Hey guys, I know it's been...years...but I've been trying to rewrite this story.(Still) I finally got it to work well. (Again) So yeah, I am rewriting this all again(There is so much to rewrite, oh my god.) I hope I don't loose people over this. I personally like this better, it flows better.(Even better than before)
I'm going to leave up the old chapters till I replace them with the edited version. I'm also thinking about how I want this to end as I re-write/edit it again. My origonal idea got lost ages ago. XP
Disclaimer: I don't own kingdom Hears or Final FantacyVII
Warnings:Boy love, yaoi, sexual abuse(later chapters),male-male sex, furries, and crazy goings on. if you don't like, you don't have to read it, simple as that.
Tell me If ya'll like this better!
Enjoy~
My eyes fly open and I stare up at the dark ceiling, panting and tingling all over where my dream companion had been touching and caressing. The tingles start fading, and it leaves me feeling empty. I wish I could go back to my dream, and curl up in the arms of my dream lover. With a sigh I reach up to feel my fuzzy, warm cat ears to tug at them softly. It's a habit of mine, one that calms me down.
"D-Damn…." Mumbling softly before turning to bury my face into my soft pillow and curling up into a ball around the fluffy sack. I wish the dream hadn't ended where it had, I can feel my crotch throbbing. My tail curls around my waist, blushing darkly as I stare into the dark room. The universe is so cruel, not even letting me finish in my dreams. This must be more punishment for being an abomination. Of course it is, why else would I have feelings for my best friend? Why else would I have to be a freak? I feel my body going a weird mix of too hot, and too cold, and I know I'm going to cry. I just want to be normal, to be able to have a sex dream about someone I like, to be able to tell them I like them, to feel them close to me.
"Axel…" The whimper fills my small room, and I was about to try to force myself back to sleep. I was almost there, almost back into the black escape from my shitty, unfair reality, but it was ruined by the familiar set of heavy-set footsteps of my father lumbering down the hallway. My blood runs cold, and I pray to every god, goddess and higher power that he leaves me alone tonight. I try to pretend to sleep, curl up more to my pillow, and closing my eyes. My ears twitch, straining to hear his movements.
My door creaks open, and my whole being shatters with bitter cold, revealing a very drunk and angry Cloud Strife. I try not to react, slow my breathing, and pretend I'm asleep in the hopes that father would just leave me alone tonight. I can't help but shake in my fear. Cloud clamors in to the now half lit room, grumbling angrily. "Get up you lazy shit. You've got school today. Your mother left for work already."
Cloud pulls my black and white checkered blanket off of me, and growls. "What's got you so worked up? You better quit your shaking boy, or I'll give you something to be afraid of. Did I catch you being bad? Speak up boy!" Cloud slurs drunkenly. His breath makes my sensitive nose twitch with disgust.
I barely ear the whimper escape my lips, and I try harder to play dead. Maybe he will just go away, maybe he'll be too tired to deal with me. Cloud pulls on my ear roughly, causing me to softly yelp in pain and sit uptight; my eyes snap open, staring into angry copies of my own sapphire eyes.
"F-Father?" I hear the fear in my own voice, there are tears welling in my eyes. He looks so angry at me, but I didn't mean to do anything wrong. My sensitive ears burn from my father's grip; which he tugs harder, I must have angered him more by being scared. I try to swallow the noise that wants to escape my throat and try to pull away. Cloud frowns at me, staring, looking at me in disgust. I want to get away from his gaze, I can't stand when he looks at me like that. I didn't ask to be a freak. I don't like how it feels like he's looking into my soul, so I close my eyes.
"Why do you look like me?" He grumbles, his tone sends shivers down my spine. "I never asked for you, you freak. My family would be normal if not for you, if you hadn't inherited the damn curse." He spits out, tugging harder on my ear. I can't make a noise, I can't, or he'll be angrier.
My chest is ice cold but my cheeks are too hot as tears fall down my cheeks. I know he hates me. It wasn't always like this, but when the curse took over, Father became cold. Now I'm constantly being reminded that I'm freak of nature, something to be hated by the one person who is supposed to stand by me, and protect me. A wave of emotion grips my heart and threatens to rip it from my chest, and I don't know if it can ever get better, or go back to the way it used to be.
