My first Star Trek fanfic! WOOT!
For Spock and Kirk, the men I've watched fall in love since I was in elementary school! XD
"Dr. McCoy,"
"Yes?" He asked tiredly.
"What am I?"
He sighed, "Captain,"
Jim laughed, "Hell yeah! Say it again,"
He stopped scribbling down a prescription for someone on the sickbay and looked to Jim,
"You're Captain, Jim,"
Jim laughed, punching his arm in what was meant to be a friendly gesture; had his friend not known that, he probably would have returned the favor violently. Jim's obnoxious ego was somehow endearing, though.
"Yes, yes, I am, Bones,"
He walked through the room, patting everyone he saw, asking over and over,
"What am I?"
"What am I?"
"What am I?"
"What am I?"
And everyone would reluctantly respond, "Captain,"
"Captain,"
"Captain,"
"Captain,"
He was gloating, his aura practically glowing with pride. He walked into the command deck, the only other one in the room being his first officer. He grinned, practically floating on his toes towards the Vulcan's back. Before he took a breath, though, his low, indifferent voice came out,
"Yes, Commander?"
"Commander?"
He heard the alien shift and he was soon facing the young man. His stoic expression always tickled Jim; there was something so wonderfully aggravating that it made him love it. It was strange how Jim always chased after whatever made him most frustrated. He loved a challenge, he supposed; a self-proclaimed emotionless Vulcan was just the thing to push his buttons too. Said Vulcan looked as detached as usual as he responded,
"I am sorry, but I do not have tolerance for any of your antics today as I am…" He looked away shortly, then blinked in the quick way he did when searching for the proper words before finishing, "I will not be on board today. It is a small mission, thus my absence is of no consequence,"
Jim frowned, "Wait, why?"
Spock ignored him, gathering a few more papers, "I was just finishing some work so your delivery will run smoothly this afternoon, Commander, and I am now taking my leave, if you have any inquiries I suggest you-"
"Why?"
Spock's young face did nothing in change if not stiffen more.
"I apologize, but I do not see how that at all applies to you,"
Jim scowled, "You know damn well why it applies to me,"
"I am sorry, but the relevance of my attendance to you, granted it does not affect the mission, still escapes me,"
Jim sighed, "Your, uh…counterpart told me that you and me were good friends where he came from…I…"
There was a silence and Jim was almost shaken with glee when he heard the curiosity in Spock's normally monotone voice,
"You what?"
"I…want that…for us…"
There was a heavy and awkward quiet. Jim glared, wielding his power,
"Tell me why you will not be on board today, Mr. Spock, that is a direct order from your superior,"
The First Officer looked back at Jim finally and responded,
"Very well, Commander. If you so wish to know, it happens that my romantic relationship came to a fairly abrupt and somewhat argumentative end the other night and I find that if I attend this mission today, I may act out on irresponsible emotions. I do not want to-"
"What happened?"
The alien sighed in aggravation, "You know, ever since meeting you, I have learned that you have a most annoying habit of talking over me before I complete my thoughts,"
Jim stepped closer, still not listening, "Well? What was it? You couldn't love her or something?"
Spock shook his head exactly once, "No, I can feel when it is called for, though I prefer to follow Vulcan tradition, but I am…"
"…what?"
"I… am ill,"
Those words had a terrible underlying meaning. Jim worried that it meant something awful, a Terms of Endearment awful. Not that Spock would ever understand that human reference regarding something from centuries before. It was by the grace of God that Jim actually was cultured enough in human and Terran history that he could quote and reference such things.
"What's, uhm…wrong?"
There was a short silence until Spock said, still unmoved,
"Nothing,"
"What?"
"I have changed my mind about telling you,"
Jim choked on an inhale, holding his chest as he tried to straighten out his trachea,
"W-why the hell not?!"
"It would be illogical. There is no need for you to delve any deeper into my outside needs from this ship, as long as my work does not suffer, then I do not—"
"This is an order, Mr. Spock. I am your Captain, and by Gods, I'll have my answers,"
Spock's pointed brows furrowed, exciting Jim.
"What do you want to know, Commander?" He had said 'Commander' in a tone that Jim was beginning to learn was Spock suppressing the urge to punch him.
"Why you and Lt. Uhura ended your…romantic relationship,"
"I have developed affection and sexual attraction to another being. I had always rejected her sexual advances, unable to fully justify those rejections until I found what it was that I wanted. It is unfortunate that what I wanted was not within her to give to me,"
Jim frowned, "That…is unfortunate. I'm sorry, Spock,"
"Do not be sorry for me, Commander, I was the one to end the relationship with little if no regret,"
"Then why are you taking off your station today?"
