I do not own Ranma, Akane or any of the other characters belonging to Ranma ½ and this fic is to be used for kicks and giggles only.
This was written by myself and my fiancé based on a dream I had after watching too much Ranma ½.
Chapter 1: Ranma is finally cured… Kinda'…
On a dreary night, Nabiki and Ranma were alone in the Tendo House. The Others has left earlier to do some shopping and became stranded when a storm hit. In the dark dojo area, Ranma was training himself while Nabiki approached.
Nabiki - (with a dark shadow cast upon her face)- I have been waiting for an opportunity like this, I am glad I told the others to go shopping.
Ranma - (with a confused, yet worried look on his face)- what do you mean? (as he backed away cautiously)
Nabiki – I have something I need to talk to you about. I know the time is right, because you are almost out of high school. I need to be concerned about the well being of my family, and this dojo. My father is counting on you to carry on the Satome-Tendo name. My concern is if you really want to? Because if you do not, I need to find someone else to run this dojo. I know you love Akane, and enough time has been wasted, you need to make your decision. (as lightning strikes.)
Ranma – Hey, what made you think I love Akane?
Nabiki – I am not blind Ranma!
Ranma - Not like I have been trying to avoid the subject… It is just hard with girls… and boys… trying to jump into my pants all the time. Not only that, but with our fathers threatening me every other second, I am afraid to make a choice. Someone might end up hurt!
Nabiki – No doubt, people will get hurt, but you cannot put it off forever Ranma. Plus, I have a bit of motivation for you. (as she starts walking towards the house, and up the stairs to her bedroom) I know this map merchant, who constantly travels, but he always stops by when he comes into town. On his rout he crosses right through the Jusenkyo springs.
Ranma – (as his face grows red with anger.) Why didn't you tell me this before!"
Nabiki – There was no need, it would create such a fuss, and all of the chaos that follows you would somehow foul it up. Anyway… I paid the man each time he traveled, to bring me back buckets of spring water from the spring of drowned man. (as she opens her closet doors to reveal buckets from top to bottom.) This should be enough to fill a bath tub, don't you think Ranma?
Ranma twitches in shock…
Nabiki – By the way… do not tell any one about this, this is between you and me, plus, I have a price.
Ranma – Of course… (he muttered under his breath) By the way Nabiki, How did you get the money to pay the map merchant?
Nabiki – Selling photos of you and the pigtail girl really bring in a profit from Kuno-Baby… So I better benefit from this. (she then slams the closet door shut.)
Ranma – So what do you want?
Nabiki – I want your decision, in writing. Pledge yourself to one girl alone for the rest of your life. It will go something like this… I, Ranma Satome, hereby pledge to marry (girls name), on (date of wedding). In the occurrence of her death, I will remain forever single and celibate by devoting myself as a monk to the Satome anything-goes martial arts style.
Ranma – What!
Nabiki – That's not all. I want the same contract from the girl you choose too. I do not want any guy killing you once you have made your choice. Fill out your contract first, then give it to her, and ask to pledge herself to you. I want you to choose any girl who you will be happy with Ranma… I am not forcing you to marry Akane, however, it would be the right thing to do because you love her. Once you have made your decision, I will happily draw a manly bath for you, your father, and anyone else you wish. But remember, do not tell anyone, or I might as well dump it down the drain.
Ranma – No! don't do that… I'll… I'll…
Nabiki – Take your time to think about it, this will change your life… If you choose to hastily because you want to be a whole man as soon as possible, then you could end up more miserable then being a girl.
Akane – Hey you guys, we're home… Nabiki?… Ranma?… (as the soaked family splits up to look for them)
Big Panda sign – They're up here… in Nabiki's room.
Akane – What are you doing in Nabiki's bedroom all alone? (as her face turns red with hate)
Ranma – Nothing (he calmly says as he leaves the room with his head hung down)
Akane – Nabiki? What's wrong with him?
Nabiki – He just has a lot to think about, my suggestion, be nice to him… Goodnight you guys.
The next morning
Akane – Ranma, It is time for school… we will be late.
Ranma – I feel sick, leave me alone.
Genma – You look healthy to me… Get out of bed you lazy…
Ranma – Go away! (as he jumps out of his window onto the roof… and then ran out of town towards the mountain woods) I just want to be left alone (he whispers to himself as he lays down on the grass against a tree and curls up to fall back asleep.)
During Lunch
Shampoo – Ranma, there you are. You no at school today, worry shampoo! (as she hugs Ranma with force) Why no at school? (Ranma looks down and pouts) Tell Shampoo what wrong?
