*Harry Potter sits alone is his cousins' living room, waiting for something interesting that could change his life and make it cool happen, when a loud thud hit the door*

Dudley: What was that?

*The door breaks down, and mysterious figure surrounded by smoke and fog appears in the doorway*

Bonesaw: Could I interest you in some Girl Scout cookies?

Vernon: No.

Bonesaw: Thin mints?

Vernon: No.

Bonesaw: Peanut Butter Cups?

*Suddenly, a gunshot is heard, and another big, mysterious figure appears the doorway*

Hagrid: Damn that was annoying.

Vernon: Who the blood hell are you?

Hagrid: Just your average everyday Girl Scout cookie-seller mom/dad!

*Everybody takes a stepp back after the comment*

Hagrid: Uhh, anyway... Harry, come with me if you want to live.

Harry: What?

Hagrid: God damn it, they told me you were intelligent boy.

Harry: Fatty.

*Hagrid walks over to Harry, grabs him by his collar, and the two disappear*

Harry: Where are we?

Hagrid: The Gateway to the Underworld of Wizards and Their Daily Rituals.

Harry: Seriously…..

Hagrid: The Gateway to the Underworld of Wizards and Their Daily Rituals.

Harry: What are we doing here?

Hagrid: Are you always like this, or is it just today?

Harry: Uhhh….

Hagrid: Don't answer. Just buy stuff.

Harry: What stuff?

Hagrid: Use your inner-most feelings. Search into yourself. You must feel the force around you, beneath you, behind you, and next to you when you sleep!

*Harry takes a step away from Hagrid*

Hagrid: Okay, maybe not that last part. Now, find a book or two, and go to the Hogwarts Station located at platform 666. The train leaves at 6:66.

Harry: That's the devil's number.

Hagrid: (to himself) Someone better change the damn thing.

Harry: Are you coming with me? Are we gonna have like a camping trip?

Hagrid: I would, but I'm not that kind of guy. See ya!

*Hagrid waves and disappears*

Harry: Okay. Book, station 666. Train leaves at 7:06. I can do this.

*It's 7:05 and Harry still needs a book*

Harry: I STILL NEED A FREAKING BOOK. I OVER SLEPT AND FORGOT TO GET A DAMN BOOK!!!! WHAT AM I GONA DO?

Harry is in a compartment with two other people on the Hogwarts Express, still having a melt down, when one of the other two people speaks

Hermione: You know, they do have a library there.

Harry: They do?

Hermione: Yes.

Harry: That whole meltdown seems kind of useless now.

The other member of the compartment decides to speak

Ron: Bit of a nutter, you are.

Harry: Thanks.

Hermione: Oh my god, we're here!!!!!!! So much to learn, so much to learn!

Harry and Ron stare at Hermione, scared out of their minds

Hermione: What?

As Harry, Ron, and Hermione get off of the train, Harry notices Hagrid standing and holding a lantern

Hagrid: Year ones this way! Year ones over here!

All of the year one students walk over to Hagrid

Hagrid: Okay then. We get to take boats over to Hogwarts, but before we do that, let me take roll. Okay.. Jimmy, Greg, Megan........

One hour later

Hagrid: Let's go to Hogwarts, all 100 of us! Follow me!

After another hour, 40 years and Hagrid have managed to get to Hogwarts

Hagrid: How many did we loose?

Random kid: 60 percent of us sir!

Hagrid: Good! If one of them is the Ron kid I'm gonna have an extra martini tonight!

Ron: Hey!

End of Part 1.....