I know calling Cloud 'Daddy' would earn me one of two reactions, my ass would be grass, or Cloud would leave me alone. The way my ear is burning and how I'm already in the shit house for crying like a coward, I decide to take my chances. It feels like he's ripping my poor appendage off. Taking a shuddering breath, and opening my eyes slowly, I look into his eyes, pitifully.
"D-Daddy…" I whisper, "L-Let go….It hurts…"My voice gets a little stronger as I talk. Cloud's eye darken, and my heart stops and becomes ice cold once again. He growls and when he rears his hand back, I know I lost. I barely even feel it when he hits my jaw. I fall back onto my bed, and curl up tight. It was a 50/50 chance of getting out unscathed, so I guess he's angrier then I thought. I'll just lay here, and think about something else, think about my dream with Axel, as he punches and kicks and hits and yells. It'll hurt later, but right now axel is holding me. Right now I block out all other thoughts, or feeling as my father beats me.
It takes me a minute to realize Cloud had wondered away, grumbling something that drifted right over my ears. I slowly sit up, my breath hitching and tears instantly welling in my eyes. I can't breathe, I can't breathe and I can't move. It hurts so badly. So bad. But I can deal with this. I can handle this. I just have to breathe slowly. In, slow…slow; out, slow…slow…slow. Repeat. There, now I can get up. I just have to get up and shower. Up, slowly, ignore the soreness, ignore the stabbing pain in my chest. Get up and limp down the hall to the bathroom. My ears lie flat on my head, my tail wrapped around my frail and beaten torso. I barely notice my brother, Sora, watching me curiously. My twin walks up to me, his face is fuzzy and out of focus. I can't see well, I just need to shower, to breathe slowly and get to school before I anger Father again.
"Roxas, what happened?" I hear the worry in his voice. I don't want to answer him.
My eyes don't look into his, but they do find the floor very interesting. I can feel my cheeks heating up and more tears welling in my eyes. I didn't have to look up to know Sora's curious expression turn angry. My stomach twists into a knot, and my throat feels and tastes like acid. This isn't good. I can't breathe again, but the pressure in my stomach and throat is getting worse. I dash for the bathroom. Kneeling in front of the toilet, gripping the porcelain tightly as I dry-heave until I taste last night's dinner. Tears finally fall freely down my cheeks. Everything hurts, and the stabbing pain in my chest gets worse, knocking more air out of my lungs, and preventing more air from replenishing them.
I hear Sora behind me, the shuffling of his feet as he walks over to sit next to me. He pets my ears and oh god does that help bring air back into my aching chest. I regain my slow breathing pattern, and try to relax.
"Roxas...are you ok?" He speaks softly, pausing his speech for a second, "I'm so sorry, I should have done something…" His voice is soft and full of guilt. I hate that Sora knows, I don't want to cause him trouble because I'm a freak. He's always so kind to me, Sora is always there for me, acting like an older brother. I was born before he was, I should be able to deal with this myself, but I still rely on him. I'm so pathetic.
Sora pulls me close and I yelp loudly. Oh god, it hurt so bad, made my head spin and nearly miss what he said. "Roxas, you have to tell mom." His voice is soothing and calm, but firm and authoritative. Leave it to Sora to be so caring. I mewl and whine at him with all the breath I can spare. It sounds so pathetic and weak.
"Mom can't know Sora! It….it would crush her! I'll be fine...really. Maybe dad will work late tonight. It's Friday. He usually works late on Friday." I gasp out, I need to stop talking, something in my chest stabs with each gasp for a word. I try to look into Sora's eyes with a small, hopeful smile. Sora just gives me a sad look, his eyes searching. I can tell he's debating whether or not to tell mom anyway.
I lean onto his shoulder, feeling dizzy and weak. "Mom can't know Sora, It will break her heart. Promise me you won't tell her. I'll be fine." I try my hardest to say out loud, without a wavering voice, trying to be convincing. Before he could protest, Cloud yells up at us from the kitchen.
"Sora, Roxas, get down here and eat before it gets cold!" He is still angry, and I've lost my chance for a shower. At least I can eat quickly and leave for school. I just have to remember to breathe, and I'll get through the day. The pain will fade, like it always does, by around lunch time.