Ranma the visualizes his future with Shampoo.
In the woods of an Amazon Tribe several warrior woman are training while Ranma is meditating in a hut. 7 miniature shampoo's are kissing (kiss of death) each other while chasing 1 miniature Ranma. Shampoo Runs after the 8 children yelling, "no, bad! No incest!" She then returns to the hut, squeezes Ranma with a forceful hug and offers, "Ranma, time for your 12-hours of training, and then make more children, okay?" Meanwhile a duck with glasses jumps in-between them wildly flaps around (end of visualization).
Ranma (lecturing Shampoo)– Where is moose? You should be more concerned for him.
Shampoo – Oh, is Ranma Jealous? Go ahead and kill moose for engagement gift to shampoo.
Ranma – I'm not jealous! I'm just not interested, please… I am a waste of your time, marry someone who will love you. (as he walks away slowly).
Shampoo – …Ran - ma… (she calls with a tear in her eye.)
"I'm hungry…" Ranma thinks to himself while heading towards Ukyou's Okonomyaki place.
Ukyou – Ranma-honey you look horrible, sit down, and I'll make you something.
Ranma – Thank you Uchan, I am a little hungry (as his stomach growls loudly)
Ukyou – Wow! Did Akane cook breakfast or something?
Ranma – No, Kasumi did, but I skipped it purposely anyway.
Ukyou (while leaning across the burner to feel Ranma's forehead) – Are you feeling alright?
Ranma sat in silence.
Ukyou – Well here you go, an extra large (she gave with a sweet smile).
Ranma then visualizes his future with Ukyou.
Ukyou – Ranma, you can't just do the shopping all the time, you must learn how to cook better.
Ranma – But can't I go train a little bit, all cooking and no fighting is driving me nuts.
Ukyou – But don't you like my cooking? Here have some Okonomyaki …
Ranma – Do we always have to eat Okonomyaki, can't we have some variety?
Ukyou – That's like Blasphemy! Don't be a traitor! Here, have some more Okonomyaki … and some more… and some more…and some …. Ranma? Are you okay?… (end of visualization)
As Ranma turns green and leans over to throw up.
Ukyou – Oh! Ranma-honey… You must be sick, What are you doing out, why aren't you in bed?
Ranma – I'm sorry Uchan. (as he clans it up). I'm not sick…
Ukyou – Was it the Okonomyaki?
Ranma – Not… really… No… It was great. I just… (as Ukyou leans towards him)
Ukyou – Ran – ma… What's going on with you. (as he looks up at her… an awkward face to face pause…then Ranma quickly freaks out and runs out of the restaurant)
Truancy Officer – Why aren't you in school?
Ranma (frozen like a cat who just ate a canary) – huh?
Truancy Officer – Come with me young man!
At the school Ranma stared at his desk in silence. Akane then looks over at him in a concerned way.
Akane – Ranma, are you okay? I am really worried about you?
Ranma then visualizes his future with Akane.
In a restaurant with the entire Tendo-Satome family. An attractive waitress serves the Sake as Happosai hits on her. She turns bright red and faints on Ranma.
Happosai – Oh I wish she would lay on me…
Akane – Ranma! (she says with anger and tries to hit him over the head with a large mallet).
Ranma – It wasn't my fault (he defends while dodging)
Akane – No, But you liked in anyway! You adulterous pervert! I'll make your life a living hell! (as she swings again with the mallet)
Soun – Adulterous? Ranma!
Genma – How dare you shame the Satome family name! (as both fathers try to hold him still as Akane whacks him… meanwhile, Happosai steels the waitresses panties right off of her). (end of visualization)
Kuno – I challenge you to a duel Ranma!
Ranma – What else is new (he says dryly)
Kuno – You are making Akane so miserably concerned for you. I shall not have it. Even though I despise you, the thought of Akane's suffering heart brings me to agony. I shall defeat you so that no longer Akane will dwell on such matters. She shall be mine!
Kodachi – Oh Ranma, if you win, I will be without a dear brother (said sarcastically) You will then have to look after me my love…
Ranma then visualizes his future with Kodachi
Ranma – soooo…. Coooollllllddddd…. Sooooo….. Darrrrrkkkkk. Where am I?
Kodachi – Ranma… Time for your afternoon tea… (as she pours a drug into it then clicks on a light)
Ranma – Ahhhh! I'm naked. Why did you lock me in a room naked?
Kodachi – Oh, Ranma… Drink your tea, you'll feel better in no time, it will warm you right up.
Ranma – Some clothes would be good too!
