A small one-shot that's been growing in my mind. Wanted to get it out and share it with you. Inspired by the Netherlands Eurovision song contest song Never alone by 3JS. At least a little... The rest is from my own life, my step-sisters baby boy died at the age of three weeks.

Enjoy!

Not mine, not making money

I looked at the empty apartment on the seventh floor with tears in my eyes. The spot where the couch had been was empty, the carpet a bit darker there. The white walls shined at me, mocking me with the coldness and the emptiness. I cling onto my shirt as I make my way through the empty home I had been living in for the past years, fighting the urge to break down and cry. The kitchen cupboards were empty, the doors slightly ajar and the fridge open and empty. The sadness filled me and I leaned against the counter as I had done for the years I had lived in this apartment that had been so close to me. This time there was no Carlos to kiss me and give me a tender hug as I made breakfast. No hands wandering round my body, just my own hands, clinging onto the material that kept me up and running.

The light from the windows made the walls alive, the light lighting up the places where photos had been hanging. The photos of us, me and Carlos. On our wedding day, the day on the beach, the honeymoon. Photos that had been packed and shipped away a long time ago. The photos that had caused us so much pain and hope were still hanging on the wall, nobody daring to touch them. The photo of a beautiful baby boy laying in my arms and Carlos leaning in to kiss his tiny forehead held so many memories and emotions. Love, sadness, hope and many more. I made my way towards it and stopped in front of it taking deep breaths to calm my self. The boy who had been so young, so tiny and so perfect. A perfect mixture of me and Carlos, the skin as dark as his, soft dark curls hanging on his forehead and bright blue eyes staring at me through time and space. His small hands clinging on to my fingers in the same way I clinged on to my shirt, trying to find some comfort and security.

The photo underneath always made my heart break. The photo of a small casket, too tiny to be true, me crying besides it clinging on to Carlos, whose cheeks were wet from his tears. The day my heart got stolen and buried with our little angel, resting in peace forever. The day my hope ended, the day I died with him. The day full of desperation, full of grief and pity I didn't want. The day I didn't care about a bloody damn thing other than laying down beside him, holding him forever, holding my baby who had my heart, my soul.

I wiped of the tears that run down my cheeks, making the rests of day old mascara color my face. Barefoot I tip-toed down to the bedroom that held so many memories, our first night, all the other nights, our wedding night and day, the day I found out I was pregnant, the days with our angel, the day we lost him, the day I stopped living. The brightest was the day I desided to start living again. When I decided to mend my heart and move on, the pain still following me everywhere. I learned how to live with it and continued forward with the love of my life. I still didn't stop blaming my self about his death. If I hadn't taken him to the bakery with me he wouldn't had been shot.

The faithful day started as normal. Carlos had to work and I had a day off so I decided to walk to the nearby bakery and took my baby with me. Just as we got outside the bakery a robber from the bank beside the bakery rushed out and knocked into us. In the heat of the moment everything happened. A shot was heard and the small baby's cry stopped. My heart died. He ran away leaving me screaming and crying holding my baby in my hands, praying somebody to help me. Nobody helped enough. Nobody made him breath again. Nobody saved him.

I fell into deep shock and refused to move from the nursery in three days, only drank a little each day. I lost weight and I lost myself. Carlos took it badly too but he put on a brave face to help me get through. I could still hear him cry in the shower, making many trips to the gun range and then one day he disappeared for a few hours. After that the news about the baby-shooter disappearing mysteriously was in every newspaper in the country. Everybody and nobody knew what had happened.

There was no bed in the bedroom, only emptiness greeting me. No tables, no clothes in the closet, nothing. The emptiness made it hard for me to breath but I fought it and checked the bathroom. Empty too. As I was going to walk back a small object caught my eyes and I turned back. A small wedding ring was laying besides the sink and I picked it up, admiring the beautiful diamond shining in the light. I slid it on my finger and smiled for the first time in hours. This day was hard but a glimmer of hope shone down at us.

As I stood there and admired the ring I felt the tingles and soon after a pare of strong hand snug their way around my waist and hugged me nearer. The unique scent of Carlos filled me totally and I leaned against him. His chest was warm and I sighed happily.

"Hi."

"Hi." he answered and kissed my neck. I smiled brighter and turned around to kiss him. The kiss was sweet and tender, full of the love between us.

"Miss me?" I asked him and smiled up at him. His eyes ratieted love and made me all fuzzy.

"More than you know of." he answered and kissed me again. "Feel sad about leaving?"

"Yes." I answered as we walked through to the living room. "This has been my home for so long."

"I know what you mean." he answered and we both fell silent as we looked at the pictures. I sighed after a while and took a step forward and took them down.

"Time to move on and to a new house." I said and kissed Carlos. "He'll always be with me."

"With us." he corrected me and laid his hands on my large belly. "You'll never be alone, not with me and the twins."

"I love you Carlos." I said and hugged him, still holding tightly onto the photos.

"I love you to babe, the love of my life."

Waddaya think?