A/N: It's my first fanfic so tell me if I'm doing anything wrong. This story is partly based on my own personal experiences and has some slight OOC at first which might change later. With that said enjoy reading!

Chapter 1: First Steps to Failure

The feeling of knowing you could never have something you want was a feeling I have felt far too often. You could have said that feeling and I were good acquaintances. Looking back, I remembered the days where I first met this feeling and all of the bitter memories that came with it.

It all started a few months ago. It was rainy summer afternoon in the SOS clubroom. An unexpected storm had rolled in and cancelled the plans for the week. Not surprisingly, Haruhi wasn't quite fond of the sudden change in weather. Her angered mood of the day caused everyone to keep to themselves. The room was far quieter than usual. Sitting in my usual spot on the table I stared out of the window and gazed at the rain. Steam arose from the streets as it was still quite hot. Around the room not much was going on. Nagato was engaged into a book, Koizumi was missing today which made the place even quieter than on a usual slow day and Mikuru was busy heating up some tea in the corner. As I looked slightly to the left Haruhi was asleep on the computer. Her eyes nearly covered by her beautiful brown hair.

I couldn't deny the fact I thought she was beautiful. Her looks and eccentric personality is what caused me to talk to her for the first time and I have always had some feelings for her.

"I wonder what she honestly thinks of me", I thought to myself. "Does she see me as just another one of her club members or perhaps something more?"

These questions ran through my head as I spaced out gazing into the pouring rain. The sound and the sight lured me into a state of half awareness drifting towards sleep.

"Would you like some tea?" Mikuru suddenly asked me. I gasped quietly as I was shaken back into awareness.

"No, I'll pass for now" I replied. "Not in the mood to drink anything right now".

"Is there something wrong?" she asked me. I looked at her and saw a look of worry on her face.

"No, nothings wrong" I answered. "I'm just tired and have something on my mind" I added.

"Whats on your mind?" she asked. "It's nothing. Really it's not worth mentioning" I lied. I couldn't tell her how I was falling for Haruhi. I was far too shy to admit something like this and I feared for a possible fallout. I didn't want to risk her telling Haruhi at all and I tried to keep my personal life private to the rest of the members of this club.

"Well alright then, I'll just sit this aside for now incase you want some later" the girl replied.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was slightly after 4 in the afternoon. We usually departed at half past 4 but with Haruhi still asleep I didn't want to risk any punishment for leaving without her permission. As I started to go back into my state of half awareness I thought of a dream I had before.

"Damn was that really just a dream?" I thought. "Of course it was. Get a hold of yourself you never kissed her before" I had to sadly remind myself. It felt so real though that I couldn't help but believe that it truly happened. I wished that it wasn't one but alas, it was just a figment of my imagination.

I slowly began to doze off without even realizing it. Little did I know my little nap wasn't so little after all.

"Get up cmon" I was slowly shaken and my eyes slowly opened. "Cmon Kyon its already 7 at night, it's time to go!" My eyes opened completely and saw it was Haruhi who had awoken me.

"I was asleep that long?!" I exclaimed. "I did the same don't worry about it. I only woke up about 10 minutes ago as well. Guess these slow summer afternoons are perfect for taking a well needed nap" the beautiful girl in front of me said.

Everyone had left hours ago leaving just Haruhi and I alone in the clubroom. I couldn't help but get slightly excited at the fact it was just the two of us. I looked outside and I noticed the raindrops were still sliding across the window.

"Here I brought an umbrella. I noticed you forgot yours so would you like me to take you home?" I asked. "I don't care. But sure if you are willing to." She replied coldly. My heart sunk a bit at how her response sounded so cruel. She failed to acknowledge my kindness and repay it with some of her own but at least we would be able to walk home together.

As we walked out of the schoolhouse I opened the umbrella and held it close to her. I attempted to make conversation with her. It was rare where it was just the two of us and I can finally make a personal connection.

"Had a nice nap?" I couldn't help but ask. "Of course moron, who doesn't enjoy a nap on a slow day?" she said. "Oh true. I wouldn't know of anyone who doesn't enjoy one." I replied trying to keep an upbeat attitude.

We passed through the city streets which was soaked. The whole city seemed as if it was on mute except for the rain. The streets were barren and it was like everyone decided to stay at home except for the two of us. When we finally arrived at her house I bid her goodbye.

"If you are late tomorrow I'm giving you a penalty" she said as she closed the door. I couldn't even get a goodbye from her. As I walked home I thought about how she was responding to my acts of kindness and I felt a slight sting in my heart.

I finally arrived to my house and went straight to my room. After eating dinner and watching some TV I decided it was probably best to head off to sleep. I lied awake in my dark room and looked up at the ceiling. I whispered a question to myself and tried to find an answer to no avail.

"Haruhi….what am I doing wrong?" the lack of a positive response from everything I tried made me wonder and think until eventually, I finally drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Well first chapter is done. Please leave some reviews and hope someone out there likes this. Until next time then!