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I stared at the picture. It had been five years since the crash but it still hurt so much to think about what had been lost. I stared at the picture for a long time before I returned it to its box. The tears were running down my face. There was so much loss in that split second I had taken my eyes off the road.
The one person I had ever truly loved had been killed because I was so stupid. I should have kept looking ahead. I should b e the one that had died.
We had been fighting at the time. I had looked at her just to glare and then I heard her scream and we hit the lorry. I still had nightmares about it. Her scream. The look of pure terror on her face. The way she tried to undo the seat belt buckle before the lorry smashed into her side of the car.
I hadn't been hurt besides a few scratches. But she had been completely crushed by the part of the car that was pushed in when the lorry hit. I had tried to help her. I tried to wake her. To get her out of the carnage. But I couldn't. I failed. I couldn't save her.
Everyone said it wasn't my fault. But I could see the truth behind their eyes. They blamed me. I blamed me.
At the funeral Tawni and Connie cried all the way through. Even Brady and Nico seemed to be holding back tears.
But I didn't. I didn't deserve to cry. It would mean I was grieving and that wasn't right. If I had done something – anything – differently no one would be grieving for her.
Everyone close to Sonny said they didn't blame me – not that I believed them – the rest of the world was open about why Sonny had died.
Most of the papers had Sonny's death on the front paper. The headline was usually something like:
Favourite Random Killed By Lover
Or
Chad Dylan Cooper Reason for Death of Sonny and So Random.
Because of course So Random couldn't continue without Sonny. Everyone had been affected by her death. Tawni turned to drink and drugs to cope with her grief. Nico and Grady… they stopped being funny.
I was the most hated man in the world. Hated most of all by myself.
And as I teetered on the edge of the cliff I realised I was taking the coward's way out. I needed to suffer for what I had done to Sonny. And I would.
Forever.
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