Author's Note: So this fic is set over the weekend of Sundance, when Peyton and Julian had just had their fight/break-up. It's just a one-shot exploring the emotions felt by both at that time and a little about their relationship up till this point.

The flashbacks aren't presented in any kind of chronological pattern or anything, it's just kind of... well, read it, you'll see... =P

Hope you like it.

Please review!!

Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own the characters (or they would be together in the show for real!).

"Hey Julian, it's Peyton... You just left our apartment, I can- Hey, I can see the top of your head now... Your hair looks really good today.

Did I tell you that? I think I told you that...

Well, I'll tell you again. It looks good.

Please, don't be mad..."

Julian was sat in the taxi, he looked up at the window that he guessed she'd be staring down at him from. She usually did that. He managed to see her turn around, her loose curls slightly tucked into her shirt in that way that he liked. Only so he could pull them out for her.

He laughed quietly as he listened to her message. But he was still too mad to speak to her. He was sick of sharing her, sick of always waiting for Lucas to drift from her mind before he could enter it. The amount of times Julian had waited for her to finish reading that book before leaning in to kiss her, not wanting to mix her new memories with her old ones.

Peyton and Julian were sat on their sofa: she was led stretched and he had fitted herself underneath her, letting her legs tangle around him. As usual, they were both doing their own thing: that was the great thing about their relationship, they had never been the kind of people that said they were their 'other halves', they were two people- two whole people- that had met and now fit around each other in a state of perfection.

He looked up from what he was writing, staring at her for a second while he chewed on his pen lid. She spotted him, and lowered her book slightly, peering over the pages, "What?" She smiled.

"You know, you're kind of vain..."

Peyton gasped playfully, dropping the book on her stomach as she looked at him, her mouth still open, "What?!"

"You read that book a lot..." He laughed, gesturing to it with his pen and then continuing writing. "And it's about you, right?"

"And that makes me vain?" she smiled, one eyebrow raised.

"You like to read about yourself." He shrugged, "You read about yourself, a lot." He smiled again, and she tilted her head to one side with discernment as he carried on writing. He always did that, made comments like that and then dropped it.

She closed the book without taking her eyes off of him, her face unchanging. She looked down at the pen that kept writing without hesitation.

Julian obviously felt her eyes upon him because she noticed his lips curl into a smile while he kept writing, eventually sighing and turning to face her, putting the lid back on the pen and laying it down on his paper. He laughed, "I don't blame you..." Her face was still, she wasn't angry- with the amount of these kind of comments he made, she knew the sort of thing that was next out of his mouth, "You're pretty fascinating, Peyton Sawyer."

She smiled, "I knew it..."

Laughing, "Knew what?"

"Something like that was coming..."

"It's true..." He twisted his body around, wrapping her legs around his waist and leaning in, his hands resting lightly on her thighs, "You amaze me..."

Julian looked out of the window, staring at the passing cars and houses. He took in every bit of air he could, thinking about that damn book. All this time, he had tried to kid himself that it was more about reliving past memories, or reconnecting with an earlier version of herself. But he knew: it was about staying in touch with Lucas, some part of her was so intricately woven into him and his words that she needed the book to feel whole.

---

"It's Peyton... Just Peyton... I'm guessing you're on the plane.

I mean, you weren't picking up anyway, but I'm guessing that now- right now- the reason is that you're on the plane...

"I hate planes..." He whispered.

"You're a movie producer..." She smiled back at him.

"What's that got to do with it...?"

"Well, don't they travel everywhere by private jet?"

"I'm an indie movie producer... Think more VW minibus..."

She laughed, "Well, I prefer that anyway..."

"You do?"

"Yeah, all you ever hear about private planes is cocaine and hookers. Whereas with the VW bus, you get-"

"Hippies and pot?"

"Yeah..." She grinned, "...And that's a little cooler."

The plane started to take off, "I really, really hate planes." He repeated, breathing in shallowly.

