How was he supposed to know that something so beautiful could have been possible through all of the hatred? Through all of the suffering? Through all of the torment? How could he have known that the mental harrowing had such a blissful ending?
"Mom?" Hope watched his mother sit up from her chair.
"I'm just going to the restroom." His mother smiled, "Don't worry."
Hope watched his mother walk across the crowded room and disappear among the crowd… Hope stared outside and watched as fireworks bloomed in the sky… even from the distance Hope could feel their warmth radiating over to him… making him smile slightly…
Hope took a deep breath… maybe… maybe he should wish on the fireworks? Everybody else was… his mother did… it may have been for the worst thing imaginable but she was still wishing… but that was for kids though! Hope was more mature and more intelligent than he used to be. So why wish for something? It cannot possibly come true!
…but in the back of his head he wanted to believe. He felt that he believed. What if wishes were real? What if they do come true? Do they only come true sometimes? Hope's wish for the Sanctum to be overthrown and the Purge to end was granted… but that was more of a miracle though was it not? Although, maybe it would not hurt to try… but… what could Hope wish for? His mother was all he had… and he could not ask for much more.
"You alright?" a voice asked.
Hope jumped surprised, "Huh!"
Hope looked up and looked at the boy talking to him. The boy was wearing green sagging pants and an oversized black sweater with purple lining and a red imprint on the front. The boy had semi long blonde hair and was smiling to Hope… The boy wore some form of headgear that concealed his ears.
"You just look a little lonely." The boy explained, "I wanted to make sure you're alright."
"I'm fine." Hope answered.
"Watching the fireworks alone is no fun." The boy frowned.
"I'm not alone." Hope spoke, "My mom's in the bathroom."
Who is he?
"Oh…" the boy thought for a moment, "…well are you having fun?"
"Yes…" Hope was unsure how to respond.
Hope looked around the room for his mother… no sign of her.
"I like your scarf." The boy smiled, "Green…. Same color as your eyes."
"Thanks?" Hope was confused.
"Did you dye your hair gray or is it natural?" the boy asked.
"…Why are you talking with me?" Hope asked.
"Hm?" the boy looked worried, "Oh no reason… I just… didn't want you to be lonely."
"Well I'm not." Hope stated, "So you can go back with your friends."
The boy hesitated, "Yeah… yeah you're right… I could…"
Hope watched the boy looking down at his feet…
"…Do you have friends?" Hope asked as his heart raced.
"Not exactly…" the boy answered, "I like them and all… and they like me… but I think they'd trade me in for somebody else if they ever got the chance."
Hope wanted to reach out and give the boy a hug but… that was wrong…
"Well… uh…" Hope tried to figure out his wording, "We could… be friends?"
The boy's face light up, "Please!"
Hope felt himself smile… when was the last person Hope talked to… that was not his mother nor a teacher? Nobody… Hope could not recall a single person… well… other than screaming for help… other than that… nobody…
"My name is Hope." Hope smiled.
"I'm Maqui." The boy giggled, "Can I sit here?"
"Y-yeah." Hope nodded excided.
Maqui pulled up a chair and sat across the table from Hope. Was this really happening? Was this actually happening? Was this real? No! No it was happening but it was not… Hope did not have feelings… none at all… Hope liked girls not boys…. Not boys…. Right?
Hope watched Maqui smile and expose his white teeth… Hope looked away embarrassed… what would his mother say? What would his father do? What would the bullies do? Hope could not… cannot be… It was just… a confusion. That's right…
…come back mother…
Hope found himself looking back up and into Maqui's eyes.
"So why are you here?" Hope asked, "…Alone?"
Maqui sighed, "I don't know… I got ditched really…"
"I'm sorry." Hope shook his head, "That's awful."
"I'm used to it… I think it's 'cause I'm clumsy…" Maqui sighed.
"I'm back!" Hope's mother walked back up, "Oh! Whose your friend Hope?"
Hope blushed, "U-Uh h-he's Maqui."
"Hi." Maqui smiled to Hope's mom.
"Would you like to go play with your friend sweetie?" Hope's mom cocked her head.
"Mooom." Hope groaned.
Maqui giggled.
