The Palace Guard Song
An Aladdin/Monty Python parody
Soft-spoken Announcer:
(spoken)
And now, from the Royal Agrabanian Theatre, I present to you Rasoul of the Palace Guards and his song, praising the virtues and joys of his occupation.
(piano vamps)
Rasoul:
(sung)
Oh, I'm palace guard and I'm okay, I guard all night and I guard all day!
Chorus (made up of Fazal, Hakim, and other random but very musically inclined guards): (sung)
He's a palace guard and he's okay, He guards all night and he guards all day.
Rasoul:
(sung)
I strike down thieves, I swing my axe,
I bow to the royal-teeeee.
On Saturdays, I go to luncheon
And eat hummus with my tea.
Guards:
(sung)
He strike down thieves, he swings his axe,
He bows to the royal-teeeee.
On Saturdays, he goes to luncheon
And eat hummus with his tea.
Chorus
Rasoul:
(sung)
I charge street rats, I crack my whip,
I like to wear black leather.
I make their buns glowin' red
And make them ask "more please".
Guards:
(sung)
He charges street rats, he cracks his whip,
He likes to wear black leather.
He makes their buns glowin' red
And make them ask..."more please"?
Chorus
Rasoul:
(sung)
I heat my brand, I press it down,
I love it when they scream.
I wish I'd been a tomcat
Just like my dear Cassim.
Guards:
(sung)
He heats his brand, he press it down,
He loves it when...they...scream?
(spoken, disgusted as they leave the stage)
What the? Wishes he was a tomcat?
He's a pervert, that's what he is!
Rasoul:
(sung)
...I wish I'd been a tomcat
Just like my dear Caaaaaasiiiiiiim!
(There is only stunned silence.)
Soft-spoken Announcer:
Uh, that has been Rasoul and his...interesting rendition of the "Palace Guard" song. Tune in next time when we see a man hit himself with two bricks...who the hell writes this stuff? That does it! I put in fifteen years of my life for this caravan to Nowhere! Well, they can announce their own crap for this hell-hole for all I care! I quit!
(Announcer leaves, shutting door very loudly)
Fin.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Aladdin" or Monty Python. I'm just a fan of both.