Long time Gone
Chapter 1 -- Homecoming
"This is home Tara, I can't go with you." The words were etched in my head as I navigated the winding roads leading into charming, His voice was something that haunted me often, and now here I am heading back into his home, his town. I knew he wouldn't leave when I had asked him and now here I am, heading back to the town I held so much disdain for just ten years ago.
I close my eyes as I pull into my driveway it seems like just yesterday that we sat out on my porch talking of our futures. Futures that back then seemed to be aligned as if we were one single entity. That was gone now, I am here to pick up the pieces of my life that were shattered in Chicago, and he has already put back together the life that I destroyed all those years ago.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Katy Perry's "Thinking of You" blares from my phone. I look at the caller ID to see Megan Hale's name flashing on the screen. "Do I even get 5 minutes to un pack before you call?"
"Not when I haven't seen you in 10 years." Megan says with a small laugh. "Plus I need to hear all about this jackass you left in Chicago."
"Fine, what do you want to do?" What the hell I could use a night out and trying to tell Meg no is like trying to spit on a fire to tame the flames. I already know what her idea is and I know I'm not welcome but I have to admit I'm curious to see him.
"Something to piss off my brother sounds fun!"
"What do you have in mind?" My real question should be, why am I even entertaining this thought?
"I know a biker party over on fifth." I must have sighed or something because she quickly adds that he won't be there.
"Fine pick me up at 10, I need to shower and change before I do anything."
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Megan pulls up as I'm finishing my make up. "Is anyone I know hosting this party?" I used to know whose house it was by the street but after so long away it's hard to know who is in town, and who isn't though I guess this town doesn't change much.
"Prolly not, but you never know." Walking up the walkway I get a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. These parties were once my life, I knew everyone, and understood the game that was to be played, but that was no longer the case. I am an outsider now. Meg seems to understand what I am thinking when she grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. "It will be alright Tara."
Suddenly a familiar voice comes from behind me "Tara bear," I can't help but smile as a guy who was once my best friend pulls me into a giant hug. Meg will die for the ambush later, right now its nice to see that not the whole town remembers me as the girl who ripped Jax's heart out.
Meg smiles pointing to the open bar inside the house. "I will go get us some drinks."
Opie finally puts me down, looking me over as he does so. "You look good, a doctor I hear?"
"Yes, a doctor, I hear you're a father now?"
"Yeah, two Kids, a boy and a girl."
"and who is this lucky lady?" he gives me a look telling me that I will know soon enough.
"She actually wants to meet you. Something about getting to know the girl who once tamed the untamable." And with that even Ope can turn a good night into one filled with harsh memories.
"How is he doing?" his smile fades as the subject we both had hoped would stay buried is now right at the edge of the conversation.
Luckily for me Meg has great timing as she returns with not a drink but a bottle of tequila, carrying an apologetic look on her face. "You might want to down this before turning around."
At that moment I could feel his presence, his eyes boring a hole into my back. He was here, and the walls that had surrounded me for years no longer felt as sturdy as they once had.
"Well I should get going" Opie says breaking the silence that seemed to be emanating from this once buzzing party, did they all know who I was, were they all waiting to see a scene that I myself was not prepared for. Opie Leans in and places a quick kiss on my cheek. "I will have Donna call Megan with the dinner plans." and he is gone leaving me and Meg standing in silence waiting for the inevitable to come.
"I could fake sick and need you to take me home" Meg says, a part of me wishes that were helpful but I take a swig of liquid courage instead. This had to happen eventually so why not now.
"No, go have fun I will find you in a few minutes. I can't avoid him forever." She nods and heads off into the party.
"I see Meg didn't waste anytime acclimating you back into the charming lifestyle." I can feel the cracks forming in the wall as the soft sound of his voice in my ear sooths away worries. This is not how I am supposed to feel. I finally turn to see him, this would have been easier if he ignored my existence. Deep down I knew he wouldn't.
"you know meg, always out to put that twin intuition to the test, I don't think its working though, nobody is patrolling."
"Hale gave up on her a while ago." The statement is flat and the awkwardness sinks in.
"How's the wife?" I try to sound non-chalant as I ask, but I doubt that's how its coming out.
