Disclaimer: Characters are not mine; original plot is my own. Not made for profit.
Authors Note: This was a bit of fanfiction I first published in August of 2002 on the Wufei/Duo Mailing list, during the heydays of the Gundam Wing fandom. I was fifteen or sixteen when I wrote this. I recently re-discovered it on my harddrive and read through it. I wonder what I was on when I wrote it. All mistakes are my own.
Warnings: AU, moderate OOC-ness, minor, minor slash
"Waking Duo Up"
Day One
"Do you really think that this is really going to work?"
"Yeah. It's high time that he starts getting up at before noon, anyway."
"Well, still. Duo's…impossible to wake up before noon."
"Quatre! Would you please shut up? I know what I'm doing!"
"Wufei, I'm sorry, but I don't think a bucket of cold water is going to do the trick."
"You mean you guys tried that already?"
"Yep. He slept right through it. Later thought that Heero gave him a bath or something crazy like that. You know Duo and his imagination."
"Yeah, it's a scary world inside that head."
Wufei and Quatre peeked inside Duo's room. It was a dark world in there. Duo, on a whim, decided to paint his entire room black and cover it in little sticky glowing stars he got at the Dollar Tree, a buck for a bag of a hundred. There were so many stars in there that the glow cast an eerie light on Duo's sleeping face. He was shirtless and half-covered in the Winnie the Pooh blanket that Heero got him for Christmas. Don't ask. The blanket was kind of creepy too, because the it glowed under the black light Duo had on, and Pooh bear wasn't looking too friendly himself. Anyways…
"How do you think we should wake him up now?"
Wufei looked thoughtful for a moment, but then his face lit up. "Come on. I have a plan."
Thirty minutes later…
"There. They are all in position and ready to go in two minutes."
"Good. If this doesn't work, then I don't know what else will."
The two peeked back into Duo's room again. He was still in the same position as earlier. Around his head, several alarm clocks were placed. It was hard finding that many alarm clocks. They'd scavenged the rooms, swiping each one they happened upon, and even borrowed some from the neighbors. When those clocks went off, even the dead themselves wouldn't be able to escape the sound…. and hopefully, neither would Duo.
Quatre glanced down at his watched. "They are sounding in 5…4…3…2…1…"
They both quickly plugged their ears with their fingers, but it really didn't help. The sound shook the walls, rattled the windows, the lights rocked, Wufei thought he heard Heero scream, Quatre was near tears…but Duo never moved…
Quatre and Wufei ran into Duo's room and managed to turn off all the clocks. Wufei sighed and walked back out of the room, Quatre following.
"I told you!" Quatre groaned softly. "My ears are ringing…"
Wufei was a bit dumbfounded. He slept through that?! He sighed softly and shook his head. "I guess we will try again tomorrow."
Quatre nodded in agreement and the two went back down stairs.
-----------------------
Day Two
Wufei was determined to wake that braided idiot up. Quatre had refused to help him out again, saying he was fighting a never-ending battle; Heero said it was pointless, but Trowa decided to give a helping hand. Wufei figured with Trowa's brilliant mind, nothing could go wrong.
Duo had woken up yesterday at twelve noon-sharp complaining of a 'ultimately huge and impossibly imaginable, worst than getting whacked by Heero' headache. He also wondered if he'd slept walk, because his bed was covered in alarm clocks. Wufei and Quatre tactfully avoided contact with him for the rest of the day as to not rouse suspicion.
Trowa had ruled out possibly using the old 'scream lunch to wake up' gag, saying that Heero tried it once, but it yielded no response. They'd have to take more drastic measures.
But, what was more drastic than having a hundred alarm clocks going of simultaneously, Wufei had wondered.
Food, came Trowa's simple reply.
In order to wake Duo up, Trowa had continued, we must entice him with another one of his favorite hobbies—eating.
That would explain why Wufei had spent the entire early morning up cooking in the kitchen. He'd prepared Duo's favorite lunch: a fried peanut butter sandwich with pickles (dill, of course), American cheese, and pepperoni on top. Wufei thought that Duo had much courage, being able to eat such a thing, because it took almost all of his to make it. Duo created the sandwich some time ago, saying that they were all his favorite foods, so why can't he just eat them together? And so the 'Duo sandwich', as Quatre put it, was born.
Trowa had left Wufei to fend for himself, saying that he didn't need his help anymore, because he was just going to give Duo a sandwich. It wasn't a two-man job.
Wufei peeked into Duo's room, briefly wondering why he kept it cracked open like this. Duo was there, sleeping away, and oddly enough, he was in the same position Wufei and Quatre had found him in yesterday. Creepy. And was it just him, or did Pooh bear look just a little bit more menacing than yesterday..? Wufei shook his head and crept slowly in, sandwich in hand. He soundlessly made his way over to the bed, dodging various piles of clothes, was that a—no, nevermind, old soda cans, and stacks of comic books. /Doesn't this boy know what cleaning up means?/ Upon reaching the bed, he half climbed onto it, and held the sandwich right below the American's nose. Then, he waited.
