Losing Him - Chapter OneDisclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. Ownership goes to Masashi KishimotoWarning: attempted suicide, acts of selfharm, yaoi, incest, inappropriate language I hope you enjoy!
It was a normal night in the Uchiha household. Madara sat in a overly large chair, a newspaper in his hands, giving the illusion he was reading it, though all occupants of the room knew his attention was on his dark haired lover Izuna who sat on the arm of the chair, letting his body snuggle up against Madara the best that he could. Nearby, Sasuke and Itachi were cuddled up together on the couch, they had decided to spend some family time watching a movie and though that movie still played on the large tv mounted to the wall neither paid attention, they were lost in each other. All was quiet for a long time, the Uchiha's simply enjoying the ability to just be, no expectations, no specific ways, they were free when together. That was likely how they managed to peacefully live together so long.
None of them would ever want to say anything against Mikoto and Fugaku's parenting, but it was common knowledge how inattentive they truly were, which often had led to rebelliousness (mainly from Sasuke) and so eventually the Uchiha parents had simply given up and thrust their children upon Madara and Izuna. That had been two years ago and they had always been happy with the way things had turned out.
The silence was interrupted as Sasuke rose from his position on the couch, letting a small amused smile grace his face as he noticed the disappointment coming from Itachi. Itachi had always treasured the moments when they could simply be in one another's arms, even more so than Sasuke did. "I love you." Sasuke said softly, directed towards everyone in the room, more so than just Itachi, not that any had noticed the difference. As he made his trek from the couch towards the stairs nearby, he let his hand brush softly against both Madara and Izuna's faces as he passed. It was a brief but meaningful moment to he, though Madara and Izuna saw nothing of it as Sasuke would often make these small actions and had always been more expresive of his feelings through physical acts rather than verbal.
Itachi watched his brother go, slightly disappointed but he believed his younger brother would be back soon. It was almost a tradition for the four Uchihas to spend some time together in the evenings. Not that they really needed to seeing as most of their days were spent in each other's presence as well, but that was a fact they ignored as their times together were treasured to all. Some found it odd how close the family was, but the Uchihas paid that no mind and those who were closer to them and more aware of the situations, didn't mind it or simply said nothing about it.
Elsewhere, a blonde boy was running his fastest, panting and completely out of breath but he forced himself to keep going. It was a lot of pressure but he knew if he stopped, or even slowed it might ensure the loss of a life. A life so precious to him that even as he ran, pushing his body to it's physical limits, he found tears flowing freely on his cheeks. Although he was a very expressive person, free with his emotions and always making sure people were aware of how he felt, it normally wasn't sadness or fear as it was now. It wasn't a normal circumstance though.
As he ran the cold wind bit harshly against his exposed skin, but this made no difference to him, if anything it only gave him more incentive to get where he was going (not that he really needed it) as he was already more motivated than he had ever been in his life.
A small wave of relief washed through him as he saw the large home on the corner, the place he was headed for, but still, he didn't slow nor did he let himself get too excited. The door to the Uchiha's home was locked, which bothered Naruto greatly, he didn't have the time to spare and he knew it. His fist pounded loudly and repeatedly on the door, not letting up in the slightest until the door was opened to reveal the man he knew was Madara Uchiha. "Is Sasuke here?" He demanded in a loud voice.
The Elder Uchiha, not noticing Naruto's state of panic or the tears on the young boys cheeks simply gave him an unimpressed look and stated, "Well, hello to you as well, Naruto. It's nice to see you." Naruto, not one to normally ignore manners simply gave a frustrated yell and pushed past the older man, not sparing one look towards Izuna and Itachi who both now stood watching the scene between Madara and Naruto. Curiously, the three confused Uchihas followed the young blonde up the stairs - Madara being sure to close the front door behind him again, praying no one else was going to come barging in.