She turned to face him, placing one hand over his which gripped the armrest in terror. "I'm here..." She leaned in close to him, "Stay looking at the ceiling... Breathe: 1, 2, 3, 4..." He did so, "Good... And again... 1,2-" The plane shook and he grunted in displeasure, "It's okay... 1, 2, 3, 4..."

... I love you...

And I love your fear of planes...

She carried on whispering; there was a particularly violent shake and he turned his hand, grasping onto hers desperately. Still, with the shallow breaths.

The shaking eventually subsided, and his breathing and general posture became a little more comfortable.

"Thank you..." He breathed out.

"You alright?"

"You might be able to remember why you liked me, if you could erase that pathetic image of me from your memory..."

"No way..." She smiled, leaning into kiss him on the cheek. "I liked that version of you..."

"Really?"

"Yeah... It was nice being the sane one for a change."

I hope you're okay...

Remember to breathe: 1, 2, 3, 4...

You'll get this after your flight so it might not help, but you could always remember it for when you come back."

---

"Peyton, again...

Please call me back."

---

"(Singing) If you're feeling sad and lonely... There's a service I can render... Call me... Don't be afraid to just call me...

(Speaking) You get that, right? 'When Harry Met Sally'? Of course you get that, you're a movie geek.

It's Peyton... I'd carry on singing, but I don't think that'd help my case. Please call me..."

Julian dragged his bag into the hotel room, listening to the last of the stream of messages that came from one Peyton Sawyer.

He fought his better judgement to call her back, knowing that just talking to her would be enough to make this heaviness in his body dissipate and relieve.

He was terrified of life without Peyton. But not as terrified as he was by the thought of her leaving him.

He would have to live with the weight of it, knowing that it would slow him down for a while, but ultimately be better for everyone.

Everyone except him.

"Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick! The one that makes me scream!" Peyton yelled over the volume of her record, shaking her head till her curls fell out of the loose ponytail she's pinned them back in.

She stood at the stove, shaking her hips to the music, trying to put her hair back up with one hand whilst stirring the concoction that sat bubbling away with the other.

"Show me how you do it... And I promise you..." Her words mumbled into nothing as she tasted the sauce.

Her body twisted around the kitchen, bouncing up and down to the music of her life. The music of this particular moment.

This moment, right here, waiting for Julian to come home whilst bouncing around in a vest top and jogging bottoms was the moment that went with this song. And she made a mental entry into her catalogue of thoughts and their accompanying soundtrack.

She happily put knives and forks down, tripping over her own feet just in time to the music and catching herself, laughing as she grabbed wine glasses and placed them down on the table.

"Twisting in the water... You're just like a dream..." She nodded her head in time to the music, her body still dancing though a little bit more contained as she looked into the oven. Pretty sure that everything would be burnt. She smiled and clapped to herself as she realised it wasn't.

She buzzed around the kitchen still, unaware of Julian's entrance until he slammed his hand down on the record player, shutting it off and she heard his bag chucked against the floor.

"Julian?" She walked back through, seeing him in the living room, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration, "What did you do that for?" she asked, stepping into the living room anxiously.

"I'm a little stressed out from work, and I don't want to have to come and listen to that! You can hear it down the street, Peyton!"

"Good... Some people need an education in great music." She replied, stubbornly. Not humouring his mood at all.

He went to walk away, stopping himself and looking at her scornfully, "Why do you do that? Why do you- Why do you make everything a joke?"

"I'm just reacting appropriately to your idiotic temper tantrum." She crossed her arms, "What happened today?"

"What? Nothing happened."

She threw her arms up and shook her head, turning back and walking into the kitchen, "Fine."

"Fine? FINE?!" He followed her, like she knew he would.

"Yeah, Julian... FINE. I'm not talking to you when you're like this... And especially when you won't talk back."

She turned around and started stirring again, ignoring him in a way that drove him crazy.

"Peyton..."

"You gonna tell me what's happened?"

"Nothing's happened..." He replied, growling a little.

