Dangthisisasuperlongtitle! O.O
Anyway…alrighty! It's finally out! :D
This oneshot is for my awesome friend Justice333, as a late birthday and thank-you present! She has been an invaluable friend and motivator, and a dedicated reviewer and fan of my stories. I really can't thank her enough! Thanks, Justice, you're the best! *hugs* And while we're on that subject, go check out her stories if you haven't already! They're amazing!
For everyone else, I hope you enjoy my first attempt at a comedy story! It's definitely a welcome break from all the angsty stuff I've been working on lately. Please take it easy on me since this is my first story in the Humor category…so yeah. Enjoy…and stuff. ^^;
Tally-ho!
That Time When Gummi Worms Ruined My Birthday
You know that one saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? In my case, it's "When life gives you lemons, toss them in the bin and ask for tea leaves". Because seriously, I hate sweets. Not just because they give me headaches and nausea, but because they drive my paranoid and accident-prone best friend up the walls into sugar-high insanity. If you haven't guessed, sugar highs, whatever the noun form of being accident-prone is, and paranoia should never go together.
Ever.
You'd expect that I'd eventually get used to that sort of thing, being best friends and all. That might be true, but that doesn't mean I still don't get annoyed every time it happens. I've got patience…just not a lot of it.
And you know the weird part? I didn't always hate sugary food – any kind of sweet food, like candy, cookies, assorted crackers, and so on. I actually used to be pretty fond of them in spite of the headaches I got from eating them and my friend's weakness to them. (Except for cake. I've always hated anything with cream in it.) Anyway, you're probably wondering what changed all that.
Well, it started at the beginning of what was probably my weirdest birthday morning ever.
Imagine a day where everything is completely serene. No problems stressing anyone out, no loud noises or old people screaming at us "juvies" to get off their lawns while shaking their canes at us the whole time, cars are keeping honking to a minimum and no obnoxious trains that you would normally hear a thousand miles away. The sun is shining, the sky is deep blue with cottony clouds here and there dotted with the occasional pigeon, and everyone is just mellow. Just a quiet, peaceful day where you can relax and rejuvenate.
Yeah. It was nothing like that.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIKU!"
The first sound that hit my ears this morning was my naïve, slightly off and ADHD best friend Sora's hyper-sounding voice like he'd gotten a sugar high off of an entire vat of cotton candy. On my cell phone. With Speaker mode on. In my ear. Very loudly.
Did I mention that he has ADHD? I did? Well, then; you now have a rough gauge of his energy level.
The first thing I wanted to do was hit myself. I'd forgotten that I'd left my phone on Speaker mode after talking to my science project partner Terra yesterday while I was fixing dinner. My eardrums darn near shattered. But after I'd managed to recover from the shock of having someone yell right into my ear at seven A.M. on the first morning of spring vacation, I quickly deactivated Speakers mode and tried to answer without sounding rattled instead.
"Christ, Sora; I told you to stop doing that," I sighed, irritated. "You're gonna make me go deaf!"
"Sorry," he apologized, his voice quieter now but still full of the jumpy excitement from before. "But you really ought to sound a little happier, Riku; come on – it's your birthday!"
"Oh, it was? I had no idea. Thanks for reminding me."
As usual my sarcasm was lost on him. "Dude, I just can't wait for the party to start! Kairi's gonna be there, and Naminé's gonna be there, and Roxas, and –"
"Sora, I think that as the host of the party, I can say that I know who's going to be there," I interrupted him, sitting up in my bed. "And what did you have for breakfast today, an entire bag of Froot Loops? I thought your mom didn't keep sweets in the house."
"She doesn't. But that doesn't mean I don't get my hands on some one way or another. Vanitas always brings brownies or donuts for me from work without my mom knowing! He's the best brother ever!"
I scowled. Yeah, Sora had a twenty-three-year-old brother named Vanitas, and I'll lay it straight – I hate that guy. Not because he's rude or a prick – no, he's actually not a bad person or anything. He's usually cool most of the time. It's just that he once played a really embarrassing April Fools' joke on me when I was a little kid, and I still haven't gotten over or forgiven him for that yet. Since that day I've held a boycott against anything with the words "pink" and "strawberry shortcake" in it. Not to mention avoiding Vanitas himself altogether.
In short – "greatest brother ever AKA secret spawn of the devil" is what I'm getting at here.
"Good for you," I said through tight lips.
"Oops, sorry. Shouldn't have mentioned that." He didn't sound all that sorry for bringing up a traumatic event from my childhood. "Anyway, party! Did I mention how pumped I am for that yet?"
"Gee, I have no idea."
"Man, you are going to love my present for you! It's totally awesome!"
"Is that right? I couldn't tell at all."
"Though Roxas says it's stupid. Pfft, what does he know, anyway. You guys only met because of me, right?"