When they were upstairs they now found Naruto banging obnoxiously on another door, now Sasuke's rather than the Uchiha's front door. "Naruto, what is the meaning of this?" Madara stated, clearly not approving of Naruto's erratic behaviour. Naruto ignored him completely, continuing to knock and yell. The three Uchihas didn't find it odd the way Sasuke seemed to be ignoring his blonde friend, he often would do this when he wasn't in the mood for company.
Naruto dropped to his knees, his forehead coming to rest against the locked door separating him from his friend who he knew needed him right now, even if Sasuke himself didn't know it. Fearing the worst, Naruto tried desperately to come up with a way to get inside, finally he settled on simply breaking the door down, since Sasuke was either ignoring him or he was incapable of opening the door. Rising to his feet, Naruto took a few steps back, lashing out with his foot, a resounding thud sounding and a splintering noise as the door almost gave way under his force.
Madara had always been seen as head of household, which made it his duty to move towards the young blonde, who they all assumed was having some sort of breakdown and attempt to pull him back, preventing damage, only the blonde wasn't having this, he pushed the older man back from him, not caring that he had nearly caused him to fall. Had Itachi and Izuna not been there to keep him up, he would have. They both were unimpressed with Naruto's current actions, but did nothing against it because they knew when the young boy had himself worked up into a state such as this, he was on a mission and would stop at nothing. Itachi vaguely wondered why it was so important to Naruto that he see his brother but didn't bother giving it much interest, he assumed it was something dumb, as it tended to be with the immature boy.
Naruto repeated his earlier action against the door, letting an excited cry leave his lips as the door flew in, giving him access. His eyes roamed around the room, not seeing the one he was looking for. His frustration and fear returning, he moved towards the door to Sasuke's bathroom, thankfully this door was unlocked. He threw it open, expecting to see something bad but nothing could truly prepare him for the scene he saw in front of him. On his knees was Sasuke hunched over the edge of the bathtub, one arm stretched out in front of him, covered with a dark liquid, while the other hung loosely at his side, his hand still slutching tightly at a small object.
Although he knew it, Naruto didn't want to acknowledge at all that the liquid he saw was blood, he did't want to acknowledge that Sasuke had a razor clutched within his hand. But he had to so he did. And when he did, with that acknowledgement he let out a pained scream, flinging himself forward, cradling the youngest Uchiha against him, his voice hoarse and broken as he pleaded desperately for him to say something, or even just open his eyes. Behind him there were three gasps of horror and then hushed whispers. Naruto spared one glance behind him to see Madara with a phone up to his ear, before his eyes returned to Sasuke's form, noticing the way his skin was paler than even his usual Uchiha paleness, seeing how although the dark haired boy was breathing, it was shallow, slow and uneven. His eyes couldn't help but go to Sasuke's wounds again, wincing as he wondered how the fuck that much blood could have come from him. Was there even that much within one body?
Naruto's body shook with sobs as he continued speaking to Sasuke though he was getting no response. Behind him Naruto could hear slow but deliberate foot steps then a small thud, like someone just hadn't been able to make it there and had fell to their knees, Itachi he assumed. Moments later the sound of sirens met his ears and he was thankful Madara had the quick thought to call for help, the rest of them were far too engaged with Sasuke. Soon enough there were footsteps thundering up the stairs and Madara's voice calling out, "This way, he's in here." Next he felt someone trying to pry him off of Sasuke and although he knew he needed to let go so the paramedics could give Sasuke the help he needed, Naruto couldn't bring himself to release him.
"Naruto!" Madara said in a low but fierce voice, his wants clear. It was an order to let Sasuke go, and surprisingly for the first time that evening, Naruto had listened to Madara.
It was the next morning. Naruto was inside the hospital, sitting in an uncomfortable chair next to Sasuke who was laying on the one bed in the room, which Naruto was happy for. The Uchihas could afford a private room where as most wouldn't be able to. If Sasuke had to be in the hospital, Naruto was happy he had his privacy.
