Phil remembered the first day Dan asked for help very clearly.

He'd been in the lounge, doing a YouNow broadcast with around ten thousand people watching him when Dan called out to him.

"Phil? It's broken again.."

Phil had only glanced up in the general direction of the door as Dan came to stand in the doorway, a hoodie on and his hair a mess. "Can't you fix it, then?" he asked, seeming concerned.

Dan shook his head. "No...not this time.." he said, his voice a bit off.

Phil had only stopped and met his eyes, frowning slightly in confusion. "Wait, what's broken?"

SIlence met his question and the looked down at the laptop and spoke. "Sorry, guys, we've had a bit of a problem. Just ignore anything here until we get it fixed, okay?"

Thankfully, he was met with understanding answers in the chat and he set it aside, looking back at Dan, who was just staring at the floor.

"Dan?" he asked.

Dan looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears. "I'm so sorry,"

Phil watched him, trying to understand why he was apologizing only to notice that he was stood so that his arms were cross his chest like he was cold. Something he only did when he was hurt. "Dan, what broke?"
He never got an answer, just a low sob.

Phil bit back a curse and looked at his laptop. "I have to go, guys. I'll try and broadcast later on, okay? Thanks. Love you guys."

With that, he ended the broadcast and got up, pulling Dan to sit with him on the couch. "Dan..."

The younger male shook his head. "I made a mistake..." he mumbled. "I made a mistake, a big one, and it hurts and I'm so..so sorry, Phil.."

Phil just stared at him before he pushed the sleeves of Dan's hoodie up, hoping that Dan hadn't slipped into a bad habit like he'd so often feared.

But of course, he was met with angry red lines instead of the sort of pale skin he was used to. "Oh Dan.." he breathed.

"I'm sorry...you're probably sick of me and my non-functioning ways by now...I'm so sorry."

Phil glowered at him. "Stop that. I'm not sick of you. I could never get sick of you."

About two hours later, Phil started another broadcast, Dan curled up beside him.

"Is everything okay?" Phil read out. "Yeah, everything's fine. Or it will be. We just had a minor issue in the bathroom with the sink."

Dan smiled easily as Phil lied for him. He didn't know why but it made him feel better to keep this between him and Phil.

That had been a year ago. Dan clean now. Phil still worried about a slip up, but he tried not to.

Of course, when a month later, near the end of a live chat that Dan had left early to go do something, he got called from the doorway of the lounge again with a weak sounding, 'It's broken again', he felt his heart sink.

"Dan..." he started, frowning as Dan joined him again, looking a bit worse for wear.

Dan gave the computer a weak smile. "Hi, back, guys." he offered.

Of course, the chat exploded in people asking what was wrong, what broke, and if everything was okay.

Phil bit his lip. "Do you want to tell them?" he whispered softly.

Dan looked down at his arms before he nodded. "Sorry, guys. We've not been entirely honest with you this year. Long story short...I've come to where I'm having more...issues dealing than I'm used to."
Of course, that's all it took for at least one person to understand in the chat.

"Have you hurt yourself in order to cope, Dan?"

"Oh, god, this is going to turn into a therapy session, isn't it?" Dan asked after he read this out. "I'm fine, guys, really. Just a momentary lapse of judgment."

Phil looked at Dan with a frown. "How bad?"

Dan turned his arms over and let Phil examine them. "Just scratches, thank god." he said, breathing out a sigh of relief.

"What's that about?"

Phil gave Dan a look that clearly said 'I can't believe you asked that'. "Dan, I have been scared for years that you'd start this, and now I'm scared that you'll go too far with it one day. I joke about hating you, but damn it, this is horrifying and it makes me worry that I'll wake up one day to find you dead,"

The chat stilled for a moment before it started again. Dan read some of them before he spoke. "Sorry for worrying anyone." he said, voice quiet, calmer than it was before. "I should go,"

Before Phil could argue, Dan had gotten up and left. He finished the live stream not long after and went towards Dan's room to find him curled in on himself on the bed, obviously crying.

"I wish you wouldn't cry like that. You could talk to me.." Phil pointed out, moving to sit on the other side of the bed.

Dan hesitated before rolling over to curl up against his best friend. "I'm sorry..I didn't know you were...I'm sorry,"

Phil shook his head. "I just don't want to lose my best friend."

That night, Phil stayed with Dan, whispering to him until he fell asleep. Once he had, Phil pressed a kiss to his fringe and let himself drift off.

For the first night in what felt like forever, Phil didn't worry about waking up and finding Dan dead. He knew that the younger male was safe from harm. Even if that harm was coming from himself.

So, I regret writing this.

I really do. But I needed to write, and I found a song and a prompt and I just had to.

The song playing while I wrote was Fix You by Coldplay.

I hope I didn't kill anyone.

A second chapter will be up to tie this together at a later date.

If you have any prompts you'd like me to fill, for anything, let me know and I'll do my best.

Love you guys.