He would go out there, every day after school, and just stand a couple feet away with a carrot in his hand. He would wait hours for that horse to come and take the carrot from him. And when she did… Cam was so happy. Sometimes, though, the horse never took the carrot, and I'd have to call him in for dinner, but he never gave up."

"Cameron has a big heart," John said, without turning to look at her.

"Yes, he does," Wendy agreed.

---

It was well after midnight when Cam snuck out of his room and down to the kitchen. He made sure he didn't make any noise as he cut himself another piece of pumpkin pie.

He took his pie, and a glass of milk to the dining room table and sat down. Right as he was about to start eating, he heard someone else come down the stairs and a few seconds later Daniel came into view. They both froze for a moment before Daniel grinned and Cam gestured him into the chair across from him.

Daniel stopped to get a slice of the sweet potato pie that John had made, as well as his own glass of milk, before sitting down. Then, right as both of them were about to start, Cam heard McKay come down the stairs. He knew it was McKay because no one else in the house would make so much noise, and if it had been John, Cam doubted he would have heard him at all.

McKay paused when he spotted them, but Cam just shrugged so the astrophysicist kept moving and grabbed his own dessert, a slice of the chocolate cream pie that John had made with him in mind. Daniel lifted up his glass of milk towards McKay and Rodney seemed to get the message and poured himself some.

When Cam looked away from McKay, he was startled to find John at the bottom of the stairs watching them all in amusement. Cam motioned John into the seat next to him and John took the seat, forgoing any dessert.

Daniel cleared his throat and Cam looked over at him. "This year I'm thankful for having such amazing friends."

They clinked together their milk and John stole a sip of Cam's.

McKay glanced around nervously. "I'm thankful for finding someone who could love me."

They touched glasses again.

Cam rested a hand on John's leg. "I'm thankful for John and everything he gives me every day. But since I already said that, I'm also thankful that we don't have to worry about Mad Cow Disease, so I can eat all the steak I want."

Everyone laughed softly, but drank their milk.

Cam turned expectantly towards John, who ducked his head as he spoke. "I'm thankful for finally being able to breathe."

McKay looked up at that and shared a look with John, and they all held out their glasses again and touched them lightly to each others. Cam looked around the table and smiled before tucking into his pie.