Spock looked away again, "I already told you this, I am-"
"You told me you might act out irresponsibly, Spock, on emotions, but you didn't say which ones…if you don't feel bad about Uhura, then why aren't you going to be here today?"
"Because I am…I have found that I cannot be your First Officer, and I have signed my resignation sheets. I plan on handing them in today,"
"What?" Jim begged as the alien began to walk away.
Jim blocked the exit with his arms spread,
"Who is it? I'll tell them to get off!"
He watched incredulously at the adorable, not-yet-surprised, but caught-off-guard expression that seemed to reluctantly melt onto Spock's face. Which meant both eyebrows went up.
"You would sacrifice another crew member to keep me aboard, Commander?"
"Yeah…I would, of course I would…so tell me who it is, I want you to stay,"
"I am sorry, Commander, but it would be impossible for you to rid the crew of this member,"
"Rid? Is she a pain in the ass? I'll kick her off!"
Spock sighed again, using his abnormal strength to push through Jim, only to have him follow. Jim seemed distraught, his palms and fingers spread out by his sides, watching with desolate horror as Spock's spidery fingers tapped in a different level; somewhere to drop his papers off.
"Spock! Tell me! Please, I don't wanna lose you!"
That was strange.
Jim would usually only use words like those when trying to convince a beautiful woman to sleep with him, or when he was lost in awful nightmares of missions gone horribly wrong. He was still so new to being a Captain; maybe it was his nerves. Perhaps losing the one seemingly stable figure in his life, the one unfeeling, never scared, never uncertain figure in his crew meant disaster to him. Like a mind-reader, the alien holding his papers behind his back, his chest out and face forward, muttered,
"You are losing your composure, Commander, do not be so horrified, it is undignified. It is not as if…"
He exhaled shortly, "It is not as if I do not…feel any regret, as if I do not feel any hesitation towards my decision, but I have to acknowledge that this is the best, thus only, route for the crew. I am sorry you feel so-"
"Bullshit. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't do this! Is it because of what I said about your mother, because you know I didn't mean, I mean, I didn't want to-"
"No, it is not about what you said about my mother. I understand you were doing only what was best for everyone, and by that simple situation saved all of our lives and countless others. I do not hold any ill will towards you because of that. My counterpart explained to me…I suppose it does not matter now. No matter the case, Commander, I am leaving my papers of resignation as I planned and there is nothing that you can say to change my mind now. And if you interrupt me one more time, I do not know how much restraint I will be able to—"
"Tell me, please, I'll…I'll do anything to keep you on board,"
Spock's ebony eyes traced over the human, momentarily seeming to weigh that option. However, he clearly dismissed it and returned with,
"Absolutely not. It is of no consequence to you and your leadership, thus does not affect the crew in any other way but aiding it in its efficiency,"
"…Spock…it's a guy, isn't it?"
He saw Spock's flesh turn a charming emerald under his eyes, his pupils seeming to shrink back, snapping as he swerved his head away,
"I have no idea where you would develop such a hypothesis, but I assure you, Comma-"
"I mean, you said you couldn't get hot for Uhura, which is just fucking ridiculous if you're straight, you said you developed new feelings for someone and it's apparently disturbing you so much that you have to quit your position as First Officer…you're so tied down to being perfect, I'm sure it just fucking kills you to be gay, that's why you'd get so upset…"
The Vulcan sighed angrily; Jim knew he had struck a nerve. He was onto something.
"Commander,"
"Call me Jim or something, Commander is getting old,"
He sighed again, "Jim…" He blinked curiously, "…Jim…"
"Yeah?"
"…that…must be the first time I have used that human name,"
"Really? You've never met a Jim before?"
"I have always addressed them as James, as it is more formal, so…I have just never used that human word before,"
"You like it?"
He nodded, facing forward again, apparently having rid his face of the bashful green.
"Yes. I do,"
"Well? Answer my question!"
"To address your first error, I never once said that I could not…" He exhaled angrily again, "as you say, 'get hot' for Uhura. Your second error is in that my own emotions disturb me. They do not disturb me as that would be absurd to be disturbed by one's own emotions and it would not be appropriate nor productive to—"
"So I was right about you being ashamed about being gay, though, right?"
