"So, Jack. Any idea when your sudden 'get-me-off-the-sea-pirateless-don't-even-mention-the-Black-Pearl' hiatus is going to end?"
"Hiatus? You're not making any sense, mate."
"You're so called vacation?"
"Oh, right. My 'depressed-because-I-can't-find-my-ship-which-is-in-the-possession-of-a-so-called-infamous-pirate-that-undoubtedly-put-me-in-the-worst-position-possible-so-I-can-not-and-refuse-to-pillage-and-plunder-and-otherwise-pilfer-my-weasley-black-guts-out' vacation?"
"Uh..yeah. That one."
"No. I am not. Why?"
"Well, Jack Sparrow…"
"Captain."
"Jack…it seems that a new…adventure is in the works. Something that calls only to pirates who are not occupied by other matters, including their unfortunate and bewildering vacations."
"It sounds like something I wouldn't be interested in."
"Oh really? So even if it included treasures beyond your wildest dreams and other fanciful things, you would pass up the chance to do something bold and adventurous with something that is as daft and careless as a vacation?"
"Hmm…yes."
"What if I told you that women would be at your very command, flocking to your every need and supplying even the most pleasurable moments that they all have to offer, would you do it?"
"Honestly, love, I have had enough of women. One sent me to the depths of locker of Davy Jones himself. I've been slapped by so many that I haven't got enough fingers to count and clearly, as I can see, I am being particularly annoyed by one now. So the answer is still no."
"Fine, Jack. Have fun on your little vacation. I'll just take the limitless supply of rum and the Black Pearl all to myself, sail the seas and pillage my way through the Caribbean."
"What?!"
"Oh. Did I forget to mention that I found said ship, claimed it as my own, and decided to recruit a pirate crew, including yourself, to help me on my journey?"
"No, you failed to mention that part….love."
"Well, since I've received your final answer, I guess the best thing for me to do is leave you to your pirateless life, take the Pearl and sail away. What say you to that?"
"I don't like that idea. It makes me sick."
"Oh, that's too bad, Jack."
"It's Captain. Captain. Jack. Sparrow."
"Captain? I don't see your ship."
"The Black Pearl is my ship."
"Oh is it now? Well…according to certain events it's my ship now."
"Your ship? You're a…wom…"
"Oh, go ahead, Jack. Finish the sentence."
"You're a….a…wicked, no-good, ruthless…wench!"
"No, Jack. I'm a wicked, no-good, ruthless pi-rate. Woman pirate."
"Those are the worst kind."
"Excuse me? I didn't hear that, Jack. Say it again. Louder, please."
"Those are the best kind."
"Hmm. You know, Jack. You are…"
"The sweetest, most charming pirate you've ever met?"
"No. In your current situation, I wouldn't consider this as a piratey act or adventurous lifestyle for that matter. You're more of a…"
"…man of great assets and morals?"
"Not even close. More of a distant traveler that would rather spend his entire life here then to sail with his own crew and ship out on the waters of the Caribbean. That's what you are, Jack."
"Well, since you put it that way."
"Why stay here, Jack? What's so important about this place that you decided to waste your entire life here?"
"Well, love. It's a long story. I'd rather not bore you with it."
"Oh, I have all day, Jack. So please. Do tell."