LEM'S LIFE - 24 Hours of Hell
The following will take place between 1pm and 2pm on the day something really strange and really stupid will happen to Lem's Coffee Shoppe.
* * * * * *
It was the start of another day for Lem T. Lemming and his Coffee Shoppee. The shop has now been rebuilt for the third time following the incidents of Night Shift Party People and people are back to their normal jobs in the grand old city of animation and anime. It was 1:01pm and Lem entered his shop ready for another stressful day.
" Hey Lem," said Clem walking into the coffee shop, it was nearly time for opening. Clem jumped over the counter where Lem was reading the newspaper.
" Morning Clem," said Lem turning the page of the newspaper.
" Where's Ken and Dips?"
" Dipsy is starting the stoves up in the kitchen ready for toasted sandwiches and Kenny is fixing the machines."
" Hmmp!" Kenny waved his head popping out from under the counter.
He went back under. Suddenly, Excel (naturally from Excel Saga) smashed herself through the shop window landing on a table.
" HUH?" asked Lem confused.
William Collins and Rally Vincent, anime police, stormed in and arrested Excel. Rally pinned her down while William put on some handcuffs.
" Excel, your under arrest for using drugs to make your madness even more mad!" cried William. He looked up at Lem and Clem. " Good morning guys."
" Morning detective asshole," said Lem. " What's wrong in the world of Anime?"
" Nothing much, busted Excel here for." He took out a packet of white powder. The packet was fairly large in the shape of a parcel. ".Going mental off this. We're sending her to a 'being mad on your own accord' asylum."
" Brilliant work asshole, now either buy something or get out," said Lem politely.
" We'll be gone.. damn it.I need to get the car. While me and Rally go lock this crazy gal away could you look after this parcel of drugs?" William put the parcel on the counter. " Be careful.it's crack."
" 5 dollar parcel watching fee," said Clem. Lem looked at him. " We're broke aren't we?"
" Here's fifty," said William putting money on the counter. " And you can keep all of it, we're really in a rush. We'll be back shortly! Come on Excel." He, Excel and Rally got up and left the shop. Lem passed the parcel to Clem.
" Deal with that, I'll deal with the money," said Lem opening the till and putting the money in. Clem rang the bell; Dipsy wearing a chef's hat and apron came out.
" Eh-oh!" Dipsy sang. " Put this in the back and don't eat." Said Clem handing Dipsy the parcel. Dipsy looked at it.
" Oooh.sugar!" Dipsy cried.
" Oh Dipsy, when everything is ready, get the sugar pots filled please." Clem remembered.
" Eh-oh!" cried Dipsy running into the back. Clem and Lem nodded.
" That was a profitable business deal." said Lem.
".that calls for a victory pipe smoke," said Clem taking out his pipe and starting to smoke. Ryoko walked into the shop.
" Morning guys," said Ryoko smiling.
" Morning Ryoko," said Lem back. " And how can we make your day a happy one?"
" Eh?" asked Ryoko.
" What do you want?" groaned Lem.
" Quick cup of coffee, milk, sugar," said Ryoko. Lem nodded.
" Kenny, one cup of coffee with milk," said Lem.
Kenny popped up from under the counter and put a mug of coffee on the counter. He took out a bottle of milk and poured some into the coffee. Lem paused.
" Sugar?" asked Lem.
" H hmp kmph." Shrugged Kenny. Lem rolled his eyes.
" Dipsy, I want some sugar!" shouted Lem. Dipsy came out with a pot of sugar and a spoon.
" How many spoonfuls?" asked Lem to Ryoko.
" One big one," said Ryoko. Dipsy dug the spoon into the sugar, pulled it out and put it into the coffee. The sugar seemed powdery.
" Sugar's powdery today," said Ryoko taking the spoon and stirring the coffee.
" Yeah, well because of budget we had to get cheapo sugar," said Lem nodded. Ryoko shrugged.
" Guess so," said Ryoko. She drank a little from the coffee and paused. She cringed and shook her head madly. " A little odd today."
" Odd?" asked Lem.
" Yeah, it's got that strong taste as usual but soon drops a fizzy feeling into your brain."
" Really.Kenny, what brand is that?"
" F-gmph commp!" Kenny cried with delight.
" No wonder it tastes like crap."
" Oh no, it doesn't," said Ryoko taking another sip. She cringed quickly and started drinking the rest down fast. " Oh that's good.yummy." She finished. ".can I have another please?" Lem raised his eyebrows.
" With milk and sugar?" asked Lem confused. Ryoko nodded. " Alright." Kenny put another mug and added the milk while Dipsy added the sugar.
" Thanks!" Ryoko cried taking the mug and downing the whole contents within seconds. She put it on the counter, took out some money and dumped it on the counter. " There you go.have a fun day." She stumbled back and fourth out of the shop in some sort of daze. " I'm flying!"