"That doesn't mean he has no say in what I don't like," I pointed out. Roxas (since you don't know) is Sora's third cousin. I only met him several months ago, when he'd happened to be visiting Sora on the day we were supposed to hang out. After spending the day with him, I learned something – he was way easier to deal with than his hyperactive cousin. No questions asked. They were such opposites in terms of personality it was hard to believe that they were related in any way. God, this world is weird.
"Doesn't matter," Sora countered. "I still think it's cool."
"Kudos to you."
"Well, I'm gonna go now. I gotta get everything ready for the party!"
"Sora, you're not even the one hosting the party. And it doesn't even start until ten."
"Don't care! Gonna get ready anyway. Later!" Sora hung up without giving me a chance to say anything and left me listening to the dial tone.
I sighed and tossed my phone onto the covers of my bed. I could already tell that his was going to be a long day.
The thing about at-home birthday parties in the morning – either you're on vacation, or you can't afford to go anywhere else. Thankfully for me it's only the former since I just don't really like huge outings, but to anyone with the latter…well, my thoughts go out to you.
Plus, my house was a decent size for being a one-story, and there's even a pool in the backyard for parties in the summer. We weren't going to use it today since it was still a little too cold for a swim…but you get the picture. But for the party we did have a snack table, a game room, and a rickety basketball hoop out in front. And a black Manx named Dawn (My mom named her, okay?) that only came home three times a day for every meal.
Everyone was going to bring something to the party. Sora was bringing the games and God knows what else (plus Roxas, who was staying with him again), and Kairi was bringing some extra food and drinks. Naminé would be driving here on her own, since lived some distance away from Kairi and they didn't get to see each other too often, so this was sort of like a reunion party for the two of them, too. My dad was going to grill some BBQ for dinner, which was awesome since I freaking love the stuff. My mom was on a business trip so she wasn't home, which was good – she would've blown her fuse if she'd heard about this party. In layman's terms, she's what people call a "killjoy".
At around nine, after I finished eating breakfast, washing the dishes, and getting dressed, I heard the front door slam open and a really loud "HEEEEEEY! RIIIIIKUUUUUU! ARE YOU HOOOOOME?" coming from the living room.
Take a guess at who it was.
I sighed in annoyance, but I didn't answer. I really didn't feel like yelling across the house, so I just decided to head out to the living room to greet him. When I got there, both Sora and Roxas were standing in the doorway. Sora seemed oblivious to the embarrassed expression on his cousin's face. Roxas was covering his face with his right hand so he wouldn't have to look at him. He was holding some bags that I could tell were holding some sports equipment. The both of them were also each holding a brown shopping bag, and Sora was also holding a box covered in crudely-taped wrapping paper with snowman patterns. I repressed a groan.
I looked past his shoulder to outside the door, and saw Vanitas in his green work T-shirt, unloading some extra bags from the backseat of his red Mustang convertible.
Crap.
I tried to ignore the sight. "Hey, Sora; there's something called knocking the door," I said, my voice considerably more irritable from seeing his older brother. "Try it sometime. And long time no see, Roxas," I tacked on at the end to avoid sounding rude.
"Right back at you," Roxas sighed, giving Sora a pinch on the ear as he did.
"Ow, hey! Cut it out!" Sora protested, dropping his stuff and swatting at his cousin's fingers. "That hurts!"
Roxas wouldn't let go. "That's what you get for being an impulsive keet."
"What does that even mea – OW!" Roxas had twisted his ear cartilage.
"In Internet lingo, my dear pupil, it means that you're a –"
"Anyway, you guys," I interrupted to keep the two from fighting. "Go ahead and put all your stuff on the kitchen table. We can organize it all later. And did Vanitas give you a ride here? I thought you had a license, Roxas."
"Yeah, I do." Roxas set his bags on said table, managing to not let go of Sora's ear the whole time. I could see it reddening under his firm grip, and all Sora could do now was yelp incoherently. "But Vanitas was headed to work anyway, and your house was on the way. He decided that he'd drop us off just because."
I sighed. "Wonderful," I grumbled. I chanced a glance outside the door. Damn, he was coming closer. I would have to gird myself for the worst.
"Is there a problem with that?" Roxas both looked and sounded puzzled. He didn't know about "that incident", since thankfully Sora hadn't spilled anything to him.
Before I could answer, Vanitas called "Yo, Riku!" as he reached the doorway lugging a couple extra bags.
Oh, God, no. Now there was no chance of escape. I was trapped.
"Look at you; you've become a grown man now!" Vanitas remarked teasingly as he set the bags on the floor and caught me in a chokehold in front of everyone. "To think – you're turning eighteen! The world better watch out when you step in!"
"Get off me, Vanitas," I said gruffly, trying to push him off. "You're heavy."
