Author's note: As much as I loved 'Amplification', there were a couple of things that bugged me. This is one of the issues I had to address.
Of course, I own nothing and make no profit, sadly.
The sight of her red-rimmed eyes haunted his memory. Even now that the crisis was over, the look of despair on her face taunted him.
Hypocrite.
The word bounced around in mind every time he thought about what he said: "I know you want to protect your son…unfair advantage…is that the right thing to do?"
Hypocrite; two-faced lying bastard.
It had been so easy to be firm, to be strong, to do his "duty" when he was on this side of the equation. He'd stood there and told JJ with no uncertainty that she shouldn't call home to warn Will and Henry of the possible danger. He'd implied 'responsibility', 'civic duty', and other noble ideals that he knew she would infer from his statement, but nearly three years ago those same lofty thoughts hadn't been paramount in his mind. His major concern was for Haley, for Jack, and for the scheduled portraits at the USA Mall-the same mall they determined to be the target of an imminent terrorist attack.
Though he'd considered calling home for several hours prior to the raid, it only took one sentence from Morgan to push him into dialing the first number on his speed dial. Fortunately, though it could have been unfortunate had things turned out differently, Haley didn't answer her phone and he never had to make a final choice about his priorities. Hotch stared at the photo of him and Jack taken a few weeks ago. Even now, the thought of what might have happened to his family that day sent his emotions into overdrive. He didn't regret doing what he could to keep them safe. Still, the knowledge that he made a phone call with the intent to disclose classified information made him nauseous. Whether or not he regretted that part was up for debate; the saying 'Hindsight is 20/20' didn't apply in this situation. There were too many variables at play for him to be definite about his decision.
He'd been lucky, plain and simple.
He had to talk to JJ-that he knew for sure. He needed her to know that he understands exactly how she felt and how closely he related to the decision that she faced. He was even willing to let her in on his own secret should the need arise. Hotch vowed he would talk to her first thing in the morning.