Spock closed his eyes momentarily, seeming to try and meditate. That or gather all the fibers of restraint in his body to keep from killing his superior officer. There was nothing Spock hated more, after all, than people think that he, himself, thought lowly of himself for his nature. Whether he is judged with weakness or 'disadvantage' for being half human, or judged self-conscious for being homosexual.
"I am ashamed of nothing and if you are so backward that you believe I am lesser or should think of myself lesser than a heterosexual, I should have you know I take immense offense at—"
"You're quitting because you're gay?" He gushed, "Come on, Spock! Stay, I swear, I'll…"
In that moment, Spock, for the first time, showed concern. He did not like the silence that entered the elevator and did not like the look of realization dawning on his Captain's face. Spock watched, hands on his back in perfect posture, not hindering the Captain as he hit the halt button Uhura once used against Spock to keep him focused on her. She was the furthest person from his mind at that moment, though. He did not flinch or wince or move at all, didn't even blink as he inquired,
"You will what, Commander?"
"Commander again, aye?" He scoffed airily, turning towards Spock, eye-contact hard to keep, "…that means I've thought of something dangerously close to the truth or the exact truth you don't want me knowing. You want me to tell you what I've just realized?"
"If you so wish, Commander," He said as stoically as always.
Kirk's head was slightly bent, looking up at Spock from under the ridge of his forehead and beyond his lashes, his blue eyes accusatory,
"…It would not be possible for me…to rid the crew of this member…"
"Commander, if you would please press the descent button again, I really must drop these papers before departing, I have a pod waiting,"
"…unless I resigned…"
He looked to Spock's eyes, but the Vulcan refused to meet his,
"…the button, sir,"
"Answer the question, Spock,"
"There was no question, Commander,"
"You know what I'm asking, though,"
"I cannot know what you are asking of me unless you ask it of me, Commander,"
"Is it me?"
Spock's lips tilted uncharacteristically, pressing the descent button and as the sounds of rushing motion filled the capsule again, he muttered,
"Is what you?"
"…what am I to you?"
The doors finally opened to Spock's desired floor and before exiting with his half-hearted, out-of-place smile, he finished,
"You are my superior officer, Commander Kirk. My Captain,"
At this James T. Kirk actually blushed. Not only that, his heart fluttered like a skittish fangirl. He chased after the Vulcan, not even keeping his voice to a dull roar,
"Spock, but—wait,"
Almost everyone on the Enterprise had told him he was Captain, but never had it sounded so rich. That title had never sounded more fulfilling, more beautiful, sexy, amazing, honoring and flattering than when it fell from the Vulcan's full lips. He was turning corners, tailing the alien through the halls and all crew members they passed rubbernecked to watch the drama unfolding, though most of them only saw glimpses and heard only Kirk calling after,
"Spock, Spock! Spock, slow down, please don't!"
Jim jumped in front of Spock, well aware of the fact that at any time Spock's Vulcan strength could crush him, but with arms spread in defense, the alien took pity on him and halted in graceful time and position.
"Yes?"
"…God," He said out of breath, "…you are the most frustrating person I have ever fucking met,"
"Is that all?" He asked, shifting to the right.
At that motion, the Captain of the Enterprise pushed Spock against the wall, pinning him by his broad shoulders. He saw a flash of light green show itself on Spock's cheeks again and his stomach tickled with delight.
"Stay,"
"I will not,"
"Stay, Spock,"
"I refuse,"
"Stay, it's an order, damn it!"
Ordering people around like that, all high and mighty, and he was only just newborn into being a Captain, he wondered how used to it he'd get. He didn't know about that, but he knew he'd never need his authoritative powers more than this day. Spock cocked a brow,
"Fascinating,"
"What?"
"You follow me and give me orders, yet I am no longer your First Officer,"
"You're my First Officer until you drop those papers off,"
"I warned you far ahead of time that I had no time for your antics right now, Commander, and I do still stand by that. My departure pod is waiting,"
He turned around to see his crew members Sulu and Chekov returning from the Cafeteria. He looked at Chekov and ordered,
"Paval, get me a cord to the ship's speakers, immediately,"
"Da, Keptin," He ran off, returning less than five seconds later to give him a small metal device with three buttons on it.
"Thank you, Chekov,"
"No problem, Keptin, but, may I ask vut you are doing to First Officer Spock?"
