Disconnection
"How did you two manage it?"
"What?" Shaken from his daydream, Greg looked up to find the tall thin gem standing beside him. How had she come up the cliff so quietly? Not like he'd really have heard her, of course. He'd been sitting there, just as he often as he could, picturing Rose beside him...
What was Pearl doing here
Greg squirmed as Pearl knelt beside him on the ground. Her movements were swift and graceful; her face stared out into the empty horizon of the landscape before them.
"I trained with her," Pearl stated. "I fought with her. I fought for her. I shared her secrets. We could even fuse…how you could possibly share anything with her?"
It was the same accusation she'd made ever since he'd met them. Greg had learned to accept the painful insult just as he had accepted the gems and their ways. It was just Pearl's way.
But this time the words lacked their bite. In the misty evening air, alone with the pearl, Greg was suddenly aware of something stirring. He could feel the emptiness, the loneliness, emanating from his antagonist… something else that felt so familiar.
"I…we just clicked. I don't know."
"How did you click?" Pearl finally looked at him. The upturned face, normally sedate and in control, was confused. Her eyes were hazy with tears. That was a telltale sign. Pearl would sooner shove a dozen cookie cats down her throat than lose her cool in front of an "idiotic human" like him.
On impulse, Greg put his hand on her shoulder. Pearl shook in instant repulsion, but she didn't shy away.
"We just understood each other," he said softly, wishing he had a better explanation. His own feelings about Rose were still so confused and complicated that he had simply decided that he would never sort them out. To love a woman-an alien-that precious, that special…and what she did to him so many times a minute. He was too stupid to find the words for it.
That wouldn't do for Pearl, however, a gem who thrived on order and precision even for emotions.
"We let ourselves get swept up in the moment." He tried again.
Pearl shook her head and looked away.. "I don't see how."
"I don't really either. Yeah," Greg admitted with a sigh. "You know, I gave up everything for her…"
"What could you possibly give up for her?"Pearl blurted out.
My life. Greg bit the words back. Somehow, he didn't think Pearl would understand.. "Yeah, I never had much. Still don't. But, I would have given everything up for her. Anything. And she would have been worth it. She was always worth it."
"She was." Pearl's voice wavered. Greg rubbed her shoulder as they sat in silence staring out over the ocean.
"She used to love it up here," he said, continuing the thought out loud. "Well, she used to say she loved it, anyway. She probably just liked it because I did. But I'd bring my guitar and play for her, or we'd dance. I think we had our second kiss here. Yeah, we did." He smiled as ghosts of the past played before his mind; Rose dancing with her thick curls bouncing over her shoulders. Rose laughing, head flung back as though to share her mirth with the world. Rose holding him, her sort body curving against him as they lay together. Simply together.
"You know, I even think this is where we…" He stopped mid sentence as the rest of the thought hit him, gulping he looked anxiously at Pearl.
This was where we conceived Steven.
He flushed as the memory came flooding back. Every movement, every touch, every groan and cry…and Rose so willing and caring. He could see it all as if it had happened just moments ago. She had never confirmed that Steven had been conceived up there, but Greg liked to think that it was true. Just a reminder of that wonderful night...
Pearl's fingers touched his cheek. Greg nearly leapt from his skin as he turned to stare at the gem, conscious of how his body reacted to the touch. Her forehead crinkled in confusion and concentration, and there was a strange glare in her opaque eyes as she fixed solely on him.
"How did you get caught up in the moment?"
"What?"
Pearl hummed with impatience. "How did you get caught up in the moment?" she repeated, overemphasizing the words. She placed her other hand on his leg for balance as she leaned in closer.
Greg winced. "Why do you care?" he demanded, with more intensity than he meant to. It was just…those memories…and her hand was just too close to his inner thigh…
What do you want from me? He wanted to shout.
Pearl wavered. He could see it. Her hands fell away from him as she lowered her head.
"Maybe," she said, at last, so softly that Greg strained to hear her, "There's some part of Rose left…with you."
Greg forgot his own discomfort as he looked down on Pearl's bent head. Something stirred inside him as she trembled, fighting back her tears.
"I'm, I'm sorry, Pearl," he said, wishing he could comfort her better. He understood her loss, even if she never would understand his. None of the gems would ever understand what he had lost when Rose left. He sighed. They barely understood what Rose saw in him to begin with.
Even now Pearl was shaking her head in silent reminder that his feeble apologies weren't any good. Yeah, he knew it was all futile to talk about. It never helped any of them, even after so many years. Any minute now, Pearl would get up and leave, the both of just miserable from trying to understand each other; no different from any other moment.
No, that wasn't true, Greg realized, as he watched the pearl wipe her eyes. His memories had been stirred, and an old warmth was stirring with them. He ran his other hand over her hair.