Duo's nose twitched a little, and Wufei had a glimmer of hope that maybe this was the key to waking him up before noon. Duo then mumbled something and rolled over, sending the Chinese man tumbling off the bed and the sandwich flew out of his hand, landing somewhere in the far reaches of Duo's lair.
Wufei cursed silently and stood up. He'd succeeded in making Duo react to something, but he didn't wake up. Well, it certainly was a good start though. He considered finding the sandwich and trying again, but truthfully, he was afraid to search the room because he didn't want to be the one to actually find out exactly what was in this room of his.
Giving up, Wufei slipped out of the room. Tomorrow will be the day he'd wake Duo up, he was sure of it!
Or was he?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh wow, Wufei, I woke up today and you know what?!"
Duo's happiness never ceased to amaze Wufei. "What?"
"I smelt a fried peanut better pickle pepperoni cheese sandwich—in my room! And you know what?"
Wufei sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What?"
"It was in my room! Weird, huh? Well, I don't know how long it was laying there, but I ate it anyway. It was really good. Almost as good as the ones I make."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Do you think that I made it? In my sleep?!" Duo squealed. For some reason, the idea of having the ability to do things in his sleep (gathering alarm clocks, making sandwiches) was absolutely fantastical. Little did he know of the real reason those things were in his room. Wufei smiled slightly as he watched Duo bounce off to tell Heero of his 'amazing sleeping abilities.' He'd get him up before noon tomorrow, that's for sure.
He had a plan. It was a bit on the evil side, but it had to work. He'd run out of options.
Duo was going to get a bath---a really big bath.
----------------------------------
Day Three
Fueled by his earlier near success, Wufei felt sure that victory would be his and soon. Besides, he had a plan. But to execute this plan, he needed Heero's help. Why did he need his help? Because the other two said that they wouldn't help him because they already did it once before. That and Heero had an old pickup truck in the garage. It was this plan's main ingredient. Now he just needed to *ask* Heero if he could use it. That would be the tricky part.
~*~*~*~*~
Wufei knocked softly on Heero's bedroom door. No reply came. Wufei knocked again. Silence. Then he heard the bed squeak loudly and a *THUD* sound. Moments later, a disgruntled looking Heero opened the door. Apparently, he'd been sleeping. Wufei glanced down at his watch. Sleeping at five in the afternoon? Wu sighed. These people he lived with had such strange sleeping patterns.
"What do you want?" Heero growled out.
Wufei noticed that Heero was extremely grumpy when woken up. Even more so that he usually is.
"I was wondering, Heero, if I could borrow that old pickup you have parked in the garage. You never use it, and I'll promise to return it in excellent condition."
Heero was silent for a moment, but then replied, "Why?"
"Well…I think I've figured out a way to wake Duo up before noon. And it might just work this time."
The Japanese boy yawned and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't think I understand exactly why you are trying to get him up before noon. It's a lost cause. I tried and nothing worked. I doubt if anything you do will work either."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Yuy."
"No problem."
"So can I borrow it?"
"Sure, I don't care."
"Thanks."
The door promptly slammed in the Chinese pilot's face. /Grumpy, grumpy./ Wufei thought back to something Heero said just moments before: 'I don't think I understand exactly why you are trying to get him up before noon.' /Well, duh!, Yuy, same reason you tried. Sleeping in until noon is absolutely ridiculous. Any missions he has before 1200 one of us has to do and I'm getting tired of having to take on his load. Besides, his habit is…annoying…to say the least…/
"Wufei?"
Wufei spun around to find Duo standing there, looking strangely at him.
"Hm?"
"Nothin'…I was just wondering why you were standing in front of Heero's door like that. If you want somethin' from him, then go ahead and knock." He grinned and slapped him on the back. Wufei winced. "What? Are yah getting cold feet or somethin'? Go ahead, knock away! Or do you need someone's help?"
Wufei sighed. "I've already done it, Maxwell…" He paused for a moment, then added "…but thanks anyways."
"No prob. Just, uh, quit standing there like that. It's kinda weird, catch my drift? Bye!" Duo waved and continued on down the hallway.
/Caught it./ He smiled and slipped out to the garage to make sure that pickup was still in working order.
~*~*~*~*~
He already knew that Heero had tried the water thing before, but Wufei didn't think that Duo would be able to sleep through the kinda water that he was going to be dumping on him. It was a good thing too that the pickup truck was in perfect running around, besides the fact that it didn't have AC which kindof ticked Wufei because it was hotter than hell outside…But, uh, he won't have to use the truck for that long, anyways.
Wufei watched Duo from the couch as the braided dork bounced by proclaiming that he was Video Gaming God by defeating Sephiroth in his many forms five times in a row. /Ah, poor innocent, unsuspecting Duo. Doesn't even have a clue…well, why would he anyways…?/ His yelling was cut off with a yelp
Heero must have got him. He then focused back on the newspaper, quietly going over the plan in his head. Wufei had revealed his plan to Trowa, Quatre, and Heero earlier after checking out the truck. They all agreed that it was a good idea and was their best chance for succeeding to teach Duo not to sleep in like that anymore. But, they still left Wufei to do the dirty work, saying that they'd had enough fun in the process.
