So, I haven't actually seen the new episode yet, but what the heck, here's a little speculative drabble anyway.
Usual disclaimers apply. Enjoy.
Normal is relative.
Lincoln Campbell knows this. He knew this long before a stranger turned up out of the blue and told him he was special; long before the Mists made him more than simply human. He is also painfully aware of how quickly an entire life can be upended. After all, this isn't his first time on the carousel.
So something comes along and blindsides you, and out of nowhere in particular, your personal script is well and truly flipped, and suddenly you're cut free from whatever moorings you'd managed to find. Not that he has ever known much in the way of safe harbor; he's learned the hard way that you take what you can get. At least in Li Shi he was a part of something. Something bigger than just him. Something more important than just one person. A Higher Purpose, emphasis on the capital letters. In retrospect, he thinks maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe that's exactly the sort of logic that cults use to trap you into a situation there's no backing out of.
Because that's sort of what Li Shi was, in the end. And in the end, Jiayang and Gordon had just used him for their own purposes.
There are moments when he wonders just how stupid he had to have been not to notice what they were doing, to him and all the others. How had he missed the fact that Jiayang had made certain they were all so deeply in her debt? How quickly reasonable requests had turned into marching orders? He'd sworn once, to himself and to her, that he was done with violence, done with hurting people, and he'd been naïve enough to believe that she would never turn that against him.
He thinks he should have seen it coming, because it is so painfully obvious now.
But then, he knows what the ubiquitous 'they' have to say about hindsight, and once upon a time, he'd been a stupid, desperate kid in need of a family, and that was exactly what had made him such a goddamned easy target in the first place.
Sometimes the world is just too big, and being a single drop in a vast ocean is just too suffocating for words.
So. Been there. Done that. And his t-shirt collection is large enough, thanks all the same. So even though he actually likes Coulson, all things considered, and most of Skye's friends are nice enough people, and he wouldn't mind having an excuse to stay near her… well, he's made this mistake before, and he doesn't trust his own judgement enough right at this moment to jump back into bed with another Higher Purpose. Whatever Coulson intended, Li Shi is gone, and he is alone, and SHIELD has succeeded in making him feel like the monster in the closet at long last. And what he fears more than anything is that someone will open the door and unmask him for what he is.
One day soon, he will come to realize that he is not as alone as he fears. On that day, he will finally find a way to reconcile all the bad that Jiayang did with the good she had inadvertently helped to nurture. He will be grateful, because he might be capable of stopping a heart at ten paces, but he can also restart one.
One day, he will remember that he is still a human being with choices, and that he can be more than just a weapon.
But today Lincoln Campbell is a single drop in a vast ocean, and sometimes he just can't breathe.
Thoughts are nice, and if you are inclined to share, you won't find me ungrateful. Thanks for reading.