He wouldn't let me go. I thought I was going to die of humiliation. "Huh, so after all these years you're still not gonna forgive me? C'mon, buddy; it wasn't that bad of a –"
"Don't say it!" I interrupted hastily, feeling panicky.
"Okay, okay!" Vanitas laughed as he finally released me. I immediately backed away so he wouldn't be able to assault me again unwittingly. "You're an adult now, just reminding you! You gotta learn how to leave your past in the dust."
"Oh, that's rich, coming from you," I snapped.
Vanitas put his hand over his heart, like he was touched by what I'd just said. "Why; thanks, Riku. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me in over ten years."
"Vanitas! Tell Roxas to let me go!" Sora pleaded. "He's hurting me!"
"Hey, let him go Rox; you're hurting him," Vanitas said distractedly as he checked his wristwatch. His eyes suddenly grew wide at the time. "Oh, crap; I'm gonna be late. Old Baldie is gonna have my head." He gave a wink and a tiny salute as he headed out the door. "Well, gotta run now; it's gonna be rush hour soon! Hope you guys have a blast!"
"'Bye, Vanitas." Roxas looked up from pinching Sora's ear without letting go. "Thanks for the ride."
"'Course, no problem! Give me a call when you want to be picked up!" He ran down to his car. I walked over and slammed the front door closed in a huff before we could see him reach it. That teasing, generous, helpful, cool-in-every-aspect and flat-out-shocking-he-doesn't-have-a-girlfriend-yet bastard. God, I hated him so much.
"You feeling okay, Riku?" Roxas asked me. My face must've shown quite a bit of the chagrin that I was feeling.
"Yeah. Forget it; it's nothing," I said vaguely.
Roxas gave me an odd look. "If you say so."
"Let me go, Roxas, please! I can't feel my ear!" Sora finally begged him. "C'mon, let me go!"
Roxas seemed to have forgotten that he'd been holding his cousin captive with his fingers. "Oh, sorry about that," he apologized as he released his hold on Sora's ear. Sora staggered away the second he was free and fell into a chair next to the dinner table, rubbing his ear and wincing.
"So…how do you want to pass the time?" I asked Roxas to move off of the subject.
"Well…" Roxas took off his black hoodie and hung it on the coat rack placed next to the front door. "Not sure. Unless you want to give Sora several packets of Skittles and videotape the results."
"Hey, I am not gonna be your source of entertainment!" Sora said indignantly from his spot on the chair, still rubbing his ear. "Knock it off already!"
"Tick the hyperactivity down a couple notches and then we might take you a bit more seriously, Sora," Roxas said casually.
Man. I almost forgot how relentless this guy was when it came to picking on Sora. Well, they're family so I kind of expected it, but still. And Sora was pretty easy to tease…
"Geez, man. Let up on the insults," I remarked before my thoughts went any farther. "We all know that Sora's a whatever-you-call-it – "
"Keet."
"Yeah, that. So, let's just get to setting up the games, all right?"
Roxas rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Okay, fine. But you know something, Ven is just as annoying a keet as Sora. Maybe more." Ven was also Sora's cousin and Roxas's older brother. From what I knew, he was off at military school and only came back to visit on holidays. I had no idea what the guy was like since I've never met him, but if he was as hyperactive as Roxas implied then I wondered how he was able to focus on his training over there.
"Huh, you don't say."
"Seriously, would somebody please tell me what a keet is?!" Sora yelled.
It took about forty-five minutes to set up the games for the party. We would've gotten it done much sooner, except Sora kept breaking in at random intervals asking what a keet was. He also tried juggling various different objects at one point such as a tennis ball, a plastic cup, a peg, and his cell phone altogether several times instead of helping us, and they ended up dropping on all of our heads without fail.
"Knock it off, Sora!" I shouted after getting beaned on the head by his cup for the eighteenth time. "You can't juggle to save our lives; so give it up already!"
"But the guy on TV made it look so easy!" Sora complained. I responded to that by smacking him on the head with my broom and telling him to go help Roxas set up the badminton net.
Then in all of ten seconds he proceeded to get himself tangled in said net as he and Roxas were setting it up in the backyard. Untangling him from the snares of nylon alone pretty much took up twenty minutes of that forty-five-minute interval. I swear to all the lords in the universe that I had absolutely no idea how that happened. By the time I finished unsnarling and setting up the net and Roxas was done yelling at and physically accosting him with a racquet for being a clumsy idiot by chasing him all over the backyard, there was a knock on the door that indicated the arrival of another one of our guests.
"I'll get it!" I got out before Sora could say anything, running across the house to the front door. "You aren't touching anything else until the party starts!"
"Aww, man!" Sora sounded so disappointed that I almost let him go instead, but I changed my mind at the last minute and went to open the door.
"Hey, Naminé," I greeted her as I opened the door. "Glad you could make it. Come on in."
