The Many Passions of Commander Shepard

by A2C2G

There are a lot of choices that can be made in the Mass Effect series (you know, until the last five minutes). The most oft' discussed and written about are the numerous potential romantic pursuits the player can indulge in. But as many options as there are, countless fans complain about the fact that they can't have sex with everyone everywhere. I'm here to help.

1. Chapter 1

I'd like to thank Carleen for super-pep talking me into posting this, my first ever thing on the wonderful blob of wishful thinking that is this website. If you're looking for fluff and feel-good drabble about Shepard and his/her love lives, go check her page out. She's got like, every option covered. As for this... story, for lack of a better term, read and review. Or read. But don't just review. That'd be stupid.

Presenting:

The Many Passions of Commander Shepard(s)

Actual (not really, thank god) cut content, deleted scenes, and removed love interest options from the canon games.

Scenario 1) F. Shepard and Grunt:

(Shepard, feeling bored, has wandered around the ship talking to her ground team, and has arrived at everyone's second-favorite krogan. Yeah, I said second. If you disagree, I'm right here. Come at me.)

"So Grunt... How PERFECT are you, exactly?"

"I was the best of thousands of artificial tank-born krogan, Shepard. You know that."

"Right, but... What did Okeer focus on the most? What was his biggest priority, the deciding factor on whether you were a success or a failure?"

"I don't know, Shepard. He did not implant me with the specifics behind my genetic superiority. Just the knowledge that I, and I alone, am the perfect iteration of the Krogan species."

"Oh. I see. That's not super helpfu-"

"He did put a LOT of stuff in there that I don't really understand, though. Like, there's this one part where he sounds like he's talking about something he doesn't really want to. He says that 'Krogan reproductive anatomy is, on average, 1.5 to 2 times the size of other similarly built bipedal species. While this is not important in terms of your eventually fathering genetically superior offspring, it will net you more 'poontang' with the smaller species, as they usually 'like it big.'"

"..."

(Shepard, momentarily taken off guard, raises an eyebrow and gives a small smirk. It looks like this

- /:-] - But rotated 86 degrees clockwise and with skin and three dimensions and other normal human stuff)

"What is a 'poontang,' Shepard? And why do other races like bigger ones?"

(Shepard's eyebrow/smirk combination is bumped up another notch, as she hears the sweet sound of Opportunity flat out ramming itself into the door.) "...Come up to my cabin, Grunt. I'll show you everything you need to know."

(Later that night...)

"I'M TANK-BORN, WHAT IS THIIAAAAAAAAAaaaaaoooh. Nice."

"You're tellin' me!"