"No, you may not, now leave,"
The ensign nodded and shrugged to his friend, leaving with Sulu, mutterings of evolving gossip never posing a threat to the great ego of James T. Kirk. He pressed the third button to the right, staring into Spock's eyes as he announced over all the speakers,
"All departure pods, unless for extreme emergencies, cancel and all navigators for said departure pods are ordered to report to their quarters until further notice. Kirk out,"
He clicked again and the sliding of doors and the roar of more voices rising in conversation sounded from left and right.
"What departure pod?"
Spock sighed,
"You really stop at nothing to get what you want,"
"I don't believe in no-win situations,"
"I am aware of this and fascinated by it. What would you like me to do, Commander? You know now that you have my full attention,"
"I want you to stay,"
"For what purpose?"
"To act out on irresponsible emotions, Spock,"
At this the young man stiffened under his hold, his eyes twinkling with something akin to shock or other human emotion that was not definable. He pushed Jim away, making him heave, and he almost dropped his papers,
"This is infantile, Commander, let me go,"
"Let you go!? Look, Spock, you're the best crew member there is! The best Starfleet member! If I could promote you, I would, but…eh, well, you know,"
"You are saying you would prefer your missions be at risk for failure because of me than my resignation?"
"How many other ways do I have to phrase that!? Yes! Stay!"
"This is highly illogical,"
"This isn't about logic, though, is it? Tell me, Spock," He began in the cocky way he had grown to love talking in, "What is logical about leaving someone that makes you feel good? You feel good around me, right?"
"Feel good? Do you mean 'well'? If so, my health is always more than adequate and logic overrules what you may refer to as 'bad' feelings at all times. There is no time to harp on my human side when on a mission. That, Commander, would be illogical, as it would compromise the safety and efficiency of the crew, thus mission, itself. That is why it is logical to leave the Enterprise and return to my station job at Starfleet. They have been requesting my return to the academy for a long while now, and I am finally honoring that request. I have signed the papers, Commander, there is nothing left to discuss,"
He began walking away again and in a desperate attempt to stop him, Kirk leaped forward, shoving Spock and him to the floor with a violent thud. The alien huffed under the man's weight. The hall was empty where they had landed, though voices could be heard close by.
"Commander, if you are attempting to attack me, I must give you fair warning that it would be a highly illogical choice. I am a combative enemy of which type you could never wish to defeat. My people have grand strength and although you are an extraordinary fighter, if I found it difficult to defeat you, I could cause you to fall unconscious again. I do not think I would drop you onto an uninhabitable planet again, however, at this present…angle, I would not hesitate to do so if I had such an opportunity,"
Jim scowled at the back of Spock's perfect, charcoal hair before muttering,
"Shut up. Now that's an order,"
He heard the young man sigh and begin talking again, probably going on about how illogical this was and all, but Jim became much more distracted with the sight of Spock's papers. They were still tight in his grip, his arms out in front of him on the cold floor, but within reach. Jim thought if he could just get the papers from Spock…
"Are you listening to me?"
He rushed forward and grabbed the papers, catching Spock so off-guard that it was taken from him successfully. Spock twisted around from under him, practically tossing Kirk off him, but his firm legs found themselves on either side of Spock's waist, nailing him down with his knees. He took the thick package of papers in his hands and took note of how Spock did not raise his arms in protest. There could have been only two reasons for that, Kirk decided. One being that Spock was contemplating how much pain he was about to inflict, in what way and when. The other being that Spock was as distracted as Jim at their abdomens crushed together.
"What do you plan to do?"
"Make you stay,"
"Do not do anything rash and do not be fooled that I will not report you if you so much as—"
"How long did it take to sign all of this, read through it all and put initials everywhere, huh?"
"…Commander?"
"Tell me, Spock,"
"…approximately seventy two point four hours,"
"Wow, more than three days worth of time put into these resignation papers, huh?"
"Commander, what are you planning?"
His control-callused fingers tightened around the top of the papers and the tear that followed made Spock's chest swell with aggravation and his composure melted away. There was very little in the universe that forced Spock to leave behind his Vulcan ways. James T. Kirk was one of those things. The Captain threw the ripped papers in the air and let them fall like confetti around them. He looked down at the alien, beaming triumphantly,
"Well, you're certainly not resigning today. I'd guess that the earliest you could resign now, would be…another, eh, three days, around-ish? That means you have no reason for not attending the mission today and you are my First Officer, damn it. I will see you in the Control Bridge, Spock,"
The Vulcan leaned on his forearms and watched the Captain leave him in a proud huff. He had much to think about.