A/N: THIS WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN, I WAS JUST WATCHING THAT EPISODE OF BOB'S BURGERS AND THIS WAS THE CONSEQUENCE. THANKS LOUISE
This takes place in what SHOULD have been the epilogue to Chapter 1, where Kris and Susie become superhero bffs and make daily visits to their best friends Ralsei and Lancer as they navigate life as the group name of your choice. BUT NO, Toby did us dirty and THAT'S OK, but right now I need vengeful bffs getting revenge in a fluffy way with non-canon-confirmed game-physics so they can be superheroes all the time, OK?! ALSO CODE NAMES
Also third person point of view but it mainly focuses on Kris, Kris has She/Her pronouns, Kris deserved better, crack taken seriously and then that… deteriorates into crack, y'all know the drill ok enjoy sorry it took so long apparently 503 errors are on my end
It started with Alphys getting sick.
Kris sincerely doubted she was, due to the ever increasing amounts of reviews of anime by the "Anonymous Yellow Lizard" (A/N: is that her name idk), but the Principal had to take over the class, and boy, had both Kris and Susie had their fair share of encounters with him. It seemed counterproductive to place them together even after the group projects were split up and redone, especially if the Principal seemed to hate them both. Maybe he just had it out for Kris.
Normally, Kris would be terrified and slightly willing to endure the humiliation of telling Mom and letting her rip the principal a new one in self preservation, but Kris was not normal.
Kris happened to be a hero, thank you very much. And Susie happened to be her best friend and teammate on the &%&$ Squad. There was a smirk on both of their faces when the partner assignments were announced.
Maybe Susie would actually do something.
But their assignment wouldn't be due until the end of semester in a month, and as all teenagers with something important to get done do, they procrastinated. They had a good reason for procrastinating, though.
As in their favorite Darkeners, now ruling over the Dark World (or whatever you may wish to call it), had NO IDEA what they were doing. And they needed help with kingly duties.
BUT OF COURSE, as teenagers do, they once again procrastinated. What were they doing?
Fighting a jester-demon in the basement, as you do. (A/N: boy I hate Jevil, watch me create angst for him later)
Kris, all dressed up in her armor, was now lying half-dead on the floor, much to Lancer's panic. Susie just chuckled as Ralsei frantically revived Kris, who now was bouncing on her heels waiting for her turn to come around.
That wasn't long, and the battles that had eventually made Kris sigh at the SAVE Point and led her friends away from the danger had Kris actually excited to keep going, as Lancer made them all work harder to impress him. Wouldn't take much, the kid loved everything, but they still tried anyways. (Kid had them wrapped around his finger.)
And, as Susie put it, nothing could stay in the &%&$ Squad's way for long without being cold on the ground ("SLEEPING, COLD ON THE GROUND SLEEPING!", Ralsei had always added.)
They all dismissed Jevil's ramblings on principle, all being used to the nonsensical words with hint of deeper meaning by now, and immediately threw the knife thing down Lancer's garbage disposal, much to Rouxls' displeasure.
"Lancer, thoust must not put things such as that downe the garbage! Whatst arest thou up to now, worms?" (A/N: Boy, my spellcheck is having a field day for what can barely pass as middle english) Lancer looked up from the absolutely awful noise that had forced Ralsei to leave 10 minutes ago and said cheerfully, "Don't worry Lesser Dad! It's better this way, trust me." If Rouxls didn't know what that meant, he didn't say anything. Thank goodness.
And they left a handsome tip as they purchased many well-needed items on their way up to the throne room.
The throne room was now cleaned and furnished with many couches with toys spread all over and a mini trampoline (it doesn't take a genius to know who requested it). Our favorite four heroes were all laughing and talking before Ralsei inquired about their day at school.
Kris' voice was uninterested. "Oh, the normal. Our science teacher got sick, so now we have a new project I guess." Ralsei tilted his head to the side and asked, "Oh, what's the project? Maybe I can help!" He bounced in his seat excitedly as Susie and Kris looked at each other nervously. Kris brightened up suddenly. "Hey guys, would you be willing to help on an analysis between human and monster souls, we'd start in about two weeks, since we could get it done in about that time." Everyone (sans Susie, who still looked agreeable) looked excited, and Ralsei was bouncing so hard Kris put her hand on his shoulder to stop him. "I guess that's a yes? Susie, it's half your project, so if you don't like it I'll forget it." Susie shrugged and lean back. "Sounds interesting, and it's better than a garbage report on states of matter. You've got my vote." Kris took their hand off Ralsei's shoulder and turned back to their friends family.
"Then we're doing it!"