Sora and I sit down at the table; Sora nods to dad. I keep my head down, staring my plate. Sora starts rambling about his plans for the day. I sat quietly as Sora prattles on, filling the space with sound. It is uncomfortable, sitting next to my father as I pick at my food. I still have to struggle to breathe, but at least I don't have to talk. I can't quite sit still, or get my stomach to want the food that was in my face. The smell is nauseating and it took every ounce of me to shove the tiniest of bites into my mouth. My father must have noticed this because he barks at me to eat, and not waste his food. So I did, I shovel down the bacon and eggs on my plate and get up a little too fast. There's a sharp stab in my chest, but I bite my tongue to keep from flinching.
"Thank you for the food Father….I'm going to walk today…." I say quietly, not looking up at my father. It hurts. Breathe, slowly, don't let them see how much it hurts. Sora stands up to say something, but I move too quickly. I have to pretend I'm breathing normally, pretend it doesn't hurt. Just make it out of the house. I'll be okay. I take my plate to the sink, wash it, and book it to the hall closet before Cloud or Sora could protest. I put on my black and silver air-walks, and my black and white checkered sweater. Then I swing my black 'the used' messenger bag over my shoulder, with a loud whimper and stab of pain, and run out of the house. I don't realize that it's raining until it was too late to go back for an umbrella, and I hate rain. While I walk in the downpour, I rummage through my backpack for my Linkin' Park beanie to hide my ears, I slip it on and thank some higher power that I have it. Rain always make my ears cold. The next thing I search for is the MP3 player Axe bought me for my birthday last year, but can't find it. Halfway to school is when I realize that it's sitting on my desk, with all of my math and science homework for today. I curse loudly, and let the pain out in my voice before continuing trudging to school. Today already sucks.
I limp onto campus; staggering. Oh god I can't breathe. Oh god, I can't… I can't make the pain go away. Every time I move my upper body, I feel like someone is stabbing me in the chest. I didn't even notice my best friend, Axel Flynn, walk up to greet me until his face was right next to mine. His piercing green eyes were looking over my face, with a deep frown.
"Roxy, what the hell happened to your cheek?" He reaches to touch it.
Before I could control myself, I flinch and whimper at all the sudden sharp pain. I can't let him know. I just have to make it to class. Remember to breathe, in, out. Ignore the pain. You can handle it. Don't get Axel caught up in your problems. "Nothing, It's no big deal…."
My breath is so shallow, but I'm try to catch my breath without letting Axel know I can't. Suddenly, Axel lifts my chin. My face tilted up so he inspect it with his brilliant green eyes. Those eyes remind me of summer fields and meadows, filled with butterflies and fun things to chase. For a moment, I forget all the pain, and just dive into my fantasy of green. I feel my cheek heating up, and I force myself to look down. I don't want him to know, I don't want him to worry. I can handle this. I'll be able to breathe soon, the pain will go away.
"Roxas, what's wrong…..what happened?" He sounds really worried, but his voice carries a hint of anger. Axel can't find out. I need to lie, and lie well. I can handle this myself. I just have to tell him a lie. That's basically impossible to do to Axe, though. Axel always knows when I lie. I just need to breathe, and It will be convincing. The longer I stand here, not answering him, the angrier he is going to get. I don't want to bother my best friend. I don't want to anger him. Axel is terrifying when he is really angry. I just have to breathe, and speak up, but I find myself being too scared to speak. Axel looked the same as Cloud this morning when I call him 'daddy'. "Roxas! Just tell me what happened! Is it so bad you don't even trust me with this?" He roars, his voice shaking me to my core, his piercing gaze making the pain in my chest even more unbearable. I-I just have to b-breathe. I ha-have to say something. J-Just breathe and say something. Breathe, slow….as deeply as I can….. Breathe.
"Yes…" The sound is weak, and pathetic. I can't lie to him, but I can't tell him either. I wish he would leave this alone, let me sit down and breathe, but I know Axe. I know he won't just let it go. I love and hate that about him. He shouldn't have to know that my father hurts me. I don't want him to get involved. It's not like Cloud has ever hurt me sexually. Just a few broken ribs, and a couple dark bruises. Nothing that wouldn't heal in time, and nothing that I didn't deserve.
