Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, I have no affiliations with or rights to Naruto, etc. etc...don't sue me.

Suggestions

"Tsunade-sama," Kotetsu looked tired as he began a plea with his employer, "I've spent the last ten hours rearranging the books in your library. Izumo is just finishing that eternal stack of papers you asked him to file this morning. There must be some way..."

"HAGANE!" Tsunade bellowed, rising slightly from behind her desk and leaning on her wrists, blonde hair jumping forward with her body. "Are you suggesting that next week's mission assignments aren't at all urgent?"

Kotetsu sighed in near-defeat and brushed his dark hair away from his face. He'd been standing in Tsunade's office for the past ten minutes trying to explain to her that he and his friend had more than earned their keep for the day. The woman was stubborn though, and didn't seem to understand – or perhaps care – that her two assistants were practically slaves rather than employees. "No, Tsunade-sama, I'm not suggesting that at all."

"Then why on earth would I let you and Kamizuki go to some wild party when there's pressing work to be done?" Tsunade's face grew slightly redder with mild ire.

"It's Iruka's birthday, Tsunade-sama...can we...maybe...work on mission assignments tomorrow morning?" Kotetsu winced as he finished the sentence.

"Iruka's birthday, eh?"

Kotetsu noted that the anger had diminished in Tsunade's voice and continued his plea. "It's his 30th birthday, no less. And besides, don't you think we all deserve a little fun tonight?" The cheeky chuunin winked, hoping that the hokage would continue cooling down and not put him through the office wall with a flick of her forefinger.

Tsunade didn't respond. She just stared at Kotetsu.

"Tsunade-sama," he began, preparing to throw in his final bargaining chip, "Have you ever seen Iruka completely plastered?"

"No, Hagane," Tsunade answered flatly. "I think, though, that maybe you want to die by my hand tonight. Is that so?"

The door to the hokage's office burst open and two exhausted shinobi stood behind it. "I don't think anyone wants to die," one said, removing the hitae-ate that had been covering his head and ruffling a hand in his unruly brown coif. His eyes noted the expressions on the faces of Kotetsu and Tsunade before he turned to his accomplice. "Shizune, I thought you said we had the night off!"

The kunoichi smiled nervously and pushed the man through the door as she whispered, "Izumo...you know how the hokage can be. Now hush up and let me handle things."

Shizune brushed by Izumo to stand with Kotetsu before the desk. Tsunade's face was colored with both shock and frustration as she saw that her apprentice was also trying to escape the workplace.

"Tsunade-sama," Shizune began, still smiling, "your sake's on me."

Tsunade closed her books, ran to the coat rack, and was out of the office before anyone was able to mention the time and place of the get-together.

"I told you, Izumo. We have the night off." Shizune exited the room, leaving the men agape behind her to listen to her heels as she clicked down the hall.

"Pick you up at eight?" Izumo called after her, knowing Shizune would say nothing in return.

The location for Iruka's 30th birthday gala was a small bar almost outside of Konoha. As Kotetsu entered the building with his three cohorts he noted that all of the Konoha ninja were unrecognizable as such having donned casual clothes for the night out. Most of the usual suspects where hanging around a circular table toward the back of the bar.

Kurenai appeared to be laughing as she leaned into Asuma who had his arms around the kunoichi as he told her and Gai another of his "this one time with my students" stories. As they got closer to the table, Kotetsu could hear Kakashi reeling on Iruka about finally being over the hill, then toasting to over-the-hillness as the two downed cups of sake.

"Oi, Iruka, happy 30th!" Izumo put on a big grin and gave Iruka a pat on the shoulder before sitting down next to him.

"Hey, next year it's your turn!" Iruka said smiling, and then added "Hey, we all can't be young forever like Tsunade here."

Tsunade's expression was unreadable for a moment, as if she couldn't tell whether to be irritated or pleased by the man's comment. Then she grinned and sat down, decided that the man's lips were beginning to be loosened by alcohol, and concluded that she needed some sake for herself. She looked over at Shizune and raised an eyebrow.

The brunette called over a waitress and ordered a round for the whole table, then noted that anything Tsunade ordered would be on her tab.

It wasn't long before the group of shinobi was completely intoxicated. Shizune had slid herself into Izumo's lap, confirming any previous suspicions about their office romance. Kotetsu was trying to roll a cigarette for himself but failing, exclaiming to Asuma "This paper's no good!" Iruka was impersonating academy students.

"Have you ever seen Konohamaru try and sneak up on someone as a rock?" he roared, "it's the most ridiculous thing ever!"

