Chapter One:

Don't Call Me Blonde!

It was late in gotham city, with the typically good run of constant heists and kills, the usual mayhem. But he'd begun to lose his seemingly endless energy by the fifth day of his gangs non-stop crime spree.

But he was having so much fun, how could he just stop!? The Joker doesn't get tired. At least no one would that know it but him, and even his own body had to fight his iron will if he desperately needed to rest or eat. No, he was simply too manic to care.

So, inevitably, The Joker had been running on nothing but stolen coffee and the occasional beer from unsuspecting passersby and pure adrenaline. So, yeah, maybe he could chalk up his uncharacteristically mellow blink as a small woman literally eapt out of the alleyway in front of him.

He wasn't sure why she hadn't sparked an ounce of annoyance, but he believed it was because of his utter exhaustion catching up with him. He'd taken out half of his clowns along the way, and only the handful of men who'd been there at the beginning of the week were feeling as tired and slow as their leader. The rest of the clowns were ridiculously new. And stupid.

So while he was willing to brush over the near impact by the oblivious, albeit treny little woman who was standing on the sidewalk...his lackeys, did not.

"Hey, you bitch!"

"Watch the hell out!"

Before he could yank out his gun and shoot, he had to turn and face the idiot assholes who thought they could run the show. But as he did, he spotted her very clear and wide smile and he could not stop his own grin from springing upon his own scarred lips.

She was a tiny thing, short in stature and delicate looking, but she fit the red and black leather suit oh sooo well. And the little belled jesters hat that covered her head and neck...Oh, don't get him started.

She continued to smile, blue eyes lively and sly, as she tugged out a red ear bud from one side of the hat. When she looked back up to the two men who'd spoken, her eyes became icy and held a sudden look about them, as if she was about to get blood on her hands and she knew it.

"Sorry boys, didn't hear ya. What were you saying?" she said, though it was obvious she had heard them.

The were about to foolishly suck in a breath and repeat themselves, but two sudden zips from the silencer in the Joker's hand had the woman laughing.

"Well, at least somebody in Gotham still has manners." she said. "Thanks." she said and looked back into the alley she'd sprung from. "Johnny!" she yelled suddenly.

A small man with sunken eyes emerged from the shadows with a sneer, carrying a ripped up potato sack in his hand and a duffle bag that clinked with the sound of glass. "I really hate you."

"Oh come on, you know you don't." she said, feigning hurt.

"This is no way to transport my toxin!" the brown-haired man shouted.

The Joker stood on the sidelines now, with a dark grin on his face, before he shot his unsilenced gun in air to gain attention.

The couple before him frowned and looked back at the increasingly annoyed man. "Hi." he said, his voice eerie. "Move out of the way." It wasn't a question.

It was now that Crane recognized the man in front of them with the weird clown goons nearby. "God, woman, did you even realize you jumped in front of The Joker?" he said and pulled on her arm off of the cement to stand in the street.

"Hm?" She looked back to man with makeup and the scars with a tiny grin that sprouted up, then back to Crane. "Well...duh. Who doesn't?"

"You're so blonde." The small man hissed and in an instant, the hundred and ten pound woman yanked roughly on his shirt collar, sprawling him out over the pavement.

"Blonde!" she shrieked. "That's the last straw, you stupid ass! If I'm so god-damned blonde, why did you ask for my help, huh? And you needed me to get your damned toxins. 'Oh I'm so lost with out my life's work,'." she mocked with a sneer and slammed her sharp heel into his side. "Go roll over in an alley and wack off, you jerk." The woman leaned down, and grabbed his chin with red and black nails that were well kept and rounded. "Don't you dare say a word about me." she hissed, "Or I'll tell the cops where the rest of your toxin is."

She spun on her boot-heel, the outline of her ass and slim legs shinning in the black and red leather as she stepped away, which had captured the Joker's otherwise asexual interest. But his eyes had followed her, and they still hadn't moved forward down the walk yet.

Running again on adrenaline, he whistled through his teeth, and watched her stop and look over her shoulder with a frown. She wasn't happy.

"So uh, doll, why the long face?" he stifled a snicker at his words.

"Well, I was hoping to have some real fun. Johnny boy over there...well..." She trailed off, letting the disappointment in her voice linger. "He's no clown."

She nearly slapped a hand over her mouth in fear, but she shoved Harleen back down and told herself she could hold her own against him. After all, she'd gone to defense classes and karate religiously over the past year in retaliation of the trauma she'd experienced. She wasn't going to cower, damnit!

She shoved down the clawing, choking fear that was threatening to squeeze her throat shut in another fit of an anxiety attack, but she wouldn't let it happen again. I need all my guns here to keep him happy...

"What'd you say, doll?" he hissed and creeped closer, clicking a knife out and she spun around fully, leaning on a hip provocatively.

"Well, I said Johnny's no clown."

He was right in front of her, his eyes dark and shockingly a deep green. Oooh, she was a sucker for green eyes.

They seemed to devour her for a moment before he broke out into a grin and his previously normal- ignoring scars- good looks erupted into full on handsome. She'd never expected the Joker to be such a good looking man.

Sure she'd seen newspapers about his recent escapades with Dent and Batman, but the photographers never could seem to catch a still photo, causing them to look demonic and dangerous. As if he knew they were trying to take pictures and he just had to piss them off.

But back to the man of the hour...

He was laughing, pressing his fingers into his eyes as he hopped from foot to foot in a mad dance. "Oh, you are just too much!" he said suddenly, all his laughter gone but not his grin. "Don't worry, hon, Crane is just a low and er-common criminal compared to me. If you were going to say, come with me...it'd be um-rather eye opening." he finished his words on a growl that sent little shivers down her back, and she watched him lick his lower lip swiftly, as if it was a tick.

"Huh." she breathed out breathlessly. "Well," she said, "I think I might like to have my eyes opened up a little bit, but not yet. Soon." she added quietly, hoping he understood her. She didn't want to become another one of his many hostages on the morning news.

"Later then, doll." he sang, and pulled her close suddenly. "And don't worry about a erm-phone number I'll find you." he said darkly in her ear

She didn't release her sigh of relief until after he'd turned around in that slightly hunched way he seemed to go about some things. She snickered behind her rigid fist, determined not to bring attention to herself. But her eyes widened when he spun around and winked at her with a dangerous grin before snarling at his lackeys. Then they disappeared down the foggy sidewalk.

What did we get ourselves into Harleen? She thought, allowing a little bit of the trembles to spread over her skin beneath her suit. Too close....hope I made a good impression.

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Hello, this is my first Batman fiction, but not my first fic. I hope you all find Joker a little bit believable. I'm going about a slightly different approach for Harley and Joker's relationship, and I hope I don't disappoint. Thanks so much, and you'll all know why she was teaming up with Crane soon.

-ciao