The plan will be executed in 10 hours, 32 minutes, and 52 seconds from now. Be prepared Duo.
--------------------------
Day Four
Wufei couldn't sleep. He was on a 'danger, nervous-type excitement high' as Duo would probably put it. The Chinese pilot felt like he had butterflies in his stomach and that he was going to vomit.
Time until the plan was to be executed: One hour. Eleven o'clock. Sharp.
He'd gone over the plan like one thousand times, set up the truck, complete with a blanket laid out in the bed of it, made sure Duo was in bed, which of course, he was. Where else would he be at eleven in the morning?
Now…he must wait…which probably was the most difficult step of the plan.
~*~*~*~
He decided to cut the execution time by thirty minutes. Waiting was just getting too nauseating.
Quietly, he slipped into Duo's room. Everything was proceeding as planned.
He cringed at the sight of Pooh Bear and vowed never to step foot in the room again or he'd be forced to burn the blanket.
It didn't take much effort to pick Duo up and transport him to the bed of the truck.
It was so easy, it was almost frightening.
After laying Duo out on the blanket, he climbed into the front of the truck and turned it on. The truck shuddered violently and almost died, but somehow managed to hang on. Wufei made sure that the American was still sleeping, and he was, snoring lightly.
Then he set out to his destination. It was a short drive to the destination, only about ten minutes, but to Wufei, it seemed like forever.
In the distance…a sign came into view…it was the South Bay's Area….
…Automatic…
…Car wash…
Wufei drove up in front of one of the car wash line. Rolling down the window, he told the machine, conveniently located next the truck, to complete a full cleaning of the car, minus the wax. He wasn't that cruel.
He was almost shaking when he rolled up the windows. He checked one last time on sleeping Duo and the moving belt the truck was now on began to move into the car wash.
This was going to be a rush.
First, the truck was completely doused in water. Gallons and gallons poured onto the truck, but Wufei didn't know if it affected Duo because he couldn't see out the rear window. Then came the soap. It was pink. The little brushy-doohickeys came down and washed the sides and top of the car. Moving along, it was drenched again in water, washing off the soap. Finally came the dryers. The truck kind of sat there for a few minutes, getting dried and Wufei nearly went insane with anticipation.
Then, it was over.
Quickly pulling over, he hopped out of the truck and rushed to the bed of it…and….amazingly…
Duo still slept.
Wufei felt faint.
But, what a sight Duo was! His hair was all poofed out from the drying, and Wufei thought his clothes looked a little tight…
It was strangely cute to Wufei.
He only had one simple plan left to wake Duo up. One that he _knew_ would not work. Though, it usually worked in the movies!
But he attempted it anyways.
Sighing, he climbed in the back on the truck, half leaning over sleeping Duo.
/Well…here goes nothing…/
Then, he kissed him.
It wasn't one of those run-of-the-mill kisses, the kind that are over in a second flat.
No, Wufei really put his heart and soul into this one.
The Chinese man almost gagged when he heard a small *mfff* sound coming from a suppose-to-be sleeping Duo. Wufei opened his eyes, still lip locked with the American, and jumped back like ten feet when he saw a pair of wide violet eyes staring right back at him. He landed with a good *thud* on the hard concert below.
"Wu…fei…?" A bewildered, puffy haired Duo climbed over to the edge of the truck and peered down at the Chinese pilot.
Wufei was silent. He had done it. It was only 11:56 and he had done it. He'd actually woken Duo up _before_ noon.
"I woke you up!" Wufei sprang to his feet. "I actually woke you up!!"
Duo looked extremely confused now. "Woke me up…?"
"Yes! Finally, I have succeeded in getting you up before noon!"
Duo blinked, then nodded. "Oh…well you should have just asked if you wanted me to get up earlier…"
Wufei looked dumbfounded. "Huh?"
"Yeah," Duo continued. "G gives me sleeping pills to completely knock me out at night. I mean, these really knock me out. It's like I can't feel or hear anything at all while I'm sleeping…they work really great…I have ones for eight hours and then I have one for twelve hours, which I usually take at 1 a.m. They're my favorite." Duo shrugged. "I think I was a little early this morning. Anyways, yeah, if you wanted me to wake up earlier, you should have just asked…"
Wufei was speechless. All that work…for nothing?
Duo slid off the end of the truck. "Now, would you mind explaining to me why exactly I'm out here and why I feel like I was just thrown into a washing machine and hung out to dry…?"
"It's a long story…"
"Well, okay. It's just kinda weird, y'know. One minute I'm happily dreaming about eating and the next thing I know, I wake up in the middle of no where with you kissing me. What if this is a dream too? I know that the real Wufei can't kiss that good! What if I'm going insane! Hey…my clothes are ripped…! Maybe I should stop taking that medicine, I think it's giving me hallucinations and weird dreams…"
"Duo…"
"Yes, Wufei?"
"Get in the car."
"Yes, Wufei."
The End
August 2002