Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangalion, if I would, I would've had enough money to attend to more than one anime con per year, and I'd invest money into making plugsuits... unfortunately, I don't own Evangalion, so no plugsuits and extra animecons for me T_T *cries anime tears*

Apologies, notes and the like please READ this:

- I haven't seen all of the TV series (only up to DVD 5 or so... No, I haven't been able to witness Kaworu's 27-minutes livespan yet), but I did manage to watch the End of Evangalion (or Death and Rebirth). So frankly, I really didn't know HOW the whole thing originally ended. For this little fanfiction, please imagine that the world wasn't reduced to liquid, mankind survived (somehow).

- I haven't written this fanfiction to be shounen-ai-ish, even tho I am a fan of the genre (and yaoi too! ^^) I based the relationship here on what I read about their relationship in the series online, and on what I saw in the OVA. Any flames considering this, saying that it shouldn't be, that I make the boys look bad or anything like it will be ignored, or put up at my website so that other people can laugh at them.

I don't expect to receive flames, but with the discussions/essays/whatelsenot that Kaworu kicked to life with his appearance, I decided that it's better to be safe than sorry.

- This is my first Evangalion fiction, please don't throw stuff ^^; (I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! It's an insult for the tomatoes/chairs/chespieces to throw them at my head!)

~*~

"Kore wa yume?"

"... Hai, kore wa yume."

---

Ikari Shinji was looking at the people passing him by from his position on a lonely park-bench. He had done that a lot lately, looking at people living their lives while his had been passing him by ever since those days, almost 10 years ago.

He sighed. Almost ten years already? He cast his eyes downward, looking at the puddle of rainwater next to his right foot. His reflection sure didn't show it. Yes, he WAS older, but he still bore much resemblance to the teenagers he had been. His brown hair was still in the same haircut, still blue eyes, still a slim, wiry build. He quickly looked up again, not wanting to see his past self again.

A young woman passed by, long dark-purple hair cascading down her back, while shorter locks hung over her forehead, she was laughing and talking to her brown-haired boyfriend.

Misato-san!

Shinji stood up and quickly walked in the opposite direction of where the couple was going, mentally slapping himself for thinking that name. Because if he remembered one, all would come back to haunt him.

Misato-san...

He could see the woman's face before him as he started walking faster, as if it would make her disappear.

He unconsciously noticed that the sun was already disappearing behind the mountains, painting the city in a hot orange color.

Rei...

He quickened his pace again, avoiding the looks of the few other people still in the park, while the one from the silent girl in his mind's eye couldn't be avoided. The sun continued on sinking behind the hills, her bright beams turning a brilliant red as if she were protesting against being pushed away.

Asuka...

He was running now, taking a sharp turn to the left, deeper into the park, into the tree-covered part, the distant voice of a girl calling him an idiot echoing in his ears.

Ritsuko-san... Kaji-san...

The sun disappeared, plunged the park into darkness. Yet the young man running through the trees as if his life depended on it, continued on, even quickening his pace more, running away from those that only he could see.

Hikari...Touji... Kensuke...K-

He couldn't even think the last name as his foot stuck behind a tree-root, sending him down to the moist ground. He didn't hit hard ground. The late autumn rains had made the fallen leafs into a soft mess. He could have slammed into an iron wall for the reaction of it. He laid completely still, breathing heavily.

Ka- NO! I won't go back!

He closed his eyes when he felt the lump forming in the back of his throat. He didn't want to think it, that name, yet, the image appeared.

Shinji curled himself into a ball, trying to silence his sobs as he could see him, god, he could SEE him. Pale skin, messy gray hair. The eternal serene smile was still on his features as he reached a hand out to touch the dark-haired man.

"Oi, Shinji-kun."

Shinji froze. The sound had reached him physically, not mentally but physically. Carefully, he lifted his head from his arms to see the pale hand on his shoulders.

Ka-... no, that's impossible...

He followed the hand to the arm, sticking out of the sleeve of a simple white shirt, from the sleeve to the neck and finally up to two deep-red eyes, embedded in the pale face he was so familiar with, and yet appeared to be different, surrounded by gray hair.

Then the realization hit him. He looked older. The person that had always appeared before him as a teenager now had the looks of a young man his age.

Impossible... does that mean that he.. that he is...

"Kaworu-kun?"

The smile widened.

"For a moment there I thought you'd forgotten about me."

Shinji had to grab the pale arms to prevent himself from fainting right there and then.

---

They were at his apartment. He didn't know HOW they'd gotten there, and frankly, he couldn't give a damn, all he knew, and wanted to know, was that Kaworu was there with him.

Alive. Not a dead shito, crushed by the hand of Unit 01 that he had piloted, but alive.

Alive and cooking.

Shinji also didn't know HOW Kaworu found his way around an unfamiliar kitchen, but the meal that was before him on the table proofed that he had.

"Itedakimasu."

Silence fell for a minute or so before Kaworu started talking.

"So, Shinji-kun, what have you been doing these last couple of years?"

"Nothing much..." Shinji had just finished the last word when he felt his mental walls collapse like they had before with Kaworu, and he let it all out.

