Chapter 1:
Disclaimer: I do not own inuyasha. I do not wish to own inuyasha. I wish you people would review my freaking stories. Pretty please with a naked woman on top. (or man, depending on your gender and references.) Warning, this story includes some smut as well as supposedly humorous commentary. Don't like? Hit the back button.
Kikyo wanted to punch the alarm clock then and there for disturbing her sleep after such a beautiful night of passion. Beside her, her lover turned, revealing her round breasts that were neither too big nor too small. Kikyo cupped one, running her thumb over the sensitive nipple.
"Not now, Kikyo, I have to take a shower and get to work." Kagome whined softly, her voice muffled by her pillow.
"Well, we can take a shower together, can't we?" Kikyo asked, an evil grin on her face. Kagome removed her face from the pillow.
"Pervert."
"Goody-two shoes." Kagome sighed and rolled out of bed, grabbed up a light blue kimono obviously made for domestic use, and strode to the bathroom. Kikyo tried to reach out and tug it off, just to get one more glimpse of Kagome's scintillating body, but couldn't get it and didn't try again when Kagome locked the bathroom door. Kikyo sighed, threw off the thick sheets and the comforter, then reached between her legs, moaning a little as she worked on herself.
Sesshomaru sat upright suddenly, his eyes blood red with dark black irises. Slowly, in the morning light, they reverted back to white, his irises lightening to dark amber, almost honey gold, and his lizard-like pupils shortened to mere rounded ovals. Still longer than normal human pupils, but not lizard-like. Sesshomaru thanked the divinities above or below, (whoever would listen, really,) for the emergence of demons to the majority of the human population.
He laid back down. The fact that most demon females wanted to get into his pants and be his 'alpha bitch' and life as a dog demon lord suddenly did not appeal to most. Sesshomaru preferred human sex partners anyway. They didn't get pregnant every other time they got a good fuck.
He rolled to his feet, rather gracefully for someone seven feet tall, and walked up to a lantern mounted on the wall. He reached out and turned it upside down, not a feat a human could do, since there was a weight mechanism that made it slightly troublesome for lesser demons.
The section of the wall slid away, revealing Sesshomaru's real arsenals. Swords of all kinds, mostly katanas and uchigatanas, and other ancient and not-so ancient weapons adorned the walls. But his most valuable weapons lay on a long pedestal, held up on mahogany braces.
He slid the long broadsword from the two-weapon rack, feeling the weapon's weight in his palm. No human would ever be able to wield this sword, unlike the rest of his weapons; even Tensaiga could be hefted easily by a mortal. But Tokijin's power was too strong for mortal or even most demons to handle.
Just beyond those rested his old armor. He really wanted to put on the furry boa. Or perhaps his kimono shirt and matching pants. But no, he decided. His thoughts went back to Tokijin.
It reminded him so much of his father's swords, of which Tensaiga was once of. But his third sword bore some similarities to Tokijin. Both couldn't be controlled by anyone outside of Sesshomaru's line, and only one of considerable power.
He put away the train of thought the same time as the sword. Those days were long gone, even to one such as Sesshomaru. He quickly showered and dressed in one of his white and red suits. He debated tying his hair back, but not much could hold the strands of the steel-like substance.
He decided not to and swept up a blood colored kimono robe, donned it, although leaving it untied. He'd taken to wearing his family kimono quite often, at least as a coat, since the thick fire rat's hair could stop even bullets. Not that bullets could hurt Sesshomaru that much.
He walked outside to the stretch limo and his retainer/lawyer, Jaken, who was currently much greener than a human.
"Jaken, look at your feet." Sesshomaru spat, then stalked to the back seat. Jaken looked down and gave a short cry, then changed to a human form, which was still short and fat, but better than a frog. Unfortunately, his voice was still the same. He got in the back seat and sat beside Sesshomaru.
"My lord, I have selected a few new candidates for your alpha female. And…"
Sesshomaru leaned his head back and groaned, but it came out half growl. Jaken shut his mouth.
"All of them just want to bear children and appease me, plus they want the power that the position will grant them. I want a real fucking mate. Not a greedy bitch."
Jaken kept an eye on his lord. Sesshomaru didn't curse unless he was pissed or really, really serious. Sesshomaru personally found it distasteful, although he'd begun to do it more often. Not good.
"Try looking for human mates." Sesshomaru ordered.
"Humans, my lord?! But they can't possibly defend themselves. And why do you want a human mate?"
"Because they actually have a soul inside their body." Demon souls existed in the underworld, since they were technically immortal.
Jaken nodded; the modern equivalent of a bow.
"Aye, lord."
Sesshomaru walked across the street to the small coffee shop. Sesshomaru didn't drink the stuff; it reminded him of human blood. He had a curious history with humans. He couldn't stand greedy ones. He liked common folk.
He took note of the new waitress. She had long black hair, tied in a ponytail, black eyes, and a rather pale complexion. She had all the right curves, though. When she noticed him staring, she got a look of disgust on her face.
Sesshomaru hid his confusion and sat down in the far corner. He had a natural attraction to the shadows of a room. Sometimes it kept him alone, which is how he liked it most of the time. He went back to studying the new waitress.
She wasn't wearing make-up, which was a relief; Sesshomaru had to plug his nose at the stink of some of it. Her breasts were perfect, at least as far as Sesshomaru could tell, above average, but not Dolly Parton huge. Also firm, judging how the shirt of her uniform fit her.
He snapped back to reality as another waitress approached him.
"Hi, what can I get you?"
"Something tall and strong. Preferably alcoholic." Sesshomaru said automatically.
"We've got wine coolers. That's about it."
"I'm good, then."
She left to go wait someone else. He caught a glance of the new gal's nametag. Kikyo. Hmmm, nice enough sounding name.
She glanced at him and caught him staring again. "Would you excuse me for a moment?" She asked sweetly, then stalked over to Sesshomaru's booth. "Look, I'm a lesbian, okay? Go look for whores besides me." She muttered in his face. "There's a bar about a block down, it's got some of the strongest whiskey in town. Tequila, anything you need."
"Thank you." Sesshomaru said, not bothering to ask how she knew. He reached into his pocket and handed her a ten, then got up and left. She looked from the ten, then to his retreating back. She pocketed it then went back to her original customer.
"Lucky girl." The red-haired demoness said.
"Why?" Kikyo asked her.
"That was Lord Sesshomaru Inu-no-Taisho, dolt. He's yet to take a mate. I'd love to be that close to him in a bedroom. They say he's really good."
"Heh, thanks, but only ma girlfriend touches ma verginer," Kikyo said in a mock hillbilly accent that was more actual hillbilly than mock.
"Uh, just get me a decaf. To go." The demoness said, obviously frightened of Kikyo's hillbilly accent. Kikyo grinned as she handed the order to the brewer in the back.