i do not own any of these characters. All rights to Veronica Roth and the Divergent series.
*slurp *
I take a loud long sip from my cup. I stare into my tea for a moment. It's hot, too hot. The steam burns my eyes slightly, but it feels good on a day like this. A day when it's hard to feel anything!
For years we had been self sustaining, not knowing anything different, we found a sort of peace in it. Doing things for ourselves. But since the great revelation, or the great awakening as some call it, to the wide-open world we have taken in a few extra luxuries. Evelyn had traveled out of the city limits of our Chicago and when she returned a month later, she was a different person. She wore different clothes, she smelled funny, and sort of always had a daze about her. She claimed she had found happiness and solace in the outside world. What she really discovered was herbal tea.
I watch as the little particles of brown sticks and chips float around the pale white pouch in my cup. She seems to think it will help my mind and spirit. Evelyn's attempt at motherhood I suppose.
Today is a day. It's just like any other day. Looking out the windows in my small apartment I watch the clouds break across the city and beams of light fall from them. I smile, because I can't help but feel her when I see beauty like this. Pure, unbridled beauty.
It took me quite a long time to deal with losing Beatrice. I call her that now that she's gone. It's who she really was, at the base of it all. She didn't consume me because she was dauntless. Or because she became another person in Tris. She was...is…everything to me. She was Beatrice Prior and I loved her more than anything that will ever become of me or this life. She would have hated it. When I say her name I picture her nose wrinkling at me in disgust, and I smile.
It's taken me two years to finally put her to rest. Give her back to the world she helped create, that she helped save. It's what she would have wanted. Not that she truly wanted any of this. She was strong. Was. I hate that word. As I hate myself. I may have been able to deal with her death, but I still loath that I could do nothing to stop it. I like to think I have moved on. That I am working through this. Truth is, I'm really not. I am a broken man, and I probably always will be.
At night I lay in a half made bed. I reach out and touch the pillow next to me. She never touched it, she never carried away her dreams on it, but it would have been hers. I close my eyes and tell her I love her. I tell her I miss her so badly that I fear every fiber of my being will simply explode and float off into different directions. When I open my eyes I see her through my tears. She never says anything, she just looks at me and smiles. She eases my soul.
Sitting up from my chair, I place my half drunk tea down. It tastes like grass and makes me have to piss a lot. I don't like it. I walk across the room, pulling on my coat. On the wall there is a picture framed in blackened oak wood. A drawing Christina gave me not that long ago. It's like she captured a still moment in time. Tris, her shy smile looking over her shoulder. A look I often spotted in a room full of people. A look just for me. When Christina gave me this, it was the day I broke down for the first time since it had happened. I was starting to forget what she looked like. Like my brain couldn't process it anymore. This is my reminder. This is her. Her.
As I turn to leave the apartment I swoop up a tall silver canister from the table .
" Come on, Stiff. " I say closing the door, " we don't want to be late."
I stand in front of a building, gazing straight up. The idea of what I just did makes me weak in the knees. I picture Beatrice poking me in the side trying to coax me into a second
is a strong wind picking up, and I have to zip my coat closed. I hold tight to the silver urn under my arm. It's empty now, but it's still her.
" What're you going to do with that?" Christina asks, approaching me, pulling on a hat.
" I hadn't really thought about it!" I tell her in all honesty. Was I just going to take it home and put it back on the table? Would I burry it in the back of some dusty closet? " I guess I'll figure that out when I get there."
She smiles a little. I know how tough this is on her. But she honestly is doing a lot better than me.
" What's new with you?" I ask. We don't see each other very often. It saddens me. Being near her makes me feel all that much closer to Beatrice.
" Not a whole lot. I started a new job recently. I've been painting more. It's nice ya know. " She smiles awkwardly, "Takes my mind off of things."
A hand claps to my shoulder. " You got time for a bite to eat?"
Zeke asks me.
A part of me just wants to go home with my Beatrice jar and hate life. But I agree. " Sure!" I tell him, turning to Christina, "you wanna tag along?"
Her mouth turns down at the corners, " I wish I could!" she says in earnest. " But unfortunately I have some where to be."
she says goodbye and starts to walk away, looking at her watch, realizing she was more in a hurry than she thought.
" HEY!" I call after her. She turns, walking backwards slowly.
" WHAT?" she asks, putting her hands out.
" Don't be a stranger now!" I wave. She smiles with pain behind her eyes and nods. And with that she's gone. I know she has a hard time looking at me now.
" Yeah" I say , looking at Zeke, " we can sit around with my Beatrice jar. "
" Well technically" Zeke laughs, " she's not really in it anymore, so isn't it just a jar at this point?"
"Technically" I tell him. " But it's still her."
He says nothing but he lets the corners of his mouth spike up a little. Wrapping his arm around me we brave the slight upturn in the wind and head across the street.
writers notes: so here's my first chapter. Basically here's what happened. I read the books in one weekend. loved them..absolutely LOVED them. But my problem is the ending, which i am sure many fans felt. I wanted to see them have their happy ending. So here it is…four & six's happy ending.