Kodachi – Are you hungry? Would you like a snack with your tea?
Ranma – No! I want out of here… I am not your slave.
Kodachi – Why that's silly, Of course no dear husband, I am serving you the tea. Please drink it before it gets cold.
Ranma – Fine, I'll drink your stupid tea! (as he then starts to drool and falls over unconscious) (end of visualization)
Ryoga – Save a piece for me! Ranma, how dare you hurt Akane so, and to keep her suffering. You make me sick!
Ryoga and Kuno charged Ranma, but he did not dodge. The two boys slammed into Ranma like a brick wall. Ranma fell to the floor and twitched as he was beaten.
Akane – Ranma! (she yelled) "Why?… He has never lost a fight before, why is he loosing? Why doesn't he care?" she thought desperately to herself.
Shampoo – No!
Ukyou – Stop! (the two girls broke up the fight) If you won, it would not be a fair fight. It's two against one, and besides, Ranma is sick… or something…
Kuno – I hate to admit it, but they are right.(he said to Ryoga) As soon as you feel better, we will duel! (said to Ranma)
At home later that day.
Akane – What did you do to Ranma? What did you say that would make him suicidal?
Nabiki – What? Suicidal? Ranma? I doubt he is suicidal. Maybe just depressed with his lack of options.
Akane – What are you talking about?
Nabiki – Well, if you must know, Ranma must choose who he wants as a wife if he ever wants to be a whole man again.
Akane – Why? How? That doesn't make any sense…
Nabiki – I'm sorry, that is all I can tell you.
"So, Ranma is finally trying to choose. That's why he has been so quiet." Akane thought to herself.
As she entered Ranma's dark room…
Akane – Ranma?
Ranma – What?
Akane – Can I talk to you for a minute?
Ranma – If you must.
Akane – I know that the other girls fight over you… It must be really annoying. I know it is hard when guys fight over me. Anyway… I just wanted you to know that, well… just because I don't fight over you doesn't mean I am not interested.
Ranma – What! (he said with shock as his mouth dropped to the ground)
Akane – I mean, If you choose another girl, It's fine, I promise not to get mad at you. The only reason I get mad at you is because… well, the truth is…I get jealous, or just hurt.
Ranma – Nooooooo…. (he quietly muttered sarcastically to himself)
Akane - I know that you think I am uncute, and the only reason you put up with me is probably because of our dads. I do just want you to be happy. And well… I… am… Sorry (as a tear develops in her eye) I'll, leave you alone now… you have a lot to think about. (as she gets up to run out).
Suddenly she feels a jerk on her arm. She looks down to see Ranma's hand around her wrist while he is facing the ground. He looks up at her and quietly says, "Thank you." Akane nodded with the shimmer of tears falling off her face. Ranma pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried.
Akane – No matter what you choose, we can still be friends right?
Ranma – (jokingly with a kind smile on his face) Only if you destroy that mallet.
Akane – You know, I don't even know where I get those… They just kind of appear when I am angry.
"chi in the form of a mallet?" he thought to himself… "I better be careful with her ugly green monster" as he pictures Akane all green with a mallet yelling at him, "did you just call me ugly!" Ranma grinned from ear to ear and barreled over.
Akane – What's so funny?… Why are laughing?… Ranma?… I'm being serious! (she said with a annoyed face) Oh!… You are such an… (was going to say "ass" but was cut off by Ranma grabbing her)
Ranma – Your nothing but hot and cold are you? Go ahead! Say it! I dare you! (he said with a sobering straight face).
Akane turned around and walked quickly out of his room in anger. "I just don't understand him at all, what a stupid ass! Here I go trying to open up to him, and he just laughs at me" she thought to herself as she stormed down the stairs. Then she heard a voice from the kitchen.
Kasumi – I think you take yourself too seriously… Why don't you just let him explain some times. Is it that hard to just listen?
Akane – Kasumi? What? No, I just…
Kasumi – Anyone paying attention can tell that he loves you. I wonder why you can't see it?
Akane – Yeah Right! If he loves me then why is he such a pervert and an ass.
Kasumi - Jealousy can cloud any picture. Maybe you are so blind by it that you cannot not see his pure motives. Ranma has a good heart…
Akane – I know that! It's just… he makes me so mad. (as Ranma walks around the corner and starts to hear the conversation… he freezes and hides)
Kasumi – That's only because you care about him too. Try to show it in a different way.
Akane – I've tried! (as she starts to cry) I've tried cooking, sewing, everything, but I always seem to foul it up. Even if what you say is true, he can do better, he SHOULD pick someone else.