"I wouldn't miss this party for the world, Riku." She giggled as she stepped inside, toting a small gray purse and a party bag. "That wouldn't be very grateful on my part, would it?"
"Touché," I laughed. "So, when's Kairi gonna show up?"
Naminé looked slightly surprised. "You mean she isn't here yet?" she asked. "I assumed that she'd be here early and help you guys get everything ready. She said as much yesterday."
"Really?" I frowned. "That's weird. I didn't hear anything about that. I wonder what's holding her up."
"Maybe she got kidnapped!" Sora's voice right behind me out of nowhere. I swear he was going to give me a cardiac arrest one of these days.
"Sweet Jesus; for the love of all the – stop doing that, Sora!" I spluttered, glaring at him furiously over my shoulder.
Naturally, he ignored me. He shoved me to the side and continued to spout, "I'm serious; it could totally happen! I saw it in this one movie I saw, where this girl goes traveling with a friend and they both get kidnapped by gang members and later it turns out that they were actually gonna –"
"Sora, shut up," Roxas interjected tersely from behind him. "You need to stop referencing movies; they're not the same thing as real life."
"Yes they are!" Sora argued vehemently. "I know they're not all the same thing as real life, but still there are –"
"Your argument is groundless in either case, so stop talking. No one would want to kidnap her anyway; she's not even that pretty."
"Hey!"
"For the love of God; both of you shut up!" I snapped, leaping up and pinching both of their ears ("Oh no; not the ear again, Riku! Not the ear!" Sora begged.) to pull them away from the door, then tossed them onto the couch. "Seriously, there is only so much I can handle without crossing the line, so quit it!"
Thankfully, they did, though not without shooting irritated glances at each other. One would think that those two were brothers rather than cousins, as they fought all the damn time. The world is a strange place, folks.
"Anyway, Naminé," I continued, trying to tone down the annoyance in my voice. "Have you tried giving her a call on the way here?"
"A couple times," she answered, sounding a little bewildered at what she just witnessed, "but she wasn't picking up. I just guessed that she was busy helping you."
I crossed my arms, thinking. This wasn't right…Kairi was a stickler for promises. She never backed off on any offer or deal she made. And if she'd promised to be here early to help me get ready, then she definitely would've been here helping me by now. And if for some reason she couldn't keep the promise, she'd let the person know beforehand to explain the situation. This definitely wasn't like her…
"Let me try calling her," I suggested. "Maybe she was busy with something else and couldn't pick up."
"Kidnapped!" Sora yelled defiantly from the couch on the living room.
I bit my tongue so I wouldn't end up yelling at him again, and managed to say something that I would very soon regret in a calmer voice, "Sora, if you stay quiet for the next five minutes, I'll give you a brownie. Okay? So just stop talking."
He immediately shut up. Yes, the prospect of a chocolaty dessert was enough to contain Sora's hyperactivity for a little while. I knew I was going to regret bribing him with sweets, but at that point I was just really annoyed at him. I dialed Kairi's number on Naminé's phone (mine was still in my room) and put the phone up to my ear. It rang three times, and someone picked up. But it wasn't Kairi.
"Naminé? You hardly ever call! What's going on?" Yeah, this voice definitely wasn't her. It sounded a little huskier, and somewhat younger. Still, it was definitely a girl.
Hold up a second…I knew this voice.
"Xion, is that you?" I said. "This is Riku. I'm just borrowing her phone so I could –"
I suddenly heard a squeal and a bunch of background noise like stuff was being knocked over. It was so loud I pulled the phone away from my ear for the next four seconds or so before I decided it was safe to put the phone back to my ear. There was a fuzzy silence at the other end. It lasted for about a minute, and I had to say something to make sure she was still there.
"Umm…Xion, are you still there?" I asked apprehensively. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes! Yes; I'm fine; everything is fine!" she squeaked so suddenly that I flinched. She sounded breathless. "I'm just – sorry, I wasn't expecting it to be – ahem, is – is there something wrong?"
Meet Xion. Kairi's younger sister by two years, and…pretty weird. She's like a female version of Sora, only minus the ADHD and a bit more sensible and mature, and she freaks out every time I…no, pretty much any guy talks to her. But all in all she's not too bad.
"Uh, yeah, actually," I said as everybody else started to snicker behind my back. "I was wondering where Kairi was, since she was supposed to be over at my place a while ago. Do you know where she is?"
"Uh – well – no, not really," Xion replied quickly, sounding self-conscious for some reason. "She just left early this morning to buy food and stuff."
"What time?"
"Um, I don't really know for sure – maybe around like eight-thirty or something like that –"
"And you haven't seen her since then?"
"N-no."
"Hmm, that's weird…Just a sec." I covered the receiver with my hands and relayed to my friends, "Guys, apparently she went shopping for the snacks she was supposed to bring pretty early in the morning. Xion told me that she hasn't seen her since then."