"Sorry." Hope's mother smiled, "You're mother can't help it."
Hope looked at Maqui… Maqui smiled.
"I know a cool spot we can hang out." Maqui stated… almost urging.
"Alright." Hope smiled, "…but mom… will you be alright?"
Hope's mother nodded, "Of course. I'll be here or at the Inn. Don't worry."
"Okay." Hope grew worried… but he also grew excited.
His first friend… his first actual friend…
Hope's mother sat down in the chair as Hope and Maqui got up.
"Come on." Maqui waved for Hope to follow.
Hope followed Maqui… looked back at his mother… the thought of staying with her crossed his mind… it was safer… she was all he had… why not? He should… but at the same time he wanted to hang out with Maqui… he had no idea why but… he wanted to.
"You don't like him that way though." Hope forced himself to choke down.
Maqui had led Hope outside the building they were inside and to the even thicker and louder crowd outside. Maqui grabbed Hope's hand and led him through the crowd. Hope felt his heart hammering inside his chest… he was holding Maqui's hand… it may not be out of affection but… well… it was still… nice…
No it was not!
Maqui had pulled Hope through the entire crowd and out to the side of another building. Maqui and Hope went inside and through some door. Maqui led Hope up a few flight of stairs. Maqui still held onto Hope's hand… even though there was no crowd to become lost within anymore… Hope did not mind… he rather liked it.
Maqui and Hope exited out a final door at the top of the final flight of stairs. They walked onto the rooftop and gazed out to the fireworks. They were much closer and brighter from this point… Hope could feel his soul warming just by standing so close to them… they approached the metal railing and gazed to the fireworks. So close… so bright… so beautiful…
"Cool huh?" Maqui smiled.
"They're… Beautiful." Hope gawked.
"Romantic." Maqui added.
Hope blushed… Hope found himself gripping Maqui's hand tighter…
"I…" Hope looked away from the fireworks and down to his feet, "I don't know about that."
"…Really?" Maqui asked disappointed.
Yes. No. Both. Neither.
Say it.
Just say it.
Don't say it.
Why say it?
Was it real?
Was it fake?
Was it anything?
Was it nothing at all?
Why Maqui?
Why now?
Why?
"I…" Hope was lost for words…
Maqui used his free hand to grip Hope's shoulder. Hope looked up surprised. Maqui was smiling.
"Don't be nervous." Maqui begged, "If you like it… you like it. If you don't… you don't."
Hope gulped.
"I learned that from somebody." Maqui explained, "If you hide what you feel… you only make things worse for yourself… heh… it made things easier for me that's for sure."
Hope looked back down to his feet.
"Are you scared?" Maqui asked.
Hope was silent.
"Are you nervous?" Maqui asked sympathetically.
Hope's eyes squeezed tightly shut, "…Yeah."
"Do you like me?" Maqui asked.
"I…" Hope took a deep breath and he could feel his tears swelling behind his eyes.
"I like you." Maqui admitted, "A lot…"
A tear forced its way down Hope's cheek…
…Maqui took his hand off Hope's shoulder and whipped it away for Hope.
"I don't know." Hope said at last, "This is… going way to fast… I just… don't know."
"I'm sorry…" Maqui sighed, "I… I came on a bit strong huh?"
"N-No!" Hope's eyes finally reopened, "It's not that! I liked that! Wait no… I meant…"
Maqui started to smile as Hope stumbled over his words… they were still holding hands…
"I mean like I liked that you like me and like I like that and I don't know if I like you the way you like me but I like that you like me and I like that I like that…" Hope closed his eyes and sighed embarrassed, "I'm stupid."
Maqui just giggled, "Not at all."
"How do you know…" Hope trailed off, "…If you're… gay?"
"You just do." Maqui answered, "But not accepting it fogs things…"
"Tell me about it…" Hope thought aloud, "Well… I… I think I am."
Hope looked out to the fireworks… they were warm… they felt like a warm and tight hug wrapped around him. Hope watched the colors burst and sparkle across the night sky… why where they so beautiful? Why were they romantic?
Why Maqui?
Why now?
"How long have you known?" Maqui asked, "…You don't have to tell me."