" What the fuck is wrong with that one today?" asked Lem disturbed. Clem looked at the money on the counter. He dropped his jaw.
" Hey Lem.she left 100 bucks."
" WHAT?" screamed Lem. He counted the money on the counter. " 100 bucks alright.what was so damn special about that coffee?"
" I dunno, but she liked it," said Clem.
" Your right on that, well done people.this calls for a coffee. No milk or sugar please."
" Hmp," said Kenny putting a cup on the counter. Lem took it.
" Let's see how lovely that coffee was then." He drank it and spat it out on Dipsy.
"..SHIT THAT IS AWFUL COFFEE!"
" Let me.." said Clem taking the cup. He drank and spat it out on Dipsy like Lem. " Damn your right.that coffee is god awful."
" Hmp?" asked Kenny holding his hand out. Kenny was given the cup and he drank it. He spat it out and threw the cup over Dipsy. " FMPH!"
" Dipsy covered in spit," Dipsy giggled.
" Go get cleaned dumb ass," said Lem pushing Dipsy back into the kitchen. Lem shook his head.
" Was Ryoko high or something? Because that was the most awful cup of coffee I ever tasted." Lem said spitting whatever he had left of the coffee in his mouth out. He looked at Kenny. " The machine isn't fixed is it?" Kenny shook his head. " Alright.fix it. That might be the reason why this coffee tastes like the rotting flesh of Hyatt."
" Hmpy!" Kenny dived under the counter.
" That reminds me." Clem added.
" What?"
" It's nearly 2pm! Since it's 1:59pm.it's the lunchtime rush."
" Oh joy, we're going to have high customers aren't we?" asked Lem. " It's obvious the dipshit.Dipsy.put the crack in the coffee."
" So are we going to start selling coffee?" asked Clem.
" Hell yes!" Cried Lem. Homer Simpson came in.
" One big pot of sugar please!!" cried Homer rubbing his hands. Lem passed him the pot and Homer downed it. " Mmmm.sugary powder." His pupils dilated. ".heh heh heh..mmmmm.heh heh!"
* * * * * * * MEANWHILE
Right now..something big and stupid to about to accrue in the animated world. This fan fiction writer is going to go too far with this stupid stunt. Oh well, I apologise for this. I'm federal agent Jack Bauer and right now..I'm having a coffee break while on my way to a Nuclear Power Plant in Springfield who are reporting a nuclear holocaust. I have a bad feeling that this will be a very long day.
1:59:58
1:59:59
2:00:00 - TO BE CONTINUED
The following will take place between 1pm and 2pm on the day something really strange and really stupid will happen to Lem's Coffee Shoppe.
* * * * * *
It was the start of another day for Lem T. Lemming and his Coffee Shoppee. The shop has now been rebuilt for the third time following the incidents of Night Shift Party People and people are back to their normal jobs in the grand old city of animation and anime. It was 1:01pm and Lem entered his shop ready for another stressful day.
" Hey Lem," said Clem walking into the coffee shop, it was nearly time for opening. Clem jumped over the counter where Lem was reading the newspaper.
" Morning Clem," said Lem turning the page of the newspaper.
" Where's Ken and Dips?"
" Dipsy is starting the stoves up in the kitchen ready for toasted sandwiches and Kenny is fixing the machines."
" Hmmp!" Kenny waved his head popping out from under the counter.
He went back under. Suddenly, Excel (naturally from Excel Saga) smashed herself through the shop window landing on a table.
" HUH?" asked Lem confused.
William Collins and Rally Vincent, anime police, stormed in and arrested Excel. Rally pinned her down while William put on some handcuffs.
" Excel, your under arrest for using drugs to make your madness even more mad!" cried William. He looked up at Lem and Clem. " Good morning guys."
" Morning detective asshole," said Lem. " What's wrong in the world of Anime?"
" Nothing much, busted Excel here for." He took out a packet of white powder. The packet was fairly large in the shape of a parcel. ".Going mental off this. We're sending her to a 'being mad on your own accord' asylum."
" Brilliant work asshole, now either buy something or get out," said Lem politely.
" We'll be gone.. damn it.I need to get the car. While me and Rally go lock this crazy gal away could you look after this parcel of drugs?" William put the parcel on the counter. " Be careful.it's crack."
" 5 dollar parcel watching fee," said Clem. Lem looked at him. " We're broke aren't we?"
" Here's fifty," said William putting money on the counter. " And you can keep all of it, we're really in a rush. We'll be back shortly! Come on Excel." He, Excel and Rally got up and left the shop. Lem passed the parcel to Clem.
" Deal with that, I'll deal with the money," said Lem opening the till and putting the money in. Clem rang the bell; Dipsy wearing a chef's hat and apron came out.
" Eh-oh!" Dipsy sang. " Put this in the back and don't eat." Said Clem handing Dipsy the parcel. Dipsy looked at it.
" Oooh.sugar!" Dipsy cried.