"And she left her phone at home?" Sora groaned. "Perfect. Just perfect!"
"Shut up, Sora. No one said you could talk yet."
"What?! Why? It's past five minutes now! You owe me a brownie!"
Roxas scratched his blond spikes in confusion. "Hold on, if she just went out shopping for the food and she just forgot her phone, then why isn't she here yet? I mean, she should still show up without being armed with a cellphone. And apparently she's not at home right now either…"
That's what I wanna know, I thought to myself.
"You don't she got lost or something, do you?" Naminé asked nervously.
"That's not possible; she's lived in this city her whole life," I refuted easily. "She knows her way around the place like the back of her hand."
"That's why I'm telling you guys!" Sora threw his hands up in the air in incredulity. "There's no other explanation! She's. Been. Kidnapped."
"No, she hasn't, Sora. Shut up about the kidnapping!"
"But it's the only possibility!"
"Hello? Are you still there?" Xion said tentatively from the other end. "Riku?"
I cursed silently to myself, removed my hand from the receiver, and then replied, "Yeah. Sorry. Just letting everyone else know what's going on."
"Oh…okay."
"Xion, just one more thing before I go. Did Kairi mention where she was going shopping?"
"Well, I remember her mentioning buying cookie batter at the convenience store…but, um, not much else than that."
"Oh, okay then. Thanks for your help, Xion."
"N-no problem, Riku."
"'Bye," I said in farewell, and ended the call. I handed the phone back to Naminé and sighed. "Helpful."
"What did she say?" Roxas asked.
I proceeded to relay everything that Xion had told me to them, and the concern showed on all of their expressions (except Sora, who was trying to figure out how to make his phone stand on one of its corners on the coffee table). I couldn't deny that I felt a little worried too…but we lived in a pretty safe town so there shouldn't really have been any danger to her except for old people driving. I really wondered what was keeping her.
"That's not much to go on…" Naminé said worriedly.
"Well, that's all we've got," I said. "Let's go to that store, so we can check around and ask a couple questions."
"Yes!" Sora exclaimed suddenly as he jumped off the couch, forgetting about his phone in his excitement. "An investigation!"
I groaned. "Sora, seriously…Kairi hasn't been kidnapped! How many freaking times do I have to say it?!"
"Like I always tell you, Riku," Sora said brightly. "At least one more time!"
I palmed my face. There was no possible way that this could end well.
Let me give you one tiny piece of advice…if you're like me and have a friend with ADHD, never ever go along with any of his or her stupid ideas. It will never turn out well.
Actually, no; don't take just a piece. Grab the whole thing and share a piece of this advice with every other friend you've got. Chances are, they're going to need it. Badly.
Such was the case with us when we actually got to the place. The place itself wasn't the remarkable thing – it was actually not that busy today. Probably because it was a Friday morning and most of the people who would be shopping weren't due to work or sleep, among other things.
No…it was Sora. Naturally.
He didn't notice that we'd arrived until I parked, since he was too busy trying to make a dinosaur or…something, with a gum wrapper the entire ride. I don't know; I'll never understand this guy.
Anyway, he looked up from whatever he was doing when the momentum of the car was interrupted by me hitting the brakes, still looking a bit high-strung after staring at a piece of paper for so long without interruption.
"What? Are we here?" he asked distractedly, staring out his window. When his eyes caught sight of the tall beige building with its giant logo slapped on the front, his eyes narrowed almost ferociously, like he was staring down his prey.
"This place!" Sora growled.
"Weren't you paying attention when I was –" I cut myself off. "Never mind; don't answer that, Sora."
"Why are you glaring at the building like that?" Roxas asked from his spot directly behind the front passenger seat. "Got a vendetta against the place?"
Sora completely ignored the both of us and continued to glower at the convenience store like he wanted to blast it into ashes. I knew that whenever Sora was this fixated on something like that, his victim was going to be on the receiving end of a lot of hurt. I myself had no idea what reason Sora would possibly have to be upset at this place, but I did know that whoever or whatever it was now had their days numbered.
Roxas slumped in his seat. "Well, when Sora is focused and mad at something, then…it was good knowing about it while it lasted," he sighed resignedly.
"You know about it too, huh?" I assumed.
"Yep. I saw what happened when a guy at a park stole his favorite action figure one time when we were kids. They ran into each other again a couple days later. It wasn't pretty on the thief's part, to say the least."
"I can imagine," I laughed. Neither of us noticed Sora's hand grabbing the door handle.
Naminé did. "Guys," she warned urgently. "Sora's about to –"
Her warning came too late. The car door suddenly flung open and Sora flew out of the car. He barreled straight for the front entrance of the store, tripping once over a stray coffee cup, and by the time we managed to get out of the car to follow him, he was already in the store.
"Just perfect," Roxas muttered.
"What do you think he's planning to do in there?" Naminé asked, sounding nervous.
