He knows her attitude, knows how she thinks. She acts like she's better than the scum they see day in, day out. She'll get high and mighty on him, too, when he says or does something stupid. But he knows how she was trained, how she was raised. Her father (he wanted to beat the man senseless, the guy was so emotionless) treated her as a soldier - parenting was not something that involved love for her. God only knows what her mother was like - maybe she was loving, caring, but he didn't know what happened to her. She had never mentioned her mother, or how her parents coexisted. Honestly, he didn't actually know much about her past.
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She had loved him, and maybe she still did. She didn't know. She didn't want to know. She wanted to hate him, wanted so badly to put a bullet through his heart and show him the pain she was in. But she couldn't. Something was holding her back. Maybe that he had risked his own life to save hers, had flown across the globe to save her (self described) worthless ass. She realized now that he had, in fact, been jealous before. He did not hide his feelings anymore (Couldn't live without you, I guess). Her father would not approve. Even if she decided she loved him (that she was worthy of a man with such a heart, such a wonderful heart), which she deemed unlikely. She was not one to admit she was wrong.
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He knew she had self worth issues, from the first time she had been in such a catatonic state. She doubted herself, her choices, even though she would have died - had she not reacted the way she did. This time she had fully given up ("I am ready to die," she said, and it shattered his heart, which was still swelling from the knowledge that she was really, truly still alive). If someone she loved was in trouble, she would throw herself infront of the bullet intended for them. A cold childhood convinced her she was worthless, and he wanted to strangle the man responsible.
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The anger was still there becaused she forced it to stay in her heart. To give in, to forgive him, would be to become a hypocrite, to destroy everything she knew. She wanted to break down the walls she had rebuilt and let him in, let all of them back in, but she couldn't. A sign of weakness. She wanted to fall into his open arms and weep until her heart stopped hurting and he forgave her for not believing him. She wanted this to be over.
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He loved her.
Damnit.
He had to stop admitting that to himself, before it started hurting even more.
The pain in his heart was agony, every minute of everyday, because he knew she would never forgive him.
(Just another day at the office, huh?)