"You know, I always wanted to know about our armor. Maybe we'll find something about it?" Everyone agreed with that idea, even Lancer, who's only armor was his bike. Susie looked deep in thought for a minute. "And why does it only work in this trash heap?" Lancer looked reasonably offended by that remark, but Ralsei looked confused. "Guys, we're heroes! Our armor is coded into our souls by the prophecy! Sure, the magic down here will trigger it immediately, but you don't need to be down here!" Susie stared and Kris just facepalmed. "Of course we can. Of COURSE we were stupid enough not to test it out. Of COURSE." Kris went on rambling before Susie slammed a hand over her mouth and said quickly, "Prince boy, how do we do it?"
Ralsei brushed off the minor insult. "I'm not really sure… I guess just think of doing it like lifting your hand? It's ingrained so deeply in us it shouldn't take much at all. I just flip at will, I'm sure it's the same for you?" Kris looked at her phone and did a spit take, almost spraying Ralsei with water had he not dodged. "No no no, mom's gonna kill me, I need to get out of here. Bye guys! See you tomorrow or later if we text!" Then she used her sword to parkour over a couch, earning an "8.5!" From Lancer as Ralsei shouted his goodbyes and Susie quickly followed her.
Toriel did not kill, ground, or punish Kris at all. In fact, she was glad Kris had friends, even if Susie intimidated her a bit at first, she grew to also be a victim of Toriel's mothering. (Susie wasn't complaining at all. She even stopped flinching when someone touched her.)
That night, Kris and Susie (Kris in her room and Susie in her spot at the graveyard) both tried to summon their armor. Of course, both facepalmed as they realized how easy it was.
—
That next day at school was pure suffering. Even Noelle agreed that the Principal, while he could certainly run a school, was a horrible teacher. Susie naturally hated him because he was the reason she was two inches from each row as the school was concerned, Kris hated him because he treated them both badly due to their… unsavory school records, and Noelle agreed he was, in general, completely unfair to some students while favoring the only two students with A's.
It only got worse after lunch when they turned in their idea for their project. The paper they had hastily scribbled the idea down on (they had magical armor they could summon at will, give them a break) was blotted with red and a "see me after class."
Kris and Susie had the ability to communicate with glances, which was immensely helpful when deciding what to do in battle or, as it seemed, to communicate in class. They both thought the same thing at the same time, this can not be good.
When the end of class approached, Susie moved to the seat next to Kris instead of behind so she could pay better attention. (As the &%&$ Squad had joked, the presence of two 'cinnamon rolls' was slowly giving Susie better manners. Also she didn't want to fail and have to redo the class.) When the Principal had dismissed their project entirely, saying that no one of their grade average could do something so complex, it took most of Kris' strength to not remove her hand from Susie's arm as a "no way, we are not killing him". Which, considering Kris' pacifistic nature, said a lot. She hated when people underestimated her.
Before waiting in the closet they always emerged from for the school to be empty and therefore they were free to move around and head to the closet… portal thingy, Kris shot off a text to the &%$& Squad Group Chat! (Trademark pending).
Kris:
We're getting started on our project early. Get all the books you can on Souls.
Ralsei:
What happened?
Susie:
Our principal is an ***hole.
Lancer:
Susie:
Shush kid
Lancer:
Can we get code names?
Ralsei:
Only if we change the squad name
Kris:
I agree
Susie:
Our team name is fine leave it
Ralsei:
What's the point of a team name 75% of us won't even say
Susie:
Shush goat
Ralsei:
This is bullying
Lancer:
Um guys code names
Kris:
Can we pick our own
Lancer:
Yeah
Kris:
Lancer you should either be Ace or Jack
Susie:
Yeah instead of being a jack of all trades you can be a jack of all
Kris:
Pleas e no
Susie:
comment liked by Lancer
Ralsei:
I just cringed
Kris:
Lancer:
Lancer has changed their name to: Jack
Jack:
Susie
Jack:
Are u proud
Susie:
Very
Kris:
I like Jack what about Ralsei
Susie:
What about Star
Ralsei:
I like that! What's a Star?
Kris:
Oh we need to take you up here you'll love them
Susie:
One image attachment of stars
Kris:
Yeah those
Ralsei:
I like it
Ralsei:
Ralsei changed their name to: Star
Jack:
I'd love to see a star one day…
Susie:
You will kid don't worry
Jack:
:)
Kris:
Ok who's next
Jack:
Kris you should be this thing I read about in a book, its a bird that rises from the dead
Susie:
Phoenix?
Jack:
Yeah!