"Whatever it is, it's not going to be good." I started running. "C'mon! Let's follow him before he does something stupid! We can't lose him!"
The three of us quickly dashed after him.
"We lost him!" Naminé complained, her expression betraying nothing but disappointment.
I groaned. Finding somebody like Sora in this store should have been easy. But he'd vanished like a ghost among the countless aisles of goods, and that was not a good thing. Who knew what he could be up to in a place like this?
"D'you think maybe we should split up to find him?" Roxas suggested. "Keep in touch via cell?"
Neither Naminé nor I could come up with a better idea and we'd wasted enough time already, so we agreed. Roxas would search the left side of the store, Naminé would sift through the right, and I would scour the middle, front to back. We would ask questions to an employee whenever we needed to and keep our cellphones on hand at all times, for quick calls and responses. If one of us spotted Sora, we would contact the other two to let them know. We'd then grab him, drag him back to the car, and head back to my house to start over from square one. Cake.
I headed directly forward into the clothing section as the other two went their separate routes. I sifted through racks of jeans, winter coats, scarves, cardigans, belts, and T-shirts, but there was no sign of him. I checked in every dressing room I came across – nothing. I scanned the kitchen appliances area in case Sora had decided to arm himself with a frying pan or a ladle or something – nope. Outdoor Activities aisle – negative. Food section – nil. Electronic Appliances section, which was at the very back of the store – zilch. I even doubled back to the front, rechecking each and every aisle of the place in case something had changed while I was gone, and reworked my way to the back again, and asked a couple employees if they'd seen someone that looked like him. Zip. The entire time I was searching other customers were giving me funny looks, but they otherwise left me alone. And judging from the profound lack of contact from either Roxas or Naminé by this point, they weren't having much better luck than I was.
Damn it. This was just getting better and better.
"C'mon Sora…where are you?" I muttered under my breath.
I then felt my phone vibrating in my left hand. Thank God; one of them had finally caught onto a lead! I quickly glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Naminé. I answered the call.
"Hey, Naminé. Got an update?" I asked briskly, heading over to the right side of the store in order to find her.
"I've got something better than that," she said, her voice frantic on the other end. "I just found him. Hurry and come to the Pharmacy section! I already let Roxas know, so just meet up with him and come here as fast as you can! Sora's completely lost it; he's arguing with the pharmacist and keeps yelling at him! I'm not sure what he's mad about, but –"
As I stepped into the main path circling the store, I caught sight of Roxas emerging from the Toys and Board Games section. He caught my eye, and started running in my direction. "On our way!" I assured her as he drew near. "I just found Roxas. We'll be right there. Just try to calm him down for the time being."
"I will. Please, just hurry!" With that plea, the line went dead. I stuffed my phone in my pants pocket just as Roxas reached me, and we both hurried for the Pharmacy section.
"Naminé call you too?" Roxas guessed, his expression weary.
I nodded, and Roxas let out a huge breath. "You know, I'm almost afraid of finding out what Sora could be mad about right now."
"If I'm being honest with you, so am I," I admitted. "C'mon; let's make like a refrigerator and run!"
Thankfully, it hadn't been as bad as Naminé had made it out to be. By the time we reached them both, Sora really was yelling at the pharmacist over the counter, and Naminé was trying to calm him down and apologize to the pharmacist for what he was doing at the same time. Roxas (in true Roxas fashion) immediately pulled Sora away by the ear down the Cosmetics aisle, probably to choke him in the dust of the face powder samples at the end before taking him outside to my car, while Naminé and I spoke to the pharmacist and tried to get the story on what had happened. Once that was done, we also left the store. I couldn't see them at first, but Naminé spotted Sora and Roxas at the right side of the parking lot in the shade of one of the small trees that dotted the area, and it looked like they were arguing. As usual. We ran up to them to break up the fight.
"Knock it off, you two," I said severely, pulling the two apart. "Stop acting like kids! Sora, you've got a lot of explaining to do when we get back."
Sora set his jaw stubbornly and yanked his arm out of my grasp. "No way! We still haven't found Kairi yet!"
"Because we were wasting that time looking for you! What's your beef with that pharmacist guy anyway? He told me that he doesn't even know who you are!"
"That guy's a liar!" he snapped. "He was the one who gave us the wrong medication two months ago! I went manic for over a week because of that; don't you remember?! Do you have any idea what that's like, Riku?! It isn't fun!"
Roxas's eyes widened slightly in surprise. "That…that's actually a legitimate reason to hold a grudge."
"See?" Sora cried. "Even Roxas understands me!"
I raised my hands in a placating gesture. "Yeah, okay; I get it. But still –"
"No; but nothing! I'm still not gonna forgive that guy! Thanks to him I had to endure the worst week of my life!"