"OH, sorry. Wrong answer." She carried on stirring, her back still to him.

The two stood for a second at this stalemate, neither wanting to budge.

"I lost my film-rights. Someone bought me out." He rubbed his jaw, "Are you happy now?"

"No, of course I'm not..." she turned back to face him, "Why would I be happy if you were miserable?"

"It might take some of the focus off of you and your crappy job ..." He replied, bluntly.

"No. No... Not happening." She muttered, walking to the bedroom, making sure to slam the door on the way through and lock it audibly.

He sighed and stood against the door, "What? What isn't happening?!"

She flung the door open, meeting him in the eyes, "You don't get to make me feel horrible just because you had a bad day!" She walked past him, purposely nudging him with her shoulder as she did.

"Peyton..." He walked after her, as he always did, following her through the various rooms of their small apartment.

"No, it's not fair, Julian. And you know what, you didn't even want this film... You said so yourself."

He sighed and looked down, "It's not the point..."

"No, the point is, your damn ego is hurt. So you figure making me feel awful is the best way to give you a quick boost."

"Peyt-"

"What?" She snapped back at him.

"You're right..."

She turned to face him, "I know I'm right..."

"I'm sorry..." He rushed in, picking her up, and wrapping her legs around him as he pushed her to the wall, closing any space between them with his lips on hers. She grappled with his coat, unzipping it and pushing it down off of his shoulders, "I'm so sorry..." He muttered against her skin, kissing along her neck and up until he met her lips again.

She moaned, "I know you are..." smiling against his lips. His hands ran back under her hair and he stopped for a second, breathing heavily on her neck.

"Something's burning..."

She smiled, feeling his body collapse against her own, "It wasn't that good to begin with..."

Their eyes met once again, this time without the anger searing behind them. Though they argued, two people couldn't look at each other in this kind of manner- with such a flame burning between them- and not be as in love as they were.

Peyton ended the confrontation with a short peck on the lips, stroking just behind his ear and taking another look at him- knowing that he always did, and always would, take a loss this hard. And that intensity and pride in his work was something she felt in her own, it was one of the reasons they worked so well. She clambered off of him, walking back to the kitchen.

He sighed, this time without the exasperation, now completely content to watch her walk away without a need to follow.

She called back from the kitchen, "I think I can salvage this..."

Peyton sat down on the sofa, tapping the phone with her fingernails. She sat it down on the coffee table, resting on her arms and staring at it.

"Please, call me back, Julian..."

---

"So I gave you the night... I figured you'd ring me if you wanted to speak. And... And, apparently, you don't.

I miss your voice, Julian."

---

Julian paced the pavement in his suit, nervous about what he was about to step into. A taxi pulled up and Peyton stepped out, her long black gown being the first thing he saw as she tripped out of the door, laughing at herself and trying to adjust her hair, attempting to regain any kind of grand entrance that seemed to be lost within that stumble.

Her white skin looked perfect against the black silk, and the piece of black ribbon she had tied around her neck just topped the whole outfit off. It was her complete and utter lack of lace and frills and glitter that made her stand out, that made him fall for her all over again.

She smiled, nervously, "Simple but elegant, right?" He nodded, still taking in her beauty, but only making her more anxious with such a lack of response, "Do I not look alright, Julian?"

He woke up, his eyes taking one more glance at her from the bottom of her dress to the curls on her head. He leaned in, resting one hand on her stomach, "You look beautiful..." he whispered, reaching down for her hand and squeezing it as they walked up the stairs and into the banquet hall.

She looked down at their intertwined fingers, "You okay, Julian?" He nodded, not fully able to form words at this point, freaking out about the crowds of people that were about to turn and look at him.

He stopped for a second, "I'm nervous..." He admitted, not proud of this confession. Peyton looked at him, practically in disbelief that he had admitted some kind of human quality about himself. "There's just... There's-" He stammered over his justification before just surrendering to the fact, "I'm nervous..."