"I…I can show you," he said thickly, as she raised her head.
Now it was Pearl's turn to blink at him in confusion. "What?"
The hand that traced her temple to the side of her neck wasn't his. Neither was the voice that said, "I can show you…how Rose and I …connected…"
It wasn't his idea. It couldn't be his. It was the worst idea in the world, and Greg Universe should be ashamed to think anything like it. Not like this, and certainly not with her, no matter how his body cried out in need.
But it was him. He was running his hand over the side of her cheek, drawing her closer to him as a choking fog clouded his mind.
Pearl could always say no. He'd learned that from watching Marty's disasters with various girls they'd met during his tour days. Just one word, and everything would stop. He would stop.
Instead, as though moving in a drugged dream, Pearl rose up on her legs to look directly at him. She hesitantly touched the hand against her cheek, wordless as she waited for him.
Greg kissed her.
It was nothing like kissing Rose. Rather than warmth and openness there was hesitation, and even revulsion. But Pearl didn't pull away, and his foggy mind egged him on. He ran his hands along Pearl's thin body, touching her in places that his conscious mind would never have let him think about. She went rigid when he grasped her waist and pressed her against his own body. But she let him continue, and that was all that mattered to Greg. His body raged with long forgotten need and emptiness, and Pearl wasn't pushing him away.
At some point, he even forgot that it was Pearl he was fondling. He kissed her neck, remembering how Rose chuckled when he sucked at the sensitive skin there. Pearl gasped; that was good enough. He warmed to his task and began sliding his hands under her clothing; down her shirt and up under her skirt. He tucked a finger in the waist of her capris' and felt her shudder as he stroked the skin there before moving further and further, reaching the delicate folds of her outer sex.
"Greg!" Pearl yelped. Greg's mind immediately reeled back into reality. He stared down at the Pearl, who had somehow ended up resting on the ground underneath him. Her eyes were large under mussed hair, and there were marks up and down her neck and shoulders where he had kissed and sucked too hard. Her clothing was askew, shirt straps pulled down from her shoulders, capris completely gone. He was suddenly aware of his hand cupping between her legs, and the throbbing pain between his own.
"What…?" He started, shaking as a cold sweat suddenly hit him. No, no, this was Pearl, for Pete's sake. This was the gem who harangued him just for being human, blamed him for Rose's absence…and was just not Rose.
This was wrong.
He took a breath to calm himself and began to draw away. But Pearl's sudden grip on his shoulders held him fast.
"Was it like this with Rose?" She asked him, holding his eyes firmly with her own."Did you...Did she…did she let you…?"
Greg couldn't look away from her strangely desperate gaze. Again the loneliness. Again a need that neither he nor anyone could fulfill. He stretched out over her, slowly pressing his hand to her waist again. Pearl tensed, but didn't look away
"Yes." He slid his fingers against the mound of soft flesh between her legs and stroked the puffy lips with a cautious finger. Pearl squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in a sharp breath. Greg hesitated only long enough to let her adjust, then he added another finger. The warmth was starting to overwhelm him now. He couldn't even compare those dark moist places of Pearl's to his sweet wife's hidden treasures. The fog was baco.
And I don't care, Greg decided, adding a third finger as he massaged the inner places.
Before long Pearl was rolling her head back and forth, squeezing his shoulders so hard that her fingernails bit him. Greg felt hot and heavy as he drew his fingers in and out, but he kept himself contained until he felt Pearl was ready. He took only a moment to uncover his own need and spread her hips open. Just like with Rose...
She's not Rose.
It doesn't matter, he thought, placing her legs on his shoulders. I'm not Rose either. He thrust his hips forward and lost himself in the following frenzy.
Pearl lay still even when he finished and collapsed on top of her. Greg's mind was still too warm from his finish to really process that, but when he did he rolled off her almost as soon as his limbs could function. He lay, gasping, and trying to put words together. The fog was gone, the need was gone, and both left nothing just a piercing pain in their absence.
I...I can't believe I...why did I...?
Pearl didnt make a sound.
"Pearl, did I…did I hurt you?" he finally asked, unable to face her.
"No." The word was cold. She might as well have said yes in the same tone.
"Pearl, I..." He tried to find the words to explain, but he only felt worn and guilty. He fumbled with his hand until he found the gem's shoulder again. She was trembling.
"Pearl," he said, remorseful. She yanked her shoulder away and rolled over to curl up in the grass.
"Why did you leave us, Rose? Why did you leave me?" Pearl sobbed. Greg turned over with his back to hear, swallowing back his own tears as he listened to her.
It was a selfish cry.
It was his cry, too.