"Why the fuck am I here?" I muttered to myself as I walked down the gravel road; sweat covering my back and face. It was mid-June and I had been send to Louisiana of all fucking places. Not only was it deader than dead – it was also the most un-necessary spot on the map ever; Bon Temps. Charlie had decided to send me here as a "learning experience" ("you need to stop whining to much, honey"). Oh yeah. Like I whine.
So here I was, holding on tight to my suitcase (yeah, I was only allowed to bring one – go figure. I could only bring two of my ankle-length crème-colored khaki skirts) and missing Edward like crazy. Of course, we hadn't taken that step that would (in my opinion) fully satisfy me in our relationship, Edward was still down some damn righteous path and had made a fucking promise to wait "until marriage" (he even made me wear a promise ring, but the called it a wedding ring). Bullshit. If he wanted to keep it in his pants so badly; why couldn't he at least try and grab my boobs? Tough question. Oh, and yeah, I could still lick him around his stone-mouth; but that was hardly any under-the-shirt-action.
Well, now wasn't exactly the best time to think about Edward even though his cold hands would fit in here very well. I had no idea where I was exactly and my car had broken down with a heavy sigh and some smoke. My dad had responded to a roommate ad and I was going to live with some chick called Sookie (Sookie? Seriously? And I thought Renesmee was a bad name.)
She lived freaking far off base to say the least. Not only was it hot, this "town" was probably populated with hungry crocodiles as well. I missed my Eddie. My feet hurt like a SOAB and my brown hair was in a frizz that so totally wouldn't go away with Loreal's all-smooth products. Does my life suck (no pun intended) or what?
After some serious bitching and pulling I finally saw the tiny house. Or tiny and tiny, anything is tiny compared to the Cullen home. This was white with a porch around it. A hammock rocked peacefully in the non-existent wind. Where was the freakin' Little-House-On-The-Prairie-lemonade?
As I made my way over the yellowish lawn, tripping over roots and roots, I cursed under my breath. The house really was out in the middle of nowhere. I could see forrest surrounding it and no other houses in sight. No neighbours? Why, I knew the town was small but only one inhabitant? I quickly got the answer to my question. Behind the trees I could spot gravestones. Great. The entire town had died and left me with crazy Sookie, who probably was the one responsible for all of the graves and their owners. I was probably her next victim. Where was Edward when I really needed him?
The front door opened with a band and a blonde peeked out. Her hair was blonde, her eyes were blue (fucking bitch) and, to my delight, she had one too many curves. She almost looked like Britney in the middle of her breakdown. Sookie wore short black shirt and I white t-shirt with some kind of text on it. Merlottes it said. Tacky.
"You must be Bella!" she exclaimed and smiled broadly, showing white teeth and perfect skin (fucking bitch). She walked over to me and extended her right hand. I took it and she smiled even more broadly. "I totally can't here you. I'm Sookie by the way."
"Hear me?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm a telepath. I read minds. Didn't your wannbe-vampire Edward tell you that?"
Wannbe-vampire, telepath? What the fuck?
Apparently I thought it out loud. Sookie smiled even more.
"Yeah your boyfriend, Edward. He isn't a real vampire, you know. Here in Louisiana we've got the real deal. Oh and yeah, I'm a telepath. I've been in contact in Edward, he called as soon as you dad decided to send you here. He was a bit tad too worried, might I add. Creepy much? I can read Edward's mind, so therefore I know he's not a real vampire. I can't read their minds."
All this was a lot to take in. She also spoke with a weird accent. And she called Edward creepy. Well I could hardly argue with her on that. But vampires? Here?
"Real vampires?"
"Oh yeah. Fangs and all."
"Venomous fangs?"
Sookie laughed.
"No, silly. Real fangs, as in a pair of very sharp teeth that come out when they are horny, angry or hungry. I take it your Eddie doesn't have a pair of those?"
I just stared at her.
Edward had totally lied to me. Here I though I got a real vampire and he was just some overgrown version of a snake. Seriously, he produced venom, could kill animals larger than him and had cool, smooth skin.
I wanted real fangs, dammit.