Apparently, my answer isn't what Axel had wanted from me. The look in his eyes flash a murderous glare and he grabbed my arm, pulling me through the large crowds of curious students. I try to pull away, whimpering and mewling in pain pathetically. Don't tug so hard Axe, don't walk so fast. I can't keep up, I can't breathe, I can't follow well. "A-Axel…please, let go…it hurts…let go…"
I cry softly, tears falling down my cheeks. He doesn't stop, maybe he can't heard me. My redheaded friend drags me into an empty class room, shut the door and slams me against the door. I yell loudly in pain and cower away. Don't hurt me, please, I just need to sit. Please just… let me breathe. I feel my legs wobbling from the strain of all the sensations.
"You don't trust me? Roxas….you have always trusted me, with everything….even…even this." He pulls my hat off and pets my ears soothingly. The familiar warm rubbing feeling almost has me on my knees, so I barely hear him continue. "What can be so much worse than this? What needs to be more secret than this?" He whispers, but the angry edge is still in his voice. I shiver and open my mouth to speak, only to instantly close it. I'm scared. I can't even get enough air to muster sounds. I feel my ears fold closely against my head. He sounds so angry, maybe he'll hurt me if I don't answer. It's what I deserve for not trusting him. I don't deserve such a good friend. Axel. Help me breathe, make the pain stop. Stop my tears please, I'm so tired of it all. With as much of a breath as I can muster, I whimper out.
"A-axel….my dad….he…he….he beats me…..He woke me up….Dad was drunk and angry last night…he took it out on me…" Looking at Axel's strong, warm-looking chest. I wish to bury myself away there, in the fortress of his strong arms, and cry. I'm not going to look in his eyes, I can't. I know he's going to be looking at me, with his green eyes, with disgust. Just as that thought flutters about my head, Axel lifts my shirt. I jump and yelp loudly and gasp desperately trying to catch any amount of oxygen. His fingertips brush over a very red and black bruise.
"Roxas….this…it looks horrible….how long has he been hurting you?" Axel sounds pitiful. This makes me feel terribly guilty, for worrying him, and for keeping secrets. I hate secrets, I hate lying, and I don't like that my whole life is a big lie. I can't keep it in anymore. I start whimpering and mewling as I cry miserably still gasping for every breath. I can't take it anymore. My father, my stupid curse, my hurting Axel all the time. I can't so it. I'm so alone, and I can't. I'm such a freak, and I deserve the pain, but it's so cruel for Axel to sound so concerned. To sound so nice, to be so caring. It surprises me when Axel hugs me to his chest, nuzzling my ear. "Rox, let's go….I'll go call Reno, alright? He'll get us out of school, and….he'll talk to Principle Ansem, alright? Just let me take care of you."
I know it's a bad idea to accept his offer. Cloud will be mad when he finds out. But I don't care at the moment, in Axel's arms. I feel air flowing a little easier, by heart beats slower, and my head stops spinning. It brings me back to the dream I had earlier, where his hands were all over, but never hurting. His whispers into my ear, and made my body tingle. Axel's essence makes my body feel weightless, and relaxed. Nothing feels wrong. I nod, agreeing to his idea and he immediately calls Reno. One arm still holding me protectively.
"Hey bro, I need a favor…yeah…No, hey come on, I don't want to just….no! Come on Re….It's for Roxas…No I will not tell you why. Just tr- … Reno Ich bin nicht nur indem er ihn aus der Schule für ... D -Das !"( Reno I am not just taking him out for school for…T-THAT!) Axel's face is getting really red and he's stammering a lot. What are they were talking about? The red color on Axel's cheeks is cute, and I giggle softly, but whine a second later from the white hot pain that shoots up my chest.
Axel looks down at me, looking serious again. "Reno, please, Rox will explain if he feels up to it, but this is important. Just get us out of school, and take us to see Yuna, alright? Thanks bro, I owe you one." Axel hangs up and smiles at me, his eyes look more worried than anything.
"Here," He slides my hat back on my head and grabs my backpack from me. "Let's go." He suggests softly. I nod, holding my chest and trying to keep my face neutral. I don't want to worry Axel any more than I have. Without his touch, the pain came back, the fantasy happy place lost, and I'm struggling to breathe again. It's nothing I can't handle. It's what I get.