Almost without realizing he told Kaworu what had happened in the last ten years, how he'd felt, how he'd seen the things that had passed, how he'd picked up a more or less 'normal' life by day, but was plagued by numerous nightmares at night. How he remembered the near-3rd-impact over and over again. With every sentence his voice became a pitch higher until it finally broke and he could only produce soft sobbing.

After what seemed hours he heard a chair scraping over the floor, footsteps approaching and finally arms pulling him into a tight embrace.

"It's been guilt and loneliness for ten years, huh?"

Kaworu's voice sounded sad, maybe even a bit guilty. Shinji nodded, hiding his face in his hands and trying to stop the sobs that kept tearing themselves from his throat.

After a couple of minutes Kaworu pulled him out of his chair.

"Come on, you need to rest."

"Huh?"

"I said you need to sleep."

" But- But if I sleep then-" Shinji's protests were cut of a by a serious look from Kaworu. The pale man looked at him with concern written in his eyes.

"You won't have any nightmares again."

With that he led Shinji to the bedroom and laid him down on the bed, pulling the covers up to the dark-haired man's chest before his hands were captures in the one's of said man.

"Shinji-kun..."

"Please... don't leave now... I-"

A gentle smile told him that his request had been understood, and he sighed relieved when Kaworu flicked the lights of and sat down on the bed, allowing Shinji to place his head on his thigh.

"This is to good to be true..."

Dark-red eyes looked at the wall from under half-closed eyelids.

"Maybe it is, Shinji-kun, maybe it is..."

Shinji mumbled something barely audible as he drifted off into a nightmare-less sleep.

---

"Kaworu-kun?"

Shinji lifted his head only to look at an empty bedroom. Slightly panicking he stood up, until he felt something in his hand. Slowly, as if afraid of what he'd find, he opened his fist, revealing a slightly crushed, folded piece of paper. Carefully he unfolded and started to read.

Shinji-kun,

I don't have much time as I'm writing this, but I'm writing for all of us, so I will manage.

A lonely bench in the park was occupied by a single man with dark-brown hair, looking at the people passing by.

We all feel sorry for you, that your nightmares are caused by us, but we want you to know that we are fine...

The man had been a familiar sight for those who passed him daily.

And we want to tell you something

For he had been sitting there for almost a decade, yet it seemed he had hardly aged.

Please don't blame yourself for what has happened, because no one blames you.

Thus, quite a few people looked surprised when they found the man smiling at them, saying hello.

We all hope that the time is still far away,

Taken by surprise at first, they eventually smiled back, carefully said their hellos

But I am looking forward to meeting you again.

And soon learned his name.

~ Kaworu

Ikari Shinji.

---

"Nee, Kaworu-kun?"

Shinji's voice was heavy with sleepiness and hardly hearable to the human ear.

"Hai?"

Then again, Kaworu wasn't entirely human.

"Kore wa yume?"

Silence fell while Kaworu closed his hand a bit, his fingers enwinded with Shinji's.

"...Hai, kore wa yume."

Owari

~*~

-- continuation of the author's note form hell (tm) --

Isabel: Thank the gods, it's FINISHED!

Shinji: Ano, Isabel-san, you didn't have to stay up 'till 3.24 to finish this if you were tired.

Isabel: *practically falling over from sleepiness* Once one is in the zone, one has to put it to use!

Shinji: o_o

Isabel: What are you doing here anyways?

Shinji: I'm here because you wanted me here (you're the writer of this after all...)

Isabel: *thinks this over for a moment* Guess so. Sorry 'bout then. off you go. ^_^ *sends Shinji back to the evangalion world* Right, now that I got that over with. some emergency Japanese vocab.!

))These translations have been made by a 16 year old, sleepy Dutch girl who has learned her (crappy) Japanese from anime and fanfictions, please excuse any and all mistakes((

kore - this

wa - is

yume - (a) dream (so 'kore wa yume?' would basically mean 'is this a dream?')

hai - yes (I guess you knew this already, but just in case)

-kun - for as far as I understand it's something you stick behind a (boy's) name, referring to someone younger than yourself, a close friend, or a lover.

shito - "shi" meaning 'messenger, "to" meaning companion or apostle (information taken from the inside of the Evangalion DVD collection, volume 2) A.D. visions translated it with (the more familiar) 'Angel'. But I'm a bit of a perfection nuttier, so I kept to the Japanese ^^;

Itedakimasu - (I have no idea of whether or not I spelled this correct) No real correct translation, it's just something you say before starting diner. (had been translated with(among other things) "thank you all for coming" "let's eat" "thank you for the food" in various anime)

))Thank you for putting up with that((

Some more notes(things you don't need to know, but anyways):

- I more or less planned for Shinji having changed his family-name for Kaworu's, then I slapped myself over the head with a stick and remembered that I didn't want this to appear shounen-ai-ish (maybe my next fic *evil grin*)

- the squiggly ("~") before Kaworu's name in the 'letter' is something I always put before my own name when signing a letter(or e-mail, or message) I more or less typed it automatically and then left it there. Just in case you were wondering.

- One more thing about the letter, 'all of us' would be all the dead people. Don't ask how or why, I'm pretty clueless on that one myself… and the whole fic for that matter… -_-

ohwell, hope you enjoyed it, please review if you have the time and interest ^_^

~Isabel