She leaned in, never taking her hand from his, and put her other hand on his chest, "Don't be..." she walked forward with him, leading slightly. He looked at the back of her for a second, not only was she completely beautiful, she was perfect. And perfect in that way where she was completely imperfect. In that way where stumbling in her stunning gown was the best entrance he could have thought of for her.

Julian looked at the empty seat, reserved for the girl that would have spent more time criticising the soundtrack than contemplating the plot.

He laughed to himself as something blasted on that he knew instinctively she would have wrinkled her face at, avoiding the looks of disdain from the surrounding film buffs.

The screen went dark and violins started up, and Julian leant down in his chair, looking at the screen intently. A beautiful girl came on the screen, a slow motion close-up on her green eyes blinking. He rested his face in his hand, looking through his fingers at the screen.

"Wow..." The woman next to him muttered, "Look at those eyes..." and the man next to her murmured in agreement.

Julian leant in towards her, "You don't know green..." He whispered, getting up and walking out of the room.

Those green eyes boring into the back of his head, burning into him; as he looked down at the screen of his phone, the message icon blinking up at him.

"Hey, it's Peyton... I, uh, I don't really know why I always start my messages off like that.

You know my voice... I mean, that's not the point-

I don't really know what the point of all these messages are- but anyway, I, uh, I wish I was there with you...

And not because I like looking at you when you're all dressed up- which I do- but because I like looking at you when you see something you love. When you see the thing that inspires you to make something new.

You once told me that you liked seeing my face when I listened to something new... And I wanted to tell you that you have the same face- well, you have your face... But you have a similar face. Your face kind of gets a little bit serious, and you do this thing where you bite down on the corner of your lip. And you smile... Like everything about you smiles.

I just wanted you to know that you have a face...

And I hope you see something that makes you pull that face."

---

"Seen any good films yet?

Rumour is there's this really great one being showcased... It's produced by Julian Bagel- Or... Banker... Maybe Baker? Something like that. Anyways, I just wanted you to look out for it. I hear it's amazing..."

---

Peyton had fallen asleep whilst sketching, pen still in hand as she lay on her stomach her face flat on her drawing.

Julian walked in and smiled at the state of her, he crouched down beside the bed and stroked her hair till she mumbled. She raised her head and up came the picture with it, stuck to her cheek. Julian smirked, tilting his head and taking a look at it: it was a picture of herself and him, sat in front of a cinema screen that also showed the two of them. The speech bubble hovered above her mouth as the smiling cartoon whispered, "Do we really look that dorky?", and Julian laughed- taking another look at the screen and seeing the bliss she had drawn them in. Peyton sighed as she pulled the picture off of her face,

"I didn't realise you draw?" He said, looking down at her disorientated face.

"I haven't felt like it for a while..." She stated, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. She shrugged, looking down at her picture, "Yeah... It's been a long time..."

He sat down beside her, and she rest her tired head on his shoulder, drawing circles on his thigh with her finger. "What are we listening to?" He asked, gesturing up into the air as if the music floated above them.

"It's a band called 'Superheroes and Drunken Villains'." She mumbled, "I presented them to the label today... They didn't take them."

"They sound pretty good to me..."

"Yeah..." She sighed, "Me too..."

Julian felt her disappointment drift into the room, like a familiar family member, and sit beside her on the bed.

He kissed the top of her head, "One day, you'll be a part of something great, Peyton..."

"One day..." She repeated, then raising her head to look at him, "They did take on some thirteen year old though."

"Music really took a blow today, huh?"

She smiled, resting back onto his chest, and kissing down onto his t-shirt, "You make anyone cry today, babe?"

"Not today." He smiled.

"Good..."

"Another message from Peyton. Surprise! Bet you were missing my voice, huh?

Julian smiled down at the ground, as he listened to her geeky, nervous laugh,

So, I'm lying in bed... No, this isn't one of those calls.

I'm just- I'm lying in bed, right now. And your side is kind of empty... I mean, you would expect that... Being that you're not in it.