" Oh Dipsy, when everything is ready, get the sugar pots filled please." Clem remembered.
" Eh-oh!" cried Dipsy running into the back. Clem and Lem nodded.
" That was a profitable business deal." said Lem.
".that calls for a victory pipe smoke," said Clem taking out his pipe and starting to smoke. Ryoko walked into the shop.
" Morning guys," said Ryoko smiling.
" Morning Ryoko," said Lem back. " And how can we make your day a happy one?"
" Eh?" asked Ryoko.
" What do you want?" groaned Lem.
" Quick cup of coffee, milk, sugar," said Ryoko. Lem nodded.
" Kenny, one cup of coffee with milk," said Lem.
Kenny popped up from under the counter and put a mug of coffee on the counter. He took out a bottle of milk and poured some into the coffee. Lem paused.
" Sugar?" asked Lem.
" H hmp kmph." Shrugged Kenny. Lem rolled his eyes.
" Dipsy, I want some sugar!" shouted Lem. Dipsy came out with a pot of sugar and a spoon.
" How many spoonfuls?" asked Lem to Ryoko.
" One big one," said Ryoko. Dipsy dug the spoon into the sugar, pulled it out and put it into the coffee. The sugar seemed powdery.
" Sugar's powdery today," said Ryoko taking the spoon and stirring the coffee.
" Yeah, well because of budget we had to get cheapo sugar," said Lem nodded. Ryoko shrugged.
" Guess so," said Ryoko. She drank a little from the coffee and paused. She cringed and shook her head madly. " A little odd today."
" Odd?" asked Lem.
" Yeah, it's got that strong taste as usual but soon drops a fizzy feeling into your brain."
" Really.Kenny, what brand is that?"
" F-gmph commp!" Kenny cried with delight.
" No wonder it tastes like crap."
" Oh no, it doesn't," said Ryoko taking another sip. She cringed quickly and started drinking the rest down fast. " Oh that's good.yummy." She finished. ".can I have another please?" Lem raised his eyebrows.
" With milk and sugar?" asked Lem confused. Ryoko nodded. " Alright." Kenny put another mug and added the milk while Dipsy added the sugar.
" Thanks!" Ryoko cried taking the mug and downing the whole contents within seconds. She put it on the counter, took out some money and dumped it on the counter. " There you go.have a fun day." She stumbled back and fourth out of the shop in some sort of daze. " I'm flying!"
" What the fuck is wrong with that one today?" asked Lem disturbed. Clem looked at the money on the counter. He dropped his jaw.
" Hey Lem.she left 100 bucks."
" WHAT?" screamed Lem. He counted the money on the counter. " 100 bucks alright.what was so damn special about that coffee?"
" I dunno, but she liked it," said Clem.
" Your right on that, well done people.this calls for a coffee. No milk or sugar please."
" Hmp," said Kenny putting a cup on the counter. Lem took it.
" Let's see how lovely that coffee was then." He drank it and spat it out on Dipsy.
"..SHIT THAT IS AWFUL COFFEE!"
" Let me.." said Clem taking the cup. He drank and spat it out on Dipsy like Lem. " Damn your right.that coffee is god awful."
" Hmp?" asked Kenny holding his hand out. Kenny was given the cup and he drank it. He spat it out and threw the cup over Dipsy. " FMPH!"
" Dipsy covered in spit," Dipsy giggled.
" Go get cleaned dumb ass," said Lem pushing Dipsy back into the kitchen. Lem shook his head.
" Was Ryoko high or something? Because that was the most awful cup of coffee I ever tasted." Lem said spitting whatever he had left of the coffee in his mouth out. He looked at Kenny. " The machine isn't fixed is it?" Kenny shook his head. " Alright.fix it. That might be the reason why this coffee tastes like the rotting flesh of Hyatt."
" Hmpy!" Kenny dived under the counter.
" That reminds me." Clem added.
" What?"
" It's nearly 2pm! Since it's 1:59pm.it's the lunchtime rush."
" Oh joy, we're going to have high customers aren't we?" asked Lem. " It's obvious the dipshit.Dipsy.put the crack in the coffee."
" So are we going to start selling coffee?" asked Clem.
" Hell yes!" Cried Lem. Homer Simpson came in.
" One big pot of sugar please!!" cried Homer rubbing his hands. Lem passed him the pot and Homer downed it. " Mmmm.sugary powder." His pupils dilated. ".heh heh heh..mmmmm.heh heh!"
* * * * * * * MEANWHILE
Right now..something big and stupid to about to accrue in the animated world. This fan fiction writer is going to go too far with this stupid stunt. Oh well, I apologise for this. I'm federal agent Jack Bauer and right now..I'm having a coffee break while on my way to a Nuclear Power Plant in Springfield who are reporting a nuclear holocaust. I have a bad feeling that this will be a very long day.
1:59:58
1:59:59
2:00:00 - TO BE CONTINUED