Hidden in my memories;
Guarded inside my heart—
My love looks for you.
Too Love
"This isn't like Suzuya at all!
Because..Suzuya would always be my special childhood friend!"
What if I said I want to change that?
"…that would put me in a difficult spot."
…I'm sorry to have troubled you then.
And it was fine like this; as long as he had already conveyed his feelings there will be no regrets.
Then why could he not stop these tears?
These tears that would have seem to spring out from the very wounds of his heart. All the bitterness, pain and love that he held so dear for as long as he could remember have started—no, have continuously bled until his mind forcefully shuts him down, unable to take the misery he drowns himself in—only to continue again when he wakes.
How long has this cycle been repeating itself?
Without him knowing, she had already planted every essence of her in his foolish heart—stapling them, even.
If only he could rip it away straight from his chest. The feeling was heavy; so heavy that he forgot how to breathe properly. He could take the pain if perhaps it was somewhere else. But his body knew where he had been struck a blow—where he had been torn apart the most where no one would easily know. And she struck at just the right place. The right place where to shatter one's soul—one's very being.
She was a cruel woman.
—such a cruel woman that Suzuya mocked his heart for falling in love with her; but it wasn't enough that he had to beat his chest so hard to numb the pain inside. He just wanted it to stop. He just wanted her to stop looking at him with worried eyes. He wanted her to stop caring. Because even if the air began to change around them, it wasn't as if she discarded his utmost feelings, rather, she respected them. He was the only one making things harder—because she made it harder for him to let go of this broken love.
It was a week after his confession when he knew the reason why she didn't accept him—the bruise on his cheek was still there to prove it. Kanata did not mean to punch so hard, but if he hadn't, he would not have realized that he was preventing the woman he loves to obtain the happiness he had desired to give her—the kind of happiness that him and him alone could give.
"Tsukiko's worried about you, Suzuya." Kanata confesses, exasperated. "She—"
"Did she tell you?"
Kanata frowns. "…do you think she did?"
He doesn't reply. He knows she wouldn't. That was the kind of person the girl he fell in love with.
"I know Tsukiko won't say anything of this matter and this isn't the right time but…
I love her, and I know she loves me as well. She doesn't say he r reasons, but she never did once deny my feelings."
It was pity through his eyes; but Suzuya knew better than anyone else, that this was the only way she could think of to not hurt him further. And so he lets her go. He would never know how he managed to smile that day. It was truly, truly painful.
He had his back turned. He was about to walk away before she had finally told him.
"Suzuya! I-I like Kanata!"
Without even seeing her face, he could feel determination seep through her words. She was probably making that funny face now, embarrassed. And it was probably the first time she had ever said anything so selfish. So what should he do now? He was the one who approached her after Kanata's declaration. He wanted the truth to hit him hard instead of hoping for a miracle.
And it was finally here.
She had finally decided.
He turns to face her.
What kind of expression he had was probably worse than he thought. Her eyes tell him so. He could not cry in front of her, and so she cries for him. Her voice trembled even before she even spoke.
He already knew what words would come out from those lips.
"Don't.
Don't apologize for what you feel. I have no right for you to change that." He smiles. "I'm proud of my daughter for finally learning to stand up for what she wants; and for my son that he found such a nice girl to be with."
"Suzuya…"
He chuckles. "It seems kaa-san would have to adjust to this change. My children grow up so fast, don't they?"
She smiles.
He couldn't remember how long it was since her last saw her smile. Despite the puffy cheeks and red eyes, her bright smile was enough to overlook those.
"Yes, we do, don't we? So Suzuya kaa-san would have to prepare a lot more meals for us!"
Without him realizing, he was already in front of her, wiping her tear-stricken cheeks with his handkerchief.
She moves away.
He won't apologize. He won't because that would mean denying his feelings.
Don't look back. He tells her.
Because it's you, I will be fine.
"…thank you, Suzuya." Those words contained her heart. It was warmer than usual.
And she runs from the rooftop garden down to meet with her lover. She never did look back at him—even once.
It seems he had finally received what he wished for long ago—the utmost happiness he could give to the two friends he loves the most in the whole world. He just didn't realize that it had to hurt this much to give—that it took this much sacrifice.
Don't worry about me.
Don't worry about me at all.
"Because I truly wish the both of you happiness—
But it would just take some time to give you my blessings."
Looking down from the railings, he saw his two friends run on the ground that seemed to reflect the orange sky. They notice him and wave.
"Oi! Suzuyaaa!" He hears them call.
He breathes a little more deeply before shouting back. "I'll be right there!" And he waves too.
His tears have already dried. The setting sun had the color of sadness and warmth—even the hue of the darkened sky deemed acceptance.
"I just wanted to love her."
Perhaps he had chosen to give his heart at the wrong place and at the wrong time. But there was no use thinking about it now. He has to learn how to move forward.
He meets up with them. Kanata with his usual boisterous self and Tsukiko with her shy smile. Their hands were connected, like the stars that had already plaited their destiny long ago.
A slight tinge. He gives them his usual, caring smile. "What do you guys plan to do tonight?"
"Well…Kanata was wondering that today the three of us would…
…
…"
And their conversation goes on. He laughs and chats, never losing spirit—never surrendering to the pain.
The moon had already reclaimed its throne when they had reached a conclusion.
For a moment, there came a shooting star beside his planet. The other two hadn't seemed to notice but it was the light that beckoned him to see.
—and he wishes now for their happiness, more than ever.
Surely as the seasons change, his heart, too, will be able to regain its lost color.
He stands there, for a moment, entranced by the moon's solace.
"Oi! Suzuya! We're leaving you behind!"
"Suzuya-chan!"
He takes a deep breath and laughs lightly before running after them, his mood lighter than it had been these last few weeks. "Coming, coming!"
This Spring was surely one he would never forget.
I…am proud for having myself to love you
-your place in my heart is always, and forever.
The songs that I abused without mercy: Too Love – Xiah Junsu (As you can see, I'm too dull to think of nice titles, XD.) and more so the bgm playing during Suzuya's confession.
I didn't include Yoh since I assumed that he had already gone abroad at this time. XD
I hope you enjoyed reading this! ;)
xxxxx
Reviews make me happy! :3
5.13.2011