Although he was exhausted and he knew staying awake all night would help nothing, he'd done it, too scared to close his eyes in fear that as soon as he did, he'd lose Sasuke. Although the night earlier, Itachi and Izuna had been adamnant about staying there the night to watch over Sasuke as Naruto was, Madara had eventually managed to give them good enough reason to head home for a night of rest, promising to return with them the next day. It was noon now, still no sign of them. Could Sasuke's relationship with his family really been as perfect as Naruto had believed? He guessed not, afterall, Sasuke had tried to kill himself... even if it had happened Naruto hated to think it. It hurt him. And though Naruto had been aware of the Uchiha's inner turmoil for a while he had never quite been able to figure out what the cause was.
Naruto shook his head, deciding it didn't matter what exactly it was that pushed his dark haired, fair skinner friend over the edge, he just knew he would be fixing it if he could, but if he couldn't... Well, Sasuke wouldn't be leaving the world alone.
Itachi rose from his bed, exiting his room, he froze then. His door was at the end of the hallway and if he was to get to the stairs he'd have to pass by Sasuke's door. To be honest, he wasn't ready for even something as simple as that, he wasn't ready for anything to do with Sasuke. He still hadn't processed what happened. Was it selfish? Maybe. But so was what Sasuke had tried to do. The one thing that got to Itachi, there hadn't been a note, no goodbye, nothing. Could Sasuke really have just left him like that? If he loved him the way he claimed, how could he do that?
Though he had been dreading passing Sasuke's door he stopped outside of it, unable to resist peering in. He was searching. Any form of goodbye. Even if Sasuke hadn't suceeded, Itachi couldn't handle thinking he had almost been gone without a single notice. At first he couldn't bring himself to go back into his younger brother's room, the previous nights events were too fresh in is mind, but after a few moments of mental preparation he managed it.
Once inside, he searched all the secret little places he knew his brother would hide things. He'd found nothing thus far, only blades, bottles of pills and a ridiculous amount of cocaine. When had his brother turned to drugs and cutting? How had none of them noticed this? How had none of them even noticed there was something wrong? Mikoto and Fugaku may have been unattentive, but this only pushed Itachi to believe he and his uncles were downright selfish. With something like going on in his home and for it to be at this point, Itachi was disgusted.
Finally, Itachi found what he had been searching for. It was clear Sasuke had wanted Itachi to find it, not someone else because only he knew him well enough to find it, at least that was what he thought, but a part of him acknowledged, he didn't know Sasuke at all. He only knew the parts of Sasuke that were obvious, he hadn't been paying attention to his brother for the longest time. A deep frown came over Itachi's face as he forgot these thoughts, instead letting his hands grip the horribly wrinkled page of paper he had found. There were small spots all over the page that Itachi could tell were where tears had dropped.
Dear family, ~Sasuke
do you know what it's like to never be perfect? Never be good enough? Of course not. What am I thinking? You're all perfect, respected, admired, praised for everything. I could never be like that. I don't blame you. And you shouldn't blame yourselves either. It's me. It's always been me. I'm just...wrong. The way I look, the way I act, hell, even the way I breathe. It's just not good enough. I don't even deserve the Uchiha name. I realize it now. Mother and father...they weren't giving up on us Itachi, they were giving up on me, I just dragged you down with me though you had done no wrong. I'm sorry. But just like they did, I've given up on me too. No matter what though, I love you all. Even with how much I love you though, Izuna, Madara, Itachi, how do I keep on living if I don't love myself? How do I keep living when I don't even deserve the love of my own family? Well...I can't and I won't. Finally, to my friends, the ones who've been there all long, make sure they know... I love them. I know I never said it enough.
P.S. Tell Naruto I'm sorry. I tried. But I just couldn't it anymore. It was too hard. Goodbye.
As he read through it, Itachi's heart had broke more and more. How could this have happened? And why had Naruto known more than he? Could it be that Itachi was losing Sasuke? That thought alone managed to bring a tear to his eye. Without even realizing it, for the first time since he was twelve years old, Itachi allowed himself to cry, there in Sasuke's room, the note still in his hands as he curled up on Sasuke's bed breathing in his lingering scent.
I'd love to see a review, even if you didn't like it, any sort of feedback is appreciated.-MorganAnnUchiha