Kris:
I like Phoenix
Kris:
Kris has changed their name to: Phoenix
Susie:
And then there was me
Star:
Okay it should be Dragon
Susie:
Why not a griffin or something that's equally as stupid
Phoenix:
we can summon magical armor at will, one of our best friends is literally a playing card, and yesterday we saw Noelle slap someone for calling her dad lazy and thats the most out of the world thing you've seen
Susie:
Yeah ok fine whatever
Susie:
Susie changed their name to: Dragon
Phoenix:
t
Dragon:
kris I will deck you
Phoenix:
Fair
Dragon:
btw we're like two minutes away
Star:
Oh ok
Jack:
See ya clowns!
The team met back up in the Card Castle Library, where Lancer and Ralsei were surrounded by various book stacks as the two sat by a table. Kris sat down on the floor by the largest stack and Susie leaned against the wall, picking a book of the top of one to flip through.
"Okay, let's start with what we know." Kris sounded tired already.
It was five hours later that Rouxls found them all passed out on the library floor (Lancer was cuddling into Susie, and Kris would hold that as one of her dearest memories) and ordered Lancer into bed, (Ralsei soon followed) and Kris ended up being on time home for once.
Kris pulled out her laptop, spread her notes on the floor, opened a video chat with Susie, and then started working on refining the notes into an outline.
"Kris, I swear, this better be a 'goodnight' and nothing else because I will axe you in the face." Susie sounded tired. Kris grinned and added her to the notes outline.
"Nope! And you better contribute to the project or the next time we find ourselves in front of an enemy you will be flirting with them ALL." Susie cringed and text began to fill the document. Kris smirked again.
By school the next day, the &%&$ Squad had managed to pull together a good 2/3 of their project (never underestimate the power of spite), and had taken great pleasure in turning it back in to the Principal. He didn't even look at it before crossing out the report title and saying in a monotone voice, "No. We agreed that you would pick a different topic. If I hear one more word of this you both fail. Dismissed."
Neither of them bothered to argue, but when they were out of ear shot Kris turned to Susie and said in a low voice: "It's time. Let's go get my mom." Susie grinned and leaned on the wall. "Kris, that's just evil. She'll kill him." Kris called back from across the hall in front of Toriel's office, "Yeah, well the alternative is him ending up with an axe in his head, so are ya coming along?" Susie nodded and caught up with Kris before she knocked on the door.
"Come in!" Kris smiled and opened the door, Susie leaning on the doorframe. Toriel stood up and hugged them both. Kris laughed as Susie blushed, but turned serious quickly. Toriel looked concerned. "My child, I have heard rumors that you and Susie here causing trouble in class. The principal is considering suspending you. What happened?" Kris looked guilty at making her mother nervous, and Susie took over. "He's going to suspend us for that? Ugh. Toriel, the principal believes that based on our grades, we can't do a project on the subject we want. Bull-" Kris gave Susie a look that she recognized from fighting Jevil, one that was angry but unwilling to get physical over it.
"ANYways, we did the project anyways to prove him wrong, but he didn't even look at it. Here's the paper." Kris slid over their report and ran her fingers through her hair nervously as Toriel read it. "Kris, Susie, this is fantastic work. I'll make sure you get your rightful grades. Good job dears." Kris smiled as Susie thanked Toriel before they left.
Heading to the closet, Kris and Susie both created their armor to provide a little protection against the fall (it never seemed to do any actual damage but it still hurt) before jumping into the dark abyss and using one of the doors to reach the castle quickly. Lancer and Ralsei were discussing something important with Rouxls, or more Rouxls was watching these two children attempt to run a kingdom and only be able to shake his head and try to avoid the castle in the next coming days, because who in the world could logically think lining a castle with mattresses for a bouncing party could go well? (A/N: Again, crack taken too seriously.)
"Guys, if you're gonna put mattresses anywhere, put them under the hole. I'm tired of slamming into the ground on a daily basis." Susie's voice was teasing, but still held truth to it. Kris nodded enthusiastically in agreement.
One funny thing that happened after the fountains had slightly cracked open the barrier between worlds was that cell service was fully optional (which was good, because Kris was tired of hearing those weird sounds whenever she unlocked her phone. It lost it's creepy factor when she wanted to read fanfiction on her phone only to have weird boogeyman coming through her speakers) (A/N: what am I doing with my life), and Kris was very glad to receive a text from Toriel confirming they would receive fair grades for the assignment, and to continue with their current subject. Ralsei cheered and hugged Kris, Lancer was doing wheelies on his bike (the bike is here now), and Susie just grinned (with all her teeth, very unsettling if you didn't know her personally).
The four finished their projects before anyone else, and if Toriel happened to post their reports directly to the principal, no one needed to know.
A/N: WOW YOU CAN REALLY TELL WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MOTIVATION
Ok so some of these things (say the Principal's existence) may be contradicted by canon in which case please alert me to this because I want to learn but I'm not gonna fix it.
I love my children. So much. Deltarune is my life now. Thanks for reading this garbage heap guys love ya
Luna❤️