Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Mass Effect imagination. I'm just borrowing.
Author's Note: This is my "canon" Shepard, female paragon/colonist/war hero/sentinel who romanced Kaidan.
Entered on Savant omni-tool
Date: xx/xx/2185
Subject: Lazarus Station
Kaidan, the omni-tool says it's 2185, but I don't remember the rest of 2183 and all of 2184. Instead, I wake up naked in a medical bay with alarms screaming and a voice telling me to move. I put on my armor and grab a gun, only to find it all wrong. I don't remember thermal clips. New mechs attack me—almost no people on the station. I find out I'm on a Cerberus station. Cerberus? They have their own stations? Were the Alliance and Citadel intelligence agencies asleep on the job? It's even older than I thought—not just military R&D falling off the grid. I'm headed to meet with their leader, a guy known only as the Illusive Man.
On the station, I found excerpts of records recording my "rebirth." Apparently they spent 4 billion credits bringing me back from the dead. I could start settling a planet for that much money. Hell, I could buy half of Mindoir for that much money. It seems the project leader, Miranda Lawson, was betrayed by her chief medtech, a man named Wilson. What's wrong with me, that I was happy when Lawson killed him? That I wanted to do it when I saw him?
Human colonies are disappearing. It makes no sense that Cerberus is the only one who cares. I knew the Alliance and Citadel Council are a bunch of bureaucrats, but they don't bother sending investigation teams? And I'm told that nobody believes that Sovereign was a Reaper, just some sort of geth prototype. I hope that Anderson in on the Council, but I'm not holding my breath.
Kaidan, I know you won't get these messages, but I need to tell someone. From the beginning, you were the sane voice on the Normandy. It hurts to know the last thing you heard from me was me yelling at you to follow my orders. No "be careful" or "see you on the other side." I know we never had time to figure out what we were, but I wish I said something else. We never used the word "love" though I could read between the lines to know that's what you felt. I can't say I know what I felt, other than you were important to me. Are important to me. Until the attack, the only leave time consisted of being in the hospital. I hurt too much to think and then we were sent out after geth so there was no time to think. No time to think now, and I doubt anyone will let me get in touch with you on the Alliance side, now that Cerberus is in my life.
Moira