"Pregnant and its soon to be ex." My face blushes a little, this is another thing I will have to process later.
"I am sorry."
"Don't be, sometimes things don't work as planned." his smile is back, and I decide to change the topic.
"So whose house is this anyways, I feel that I owe them about half a bottle of tequila?" he smiles and grabs the bottle from me.
"Well I will owe him the other half then. Follow me, I'll introduce you to him, Meg will prolly be there too."
"Don't tell me she's an old lady now?" Jax smirks at that while rolling his eyes. "Not quite."
Suddenly I see it, Meg is sitting on the lap of a mohawked biker, feeding him beers from the cooler when demanded. "A crow eater? Really?"
"She will eventually be his old lady I think. Things are still casual, you know her, she is never willing to settle down." I nod following him over to my friend and her biker of the moment.
"Juice, Tara, Tara, Juice." Meg introduces as we walked up.
"So this is Tara?" Juice politely shakes my hand. "I think I could tell you your favorite color and shoe size by now. Meg has been talking about the good old days all week."
I blush a little at the statement, and Jax pats my back. "When isn't meg talking about something?" his smirk hurts to much to look at and all of the sudden the Jose isn't liking my stomach to much either.
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"Marry me Tara?"
"Jax we are 19 you can't be serious." I turn away so that he cant see the tears welling in my eyes.
"But I am Tare, We have been together forever, It's the next step." his voice is so desperate, making it hard for me to breathe.
"Jax I can't be the person you need me to be, I got accepted to Northwestern in Chicago, and I'm going. YOU already told me you wouldn't leave, and we both know if I stay I will end up hating you."
The dream has haunted me for years. His pleading voice, my unnerving coldness, that's not how it should have been, but I needed him to be hurt, to give up on me, give up on us, it's the only way I would have been able to survive.
I looked at my alarm clock it was 5 am, time to show them what I'm made of, the night before was hard but in 2 hours I could divulge myself in my job.
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Today is slow, a nice pace considering the ER in Chicago had been filled with beaten children, playground shootings, and overdosing teenagers. ST. Thomas leaves something to be desired in that area but at least it is far away from the city that allows its occupants to be beaten into submission.
"Somebody help me, she's pregnant and she's bleeding, I need help." I guess I spoke to soon as the voice that I know all to well shattered my thoughts. Gemma Teller Morrow, Charming's own sinner and saint. In her arms I'm assuming is Jax's wife. Oh my God Jax's wife, bleeding profusely. I rush over to Gemma, the woman I once loved, the woman who now hates me.
"Give her to me." The words are easy, I can't take away the hurt I caused Jax so long ago but I can save his child, I have to.
"She took something, there were crank bags and needles everywhere." A junky great, so much for leaving the depression of working in Chicago behind. A nurse quickly rushes Wendy to a room, while Gemma fills in the information to the best of her knowledge.
"Gemma, go get Jax, I am going to scrub in I will get information to you as soon as I can, but he needs to be here." Gemma nods and leaves as the nurse returns.
"Dr. Ashton, is trying to stabilize her, but they need to do a sesuction, the baby's stats are low."
"I want to help." I can't let them die, and I have helped on hundreds of sesuctions before.
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After a rough day full of surgeries on babies and their junky mothers , baby Abel is finally safe and secure in an incubator. Again I can feel him before I see him, this time I turn to see him, he needs to know that his son is okay.
"How's he doing?" I see the fear in his eyes the words leave his lips.
"You have a fighter Jax." He pulls me into a hug, and even the strongest of walls wouldn't have been able to keep the tension away from my heart right now. His lips brush my cheek as he pulls away, and suddenly all resolve is gone.
The crimson that marks my jacket brings me back to reality, I can feel the anger rising yet all I can say is to go clean up. I walk away and call Megan, my shift is over and I need a few drinks.
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"So you almost kissed?" Megan asks while handing me another shot from behind the bar, it's nice to have a friend who knows my past so well, who understands how monumental the scene that just happened really is. IT also helps that she is the bartender.
"Yes, no, maybe, I don't know. It's frustrating you know, I've been gone for so long, but with him it feels like nothing has changed."
"That's because nothing has." Meg smiles handing me a bud light to chase with. "You guys were so serious and then you were gone, there's bound to be some residual feelings left behind."