"I told you, Tsunade-sama," Kotetsu whispered, turning to the hokage, "Iruka is something else when he's tanked." When he turned back to face Iruka he saw that the man had used Konohamaru's jutsu, resulting in him falling under the table. In a poof of smoke the man was back, lying on the floor, laughing like an idiot.

Kakashi pulled Iruka back up into his seat, stifling his own laughter and telling his friend "you're cut off for at least an hour."

Iruka's antics continued for a while before it became slightly boring. Gai was telling an animated story about a time when he lost his green jumpsuit while he was at the hot springs during a mission with his team. "They said it was a squirrel," he said, "I don't believe it." The group became very quiet for a moment, presumably finding the now-burned-into-memory image of Gai running around a hot springs unclothed and in search of his hideous apparel slightly unsettling. But Gai didn't seem to notice and continued with his story-telling.

Having found the opportune moment for his own shenanigans, Izumo cupped Shizune's ear whispering something to her that incited a giggle. Kotetsu looked at his friend whose eyes were gleaming with their usual mischief. When Iruka excused himself to use the men's room, Izumo nudged his head to the side in invitation to join in on an apparently brewing plot.

"We're going to make a bet with Tsunade," Izumo stated in a low voice, slightly slurring the hokage's name.

"Izumo, that's just not right...not when she's drunk...I'm all for fun and games but I'm not gonna fleece the boss while she's –"

"No, it's nothing like that," Izumo began as Shizune placed a hand over her mouth to stop a chuckle from escaping. "We're just gonna bet Shizune's bar tab."

"I guess that's fair..."

"And we're gonna win either way," Shizune said, "since we're going to trick her into hooking up with Iruka."

This time it was Kotetsu who couldn't keep from laughing. He knew what he had to do. He turned back to the hokage, who was downing another cup of sake.

"Tsunade-sama, who are you going home with tonight?"

"Anyone I want," she said dryly, then rested her elbow on the table in order to cradle her chin in her hand.

"Really," Kotetsu said, grinning, "do you really think that none of these shinobi can resist your charms?"

"Hagane, I'm not sure if I like where this is going," Tsunade began. Then her pride kicked in, overcoming the woman's drunken lethargy, and she banged a fist on the table rattling cups and empty sake bottles. "HAGANE! I don't just think so; I know that I can convince anyone here to take me to bed! Fuck, do you even have to ask?"

"Fine then," Shizune piped in, "Iruka."

At this point the rest of the table had taken note of the conversation. All heads were turned toward Tsunade and her staff.

"Shizune, is this a dare?"

"No, it's a bet," stated Izumo. "Seduce Iruka, and we pay your tab tonight and the next time we go drinking. Fail to do so, and you get the tab tonight."

The entire table fell silent. Tsunade wasn't known as "the sucker" for nothing. She couldn't turn down a chance to gamble, even if she were gambling her pride. "Fine." Tsunade said, smiling a pre-emptive 'I told you so.'

Kotetsu nudged Tsunade and pointed out Iruka who was chatting with some barely-of-age waitress at the other end of the bar. The blonde poured and then downed a final cup of sake before marching over to her target.

"Wow," Kotetsu said, looking wide-eyed at Izumo and Shizune, "it worked!"

"Yeah. And she sure has an advantage with that sweater she's wearing," Shizune remarked. "Not that she usually leaves much to the imagination but tonight..."

Izumo finished for her, "For Iruka, it's the cardigan of doom!"

"So how was last night, Tsunade-sama?" Izumo elbowed Kotetsu lightly as they waited for the hokage to unlock her office door.

Tsunade grunted. She was more than two hours late, and Shizune, who had arrived with her, gave the two men a look that should have signaled them to stop their prying.

"Tsunade-sama, you won the bet," Kotetsu noted, "We'll be buying you drinks soon. Don't we get some details?"

"He likes it rough," Tsunade stated plainly, "now get your asses to the library. Shizune, I need some coffee. Black."

NOTE: this is a response to a fic challenge from anotherjounin at the forums. the challenge was:

I challenge you Naruto fanfic writers to write a literate (spelling and grammar count) non-yaoi fanfic about Kotetsu and Izumo. Rating can be anything up to 'R' for violence only. Length...at least two pages, more if you're inspired. And it must include the following lines, said by either of the two!

"This paper's no good."

"I don't think anyone wants to die."

"Have you ever seen Iruka completely plastered?"

"The cardigan of doom!"

"They said it was a squirrel- I don't believe it."

Okay, so I cheated a little with the squirrel line, but I think a) it was worth it and b) i wrote WAY more than two pages! Thanks for the inspiration, an! Also, props again to my beta-reader, Lauren!