"Since I was twelve… two years ago…" Hope answered, "I just… I don't know…"
Maqui rubbed Hope's hand with his thumb, "You're cute."
Hope blushed, "Thanks…"
"I mean it." Maqui persisted.
Hope blushed further, "Y-Y-You t-t-too."
"Are you… from around here?" Maqui asked.
"No…" Hope shook his head no.
Maqui's face grew pale, "Oh…"
"I'm sorry…" Hope whispered, "Maybe that's what I'm… scarred."
"…I still like you." Maqui smiled.
Hope looked back at Maqui's face… cute…..
"I like you too…" Hope admitted, "But… I'm… scarred…"
"Nobody can see us here." Maqui assured.
That seemed to assuage Hope slightly.
"But I have to leave." Hope protested with a sigh.
"…We can virtual chat!" Maqui suggested.
"You really… want to do this huh?" Hope asked.
"Yeah." Maqui nodded happily.
"Alright then." Hope nodded, "We can… we can do a long distance thing…"
"Are you sure?" Maqui teased.
"Yes!" Hope smiled.
Maqui smiled back, "That's what I wanted to hear."
"…Why me?" Hope whispered.
"I don't know." Maqui shrugged, "I just… liked you… the moment I saw you… aren't you cold?"
Hope looked down at his shorts and then to his yellow short sleeved shirt… why did he wear a scarf but no jacket? Why wear the orange cape if it did not keep him warm? Or well… a little late to change his outfit… but yes… he was cold.
"A little." Hope admitted.
Maqui instantly wrapped his arms around Hope. Hope gasped… this… this felt much better than the hug from the fireworks… this felt like a blanket being laid over Hope and settling in around him. It felt like Hope was melting… like Hope was drifting away.
Hope wrapped his arms around Maqui… and tightened them…
Hope closed his eyes… and relaxed… his heart hammered against Maqui through their clothing…
Hope felt fireworks burst across his lips. Hope opened his eyes and saw Maqui's eyes just centimeters away… Maqui pressed his lips to Hope's lips once again… fireworks exploded across their lips. Hope started to breathe harder and tense again. Maqui held Hope tight and rubbed Hopes back… Hope calmed down slowly as he gazed deep into Maqui's eyes…
"Don't worry." Maqui whispered, "I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with…"
"T-then why kiss me!" Hope gasped.
"You wanted to." Maqui smiled, "Don't lie."
Hope blushed.
Maqui pressed their lips together once more… Hope closed his eyes and once Maqui pulled back: Hope leant forward and kissed Maqui. Maqui smiled… he pressed the tip of his tongue to Hope's lips… perhaps it was because Hope never kissed anybody before or perhaps it was because Hope did not want Maqui inside his mouth… but Hope did not part his lips… so instead, Maqui licked Hope's lips until they were sticky with Maqui's saliva. Maqui kissed the lips again. Fireworks erupted and dazzled across their lips and their hug grew tighter and tighter.
Maqui and Hope ended the kiss but they kept their faces close.
"Do you want to go someplace warmer?" Maqui offered.
"No…" Hope answered, "I want to watch the fireworks… with you."
Maqui smiled and exposed his white and shining teeth.
Hope did the same.
The two boys sat down and leant up against the door and stared out into the night sky; they watched the colors bloom and dazzle in the night sky while they held each other's hands… Maqui leant up against Hope… Hope let him…
So this is what it was like… to give into those feelings…
…much better than Hope had feared. Why did he even fear them?
This was amazing. Spectacular. It was laughable to that he had thought this was scary.
"I don't want this night to end." Hope thought aloud.
"Me neither." Maqui snuggled against Hope.
Hope stared to pet Maqui's head… Maqui smiled.
"Are you still nervous?" Maqui asked.
"… A little…" Hope admitted, "But… I like this…"
"When do you go back home?" Maqui asked.
"Three days." Hope sighed.
"Then let's go to the beach tomorrow!" Maqui suggested, "I know a great place to eat too!"
…Do it… just do it. Why not? You were wrong about this being bad… you were wrong… you do like him… that is obvious… so do it. Go with him… make it work… your dad won't find out. The bullies will hurt you no matter if they knew or not… so do it.
"Okay." Hope nodded.