He slumped down the hotel sheets, blankets that didn't hug him back or cling to him with any kind of familiarity. He was led on the side that he would usually consider his, and he did find his eyes drifting to where Peyton would lie. All long legs and mess of hair.

And I realised something...

He sat up as he heard her gulp back tears,

I realised that... I haven't said I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the book. I'm sorry that I read it so much. I'm sorry for the late sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I have done that ever made you feel like you weren't a part of my heart because you were... You are..."

He sighed as the phone cut to dead, before realising there was another message waiting:

"I really am in love with you, Julian."

---

"I won't leave you another message... This is my last. You're probably sick of me, and I don't- I don't want to make things worse...

I love you."

---

"You're home!" Peyton screamed, getting up from the sofa and running into his arms, "You're early?!"

"Not a problem, is it?" Julian smiled, punctuating his entrance with a kiss.

"No, it's fine..." She feigned irritation, "My other boyfriend was on his way, but I can call and reschedule."

"No offence, Peyton. But no one else would put up with your mess..." He laughed, gesturing to the room with his eyes.

"That's not fair!" She laughed, playfully hitting his arm, "I didn't know you were coming home..." She shrugged, looking around. She was eyeing up the messy room when he pulled her back into his chest and kissed her.

"What are you doing home, anyway?"

"Boring meetings... Boring people... And there was absolutely no use in me being there." She nodded and he took another look at her, breathing in deep, "And... I kind of... missed you..." He declared, rolling his eyes at himself.

She smiled, "Good, I missed you too." She leant in again, placing her fingers around the back of his neck and sighed. He kissed her forehead and she laughed gently, standing up on her toes and parting her lips between his.

"This isn't right, you know..." He said, pulling away from her, "I don't miss people... That feeling that I have had in the pit of my stomach since being away from you, I don't get that. Peyton, I don't miss people like this."

She smiled, sighing deeply, "Sorry, Julian, you're just gonna have to used to it." She shrugged, "If it makes you feel any better," She kissed his chin, "I had the same feeling..."

He looked down into her eyes, and pulled her in for a final kiss, listening to her soft moans as his fingers traced the line of her back, his hands cold on her skin.

"I love that I miss you..."

Julian slammed the door and looked around the apartment,

"Peyton?"

But deep down, he knew there would be no reply. He saw that her records had gone, her leather jacket, her drawings. It didn't matter that a few stray items were left about, because they were just traces of her. The real stuff had left with Peyton.

He walked around the apartment, listening to his own footsteps echo back at him like angry yells- begging him to go get her back, shouting at him for letting her go in the first place.

As much as the argued and fought. They were in love. A crazy, violent, passionate, beautiful love that meant more to him than anything else had in a long time. And had been ruined by that same intensity. He loved her so much, and that was exactly why he had to let her go... He couldn't share her with the other man who would always have her heart in some way or another.

He looked down at the bleeping answer machine:

"Hey, Julian..."

He heard her sniff, obviously crying into the phone,

"Sorry..."

He sat down on the sofa, resting his head in his hands.

"I know I said there wouldn't be another message. But I, uh, I guess I lied or something because here's another one.

I'm sorry for everything- including the lie about the last phone message. I miss you. It's been like two days and I just- I miss you.

You're everything... I'm missing my everything.

I guess you'll see that I took- I took all my things...

I know that you won't come and get me. You're too proud for that. I know that you won't come and get me because you would always be worried that you'd never fit in my heart because Lucas is there.

And he probably will be there. Somewhere. I can't promise you that he won't.

I can promise to love you as much as I do now. And if you had any idea how much that was, you just- you'd come find me. And you wouldn't have to look very far, because you know me too well, and you'd know where I'd be... So you just- you wouldn't have to look for very long.

But, I know you won't come get me. I know that.

But I want you to know that I want you to.

I love you."

He sighed, heavily, listening to her as she breathed out the last few words.

"Please, come get me..."

A/N: Please review.

Hope you liked it!