356 Days Of Sex
I don't own Tekken or it's charactes
This was originally written by my friend but i decided to change it
The pairing:Jun/Kazuya
Kazuya was waiting patiently in the Mishima garden for his wife, Jun Kazama. Kazuya sighed and looked at his watch. "Shes late." He complained as he tapped the table with his fingers. Seconds later he saw her and was amazed at what she was wearing. A white dress that he brought for her birthday last year. He smiled as he remembered her expression when she saw the dress, beautiful. In his eyes white suits her since she was hes angel. Kazuya got up to greet her with a kiss.
"Sorry." Jun apologized Kazuya shook his head.
"It's ok." He answered back. The two sat down.
"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" She asked as Kazuya, who suddenly pulled out a piece of paper from his pants pocket. He held it in the air showing it to her.
"You read it." He said rather shyly which shock Jun. She folded her arms and smiled.
"I think you should read it." She answered back as for Kazuya, who was no match to fight back, swallowed his fear and opened the folded paper.
"To my dear wife," Kazuya started and took as much air as possible.
"During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. (Does that sound sad to you?) The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:"
4 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby (Damn that blasted child.)
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said "weren't in the mood."
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbours would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us (Damn that bitch.)
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there stiff
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with (Gosh must've been the hormones.)
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished (Am I such a dead Fuck?)
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move away (I'm sorry honestly.)
Kazuya finished and placed the paper down waiting for Juns reaction. Jun giggled which made Kazuya a little confused he thought she would throw a fit or worse, a divorce. Jun grabbed Kazuya's hands and gave a little sqeeze. "I think you have things a little, too, confused Kaz." She answered sweetly as she, too, pulled out a piece of paper. Kazuya froze he didn't think that it would come to this and was prepared for anything.
"To my dear husband,"
"Here are the reasons why you didn't get more than you did:"
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the poor cat
36 times you didn't come home at all (Which makes me think that your cheating.)
21 times you didn't cum at all
19 times you went soft before you got in
33 times you came too soon
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE FUCKING BALLS
4 times you got it stuck in your bloody zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, playingvideo games
etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed completely and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Jun finished and Kazuya was stunned but glad that she had a come back. Kazuya cocked an eyebrow as he wickedly smiled which sent heat waves through Jun. He grabbed her hand. "So how about it?" He asked and Jun smiled she knew what he meant. The two left leaving the pieces of paper on the table.