"There can't be though. I am not that naïve little girl anymore who thinks that our worlds can mesh, we are to different."
"Who says those worlds can't mesh Tara?"
"The world does, I live in a world that saves lives' and his world involves taking them to survive."
"That's not who he is though." She removes the empty shot glass, filling it and returning it to it's spot in front of me. "He never was about the killing you know that."
"It's still part of him though, and he has a child now, and a wife."
"Wendy was never his wife, they barely made it a few months before splitting up." I sigh knowing it's the truth, she had told me about their numerous break ups while I was in Chicago.
"It doesn't make a difference, nothing happened and it needs to stay that why." my resolution is final. I came home, to get away from the chaos that Josh had brought into my life, there is know way I will lose control again. That's what Jax would be, losing control.
It's getting late though and I know I should get going, I have an early morning at the hospital we are doing the surgery to repair Abel's stomach. "Hey, Meg, I had a little too much to drink, do you think you could drive me home?"
"Actually Juice is on his way to get me." I smile, I really am happy for her. "I can call my brother for you if you would like."
"No it's okay I could use the air, its only a few blocks." She nods and tells me to be safe. I see Juice as I walk outside, he waves and I offer a small smile in return, he seems like a nice enough guy.
I barely get a block away before I hear the motorcycle behind me, In Chicago I would have panicked, but here in Charming it is undoubtedly a son. Before I even turn around Clay is next to me.
"Doc, you shouldn't be out here alone at night." Clay offers me a helmet and I shake my head no.
"I am fine Clay." I can see he isn't leaving so I stop and face him.
"Tara I know it's not that far, but this town isn't as safe as it once was, now get on my bike or I will follow you every step of the way." I nod and accept the helmet this time. "I can't have my grandsons doctor getting hurt on her way home from one of our bars now can I?"
Clay was always a good guy, stepping in for Jax when John died, and then for me when my father fell so for into the bottle that all hope was lost. I would oblige him by accepting his offer.
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Most days ended with a bottle of vodka, and a screaming match. My father hadn't always been so cowardly, I remembered being young and waiting for him to return from the office, he would set me on his lap and tell me about his days, calling me Tear Bear as he did so. Now it wasn't like that. Tonight he had thrown a bottle at my head, so I leave.
I don't know where I am headed but I know I need to protect myself. I call Opie, but his Cell is off, he gets it better than most, the alcoholism at least. No answer. I scroll through my phone again searching for Jax, things had always been easy for us our parents died a mere two months apart, we had formed a bond at a young age. Now as I waited for him to answer, I felt nervous, things had changed since school started back up, he had the club, and the security of my two best friends was gone.
On the fourth ring he answered, "What's up Tara?" I could tell he had been sleeping though he was never going to admit it.
"Can I crash with you?" It wasn't conventional but I wasn't going back to stay with my dad and no locks, not tonight anyhow.
"Sure the window is open." This was the first night I stayed in Jackson Tellers bed.
I found out the next morning that Clay had paid my father a visit, and from then on Gemma had their guest bedroom made up for me any night I needed.
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It was 930 in the morning when Jax came knocking at my door. I groggily open it, and move out of the way for him to enter, he doesn't waste time coming in.
"First of all what were you thinking?" His voice is raised, but there is no anger in his eyes. I know what he is talking about because he throws my keys on the table.
"It's a three block walk Jax, nothing big."
"It is big though Tara, I thought Chicago would have made you a little more street wise but apparently not. Do you know what could have happened?"
"A number of things could have happened Jax, but that's life, and nothing did happen." Anger suddenly fills his eyes.
"This time, nothing happened, but what if Juice hadn't called Clay?" he grabs my arms forcing me to look him in the eyes, the anger has disintegrated again, and now all I can see is worry. "This could have been a different story."
I reach up to push a strand of hair from his face, It is as soft as always. My heart races as we stand there in silence, neither of us wanting to move, and neither of us budging.
It feels like it has been hours when my alarm clock finally interrupts the silence of my living room. "Well I guess I should get going, I 'll see you when the kid gets out of surgery right?" It sounds like there is a hint of hope in the question, and I feel that I am imagining things.