DISCLAIMER: We don't own Labyrinth or any of its characters; they're owned by the Jim Henson Company. We do own The Dungeon, however, which is a very profitable business prospect...
The Dungeon
The Dungeon, as is common knowledge in the Underground, is the hippest and most happening club around. If you ever wondered where the Goblin King goes to get his groove on, think on it no longer – the Dungeon is hot. If you're ever looking for the Dungeon, all you have to do is take the left set of stairs in His Majesty's Room Of Many Stairs Going in All Directions and No Direction At All, and follow them to oblivion. You'll know that you've made it to the Dungeon when the dank smell of decay hits your nostrils! Check in with Beldy the troll, our trusted bouncer, to ensure that you're on "The List".
Ladies, be prepared for the chance of an eternity every Smunday in Smarch when the clock strikes 13: Jareth the Goblin King will choose his consort of the century! You might just get your lucky chance to discover the contents of those oh-so-revealing dove grey tights. What wonders await you! (Please keep in mind that hapless mortals are not allowed in the Dungeon on Smunday's in Smarch. His Majesty has no desire to take on any "breeders" as consorts.)
Please enjoy our elaborate menu including such favourites as: Mutton on Rye; Gruel de Jour; Goblin Spiced Chicken; and, the Goblin King's personal favourite: Baby Back Ribs! Don't forget to check out our drink menu including a delectable selection of the Underground's best grogs, and Goblin City's own Groggy Piss!
A cover charge applies to all every night, with the exception of the ladies on Ladies Night (Smundays in Smarch).
The following dress codes/hygiene rules apply: Goblins within the royal court are permitted to bring one pet chicken per visit; goblins outside of the royal court may bring one pet chicken per visit at the cost of One Swift Kick from our honoured King (per visit); all unidentified beasts are required to not call rocks while within the confines of the Dungeon; knights are required to remember the Code of Honour and remain within their vows while inside the Dungeon; dwarves are permitted in the Dungeon on all nights except Ladies Night, and are required to have no semblance of scent from The Bog of Eternal Stench on their bodies; all Fierys are required to keep their appendages attached to their bodies while inside the Dungeon; all Fierys are also banned from making any comments about "good times, bad food"; Bird Hats are banned from the Dungeon at all times (they distract the King and make him very ill-tempered).
The following stipulations apply to Ladies Night: Ladies permitted in the Dungeon on Ladies Night must be of Faerie background, either wholly or partially. Absolutely no mortals allowed. The Goblin King reserves the right to not choose a consort if the selection is not to his liking. His Majesty also reserves the right to disappear at any given time for any given length of time with no explanation whatsoever. Should the King's duties interrupt with Ladies Night, there will not be a rescheduling. The King also reserves the right to feed drug-laced peaches to hapless mortals at any time during Ladies Night. Should the mortal, Sarah Williams, ever choose to remain in the Underground for an indefinite amount of time, Ladies Night will be declared null and void forever. (Which, face it Ladies, is not long at all.)