Kasumi – What? What are you talking about?
Akane – Nabiki did something terrible, I don't know what… But now Ranma is trying to choose who he wants to marry.
Kasumi – Oh? Well, he's probably known that for a long time now. (Ranma lowered his head to the floor in guilt…) The reality is just hitting him.
Akane – But if it makes him that miserable, then why doesn't he choose someone else (she said in anger).
Kasumi – Akane, don't you see? He isn't miserable… he's just scared to admit his feelings… most boys are, especially the first time. (Ranma's mouth dropped in offense) Ranma has been hurt so much in his life, he has moved around so much, that staying in one place, and finally being happy probably scares him. (Ranma looked down at the floor in shame)
Akane – How frightening could it be, I finally admitted to him that…well…
Kasumi – I am proud of you Akane, but Ranma is very different. He probably has the worst-case scenario floating around in his head. ("Does she read minds?" Ranma thought to himself) He doesn't know who to trust, and he is afraid to admit that he trusts, or even loves anyone. Any girl that wants him to open up needs to make it safe for him to do so.
Akane – Safe?
Kasumi – You need to prove that you won't hurt him, that he wont be rejected, and most of all, that the worst-case scenario won't ever happen. ("Like that will ever happen" Ranma doubted to himself) Do you know what he is afraid of?
Akane – Well, he said something about a mallet.
Kasumi – (giggling) That would probably be it.
Akane – Kasumi, thank you for the advice…
Kasumi and Ranma both think "I wonder if she'll use it?"
Akane then left the kitchen and ran head on into Ranma
Akane - (accusingly) Where you listening to our conversation?
Ranma – I… Um… Was just coming down the stairs, and uh… (he flinched in fear of Akane's wrath)
Akane – Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you…
Ranma – huh?
Akane – I promise… I'll never hit you again… and I'll try harder… to listen…(she admitted while clenching her fists and leaving the room)
Ranma Runs after her and calls out, "I'll try to not hurt your feelings anymore… deal?" Akane smiles sweetly and her fists unclench as she nods.
Genma – Oh.. This is so Great…
Soun -This is the happiest day of my life… (the two men whaled while crying from the living room)
The Next day After school Ranma pummeled Kuno and Ryoga, and then raced Akane home.
Kasumi - Ranma? A Package just came for you today, it's pretty big.
Ranma – A Package… Who is it from? (he looked at the large brown box with a note attached it cautiously)
Kasumi – Nodaka, Isn't that your mother?
Ranma – Yes, But why would she send me a package? (he tore the note off and read it as he brought the box to the living room.)
The note read – Dear, Ranma… I thought this might help you deal with your multiple fiancé problem.
Ranma eagerly opened the package and dove into it. He grabbed the first two things his hands touched. Raising them high above his head out of the foam. Lifting up a double sided dildo with his right hand, and some flavored lubrication in the left he called out, "Hey, Kasumi, What are these for?"
Kasumi – (in shock) Oh My!
Nabiki (coming around the corner) – I can teach you how to use those.
Akane (walking through the front door) – Use what Nabiki?
Ranma slips on the foam and tips over the box. Lying stunned and immobile on the floor covered with whips, chains, black leather lingerie, and the two items still clenched in his hands.
Akane (restraining herself) – Are those yours, Ranma?
Kasumi – Yes, they are his.
Nabiki – Maybe YOU should show him how use them Akane…
Genma walks into the room.
Ranma – Uhhhh… hey pop, what are these things?
Genma – Oh those are for… (turns bright red and sinks to the floor with a glazed smile on his face)
Akane – PERVERT! (she yells as she sends Genma sprawling with a powerful bash from her mallet)
Akane then grabs Ranma's arm, and hauls him off to her bedroom.
Nabiki – I guess she is really going to show him. That will win him over.
A few silent moments passed, and then a loud and shocked Ranma yelled, "THEY'RE USED FOR WHAT?" (as he throws them out the door)
Nabiki – Wow? She DID show him.
Soun – Showed him what Nabiki? (as the lubricant flies into his tea, and the dildo flops onto his lap)
Meanwhile in Akane's room…
Akane sadly nods at Ranma's cloudlessness.
Ranma quickly hugs Akane – Thank you for not killing me…
Soun Barges up the stairs thinking to himself, "What is Ranma doing to my little girl!" He blows down the door with a massive battle aura. Suddenly he has an abrupt mood change as he surveys the situation.
Ranma and Akane immediately stopped hugging and jumped 5 feet away from each other.