"Sora, seriously…just calm down," Naminé tried urging him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "You can be mad at him some other time, but for now we still need to look for Kairi. Okay?"
Sora looked annoyed at this, and after a little while he let out an exasperated sigh that almost sounded like a snarl. "Fine," he grumbled. "Let's get this over with so I can get mad at him sooner."
"Uh, Sora?" I began. "That's not –"
"But first," he interrupted me, turning back to the direction of the store. "I need to get some very important things."
"What?"
"You'll see," he called back as he ran back to the entrance. We watched as the double doors closed behind him, and then turned to face each other.
"Do you think it's such a good idea to let him go alone?" Naminé wondered.
"Quite frankly I don't care anymore," Roxas groaned.
"He won't cause any trouble," I said, not really believing what I was saying. "At least, I hope he won't."
Remember what I said about me never understanding what goes on in Sora's head?
Yeah, that wasn't about to change anytime soon.
When Sora finally came out of the store after about twenty minutes, he was holding a shopping bag containing a packet of Sour Gummi Worms, an energy drink, and a plastic red bubble pipe. None of us knew what he was planning to do with these things. Especially that last one.
"A bubble pipe?" I'd asked incredulously. "You serious?"
"What? It makes me look profound when I'm thinking. Plus it blows bubbles!" he'd said brightly.
"How does blowing on a bubble pipe make you look more profound? That makes no sense at all. Sora, your logic is flawed."
"Nobody said it had to be logical! And I'm still not gonna return it!"
And now he was blowing soap bubbles out of the car window as I was driving to our next destination. The other drivers on the same road were probably looking at my car funny, but with Sora as a passenger that was pretty much a given. I just hoped that the bubble remains wouldn't hit the windshield of a passing car and temporarily blind the driver. That would be problematic.
"So, Roxas," I was saying as Sora blew yet another round of bubbles out the window, "do you really think that what that guy told you is reliable?"
"Well, it sounded like he was talking about her," he answered. "A short-ish redhead with the same type of car she has. He said he saw the car being towed away for repairs with a person whose description matches her. And besides," he added, "it couldn't hurt to check either way."
"Or maybe it can!" Sora had finally stopped blowing bubbles for a moment. "Maybe she's being held at the auto repair shop as bait to lure us in. and then –"
"Sora, are you ever going to drop the kidnap theory?" I interrupted before he could finish his convoluted sentence. "I'm telling you; it just might be something minor!"
"And it just might be something major!" he countered. "I'm only looking at every possibility, Riku. You're only downplaying this situation because you don't want to admit it!"
"Sora; it's almost like you want Kairi to have been kidnapped," Naminé teased, shifting in her seat. "Is that the excuse for the bubble pipe?"
"No; I just want this day to be exciting!" Sora denied furiously. "Because it's Riku's birthday!"
I shook my head and groaned. "This day has already been more exciting than I ever wanted it to be. And it's barely past noon! I don't want to handle any more!"
Roxas laughed. "Look on the bright side, Riku," he said. "We did get some Gummi Worms." He reached into the open bag between the driver and passenger seat and pulled out a couple as he said it. He popped one into his mouth as he continued, "Just wish these weren't the sour kind."
"Hey!" Sora protested, snatching the bag away onto his lap. "I didn't say that you could have any!"
"We're family, Sora," Roxas said simply. "It's obligatory that I steal food from you."
"Since when did stealing food become a required thing?!"
"Stop it, you two," I snapped as I parked. "We're here."
I stared at the tall gray building. Every garage door was open, and a different car was in each one – a white minivan, a silver compact, and a literally black and blue sports car, with several people per vehicle. I could tell that none of them belonged to Kairi, but I was still going to go in and ask some questions anyway. I looked at both Sora and Roxas as I cut the engine.
"Okay, both of you listen up," I said matter-of factly. "I don't want a repeat of last time, so I want both of you to stay in the car. Naminé and I will go inside and ask if she's been here. We'll only be a couple minutes. Please don't break my car down 'cause I don't want to stay at this place any longer than I have to. Got that?"
Sora gave me a mock salute. "Sir, yes sir!"
Roxas shrugged indifferently. "Sure."
With that both Naminé and I left the car and headed for the building. We went to the entrance of one of the garages to ask the working mechanics a couple questions. When we were done and we both walked back to the car (which was miraculously and thankfully still in one piece) we had good news, but I was feeling downright irritated.
"Did it go well?" Roxas asked me as I got into the driver's seat. Sora was too busy blowing bubbles from his pipe again to notice us getting in the car and me starting the engine.
"Well if you mean 'did we find out if Kairi was here' then yes, it did go well," I said tightly as I backed the car out of the parking spot and left the lot. I drove in the direction of my house.
When I didn't say anything for next couple minutes, he prompted, "But?"
Since I was still too annoyed to say anything, Naminé took over the explaining. "It turned out that Kairi was there, getting her engine fixed. But she left practically ten minutes before we did. If what the person we talked to said is anything to judge by, she's headed for Riku's house."
"So basically…we were just barely missing her each time?" Roxas asked for clarification.
"Pretty much, yeah."
I heard Roxas whistle behind me in sympathy. "Wow. What a waste of gas. Sorry about that, Riku."
"It isn't anyone's fault," I sighed, my hands tightening slightly on the steering wheel. "It was just a bad decision on our part."
"Well, at least she's safe," Naminé said with a giggle. "I wonder when Sora will realize that Kairi hasn't been kidnapped and is probably waiting for us back at Riku's house right now."
When we stopped at a traffic light, I glanced at Sora in the seat next to me. He was fiddling with his bubble pipe, the green end of a Gummi Worm dangling from his mouth. He was so focused on what he was doing I didn't think he'd heard a word that we'd just said.
"In any case," I managed to say, "there'll definitely be a surprise waiting for him when we get back."
Sure enough, Kairi's black Accord parked next to the curb of my driveway right behind Naminé's silver Acura was plainly visible even before we turned into my street. I could easily see Kairi herself standing next to her car, and she started waving at us energetically once she noticed us.
"Hey you guys!" Kairi greeted us as we pulled into the driveway and I cut the engine. "Where have you been? I got worried when I got here and saw that no one was home!"
I exited the car after poking Sora on the shoulder to let him know we were back (I wasn't sure he noticed, though), then said, "We were out looking for you since you didn't arrive on time and you didn't call us."
Kairi winced. "Yeah, about that…I'm so sorry; I would have called but I left my phone at home on accident –"
"We know," Roxas supplied as he too stepped out of the car. "Riku tried calling you on Naminé's phone and we got Xion on the other end telling us that."
"Oh, okay then." She looked slightly reassured, but the sheepish grin on her face didn't go away. "I hope I didn't cause you guys too much trouble by making you drive around everywhere like that."
After seeing that look on her face, I decided not to tell her how annoyed I was at her that we'd been practically led on a pointless and wild goose chase; making us waste time and gasoline; forcing me to suffer through Sora's random hyperactive episodes, funny looks from strangers, and family feuds between the cousins sporadically throughout; and generally giving me quite a bit of trouble – all in the span of barely three hours. On my birthday, no less. That would be pretty low. It wasn't like she did it on purpose or anything.
"No," I said. "It's okay. It wasn't all that bad, really –"
"Kairi!" Sora completely ignored and brushed me aside for about the umpteenth time that day. He charged in her direction out of nowhere and caught her in a quick hug. Even Kairi was surprised at the gesture.
"Oh…Sora, hi!" she greeted him easily as he pulled away from her. "It's –"
"It's so awesome to see that you're okay!" he gushed, cutting her off. "So Riku was actually right this whole time; you really weren't kidnapped and held for ransom money! I'm still keeping this bubble pipe I bought in order to find you, though; it's awesome!" He showed her his new toy. "Doesn't this look awesome? It blows bubbles!"
Kairi's face told us that she was lost. "Say what? Kidnapped? Ransom?" She shot an accusatory glance my way. "You gave him sugary food with artificial coloring and sweetening in it again, didn't you?"
"I wasn't the one who did that," I said insistently. "I'm serious."
Kairi decided that she really wouldn't be getting any explanations out of me, so she turned to her cousin. "Naminé? What's the story?"
Naminé shrugged helplessly. "He had some Sour Gummi Worms on the way back," she said. "He bought them and that plastic bubble pipe after accosting his pharmacist at the local convenience store."
"E-excuse me?!" she exclaimed in horror, looking to each of our faces for answers without success. "Would someone please explain to me what happened?!"
I sighed in defeat and gave her what was perhaps the biggest understatement of the year.
"It's a really long story…"
Yes, Sora really did reference an actual movie. If you can guess what it is (and it really shouldn't be hard), you get a cookie. :3
Man, this was super fun to write! It was almost a literal breath of fresh air to write something so lighthearted! I couldn't believe I actually wrote the things I did here at several points, but…yeah. XD Anyway now that this is done I'll have to go back to TOSOY…and I'm sure that the few of you that are following me are itching for me to get back to that. And I will! Patience! XD
Gah, my female characters are so bland and boring! I really need to fix that! X( (I'm looking at you, BJ! *angryface*)
Hope you enjoyed reading this! Especially you, Justice! :D I did my best to make this as awesomely epic as possible and I hope I succeeded! Happy (really) late birthday, and thanks again so much! Again, at the risk of sounding redundant, you're the best!
Everybody else! Go read her stories if you haven't! They're awesome, dang it!
Also, I didn't mean to offend anyone with ADHD with this story. It was only in good fun. Sorry. ^^;
(Dang, this is one long author's note! o.o I'll just shut up now.)