Ranma – No we were just… uh… um… I…
Soun – No don't say any more and break an old man's heart!
Genma – We'll just leave you two alone… (as they snuck back down stairs for a game of shogi.)
Ranma and Akane Blushed Wildly… Ranma laughed and fidgeted out of nervousness. Akane soon started laughing as well.
Akane – Ranma? Why make your decision now after all these years… I mean, you haven't been splashed by cold water for three days, besides, being a girl is not the worst thing in the world is it?
Akane takes a glass of water from her night stand table, and splashes Ranma.
Akane – I mean, look at you! It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of. Plus, I think your really cute (as she blushes)
Ranma's eyes almost popped out of his head in shock as he dashes to Nabiki's room (an obvious "No! It's horrible! I never want to be a girl again!"). When he got there, her room was empty.. and her closet was locked. Ranma ran back down stairs…
Ranma – Where is Nabiki?
Kasumi – Nabiki has left to run some errands, she'll be back in a while, why?
Ranma – Oh, no reason… I just.. uh…I need to be male for this…(Ranma went back up stairs to take a hot bath)
Afterwards, Ranma walked up to Akane.
Ranma - Akane?
Akane – What is it?
Ranma pulled a contract out of his pocket. He had filled out saying that he would marry Akane at the beginning of the next school year.
Ranma – I thought early fall would be nice, seeing that we will be graduated from school.
Akane – Ran – ma… I…
Soun – That sounds like a proposal to me….
Genma – I am soooo happy… (the men said while crying)
Ranma – I need you to sign this same contract… binding you to me also… or else, there is no point… You don't have to do it now… I just…
Soun – Akane! Hurry up and sign it! You're breaking your father's heart!
Akane – (angrily) Father! You didn't even read this! I have to be a monk if he dies!
Soun – Oh! What great devotion…
Genma – It's like Romeo and Juliet… How romantic!
Ranma - That's it! (he grabs Akane's hand and runs to his room with her. He then locks the door, and yells to the fathers) Butt in on that!
Akane – Ranma!
Ranma – I'm sorry, but I want this to be your choice to… Forget them! and your responsibility! I just want you to do what is in your heart! (awkward face to face silence, dramatic/romantic music, ext…)
Akane then signs the contract, and Ranma hugs her.
Ranma – Thank you, Akane.
Akane – For what?
Ranma – For loving me back. (they both cry and hug)
Nabiki – (calling from downstairs) I'm home… Did I miss something?
Ranma throws the contract at her. "There's your dirty contract, you… you…(as Nabiki looks conniving at Ranma. Ranma stopped in his tracks and changes his tone of voice) can I be a whole guy now?" he pleaded.
Nabiki – You should be thanking me…
Genma – What is going on here?
Kasumi – That is what I would like to know.
Nabiki – I'll tell you while Ranma and Genma are taking their bath.
Genma –huh?
Nabiki made millions of copies of the contract. She then personally delivered them to all of Ranma's and Akane's admirers. She also invited Ryoga and moose to a bath the next day. Finally, she drew the Bath of spring water for Ranma and Genma.
Genma - This water is fresh… Were did it come from?
Ranma – The spring of Drowned Man.
Genma – What? How did it get here?
Ranma – Nabiki bought it for us from a map merchant.
Genma – Oh? What a sweet girl! (as Ranma rolled his eyes)
Meanwhile in the living room Nabiki told the whole story.
Soun – You mean Ranma is only marrying Akane so he doesn't have to be a woman again.
Akane – No! I mean, he wouldn't do that. He does want to be with me, this is just a bonus.
Kasumi – You know Nabiki, they would have come around on their own.
Nabiki – I know, but what is wrong with a little push?
As the Genma and Ranma came down, they were greeted with buckets of cold water. After being splashed, two identical 40-year old men stood in there places. They looked similar to Genma, had pot-bellies, double chins, and were almost bald. The group looked at them in shock.
Kasumi – Huh?… which one is which?
Genma-jin (holding up a panda sign) – I am… (with every one looking at him in disbelief… he sighs in a low tone) uhhh…never mind…
Ranma-jin - What… there wasn't a spring of drowned boy, or young man? Just MAN?
Nabiki – No, just this one, plus be grateful it wasn't a spring of "old man"
Genma-jin– This isn't so bad, plus, there's two of me now…
Ranma-jin – But, this is old!
Genma-jin – Who you calling old?
Soun – Yeah, It's so much better…
Akane – I'm going to be married to that?
Nabiki – Personally, I'd rather be married to the girl.
Kasumi – Oh! My!